Picture it — your toddler has done the unthinkable by actually falling asleep peacefully at nap time. You take a deep breath, a sigh of relief escapes your lips, and if you listen hard enough, you may hear angels singing in the distance.
Nap time is precious, but fragile. If your toddler wakes up from his or her nap, there is a good chance that it is YOUR FAULT, even if you don’t realize it.
Want to avoid nap sabotage? Follow these 10 simple steps, and you MIGHT have the luxury of enjoying a few minutes of sweet, blissful silence.
1. Turn off the phone — Don’t just turn the ringer down, that’s too risky. Turn off the phones, ALL OF THE PHONES, and be quick about it!
2. Don’t open a can of Diet Coke — I know you’ve been craving a cold can of Diet Coke since Yo Gabba Gabba came on, but you missed your window of opportunity on that one. You could go across the street to open that can of soda, and your toddler would still hear it and wake up.
3. Don’t eat — There are just so many things involved in the preparation of food that could wake your snoozing toddler. Is your health really worth losing valuable nap time? Do I have to ask?
4. Don’t flush the toilet — While you may be able to skip another meal, you probably can’t skip the potty break. That said, if you flush that toilet, it’s all over. Close the lid, and don’t forget to flush after your kid wakes up. Gross, but necessary.
5. Don’t take a shower — Their toddler senses know when you are about to embark on a pleasurable activity. The minute that hot water hits your skin, your toddler is going to wake up, and you’ll be hearing someone call your name. I am convinced I can hear my kids crying when I’m showering even if they aren’t at home.
6. Don’t sneeze or cough — If you do, you’re screwed.
7. Don’t step on one of your toddler’s toys — Your toddler has super-human hearing, and he will not only know if you step on one of his cars, he’ll know which car it was.
8. Don’t bother trying to do anything productive — Whether it is housework, or even work on your computer, you might not want to put it off until nap time, because having something really important to do usually means your kid isn’t going to stay asleep.
9. Don’t turn the channel — If your kid can hear the faint hum of Dora the Explorer on a television ANYWHERE in your home, you better not turn the channel. Nick Jr. is like white noise to them.
10. Don’t even think about taking a nap — Having to wake up after 7 minutes and 23 seconds is going to hurt worse than just not getting any sleep at all.
So, how should you spend your toddler’s nap time? Sitting in one place, quietly, thinking about all of the things you could and should be doing, of course!