Bad Parent: Use Your Words. Please!
I regret teaching my child sign language.
If I’d known that my thirteen-month-old son would wake me up at 7:00 in the morning by crawling on my head and then looking at me expectantly while putting his two dimpled fists together in the sign for “more,” I would have thought twice about teaching him – a normal, hearing baby – sign language.
All I’d heard were the wonderful things signing could do for us: we could communicate as early as seven months. He’d reap the benefits of learning a second language, like having a higher IQ and larger vocabulary. There would be fewer temper tantrums. We’d bond. And most importantly for me, it would, I hoped, stop the agitated groaning, grunting and reaching that had become the soundtrack to my life.
I fell for it hard. From the time he was born, I looked forward to the day when my little guy would start talking to me with his hands. He’d let me know what he needed and I would avoid the “do-you-want-this-or-this-or-this” game altogether. And then he’d scrub the floor and do the dishes.
When he was five months old, I started with the most urgent signs: more, eat, diaper and milk. I dutifully signed them to him at the appropriate times and studied him for hints of understanding. All I got were blank stares. Sometimes he looked away.
Months passed and I grew anxious as I talked to friends whose babies had started signing after only weeks of teaching. I was exasperated when my son lost interest in the Baby Signing Time DVDs my friends raved about. My heart sank when I heard stories of babies picking up new signs in an instant.
But I couldn’t stop. By his first birthday, my son wasn’t signing, but he also hadn’t yet spoken a word. I dreaded another year of his groaning. Something had to be done to stop the noise, I thought, and the only something I knew of was sign language. Yet each time I signed, I was reminded of his lack of interest and plagued with thoughts that maybe my child didn’t want to talk to me at all.
Then, after eight months of teaching, he finally did it. He waved “bye-bye” to a stranger in the park. From that moment, the signing seemed virtually unstoppable. He signed bye-bye every chance he got. Bye-bye bed. Bye-bye food. Bye-bye pajamas. Bye-bye train. Within days his signing vocabulary took off. Milk. Eat. More. Dog. Bird. I was elated and encouraged him at every turn.
“Do you want something to eat? Something to eat? Eat! Yes! Good sign!” I would say. “Good sign!” became a refrain at our house. “Yes, I see you want more, but there is no more. No more. Good sign, though, good sign.”
“Dog? I don’t see a dog. Good sign, though, good sign.”
The “good sign”-ing reached ridiculous levels. Both my husband and I worried that without our enthusiasm for every attempted communication, no matter how out of place it may have been, our boy would have second thoughts about trying to talk to us. We felt signing was a thin rope that connected us to our reticent son, a rope he could easily pull away if we didn’t constantly hold up our end.
We “good sign”-ed until we didn’t mean it any more, until what I really wanted to say was, “More? More what? More diaper changes? More naps? You don’t even know what that word means!” Instead, I’d hand him a stray object. “You want more? Here’s more. More socks. Good sign. Good sign for more.” Fear of planting seeds of distrust in our relationship made us loose with praise.
And so, after the initial elation of success wore off, buyer’s remorse settled in. I doubted his sincerity with every gesture. I wondered if I had been starving him, so frequent were his requests for food and more of it. I thought back on the good old days before he realized I took orders, back when he was grateful that I remembered to feed him at all.
But I had not forgotten the groaning, grunting, reaching machine that had so recently been replaced by this quieter, if more demanding model. I continued to compliment his every sign with the hope that the added confidence would keep communication strong.
Slowly, gradually, the confidence came. The boy can now reliably produce appropriate signs without prompting and he continues to use them even after requests are denied. Yes, we are subject to a round of “dog” signing each time our neighbor’s dog barks, but instead of being scared into showering him with praise at a well-executed sign, we acknowledge that, yes, we heard the dog too. Good listening.
Wasn’t signing a way of intervening early so he could communicate? However, my son is now seventeen months old. He doesn’t speak at all. No “Mama.” No “Dada.” Not even “No.” It didn’t occur to me to that he should be speaking until his pediatrician mentioned the words “early intervention” and “speech therapy” at his well-baby checkup. Funny. I thought I’d already done that. Wasn’t signing a way of intervening early so he could communicate?
The doctor wasn’t convinced that my son’s signs constituted meaningful communication. “If he doesn’t start speaking soon,” the doctor said, “he’ll get frustrated. That’s when the terrible twos kick in. Best to get a speech therapist to help him out before the tantrums start.”
Part of me wonders, did I do this to my son? Did my encouragement and enthusiasm for signing keep him from learning to talk? And although signing has defused many tantrums already, I’d love to hear him say “Mama” and mean it. So I’ve taken on the responsibility of reversing the damage myself.
“Can you make the ‘Mmm’ sound? Like Ma-ma-ma-ma-mama.”
Dutifully, he’ll point to his forehead – his interpretation of the sign for “Mom.”
Sigh. Good sign, Son, good sign.
