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First Steps, First Words, First Frappuccino

The newest thing in Brooklyn, I’m told, is coffee for the toddler set. They’re called  Babyccinos and contain a shot of decaf espresso, a large dose of frothy milk and possibly some sprinkles on top. You can watch a video of Ruby (pictured left) drinking her Babyccino here.

Baristas at coffeehouses throughout Park Slope, Cobble Hill and Brooklyn Heights say they are only whipping up the kid-friendly beverages to meet demand. Even if those baristas wouldn’t serve them to their own kids.

Parents of the coffee-drinking tots say the whole thing is all very harmless and adorable.

Yeah. I don’t know about that.

Besides the fact that decaf coffee is not exactly caffeine-free (why any parent would want to caffeinate their toddler is beyond me— we spend most of our time trying to get ours to sleep, thank you very much), this sounds just like the kind of pretentious crap that’s satired on Portlandia.

Do you really want to be THAT PARENT??

Everyone complains that kids grow up too fast these days. But it seems to me like parents keep doing things to perpetuate this.

Babycchinos, manicures, iPads (yes, I know I’m guilty of that last one).

Remember when you wanted to be an adult just so you could finally do what you wanted? I don’t think kids feel that way anymore. They have everything they could possibly want already.

Coffee is one of the few things I have successfully established as off-limits. Along with alcohol, my jewelry box and episodes of Dexter.

Call me crazy but I think there should be some indulgences left in the world that are reserved strictly for us, grown-ups. Small pleasures my daughter appreciates some day in the future because she didn’t have access to them from Day One.

Plus— if you start your kid drinking Babyccinos at two, is it any more ridiculous to think that your child will be drinking Frappuccinos by, let’s say… seven?

In my experience, a coffee habit is a hard habit to break.

Even if we pretend there are no health issues with this whatsoever— THAT’S A LOT OF STARBUCKS MONEY.

So please prepare yourself.

Read more of Ilana’s writing at Mommy Shorts.
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