Toddlers bear a passing resemblance to many things. Like puppies, for example, in that they’re both eminently cute and utterly mischievous.
But puppies hardly hold the monopoly when it comes to resembling the ways of toddlers. In fact, 39-year-old humans are probably more like toddlers than anyone else.
Seem unlikely? Maybe not so much. Take a look:
Hear Me, Hear Me 1 of 739-Year-Old: Our almost 40 years have earned us the right to be heard, dammit.
Toddler: Oh, you'll hear a toddler when a toddler wants to be heard. Make no mistake about it.
Pants: Optional 2 of 739-Year-Old: No one wants to see a 40-year-old's behind. But a sprite youngster in their 30s? Bring on the butt!
Toddler: You can gaze at their preciously plump rears all the livelong day.
Unhappy Hour 3 of 739-Year-Old: The stress of nearing 40 means a little wine with dinner is always in order.
Toddler: The stress of daily life when you're under 4 means a little whine with dinner is always in order.
We’ll Sleep When We Want, Thankyouverymuch 4 of 739-Year-Old: If life begins at 40, we need our rest now because we'll clearly be very busy later.
We’re Both Entitled to Eat and Drink. Whatever and Whenever. 5 of 739-Year-Old: Everyone know what happens to the metabolism at age 40. Which is why we're cramming in enough good stuff now to last us for the next several decades, at which time we'll be existing solely on a diet of baked kale and air.
Toddler: Feed them now or they will bawl. Loudly and often.
Shameless Flirts 6 of 739-Year-Old: When you're under 40 you can flirt and people will flirt back if they find you attractive. When you're over 40, you can flirt and pretty much everyone will flirt back, but really only out of sympathy because they think you're kind of old and need attention. Which is why 39-year-olds flirt up a storm while they can still get in under the wire in the "still legitimately attractive" category.
Toddler: Toddlers flirt because the world is their suitor — and because everyone reacts to their wiles and charms as if they are the only one with whom they've flirted. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Airplane Tantrums 7 of 739-Year-Old: For too many trips to count we have paid far too much money for our tickets and luggage, we have been pushed to the back row in the coach section by the bathroom despite reserving a lower seat number, we have been thrown up on by our offspring and that of others. We have now almost reached what we consider to be middle age, and therefore we are not wasting any more time. We have decided that we've earned the right to start complaining a little earlier than planned. And loudly.
Toddler: Toddlers need no excuses to throw a fit on airplanes. It's just what they do.
Photo credits: iStock
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