My 17-month-old is not talking yet either, and we didn’t do sign language with her. I wouldn’t worry too much that you caused a speech delay. I’ve read research that suggests that sign use does not delay spoken speech. I actually wish we had done sign language, because we’re still in the whining and pointing frantically stage.
Don’t beat yourself up. It’s hard to know what to do. In fifeteen years he really won’t want to talk to you anyway:)I’ve also met a number of 16-18 month olds who are just not talking the parent all seem sheepish about it. But, yesterday there was a 14 month old at the swings who was repeating my evern last word. WoW! Sometimes I wonder how accurate the charts that we all follow any way are. They are a good guide but also seem to generate a lot of stress. If it makes you feel better my 14 month old does not walk or stand or show any interest in doing either.
Elizabeth, don’t worry. You only did what most experts recommend. As a new parent, you trust what you think will be best, and there’s a lot of advice out there! A LOT! Too much!First of all, your son will talk! You were talking to him the whole time you were teaching him to sign, right? He was listening.I don’t think sign language is necessarily harmful, but I consciously chose not to teach my now 2-year-old daughter any signs so far, though I will when she’s a little older. My sister is deaf, so I learned sign language young (age 10). I had no shortage of babysitting jobs – there aren’t too many available for deaf children. It was striking that in the families with a hearing child and a deaf one, the hearing one would pick up sign language and often refuse to talk because it was just easier. One little boy I took care of spoke perfectly if his deaf sister wasn’t around, but when she was, he only signed and refused to speak. His parents didn’t even know he could talk until they heard him alone in his room talking to action figures just before he turned two.
I think you should get some informed advice. Your pediatrician has it wrong – the terrible twos are not caused by a lack of speech ability, they are caused by your son being two. Two-year olds are well on the way to realizing that you do indeed take orders – it is your job as far as they are concerned.Encourage the signs, but don’t patronize him – if he signs “more” & it’s not apparent what he wants, then ask “more what?”. Sign language is not supposed to be a replacement for talking. It is also not really supposed to be a second language. Baby signs are not American Sign Language & are not meant to be. They are meant to be a communication avenue for you son who is smart enough to understand lots of words & concepts, but does not have vocal/motor coordination to say them out loud.To get him to speak, usually all it takes is for you & your husband to speak to him – unrelentingly, about everything.Remember also, that he is just a toddler – he will not make small talk like a miniature Dick Cavett. To him, hearing a dog is a newsworthy event – he is learning about the world around him & they start small: dog, cat, truck, moon, stars…BTW, if your son signs “more food” give him more food…
How can a master’s student (and a pediatrician) not do any research?1. Signing, like any second language, can cause INITIAL delays but the child will usually catch up and surpass peers.2. Signing does not cause language problems requiring speech therapy. If your child has a learning disability, speech problem, or significant delays, he would have had them anyway and signing is an important part of helping him to communicate. There is no damage to undo.3. Many children are not speaking yet by your son’s age. It never hurts to have an expert check things out, but you are not at panic stage, by any means.4. Having a highly verbal child does not prevent tantrums. I can attest to this 100%. Even a very verbal two year old will want things he or she cannot communicate or can communicate but should not have or just plain melt down for whatever reason.5. The benefits of teaching a few signs is early communication. You’d have to actually introduce it like a second language to get the big benefits of bilingualism.
If it makes you feel any better, my older son didn’t start saying much until he was almost two, and we hadn’t been using signs (though at times I wished we had!)There’s nothing wrong with consulting a speech therapist if you have concerns, and they might be able to get some words flowing, but I don’t think you should blame yourself for what’s probably normal for your son. Every kid is different.
I’ve never thought of this aspect of signing..didn’t do it with either of mine, but I can see where your train of thought is coming from. Maybe he just doesn’t have as much motivation to speak vocally? I wouldn’t worry about the developemental stuff though – if that were off he wouldn’t be signing huh?http://heyyourememberme.blogspot.com
We tought our son signing and he had no speech delay.IMHO I don’t think you should worry that it’s the signing that’s delaying your son’s speech.
Whether or not your child’s speech delay is caused by the signing I dont know. But I am SO glad to hear an article criticizing signing in any way. I have a 17 month old son who I CHOSE not to sign with. I have a degree in education and have worked as a preschool teacher and as a director of a well respected preschool program in which we did do baby sign. However, I chose not to sign with my son because not all signing research is positive. I cannot tell you how many times I was outright criticized for not signing with him! As if the only explanation for it was laziness! It was a choice that I am very confident in. Especially since my son is saying somewhere in the vicinity of 25 words (first word “Mama” at 7 1/2 months) plus the sound effects of 10 or so animals and objects (i.e. cars or airplanes). Not that he wouldnt be if I had signed — I’ll just never know for sure about that. But, like I said, I am SOOOO happy to see someone hop off of the baby sign bandwagon!
