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Beyond Toddlers and Tiaras: Ideas for Toddler Reality TV

As much as I loved to hate it, I recently decided that watching Toddlers and Tiaras isn’t ok.

I got a sick satisfaction out of hating those pageant moms.

I loved the feeling of motherly superiority I got from knowing that no matter what I do as a mom, at least I don’t dress my kid up in sequins and fake hair and burn her eyelashes for the sake of competition with other 3 year olds.

It dawned on me that just the act of watching was in some way supporting the whole enterprise. So despite my morbid fascination with the spray tans and hair pieces and that weird kissy face thing they’re so fond of on that show, I’m done.

Finito.

It’s dead to me now.

But this has left a gaping void in my television viewing. I tried to fill it with You Tube videos of early 90s Miss America talent competitions but despite my admiration for any woman who’ll brave stage lighting in a white catsuit I was still left feeling empty.

It was time to take matters into my own hands. I compiled a list of alternative reality shows for TLC to consider. I mean, why limit it to tiaras when so many headwear options are available to toddlers these days?

nggallery id=’124848′

  • Toddlers and Pirate Hats 1 of 13
    Toddlers and Pirate Hats
    Ahoy! I predict a hit!
    Photo Credit: The Writer Revived
  • Toddlers and Fishing Caps 2 of 13
    Toddlers and Fishing Caps
    This show would feature toddlers fishing for Goldfish crackers in the deep end of the kiddie pool.
    Photo Credit: P.J. Martin
  • Toddlers and Burger King Crowns 3 of 13
    Toddlers and Burger King Crowns
    Who can resist cuties in paper crowns? Not me.
    Photo Credit: Mom On Time Out
  • Toddlers and Cowboy Hats 4 of 13
    Toddlers and Cowboy Hats
    Giddyup!
    Photo Credit: Kro Media/Flickr
  • Toddlers and Bunny Ears 5 of 13
    Toddlers and Bunny Ears
    Somebunny knows she's adorable.
  • Toddlers and Gigantic Blue Sun Hats 6 of 13
    Toddlers and Gigantic Blue Sun Hats
    She could provide shade for a small country under that hat.
    Photo Credit: Amanda Greer
  • Toddlers and Festive Yet Refined Headwear 7 of 13
    Toddlers and Festive Yet Refined Headwear
    This little gal is looking very fashion forward.
    Photo Credit: Michelle Stiles
  • Toddlers and Bunny Ears, Season Two 8 of 13
    Toddlers and Bunny Ears, Season Two
    This show was so popular that it was renewed for another season!
    Photo Credit: Eileen Carter-Campos
  • Toddlers and Animal Masks 9 of 13
    Toddlers and Animal Masks
    Looking foxy. Or squirrelly? Or is it Owly? Oh, I give up.
    Photo Credit: June & Bear
  • Toddlers and Winter Hats 10 of 13
    Toddlers and Winter Hats
    Sweet sisters.
    Photo Credit: Harli Palme
  • Toddlers and Jaunty Spring Newsboy Caps 11 of 13
    Toddlers and Jaunty Spring Newsboy Caps
    I wonder if that hat comes in my size?
    Photo CreditSellabit Mum
  • Toddlers and Construction Hats 12 of 13
    Toddlers and Construction Hats
    He's just mad because someone told him he looked like one of the Village People.
    Photo CreditThe Dawning of January
  • Toddlers and Sun Visors They Decorated Themselves 13 of 13
    Toddlers and Sun Visors They Decorated Themselves
    This sweet girl is all set to host a DIY show for toddlers. A Martha in the making!
    Photo Credit: The Writer Revived

Mary Lauren Weimer is a social worker turned mother turned writer. Her blog, My 3 Little Birds, encourages moms to put down the baby books for a moment and tell their own stories. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

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