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Looking To Lose Weight? Try The Toddler Diet!

By Naomi Odes |

tape measure on waistStill haven’t lost those pregnancy pounds, even though your baby is now a toddler? Take some cues from him or her. Toddlers are notorious for eating almost nothing for days and somehow…surviving.

Then again, I’ve also seen my little dude consume half a pizza.

Truthfully, I’ve read a number of times that toddlers are the best at regulating their food intake, which is why you (I?) rarely see an overweight toddler. Most of them live on fresh air and sunshine, with an occasional bite of whatever it is you’re trying to make them eat.  They also eat anything with sugar in it, even straight up sugar. I’ve caught my son squirting honey into his mouth directly from the bear.

And are my kids the only ones who eat butter straight up? Cold?

Check out this hilarious “Toddler Diet” that I found on the interwebs:


THE TODDLER DIET: GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU SLIM AND TRIM!
DAY ONE
——-
Breakfast
One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly.
Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the
floor.
Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and
clothes.

Lunch
Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a
glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner
A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel.

Bedtime Snack
Toast piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO
——-
Breakfast
Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half
bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch
Half a tube of “Pulsating Pink” lipstick and a handful of
Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack
Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in
dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again.
Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner
A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left
nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE
———
Breakfast
Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub in
hair. Glass of milk: drink half, stuff pancakes in glass.
After breakfast, pick up yesterday’s sucker from rug, lick off
fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.

Lunch
Three matches, peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several
bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner
Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips.

FINAL DAY
———
Breakfast
A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an
olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add a
half-cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed
cereal to dog.

Lunch
Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that
sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner
A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on
plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Photo Credit: Pink Sherbert Photography

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About Naomi Odes

naomi

Naomi Odes

Naomi Odes Aytur is a blogger who's contributed on the parenting channel of Babble. She chronicles her experiences of being a new mom on her personal website, I Am Still Awake. Read bio and latest posts → Read Naomi's latest posts →

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7 thoughts on “Looking To Lose Weight? Try The Toddler Diet!

  1. BeccaV says:

    A great laugh this morning! Thanks!!

    1. Naomi says:

      Thanks for reading!!

  2. Misty says:

    LoL I Loved It!!!

  3. Diane says:

    this made me literally LOL. too funny.

  4. Janna says:

    Thanks for this- I read it to my husband this morning and we were LOL!

  5. Meg S says:

    that made my day! thank you. i needed it

  6. Mom2brats says:

    Thanks for the laugh!!!

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