It’s highly unlikely that signing caused a speech delay in your son, unless you were only signing to him and not speaking at all! Do some research – there’s plenty out there that shows that signing, in most cases, helps, rather than hinders, language development. (Here’s one place to start: http://www.signingtime.com/resources/articles) Our daughter started signing at 7 months, and at 18 months, she knows dozen and dozens of signs. She also said her first word at 9 months and now knows literally hundreds of words. If anything, signing has been an excellent way to encourage her language skills – she would sign and say something at once, and it was much easier to understand her baby gibberish this way, so we would repeat the word she was trying to say back to her, which encouraged her to keep speaking – and yes, to keep signing, too!
I can’t really comment on your son’s development from this short article you wrote. However, a lack of words by 17 months and an earlier comment in the article about his ‘lack of interest’ in communicating before starting baby signs is concerning. Has he had a hearing test? That should be a first step for any child with ‘speech delay’. I’m glad he will have an evaluation by early intervention/speech therapy as well. Please discuss your concerns with your child’s pediatrician.
It is quite clear in the research that signing does not cause speech delays. That’s an ill-informed anxiety. If your son DOES have a speech delay, signing will help and you’ll be glad you taught him.I am teaching my kids ASL as a second language (not “baby signs”) and it is just like any other second language and has all the known benefits. My older daughter picked up on written language far earlier than other children her age (and earlier than really makes developmental sense) and I’m convinced it is because having two languages gave her a sense of the symbolic aspect of language (like writing) earlier than is typical in monolingual children.If you don’t want to sign with your child, don’t. It’s no big deal one way or the other, but is certainly isn’t damaging!
As a pediatrician and mom to a toddler, I agree that teaching your son sign language did NOT cause speech delay, and, if there is one, it is likely transient and he will catch up and surpass his peers like other posters have said. I agree he should likely be verbalizing more at this point, so any “early intervention” certainly can’t hurt, but a lot of specialists (pediatric neurologists, pediatric behavior and developmental experts, will count signs as words. This being said, most 18 month olds have 6-8 words. It sounds as if your son is signing at least this many words, so he could very well be right on target.
not talking at 17 months is absolutely not a reason for concern. Your big question should be more about understanding. Does he understand simple requests? Does he look at things you verbally point out, i.e. here comes daddy. I am a highly verbal stay at home mom who also uses some signs (a result of the work I did) and both my boys are fairly late talkers. The first did not start until 18 months and really did not take off until 2 and my second sporadically uses about 10 words (when he feels like it, never on request) and he is 21 months. I am not concerned at all as he understands a lot. RELAX! Remember not to aniticipate your child`s every whim and need but give them room to initiate. Play dumb – some kids need a lot of motivation to articulate. Give them some time to respond – count to three before you jump in. Remember that we are talking about communication and not words – at 17 months, the most important thing is your childs attempts to communicate and have their needs met, not the number of words they produce. Please do not promote the idea that sign language impedes a healthy childs development – it does not. Where would you be right now if your child had no words AND no signs – probably with a frustrated child. We all have our expectations that if we do this the right way and that the right way we will not have everyone elses problems – then your child with all of their unique characteristics shows up and throws your best laid plans out the window. Forget about experts and advice and just go with the unique flow of who your little fellow is – stop counting and keeping score folks!! Remember, Einstein did not speak until he was 6….
some people made some interesting points about the fact that when you teach a kid two languages at the same time, one may be delayed a bit. that’s probably what’s going on. I went through all the same phases (almost giving up around 12 months and then a sign appeared a couple weeks later “duck” and then it just took off, “more”, “milk”, “hot” “cold”, etc it was so exciting and felt so rewarding especially at a time where I was about to give up) but my son started making noises and saying mama and dada around 9-10 months. keep it up. he will be bi-lingual and he will eventually speak!! teaching him sign language was a great idea. dont beat yourself up about it.
Did you vaccinate your child? My child regressed after his vaccinations and went from babbling to nothing. He is now 19 mo. old (no more vaccines after 6 mo. old) and if only I could turn back time – he wouldn’t have received a single vaccine period. Vaccines cause brain damage and no, it is not just about the mercury. It is about all of the other garbage that is in them. Delays are usually a sign of future problems – learning disabilities.
The Gay Uncle attempts to insert some levity in the conversation by sharing his thoughts on signing to babies.http://brettberk.com/2008/04/17/whats-your-sign/
It kind of sounds like you had some strange methods of signing with him. (though I don’t at all think you caused any kind of delay) It sounds like you were so eager to have him sign something, anything.. that you were very arbitrary with your comments back to him. “good sign son” just taught him to make lots of random signs like a trained animal. It was your job to get that early signing into a real context that related to his real experiences, and not overwhelm him with signs he didn’t need. So while I don’t think you caused any kind of speech delay, I do think you caused his strange sounding signing usage.
