We build it up so much higher than the tallest roller-coaster; the coming of spring. Our children ache for it, they (and we), wish to be released from the confines of our home, into the days of sun-drenched longitude, warmth and adventure.
Where I come from, the winter can be beautiful and deadly at the same damn time. Everything starts out like a postcard, the turning of lush green leaves to shimmer like gold dust, copper bells, crimson lights, and faery wings.
The earth (around my neck of the woods), as I see it, merges abstract into realism. A masterpiece of fine art paints the paradigm that is autumn creeping in. It serves as a soft, comforting landing pad to ease in the thought of month after month of ice and snow; making the knowledge of what’s to come more bearable. Even those first few snowfalls, sure, they sparkle; a blanket of bright white solitude. Stirring up the promise of twinkle lights, feasting, ceremony, short days, long nights, mass consumerism and the flanging hypocrisy of it all. Spring and summer are just more simple. Not easier, just simpler.
For families who live and love through the dark and tired passenger that is depression, the coming of winter is a daunting thought. This fall and winter will be a defining time for our little family. With an abundance of changes, nothing will ever be like it was. Not like it ever is, anyways. Change is inevitable. It’s the big ones that can feed on you. Do I want to pass on my long-time cautionary love/hate for the long months coming up ahead to my kids?
It’s a mindset after all. Nothing is ever going to be as lonely or self-involving as it was before our salty sweet kids came along. Before we their parents fell in love and decided to give life together a shot. Being a parent and in a relationship during the early years of parenting challenges everything. It challenges how we’re challenged as individuals and how we are together as lovers, friends, and as parents. A few things happened this summer that brought me to my knees in both joy and sorrow. It’s the picnics, the beach park frolicking, camping, festivals and lazy days at home that I plan to hold on to. I may be having a hard time letting go of the summer, although it is after all just a season. A season wherein my kids entered into a new stage of being on their own and as siblings. Of living. We’re nearing the end of the volcanic anomaly known as toddlerhood and entering into something longer, more definite.
It’s the memories and gaps of lost memories that trigger me into wanting to just HOLD ON. Hold on to my babies for just a little while longer. But I can’t. At least not in all of the same ways. There’s a healing and growing in that. A dawning of new revelations about who I am as a mother, a friend, and a lover. Parenting itself and parenting in a long-term, loving relationship have stirred more growth and development as a human in me than anything I’ve ever experienced.
The walls in our home have started to mirror those memories, those changes; all of this healing, love, madness and growth with pictures. I’m in a serious stage of savoring the tail end of my days as a parent to babies and toddlers. The passing of this summer marks the end of all of that, with my boy especially.
These are the photos that will serve as a reminder to me, all of the beauty that was this summer; building me up to manage and appreciate all that there is to come. Regardless of the weather, I will always be warm with them. My raucous little family and some of our favorite memories of the summer of 2013…
More Babbles From Selena…
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Via her humble beginnings, mastering in general mayhem: le petit rêve