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Are All Toddlers Psychopaths?

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 1 of 18

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? What's the difference between a toddler and a psychopath? Apparently, not too much.

    In 1980 Robert Hare, a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia,developed a 16-point checklist for determining whether a person was technically a psychopath. After taking a look at this list, and taking a look at the daily behavior of my two toddler girls, I can only conclude one thing: a psychopath is just really a person who has never grown out of the toddler stage. While I don't live in fear of my kids going on a violent rampage (unless it involves not liking their dinner) the similarities between what makes someone a psychopath and what makes someone a toddler are striking. Don't believe me? Im willing to bet youll change your mind when you read the list below and my totally scientific evidence.
  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 2 of 18

    1: Superficial charm & average intelligence

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? While I admit that toddlers do display some charm, let's be honest, it has its limits (especially when its being used to wake you up). As for intelligence, most toddlers I know can't count to ten without repeating the number "eight" three or four times.

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 3 of 18

    2: Lack of psychosis

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? I've checked, and no psychologist will diagnose either of my children with a severe mental disorder, no matter how hard I insist.

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 4 of 18

    3: Lack of anxiety

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? Okay, maybe some toddlers actually have anxiety, but when the bribe of a Sleeping Beauty gownconvinced my then three-year-old daughter to sleep through the night, my sympathy for her "sleep anxiety fell a little.

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 5 of 18

    4: Unreliability

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? Will the little one get dressed without a colossal freak-out today? Will the four-year-old head to preschool without a tantrum? We never know

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 6 of 18

    5: Dishonesty & insincerity

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? Both of my children lie completely void of any regret or responsibility. "Did you finish your veggies?" and they nod their heads while hiding the carrot sticks under the table.

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 7 of 18

    6: Lack of remorse and guilt

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? About anything, really. Hitting you, hitting each other, hitting their own little heads on the ground (weve seen this).

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 8 of 18

    7: Inadequately motivated antisocial behavior (meaning they commit crimes for no apparent reason)

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? During the throes of toddlerhood, both of my children have run to me with brilliant smiles on their faces, and then bit my legs. I don't know if it gets more antisocial than that.

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 9 of 18

    8: Poor judgment and inability to learn from experience

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? No matter how many times I have told the toddler that she cannot fit into the newborn size t-shirt I have demoted to the babydoll dress-up box, she still insists on forcing it over her large head then throwing a demonic fit when it gets stuck between her forehead and nose.

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 10 of 18

    9: Narcissism and an inability to love

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? Okay, fine, the love thing might be covered, but both of my tots firmly believe that my life stops while they are at preschool.

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 11 of 18

    10: Poverty of affect

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? Does your toddler have a job?

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 12 of 18

    11: Gross lack of insight

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? Why is dog barking? Why is cold? Why is sky? (I could go on)

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 13 of 18

    12: Unresponsiveness in general interpersonal relations

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? "Good morning, honey!"

    "WAHHHHH!!!! I don't like you! Go away!"

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 14 of 18

    13: Fantastic & uninviting behavior with drink & sometimes without

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it?Even without a drink, toddlers will start throwing tantrums and causing mayhem.

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 15 of 18

    14: Empty suicidal threats

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? Okay, suicidal might be a bit heavy. That said, once my first became a threenager she began insinuating that she will run away and live with Grandma Sharon if she has to wash her hair.

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 16 of 18

    15: Immature sex life

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? Thank god for this one!

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 17 of 18

    16: Failure to plan ahead

    Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? And when do they grow out of it? Do you know a toddler that thinks beyond THIS SECOND? Wait, correction: Do you know a toddler who thinks beyond THIS SECOND when it doesn't involve getting a cookie in the next second?

  • Are All Toddlers Psychopaths? 18 of 18
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