hey there– I really don’t think you should worry. I don’t know what the statistics are, but I can say I signed with my two sons, now almost six and just turned two. Both boys were a little bit later than their peers in terms of talking. My two year old has just begun the talking explosion, but at his 18-month check up the dr did raise an eyebrow. She said if he’s not talking by the time he’s two we might want to look into it. Now he’s two and he’s really talking pretty well. He started toddler school at the end of August, and at that time I felt the need to put together a signing glossary for his teachers. I posted it here:http://catherine.blog-city.com/little_boy_launched.htmBut now, not even two months later he’s almost talking all the time, and only falls back on sign when he’s tired or sick or can’t think of the word he’s looking for. My older son, signed up to about the same age and then started talking a blue streak and has never stopped. I do feel that signing was a big help in creating lines of communication and also in vocabulary building. I think the key with signing to a toddler is to focus on the content, not the form. Thus praising the signing itself might be confusing, but saying “I hear the doggy too” would be a solid confirmation that you understand what he’s trying to get across to you. It really might happen almost over night that he gets the hang of talking. Good luck
Save your money and skip the speech therapist. Your pediatrician is an idiot. He’s overreacting- and so are you. I’ve dealt with children – hundreds of them in my practice, and I can assure you ALL of them learned to talk by the time they got to school. Let me share with you a true story: I was called in to help a mother who’s 3-1/2 year old still hadn’t spoken a word [it was her first child]. She’d tried everything and was terrified her little angel- we’ call her Karen- wouldn’t ever speak. I suggested mom ignore everything Karen did- all the signs toddlers make, all the grunts, all the tugs on her leg…everything, until she said a recogizeable word. A couple days later I got a call from the mother. They’d had the in-law over for dinner, and everyone’d been firmly instructed to ignore little Karen unless she asked for something out loud. Karen tried to get their attention every way imaginable- except verbally. Then came dinner. Karen was getting more and more frustrated as things were being passed, and nobody was giving her what she wanted. All of a sudden Karen blurted out in perfectly clear English “GIVE ME THE DAMNED MAYNONAISE!” They all praised her for her use of spoken words -ignoring the cuss word and mispronounciation, and the problem was solved. If you simply calm down, stop making such a fuss and let things take their own way, your child will speak when they’re ready – or when you make it impossible for them to get what they want any other way.************************************************************************ As for the mother who wrote her child ‘regressed after being vaccinated’, and that ‘vaccines cause brain damage’, she is a few slices short of a full loaf. Vaccines DO NOT cause brain damage. Nor do they cause regression. However, there may have been another type of trauma that co-incided with the doctor’s visit- the child may have been sexually or physically abused though you aren’t aware of it. THAT type of change in a child definitely needs investigating! As for not vaccinating a child, wait until you have your child come down with measles, mumps, whooping cough or worst of all, POLIO: these diseases are on the rise again after almost being eradicated, and we are seeing outbreaks growing in number each year. We’ve had epidemics the like not seen in 60 years because of parents who’ve been using Internet scare sites to guide these critical decisions instead of sound medicine, and listening to crackpots who get off on conspiracy theories & spout fake data on harm caused by vaccines – NONE of which is true. Some parents are still afraid of mercury [Thiorosal] in vaccines: guess what- they took that component out of almost all vaccines over a decade ago! By not vaccinating your child you are not only putting them & other children at risk, but the elderly (including Nana and Gramps) at risk as well. I cannot begin to tell you the suffering some of these older adults have to go thru – some for the rest of their lives- after being exposed to chicken pox & developing shingles. Oh, and don’t forget that chicken pox can cause severe scarring of the face and is unbearably itchy. The vaccine may not prevent chicken pox 100% but it can make the course of it lighter and shorter. I suggest you check out the horrible consequences of contracting polio: many of those poor kids ended up on ventilators for the rest of their short lives(the old fashioned ‘iron lungs’) because of paralysis. Others were paraplegics or quadriplegics for life. Remember, there is NO cure for polio once contracted. 2007 & 2008 were the highest incidences of polio since 1977. You cannot tell if someone is a carrier by looking, and we have many, many immigrants and visitors from other lands – though- in all honest, since there are a rising number of US parents ignoring doctors’ recommendations and thinking they know better than the CDC. Or maybe Measles- how about deafness? One of the effects of Measles is sensori-neural hearing loss, caused as the disease attacks the sensory cells of the inner ear. Once hearing is damaged in this way, you DON’T get it back. The only treatment is – sometimes- hearing aids. Measles is a very nasty disease and has myriad effects on children, of which the permanent hearing loss is probably the least. 1:1000 children who contract Measles develop encephalitis – an inflammation of the brain. We have to put them into isolation in PICU, and give them high doses of Vit A, fluids, antivirals and prayer. THERE IS NO SPECIFIC TREATMENT FOR MEASLES ONCE CONTRACTED., blindness/bilateral cataracts, or learning disabilities that are almost impossible to treat? You want to talk brain damage? Try mumps with it’s sky-high fevers that don’t come down with antipyretics such as Tylenol or Motrin – wait until your child as a 108 degree fever for three days – then see their learning abilities fail. This is the reason children who aren’t vaccinated are banned from schools- they are walking time bombs who endanger all the rest of the kids. I don’t know which is worse: them living with the after effects of contracting these diseases, or dying young because of them., I hope you find out what really happened to your little one. But, regardless, it is unforgivable not to get your child vaccinated. I will pray your child -in your ignorance – does not suffer any fatal or lifelong harm, nor does anyone with whom they come into contact.
