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7 Ways That Having Toddlers is Kicking My Ass

Either my children have decided that it’s only proper to become little demons, given that it’s Halloween time…and all of this madness will magically end in a couple of weeks, or the mister and I – we have some major work ahead of us.

Oh, parenting. Always with the work. Phht. I am currently experiencing more than a few technical difficulties over here. Very much resembling a strung out, glue, glitter and food encrusted zombie. SO attractive.

Now listen. I understand that toddlers go through phases, and perhaps some periods of time are more challenging than others (waving hello) – but seriously. It’s like the apocalypse is coming. With NOWHERE to hide…

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  • No Sleep Till Brooklyn 1 of 7
    No Sleep Till Brooklyn
    This would be Wyndham, doing what he used to do very well: sleeping. In his OWN bed. Now? It's been about a month of epic battles. We're doing all the same things; bath-time, stories, a couple of songs, lots of cuddles - so maybe that's the problem. He wants a change. Which is hard to believe when he's BEG-CRYING for more than his 3 usual stories. The room sharing thing? Yea - the brief quiet of bliss that we first experienced in them sharing a room is but a far off, dreamy memory. This child will literally bounce off of the walls, sing at the top of his lungs and launch toys into his not-sleeping-anymore sister's crib. Dude doesn't fall asleep until hours of cajoling later at around 10pm, ending up in our bed at around 1am. That's when the real fun starts. I'm getting my head and boobs kicked in on the daily. I could go on. Really I could. Any tips or ideas to share? We're plum out.
  • Cookie Monster 2 of 7
    Cookie Monster
    Don't be fooled by his cute. At least not right this second. (There's plenty of time for that). That's me over there, looking what I look like these days. Which, from a toddler's perspective is probably a tad unnerving. My child wants ALL THE TREATS, all the time. No dinner, no lunch, no breakfast, just treats. I recently had a friend of a friend ask me, "How do you get your kids to eat all of that healthy stuff?" My answer now would be...I DON'T. I try, and fail miserably. Those days are gone baby, gone. We lay down the law about keeping treats to a minimum and he performs a mighty burst of growling, yelling, crying a sputtering. His sister has taken to the infamous, 'body-to-the-floor-tantruming.' They usually perform in pairs. Obviously, we know that giving in will only make things worse, and we try to remain calm and kind during such explosions. All I'm saying is that exhibiting such constant grace in the face of destruction is some pretty tiring shit.
  • Food Wars 3 of 7
    Food Wars
    Food flinging, throwing and general MAYEM ensus each and every dinner-time. It's been going on two weeks that we dread the dinner hour and have been jumping trough nothing short of big shiny hoops to try and keep the peace and at least get a few bites into each of them. There's plate flinging, NO! screaming and lots of other such toddler rebellion. You want to know what my toddlers have eaten for dinner the past two nights? Bananas and pita bread with hummus. That's all they will eat. Oh, and of course treats. Which they are getting even less of in light of the not eating, meltdowns and sauce. Somehow we need to bring the joy back into meal-time. Any ideas? Please?
  • Tech Wars 4 of 7
    Tech Wars
    It's kind of hard to blame him for this one (or any of it really - when I'm in a more worldly frame of mind). I mean, both his father and I work from our computers. We tell him it's our work, which we think he gets...but these concepts are difficult I get it. The point is...child wants to play on all iPhones and watch YouTube, All. The. Time. He will cry, flain and fling himself about in the face of opposition. Which he gets. Because no, while it may be a blessing on my nerves to give in - too much tech is bad for the braiiiiiins.
  • The Horrors 5 of 7
    The Horrors
    It would seem as if that's us - everyday. We must appear as such to our little darlings. Why else would they battle us so? Oh right. It's their job.
  • Stalling Tactics 6 of 7
    Stalling Tactics
    This is Wyndham. He can be one serious dude on a mission, with a mind as sharp as a tack. As seen here, displaying his most excellent ability to stall. All it takes is a glare...showing us the impending threat of the doom that is about to commence if we test him. Which we do, so. Here I am.
  • Worst Nightmare 7 of 7
    Worst Nightmare
    The things you don't want to hear about? Yea, they seem to be happening with overwhelming frequency. Why only a couple of days ago I experienced my very first wall painting experience with - you guessed it - poo. Only then to be followed by a dinner-time of tag team nasty bodily explosions. *Deep shudder* I'm going to save you from the gory details, but lets just say both of them had some sort of bug which wreaked havoc on every single sheet set, on constant rotation for about 72 hours. Even though everyone and everything has been thoroughly disinfected and the worst of it seems to be over, my head still hangs low in defeat. I know it's not their fault...doesn't mean it doesn't KICK. MY. ASS.

To those who are offended by my dark jest…truly, I am sorry. You are a better person than I.

More Babbles From Selena…

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Selena is a crafty, culinary mom. Creative Director. Social Media & Branding Consultant. Regular writer on Disney Baby. Part-time big-mouth & frequent foot-eater. Proud of her Anishinaabe roots.

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