A 3 Year Old, Temper Tantrums, and an Imaginary Friend
Smile? Not so much!
Over the years I always heard about the terrible twos… there was so much emphasis put on the rhyming nature of toddlers being difficult at two… they didn’t have me prepared for the tyrant threes.
Two was no big deal in our house, at all… we sailed right through it with a happy boy, no temper tantrums, no growling or yelling… he was an angel minus the once in a blue moon crayon on a wall or whatever.
But my three year old who is typically a total momma’s boy has turned into an unrecognizable terror since starting school last week. He had his first full week and every day after he leaves school it is a nightmare. Crying, yelling, temper tantrums, and total embarrassment if I have to go anywhere in public.
Now we have a new element to the tantrums… an imaginary friend who is apparently egging on his behavior, at least according to him. Now, I am experienced in imaginary friends. My nephew who is now 14 had one as a kid. Before I had kids of my own, I took him all the time to do cool things I couldn’t get away with doing on my own, and Joey his imaginary friend always tagged along with us.
Something broke? Joey did it…
Told a lie? Joey told him to do it…
Homework is missing? Joey took it…
And Joey is entering my house in the form of my little friend as my three-year-old is now calling his new partner in crime.
I am just getting to a point where I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. Time outs sometimes work, but rarely these days. I don’t want to spank because then it will teach him that hitting is acceptable. Yelling… well I just don’t have it in me these days. I need a way to handle this all that is going to work.
I would love to see what other parents are doing about their temper tantrums, and imaginary friends…
Hit me with some comments and stories!
These parents commiserate– and share laughs! — about their kids’ imaginary friends.
I get all kinds of backtalk now.
“Go get undressed, it’s bathtime.”
“NO! Mommy, you’re making me so freaking mad!! SO FREAKING MAD!”
*i drop my keys*
“Mommy, that was really stupid. You’re stupid.”
…..and it goes on, and on, and on.
I have no advice. I’m just as lost as you are, but if you find the magic potion that gives me my sweet little 2 year old attitude back, give me some.
Hi Danielle, it’s me again. Have you tried compassion? Talk to him, find out what his imaginary friends name is? Find out what exactly this friend is saying to him, but don’t put words in his mouth, let him answer without loaded questions. You know me and I truly believe that most imaginary friends are real and you need to find out what this friend is up to. Does he like preschool, or is something bothering him? So many questions, seek out the answers. In addition to all of this, he may just be picking up on your emotions, kids are very empathic. You are going through soooo much right now, maybe you should give yourself a much needed time-out. Blessings to you xoxo ~Janet
My 3 yr old just started school too and after school is the worst. My normally sweet strong helper is all of a sudden a whiny baby if she doesn’t get what she wants. She doesn’t ‘use her words’ when shes upset or angry, she just whines and cries. I find my self grinding my teeth because nothing works, time outs just make her cry and scream even more.
Its early, so I will not b using app capitalization/ punctuation, but ul get the point. Lol! I have an 18 yr old, 10 yr old, THREE yr old and a 1 yr old, plus a HOST of children whom I’ve helped raise. I am also a former educator. At this age, if i’m not mistaken, they dont do FULL days most places right? Nor full MEALS, only snacks. So they’re hungry and tired. If this is also their 1st experience away from home, they could ALSO be frustrated with the “routine” they are now expected 2 follow. When I pick up, I have snack and juice/water/milk based on the weather/child’s dental report. Iv learned that POSITIVE RE ENFORCEMENT IS THE BEST! And with discipline, u MUST b CONSISTENT! Child needs 2 know results will b the SAME 4 SAME behavior. I TOTALLY IGNORE the tantrums (even if they r in middle of Targets floor). I walk away far enough 2 where they can’t see me, but I can them. My 3 yr old was in grocery store n thought if he raised his voice and yelled @ me, hed get what he wanted. I @ the TOP of my MEAN MOMMY voice, looking him dead in his eyes with teeth clinched said, NO! I CAN YELL TOO! I got a few looks, and a few praises, but HOW embar. would I have been and disturbed would other shoppers had been if I let him scream and b obnoxious the entire time we were there? Usually when they are having problems communicating, they will get aggravated. I find that time outs work if they kno u MEAN them! This means clinched teeth, stern voice, eye contact, tight arm squeeze (not 2 tight). And IGNORE that ignorant crying and screaming! If they come out, NO words, just FIRM placement back (no matter how many times). And to the moms who are being downright disrespected, they SHOULD be spanked, but NOT with ur hand. This should only really need 2 happen a few times max. Bc when they start, they’d STOP and/or apologize when they see u about 2 pull out whatever u use. I actually feel I wasn’t spanked ENOUGH for my mouth/actions which when it became “status quo” as a teen, my parents were resentful, tired of my ****, and verbally/emotionally abusive. I mean, it’s NOT just me who noticed the country started going 2 he** when they took spanking out of schools, is it?? I STILL believe it takes a community 2 raise a child. My 18 yr old is VERY respectful (maam and sir, tips 20% or stays home, gives up his seat, opens doors, etc) Has more awards and trophies than I’ve ever seen, he’s always been in AP classes, and has his choice of colleges 2 attend (EVEN Harvard), my 10 yr old is in AP classes. My babies who were micro preemies (2 lbs) are doing GREAT. And YES, I am a single mom, always have been, and my 3 yr old has been my biggest challenge yet! Make sure as much as u chastise them, u PRAISE them as much so, if not MORE 4 their lovely behavior!
Employ the use of the “time out chair”. He needs to learn what behavior is acceptable and what is not. 1 minute for every year of the child (if your child is 3, 3 minute time out). Time out should be in a neutral zone, somewhere boring like the stairs or the corner of the room. Do not send your child to his/her room or they will associate their room with negativity. Sit them in a place where you can watch them. If they get up from the time out chair, restart the clock. You may have to do this 30 times but the point will get across and you cannot give in or else you wille be reinforcing their behaviror “If I scream loud enough for 20 times, then mommy will give up” Yoo don’t want that! After time out, explain to them why they had time out, and then have them reiterate to you “I had a time out becuase I didn’t listen to mommy…” that way you know, and your child knows why they got in trouble.
Also, I may be in the minority here, but I fully endorse the use of spanking. There is a difference between a smack on the butt and child abuse. If you spank your child you have to explain to him/her after the fact why you did what you had to and that you don’t like to spank him but it was necessary. When I was a child, I never threw tantrums because all my mom had to do was look at me and I knew better. I only ever remember throwing 2 tantrums in my life (at age 3) and my mom threw me in a cold shower, clothes and all until I stopped crying (almost instantly haha) and then never again, my brother too- we are both now in our 20s and both agree with the parenting techniques used on us. They worked then, they will work now. Just remember, your child loves you unconditionally and they know you love them too so don’t feel bad about doing what you have to. You are the parent afterall.
hey, i’m a kid myself and what my step-dad did when i gave a hissy fit at 3, 4, and 5, was put me in the naughty corner (made me stand with my nose to the corner for atleast 5 min.) if that didn’t work he gave me a small pop on the hiney..
yeah i remember in preschool the worst punishment was being forced to sit on the red bench. so kids do understand the idea of punishment. whenever we were bad we got threatened with having to go sit on the red bench, and that would usually stop us.