Totally anecdotal, but a friend of mine has a son who signed copiously and only spoke a couple of words at eighteen months. He started speaking in earnest shortly thereafter and by twenty-one months was talking in full sentences. He’s now three-and-a-half and is one of the more verbal boys I’ve seen at that age.
Wow you are so wrong about sign, in my opinion. My son is 2 will be 3 in April. He started signing at a year and now picks it up so easily. He didt start talking til just a month or so ago and let me tell you there is nothing wrong with my son. He is very intelligent to be able to pick up sign.Now he is talking when I tell him to say thank you I do the sign as well then he says thanks you and does the sign at the same time.I HIGHLY reccomend signing for anyone with youngins on here.
My son is now 3.5 years old. We did the signing thing he really seemed to catch on when he was around a year old. Mostly he signed more, drink, eat and I know there were more, but those were the most prevalent. Anyhow, my son was quiet for a long time too but did babble alot and say daaaaaaaaaaaa all the freakin’ time. Anyhow, my point is that I understand how you feel. Whereas, my child did talk, he said teletubby (which came out as teletub) before he said ANYTHING that slightly resembled ma, mom or mama…and when he finally did he was nearing 2 YEARS OLD! But of course, he could/would say da, dada, daddy, and would even sometimes call my husband Tom! And I nursed this child for two years! Robbed, I tell you!!! My son is really smart but he is having to go to speech therapy twice a week. He talks ALOT but there are many times when most people can’t understand him so my husband and I are his translators. It seems to me that boys are predominantly the ones that seem to need speech therapy. But that’s because I’ve run across so many people recently and I think only one of them had a daughter that needed it. Anyhow, good luck and I’m sure that everything will be fine!
A lot of the above posters are saying the research shows no delays in speech.Yet I don’t see anyone citing any of that research that your trying to reassure the writer with. Could you perhaps posts some links to some verifiable research? My son is 14 months old and my wife and I debated about whether or not to teach him sign language and after a lot of looking and Emailing a few doctors(including our pediatrician) we decided against it. Not because there was any wrong with signing, but that there is not enough evidence or any studies that we could find that show a real benefit for children. At 14 months almost 15 my son is able to say mama and dada along with a few other words. I’m not bragging just posting my experience with my only child, it certainly cannot be considered the standard.
Signing, as described here, is not a second language. This type of “baby signing” can be helpful to children’s language development, but it is used in conjunction with English. American Sign Language is a bona fide language that takes years to learn. It is just as proposterous to claim that you are teaching your child a second language by introducing 20 or so French vocabulary words and then only use them without conjugation or in any kind of French syntax. It’s insulting to claim that your child “knows sign language” when in fact he or she knows a limited number of English signs.It is true that learning two languages can result in slower language growth initially, but that doesn’t apply here at all since the child is actually only using the one language: English.
Donald–As I mentioned, signing CAN cause an INITIAL delay, but studies show increased verbal aptitude later on (though I would hesitate to say that benefit is causation).People did not provide links because this is actually widely accepted in the scientific and medical community…that’s why I’m so surprised to hear Sign Language being blamed. A little bit of research would show that it does not cause any long-term delays.Here are a handful of links, but all you’d have to do is Google some studies. Also, many signing books reference studies in the intro. Just check out your local library.http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8060750http://www.literacytrust.org.uk/talktoyourbaby/gestureresearch.htmlhttp://www.cal.org/resources/Digest/RaiseBilingChild.htmlHowever, signing is only going to give the benefits of a second language if you use it like a second language. Just doing baby signs occasionally won’t cut it. We liked signing because I knew exactly what my daughter wanted before she spoke.
all my, i loved your artical. i found it amusing. you wouldn’t believe how much your story sounded like mine. my 3 yr old son was born 13 wks early, weighed 1 lb 14 oz. At first i thought of many different reasons why this could be that he wasn’t talking, i mean it wasn’t much of a problem until about 18 mnths or so. then the need for communication was out of contrl, he had not said mom, dad, no, he didn’t say anything except babel. well i had seen this v-tech program that offered sign language. we sat down and learned just a few baby signs. drink, eat, thankyou, ect….i saw he picked up on it great for being 1 1/2. like you said 7 o’clock in the morning i was waking up to him pointing his finger in his mouth. at first it wasn’t bad, but after a while, i just wanted to scream. i would feed him everything i could think of, he was constintly telling me he was hungry or “eat”. i thought “eat eat eat eat eat wwwwhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaatttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” i know wher you are coming from. it can be frustrating for the both of you. but with out it look how much more frustrating it would be or would hae been. my son is 3yrs old now, and he still don’t talk. well he tries, i have definatly seen him do as much trying as i do. he says ma da ba(ball) he barks for a dog and tries to get the da sound out.he says blue perfect. he does now say ea for eat. he tries to say just about anything you ask him to say to. stay strong, and remember it’s just a frustrating for him as it is you. don’t put the blame on yourself. maybe he hasn’t needed to say nothing because of signing, but in th long run i feel it benefits all children. now that my daughter is getting to that talking stage, my opinion is that we should teach children the sign for each word they learn.
thank you for your story, i at least know there’s more mom’s out there with te same problem….
