Hank’s Hair: Evolution and Termination of the Mullet (PHOTOS)

Joe Dirt ain’t got nothin’ on this kid.

Hair grows from the root, as you know, so it only follows that the ends of the hair have been around the longest. To me that means that those scraggly hairs trailing down Henry’s shoulders were the first little sprouts on his tiny baby noggin all those months ago.

How could I cut them off?

Stupid, I know. If that’s the theory I’m subscribing to then his fingernails should be closing in on Edward Scissorhand proportions and I don’t even want to imagine the toenail situation.

But, for some reason, his hair was different. And listen, most of the time it wasn’t looking like it does in the photo up there. That photo was taken a couple hours before the big chop and I really fanned it out across his back so as to really capture the full Joe Dirtness. Most of the time the longish strands were tucked down in his shirt so you really couldn’t see how truly long they were. In fact, even I’m surprised when I look at this photo because DAMN. That is a serious mullet. That kid is down to party, after he does a little business, that is.

A couple weeks ago I decided I’d go ahead and schedule his first cut. Not because several well-meaning strangers questioned his gender or outright called him a “cute little girl” but because his bangs were starting to hang in his eyes. Now that the length is equal on all sides I figure I’ll let it grow, only cutting it when it, again, interferes with his vision. Within a couple years I figure he’ll be old enough to tell me when and if he wants it cut and then it’s in his hands.

While we were getting Hank’s hair cut his sister, Violet, (whom he calls “Diet”) wanted in on the action and also got her hair cut for the first time. A double milestone. Check out Hank’s new do and see what you think?

If you’re the mom of a boy, how did you decide when to cut your son’s hair? Did you succumb to societal pressure over gender stereotypes (boys should have short hair!) or, like me, was it simply a case of hair hanging in the eyes? Did the first cut make you all introspective about your grown up little man or was it no big deal?

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  • Bald and Beautiful 1 of 19
    Bald and Beautiful
    I was bald for the first six months so maybe that was why Mom held off on chopping my luscious locks for so long. Hair or no, I am still a handsome son-of-a-gun, amirite?
  • Slowly But Surely 2 of 19
    Slowly But Surely
    The hair started coming in by around my first birthday. Mom loves ruffling my hair so I think she got attached to it early on.
  • Having Some Fun 3 of 19
    Having Some Fun
    Mom got a little crazy what with all the excitement of finally seeing some hair.
  • Growing 4 of 19
    Growing
    And then it got longer...
  • And Longer 5 of 19
    And Longer
    Still, Mom couldn't bring herself to cut it off.
  • Mullet Beginnings 6 of 19
    Mullet Beginnings
    By the time I was 18 months I was sporting a mullet that would make Joe Dirt proud.
  • Joe Dirt 7 of 19
    Joe Dirt
    And then Mom done lost her mind and let me rock a hard core mullet, the envy of all business in the front party in the back devotees.
  • What The? 8 of 19
    What The?
    I mean, how is a fella supposed to be taken seriously on the playground with this situation underway? Not that there's anything wrong with long hair and all, but when it started getting tangled in the swings I had to put my size 4 foot down.
  • First Cut 9 of 19
    First Cut
    And so it came to pass that while leaving a Walmart one day Mom wiped away her tears and took the plunge.
  • Is That An A-Line Cut? 10 of 19
    Is That An A-Line Cut?
    At first it looked like they were giving me some kind of girl hair do, which, in my book is definitely a hair don't. A bob does not become my chubby cheeks, is what I'm saying. Also, they had to keep me from leaping out of the chair by pulling up a couple of my favorite Mickey Mouse videos on Mom's phone.
  • Sister Joins In The Fun 11 of 19
    Sister Joins In The Fun
    Sister was so jealous of all the attention everyone was giving me Mom decided she could get her hair cut for the first time too.
  • First Hair Cuts All Around! 12 of 19
    First Hair Cuts All Around!
    She was very excited.
  • Just A Trim 13 of 19
    Just A Trim
    I don't want to brag or anything but they cut off WAY more of my hair than Sister's.
  • Copycat! 14 of 19
    Copycat!
    Usually I do everything my sister "Diet" does but this time she copied me!
  • No Big Deal 15 of 19
    No Big Deal
    In the end I couldn't even tell she got a haircut, though.
  • Check Me Out! 16 of 19
    Check Me Out!
    But look at me! "Where did my baby go?" Mom kept shouting. It was kind of confusing because I was standing right in front of her. I figured it was some new form of peek-a-boo and just let her do her thing.
  • My Daddy! 17 of 19
    My Daddy!
    Dad handled the whole thing a lot better than Mom although I caught him shoving all my hair in a plastic bag he put in his pocket, which I thought was weirder than Mom's new peek-a-boo game.
  • Handsome Boy 18 of 19
    Handsome Boy
    Overall, I'm really pleased with the result. What do you think?
  • My Mama! 19 of 19
    My Mama!
    I think Mom is finally over the trauma. She has stopped shouting "Where's did my baby go?" every time she sees me. She told me it doesn't matter what I look like because I'll be her baby forever.

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