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My Dirty Little Secret

By Lori Garcia |

I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything!

I know right? Totally hardcore.

Look, I had to do it for me, for my street and for my county, it was just THAT loud. That toy was so deafening that I couldn’t even bring myself to donate it to charity. I could never subject some other kid’s eardrums to that thing for fear of bad toy karma and I just couldn’t have that on my soul. Even this processed blond knew the obvious and gentler solution would have been to remove the batteries. Yes, but BooBoo is smart, just like your kids, and he would have just continued asking me to fix it over and over and over if it remained in plain sight. So, bleeding eardrums or eternal pleading? Neither. I chose trash; problem solved. Did BooBoo look for the guitar? Yes. Did he ask me to help him find it? Indeed. Will it ever be found? Negatory, that guitar swims with the fishes. So he cried for a minute and then found entertainment with a bendy straw - score!

Here is where my secret gets even dirtier and I become even more of a rebel:

Sometimes the toys aren’t even bad; they just offend me for some non-specific reason.

Case in point, Barney.

There was a time that I loved Barney. He was so purple and kind, teaching all those morals and manners. The problem was I got my fill of Barney and his posse with my eldest son. Once BooBoo came along, well, he latched onto Barney like nothing I have ever seen. He lived and breathed for “Marney” as he called him and it bordered on obsessive. I ultimately found myself developing passive aggressive feelings toward Barney who never did anything to me (aside from that “I Love You” song heard even in my sleep), but BooBoo and Barney were going to have to end their love affair.

Thankfully, the pair eventually went their separate ways because they both wanted different things. Or maybe the breakup wasn’t as much mutual as previously thought. When BooBoo’s eyes started wandering, Barney went missing. We presume he found his way to some less fortunate kids, but we can’t be sure, it’s all speculation really. All I know is that Barney don’t live here no mo. Sure, there were good times, memories light the corners of my mind and all that. It was real and it was fun and it was real fun, but now it’s over and I have SpongeBob and his obnoxious laugh to contend with…

…or do I?

Fess up, have you ever broken or trashed a toy for selfish reasons?

(Oh yeah, if you liked that fun illustration by my husband above, you can check out a gallery of his cartoons here.)

More on Toddler Times:

13 Things That Don’t Make You a Bad Parent

My Kid, My Choice: Readers Reveal Their Badass Parenting Decisions

10 More Toys We Love With No Annoying Bells Or Whistles!


How else can you carefully and responsibly get rid of the evidence?

More on Babble

About Lori Garcia


Lori Garcia

Lori Garcia is a writer and mother of two living and loving in Southern California. When she's not fussing with her bangs, you can find her shaking her groove thing on her personal blog, Mommyfriend where she almost never combines true tales of motherhood and mayhem with her degree in child development. Read bio and latest posts → Read Lori's latest posts →

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0 thoughts on “My Dirty Little Secret

  1. Gretchen Snyder says:

    hahhaaa… I need to de-Barney-ize my house too!!! Lexie is now 5, and out of Barney, but her little bro is turning 1 next week and I notice is already showing signs of really liking Barney…. It is just too much to go through another 3-4 years of this big purple dinosaur!!! I can not.. will not.. do it!!! The songs stick in my head like gorilla glue!! Yesterday I found my self singing “Now thats why I like Autumn!! – I like to jump in the breeze- feel the cool breeze…” while raking the lawn… NOOOO he is consuming us again… Thank you for telling me that it is okay to throw away!!!!

  2. Emily says:

    I haven’t resorted to tossing a toy yet but batteries have definitely been taken out of quite a few. We also instituted a “no noisy toys” after 5 p.m. rule. And we have a few noisy toys that aren’t too bad except that they have no volume control. Putting clear packing tape over the speaker helps quite a bit with this!!

    I’d toss Barney though. ;)

  3. Christine says:

    Some toys get time outs. Or when the batteries die they don’t get replaced. And for some reason, my daughter is OK with “it’s broken and I can’t fix it.” She finds something else to play with.

    My daughter seems to be pretty random anyway and doesn’t play with any one toy for more than about 30 seconds. Then it gets tossed aside and forgotten about until it’s time to do clean up. Then she remembers and wants to play with it again before we put it away.

  4. Jenn says:

    Great article! Imagine my surprise when the picture of the toy that you were throwing away is my most disliked toy in my own house! Yes, the very exact same, a Christmas present from an auntie of course. I haven’t resorted to throwing it away, only because it was from my husband’s family, otherwise I would have gotten rid of it long ago…

    When there is a toy I don’t like I just hide it at the bottom of the toy box. It seems that the bottom of the toy box is a vortex that only opens up once a month on a full moon. I also hate toys that come with a million tiny little pieces that I have to keep picking up over and over and I find them everywhere. Apparently, people without children think those make good gifts.

    Thanks for brightening our day with your wisdom!

  5. Charma (@Surprised_Mama) says:

    Lol!!! I loved this post! I’ve done this too! My husband decided to go against the parenting code of buying the more quiet toys and purchased a toy remote control that was loud and would just come on when no one was in the room. Yes… that also included in the middle of the night! So, one day the “wemote” ended up in the trashcan. It’s probably in some landfill scaring the birds right now & that’s okay with me! ;)

  6. Mary Ellen Foust says:

    God Bless this post! lol I will admit that I haven’t done that yet and I stress yet because there is a old mc donald farm that is about to end up missing. My daughter loves playing that over and over and then she will hit the button just for effect. I am glad this post came up because in a couple of days I think that I would have felt really bad if I did something like that. ;)

  7. mommyfriend says:

    Go on with your bad selves my parents! Forget sexy, let’s bring sanity back!

  8. Andrea says:

    Hell ya! I stick to the smaller junky toys that grandparents love to buy and McDonald’s loves to give out. But they magically make their way to the trash after a day or two. And guess what? The kids don’t even notice!

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