It can be scary if your child has a speech delay — let’s blame sign language!
It is a tragedy if your child is diagnosed with a severe developmental disability — let’s blame vaccines!
I tried to teach my babies ASL and I am fluent in it. It was hard to sign consistently enough that my kids used the ASL. All they learned was “mom”, “more”, “milk”, “eat” “finished” and “I love you.” Still, that was a lot better than “wah!” “wah!” “wah!” etc.
It is just silly to imply that there is any downside to teaching a
child some sign language. Most people who teach their kids “baby sign
language” learn 5 to 20 signs and pair them with the spoken word for
that sign. By contrast, your baby is exposed to tens of thousands of
spoken words each year just by hearing you talk to your partner, shop or speak
on the phone. The only thing that is going to be delayed in this scenario is learning sign language, not speech.
Even the author of the article notes that her son started signing, a lot, at the age of 8 months. Babies cannot physically produce much, if any, understandable speech at this age. You may be able to understand a word or two s/he tries to say, but that’s it.
I work with Deaf people professionally. Deaf parents, who sign with their (mostly hearing) babies all the time, report that their infants sign their first words at age 4 to 6 months. That is a lot quicker than a baby can learn how to talk.
Deaf folks are the only ASL-using parents who need to worry about speech delays because no one may be modeling speech for their kids.
Typical infants and toddlers are wired to learn language. Both of my kids go to a play-based preschool. Each classroom has 2 teachers. One teacher speaks to the kids only in English and the other only speaks to them in Chinese.
I have observed hundreds of children in this program over 3 years. Almost all the kids enter school understanding/speaking just one language. Within about 6 months they understand when spoken to in the 2nd language. After 9 to 18 months they are speaking it. They are NOT “studying” Chinese, they are just playing with other kids. But when the teacher offers them milk she says it in Chinese and they have learned the language without any effort.
The children in this program who have language delays are few and would have presumably have had delays anyway.
Americans may be the only people on the planet who commonly think that kids will get confused if exposed to more than one language. Children in the rest of the world frequently learn or are exposed to several languages simultaneously. If the American model was the best one for language learning, Americans would be the most multi-lingual people instead of being among the most mono-lingual.
I wouldn’t worry yet. Each child is different. If you are talking to him, reading to him and he understands sign language, that is a great start. When you are signing with him, say the words and speak to him in conversational speech. It takes hearing things repeatedly and often. It is wonderful if he can sign it and say it. Babies can learn the written language along with the verbal also. It takes repetition and hearing, seeing, feeling, touching things many times
I am a “baby signing” mom with a toddler who knows ~80 signs and significantly fewer spoken words. There will be kids who speak a little later than others, those who walk a little later than others, those who cut teeth later than others. Variation between children in achieving milestones is expected and is normal. I cannot imagine how providing an added avenue for communication can be a bad thing. Nor have I been convinced after all of the reading I have done that teaching signs can in any way delay speech.I loved this article and the postings it generated (well, all except for the “vaccines causing regression” one; loved the retort, Logikal1). I chuckled reading parts of the article because I can empathize. I am familiar with the passion of a parent who has chosen to sign with his/her infant or toddler and wants to stick it out until the effort pays off (I promise it does eventually). I laughed out loud when I heard my own private thoughts echoed that “if I don’t recognize and affirm each and every sign produced by my child, the signing and communicating will stop.” And I too occasionally regret teaching my son to sign (just today, I thought to myself, “I wish you couldn’t sign, Child, so I could pretend I don’t know you want the bottle of bubbles on the top of the fridge for the quadrillionth time in one hour”). Thanks for offering a window into the signing mom’s mind. You have done nothing wrong!
I’m not a signing mother, and I don’t want to be, but that’s not the point. The point is my son just started, at 20 months, saying “mommy”. There was no “mama” or “ma” before hand, just “mommy” this past weekend.
He doesn’t say ‘no’.
He doesn’t say his own name.
The words he says most on any given day are “Peppa Pig”.
The sign language isn’t your son’s issue with language — it’s because he’s just learning a little slower than the doctor’s tell us is ‘normal’. I know my son understands me, and I know he is trying with his words. He’s get there and so will your little one.
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Interesting.
