There’s so much that’s delightful about parenting. And there’s a near-equal amount that’s totally annoying. If you’ve ever found the missing box of crayons in the dryer after the clothes are done, you understand just how annoying parenting can be.
Sometimes it’s new dads who are thoroughly annoying in the annoying-parenting scenario. But oftentimes it’s the kids. Toddlers, in particular.
Behold 7 habits of highly annoying toddlers:
1. Take and Toss Cups
Toddlers don’t seem to realize these cups aren’t literally meant to be tossed. On the floor. Out of their car seats. Off the high chair tray. And yet highly annoying toddlers will chuck their cups (and their pacifiers and their toys and their breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack) whenever possible, but especially when you aren’t in a position to retrieve/replace it in the blink of an eye.
2. Hands on Butts
It’s totally normal for toddlers to enjoy discovering their body parts. It’s highly annoying, however, when they decide to discover their butts in the midst of a diaper change. Not just a pee change, but a poop change. Enough said.
If it’s not one butt, it’s the other. As in, head-butting. Some toddlers like to nod a lot. And some like to nod directly on your face or squarely on your windpipe. Hard. If you don’t mind a rock-hard object coming at you at full speed, it’s totally fine. However, if you mindwalking around with a permanent black eye or always wondering if you just chipped a tooth, it’s highly annoying.
4. Name Calling
There are few things more delightful to a parent than when their toddler starts calling them by name. Highly annoying toddlers? They call you by name at the worst possible moments. Like when you thought they had finally fallen asleep. When you step foot in the shower or sit down on the toilet. When you and your spouse have a few minutes, uh, alone. When you’re walking out the door by yourself for the first time in a month. When they’re looking at someone else and calling them by your name.
5. Inappropriate Sharing
Sometimes it seems as if you spend the majority of the time with your young children encouraging them to share. However, it’s the highly annoying toddler who shares everything that really isn’t appropriate for sharing. Like a pacifier, sippy cup, booger, piece of trash picked out of the garbage can, or the chewed food in their mouth.
6. Moving Target
Toddlers learning to walk realize early on that putting one foot in front of the other means they can keep up with you, stride-for-stride, at long last. Highly annoying toddlers delight in putting their feet right in front of yours, particularly at those moments when you’re actually trying to get somewhere without falling and landing flat on your face, or on top of your toddler. And when they’re not directly in front of you, they’re right behind you. Silently. So you can be sure to trip over them. Every. Single. Time.
7. Poorly Timed Smiles
By all means, everyone likes a smiling child. Highly annoying toddlers, on the other hand, tend to smile at all the wrong times. Like when you go to check on them when they’re suddenly awake at 3 a.m. Or right before or after you try to take their photo (because they grimace or cry at the precise moment the lens clicks). Or after their grandparents leave (because they burst into tears when they see them for the first time in months). Or when you take them off of Santa’s lap/out of the professional photographer’s studio/off the plane after a long flight in which they bawled the entire time.