6 Things You Wish You Could Say To Your ToddlerBeth Anne Ballance
You know those days. We all have them.
You wake up too late (or maybe too early?) & the entire family falls out on the wrong side of bed. Milk spills everywhere at breakfast, the pancakes burn, the dog is barking madly, & maybe you have guests coming over in an hour but dirty laundry still piles on the couch cushions. To top it off, your toddler is poking you in the bum with a toy golf club asking, “But why, mommy? Why? WHY? WHYYYYY?!?!?!!!!!” & you want to turn around & go “WHAT?!?!”
Think of The Hulk…that’s me on those bad days & I’m two-point-five seconds away from yelling, “YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY.”
I take a deep breath & use every ounce of maturity in my body (there’s not much, trust me) & calmly look my kid in the eye. “What, honey?” I say with exhaustion & defeat. That feeling where all the bluster falls out of me in one big WOOOSH & my doe-eyed baby looks up at me. “Cars?” he asks. I’m glad I didn’t snap at him…this time. But oh, the words that always threaten to spill out!
Oh, how we all think these unless you think your child farts like a unicorn.
“Dude, WTF?” ~Beth Anne 1 of 6Maybe he just let the dog tongue-kiss him, or took a flying leap off the swing, or decided to be his own Picasso on the walls. Either way, I'm scratching my head as to how something so illogical could be so darn cute.
image-588 2 of 6We celebrate that first word! First sentence! First "I love you!" But holy cow, could that kid just be quiet for two seconds so I can get my head on straight to call the electric company?!
“WHAT?!?!?!” ~Heather 3 of 6It takes every ounce of strength to smile down & ask, "Yes, honey?" after he's called my name forty times.
“F*ck Veggie Tales & Blues Clues.” ~Katie 4 of 6Oh, wait. I'm sorry, you wanted to watch Steve AGAIN? I have to listen to Larry the Cucumber AGAIN? I think not, child. I THINK NOT.
“If you ask ‘why’ one more time, I’m going to leave you in the middle of this store. & not regret it.” ~Shaina 5 of 6If you leave him in a grocery store, he can totally fend for himself before going to live with a pack of wolves.
“You’re crying like I care.” ~Erica 6 of 6Especially when I've made him a perfect cheese quesadilla, sliced apples, green beans, & chocolate milk, only for him to break into sobs & run into the other way. After slaving at the stove, I'm ticked that he can't take one bite of THE MEAL HE ASKED FOR.
Kids say the funniest things: Babble Holiday Edition!