Every child develops differently at their own personal pace regardless of intelligence. Einstein did not speak until age four.
If your doctor doesnt understand the advantages of communication by whatever means, and you have the opportunity to, you might want to consider changing pediatricians . Unless your son has a hearing problem he is undoubtedly developing at his own personal comfortable pace and if he does have hearing issues you will be thankful you began signing with him early on.
My nephew is 4 months older than my granddaughter, who uses signs and speaks in sentences, but he wont speak at all unless he has to. My father, a teacher who taught me my alphabet by age two, lives close by, so there is no lack of education opportunity. Its just who he is. Smart little guy that he is, my nephew has figured out that he can get what he wants without talking. Im sure before long, when he has something to say, hell be talking up a storm.
I remember the first time I knew for certain my granddaughter used the more sign. She sat in the bottom of the shower and signed more. Not surprising because the DVD she watched showed cheerios raining down and it seemed entirely appropriate to ask for water to rain down in a shower. Well before she could walk or even crawl she surprised us when she read and said the word “baby” clear as a bell while watching the signing DVD which gives the sign the spoken word and spelled word all together.
Her mom , my daughter, used signs to begin potty training her at 3-4 months just as soon as she could sit enough to be held on her potty. We could tell she had to go because she’d get restless and with the price of diapers it was very handy to have her use the potty, and it’s just been a matter of getting her to communicate her needs. Luckily my daughter has a very supportive pediatrician who agreed that its cool to be saving money on diapers and potty training early using signs.
Signing helped so much too with feeding. She learned the all done sign to let us know when she is no longer hungry. She began talking too about the time she began walking.
I used signs to spell words like “mom” and “dad” to her keep her occupied on car trips, since infancy and her little would move when she saw mine move. Now that she is older and uses language and has names for her family, I will spell mom and dad and then mommy and daddy. now she asks her mom to spell words for her. She knows her alphabet and recognizes several words by sight. She is very expressive and her parents often tell her, “Use your words,” when she fusses non verbally to empower her to better communicate.
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I never understood the need to teach your baby to sign. I went with the getting to know my child and moving to the next step as they seemed to be ready. My first child didn’t really start speaking until he was 3 yrs old. I didn’t panic, we communicated fine and all with out signing. We all do what we works for us. For new parents please don’t panic if you or your child isn’t up to signing eventually they will use their words!
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First of all… the sign for “mom” is on your chin… not your forehead. Second of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your son and his lack of speaking. He is communicating and that is what is important. He is learning a second language and becoming bi-lingual. Your doctor failed to mention that boys, way more than girls, don’t tend to start speaking until after 22 months. American Sign Language is the 3rd most used language in the United States. Wouldn’t you want your children to be able to communicate and have that advantage?
Ask your doctor if he has autism.
you have got a happy little boy there Id say and soem kids just dont talk look at it this way if you didnt give him sign he would potentialy be going crazy punching and kicking out in frustration some kids dont speak for ages then one day just talk for scotland.
Using Sign language can be a great tool for any one and can often inprove spelling In my case having learned it i can spell a bit better and for me language comes alive It will be something i will use in the future with children so that we can defuse frustration in the super market and also i wont have to scream at the top of my lungs to be heard can use a few signs and its clearer for them. c hildren are visualy focused and as such they love action songs any form of signing supports their visual functions and promotes development of hand eye coordination from a young age.
It woudl be great to see all parents use sign as this would aliviate their stress with a screaming baby as they would then be able to satisfi that need in a child and have a content baby.
A. He’s a boy, and will take longer. B. You may long for the sign ‘more’ when he starts howling it at the top of his lungs, over and over and over and over. C. Your doctor should know that words are words, whether they are verbal or signed. It doesn’t sound like there is anything wrong with your child. Relax!
If we didn’t watch Baby Signing Time twice a day I’d lose my freakin’ mind. I don’t really care too much if my daughter signs, but I do care that SHE LOVES THOSE VIDEOS. It means I can take an uninterrupted shower, it means she’s not clinging to me for 30 minutes, it means she dances to the music and yes, she learns a bunch of signs. She likes the videos, and that’s why we learn signs. If she wasn’t interested or using her signs in context, we wouldn’t pursue it.
Boys take forever to talk, from what I’ve experienced. My brother is a freakin’ genius and he didn’t talk to he was 3. One of the boys I tend didn’t start talking much until recently, and he’ll be 3 this fall. Boys just tend to keep quiet longer, and then all of a sudden they won’t shut up!
Instead of saying “Good sign” every time he signs something, repeat what he has signed using your words. If he signs “drink” you say, “Drink. Want drink.” Don’t ask, “Want drink?” just say it, as if he would say it. He needs to hear the words you want him to use before he can say them too. If you want him to say “mama” try saying it as you sign it, or as he signs it. The more children hear certain words, the more likely they are to begin using those words. Signing does not hinder talking, as long as you are SAYING what you are signing.
Is this article a joke? As a speech therapist, I taught all three of my boys sign language as infants. We had no terrible twos because they could communicate. Our boys all have outstanding language abilities and they certainly can talk!
I really believe this article has to be a joke.
Your child needed a hearing test. Then help one on one with you. Do things that intrest him. If he sign dog. Talk to him about the dog, say woof. Is called sign language not miracle language. Signs go with words not with “Sign. Good sign, Son, good sign.”
I don’t think there’s anything wrong, every child is a whole different world. My daughter and my nephew’s (born a few days later) milestone show very different. My daughter is quite a little talker, and Baby Signing Time! helped a lot (the songs are very helpfull for oral language), we started when she was 5 or 6 months and she’s doing great with both languages. My nephew took a little longer to speak (he never used the signing videos) but he is stronger and better walker, he crawled first and he already jumps while my toddles is still on the walking training.
Of course you’ll know what’s best for your kid and you’ll find he help you need, all mamitas do.
There are so many more exmples of sign language working for babies/toddlers than it backfiring. Honestly, I think it mostly has to do with how/what the parent teaches. If you don’t teach your child the correct context of signs then of course he won’t use them right. If you praise him every single time he uses a sign, he will simple use it whenever he wants your attention. just the same as if a child only gets attention when they act out, therefore they will act out often. If you didn’t teach him words to go with signs, then no, of course he’ll only sign and not say. Sign language is all about context and synonyms. If you don’t teach the correct signs, words and context, then he will not learn correctly. I think that, in the end, the signing will be better for him than not. You just have to teach it correctly.
There are so many more exmples of sign language working for babies/toddlers than it backfiring. Honestly, I think it mostly has to do with how/what the parent teaches. If you don’t teach your child the correct context of signs then of course he won’t use them right. If you praise him every single time he uses a sign, he will simple use it whenever he wants your attention. just the same as if a child only gets attention when they act out, therefore they will act out often. If you didn’t teach him words to go with signs, then no, of course he’ll only sign and not say. Sign language is all about context and synonyms. If you don’t teach the correct signs, words and context, then he will not learn correctly. I think that, in the end, the signing will be better for him than not. You just have to teach him correctly.
What this author learned, very simply, is that kids will respond to what you reward. She spent a lot of time rewarding her child for signing rather than for his “grunts” (as she calls them — which were his early attempts at speaking), so he learned to sign and perhaps even assumed speaking was bad, since it was stressing out his mother. And that’s not a surprise. Studies have shown that teaching kids sign language often delays the development of their verbal skills. But that doesn’t mean teaching babies to sign is entirely a bad thing. It’s just a trade-off — and rather than listening to all the true-believers who insist it’s something you “must” do — we should just inform parents what the trade-offs are.
my daughter’s pediatrician has been pushing me to teach sign language for a while, and i have always retorted with this- “why teach her how to sign, when she needs to learn how to open her mouth and talk to me? i don’t want my kid throwing up hand gestures for everything! i want her to talk to me!” she’s now 2, and i have the same feelings about signing. i’m pregnant with my 2nd child, and still don’t plan on teaching sign language. i want my kids to talk to me, not sign. especially if they are perfectly capable. my daughter said mama at 6 months thanks to me writing words on a dry erase board while she sat in her high chair. unless your child is deaf, i don’t see the point in teaching them to sign. teach them to talk!
I’m a single deaf mom of twins. I spoke and signed to them simultaneously. They signed back and then started speaking whole sentences at 26 months. Now they just want to talk all the time and not sign. I find this disheartening as I cannot understand a word of their speech and am beginning to regret teaching them how to talk. Maybe I should have just only signed to them so that they understood they need to sign back to their deaf mother. Talk about frustration. Not a day goes by that I wish I could hear.
I implore you, absolutely DO NOT listen to the other commenters who say your pediatrician is an idiot, that your child will speak eventually, that every child is different. According to the CDC and the WHO, a child that does not have at least six words by 18 months is a definite warning sign. It is true that it’s possible your son may just be a late talker. However, wouldn’t you rather consult a speech therapist who can use diagnostic tests and normative data to tell you conclusively whether or not your son has a problem instead of relying on folk wisdom and hoping he’s a late talker? It could mean a world of difference to your son. If there is a problem, early intervention could be the difference between your son being able to participate fully in life with the most support possible, or being left in the dust as one delay piles on to another.
I agree with the pediatrician that you should look into the speech delay and see if it’s a problem.
I do not, however, think signing caused the problem. You’ll never know, of course, but I’d bet you would have had a similar delay even without signing. Signing and speech are pretty independent in my opinion…learning one doesn’t cause a delay in the other. They both improve the child’s mental understanding of language. Mechanically, however, your child hasn’t figured out how to speak for some reason (possibly just lack of interest, which is at worst a temporary problem).
Barring some undetected medical problem, I’d bet the child will start speaking at some point and improve quite rapidly, just like what happened with the signing.