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My Kid Will Never Be On The Toddler Best-Dressed List

So there’s a Pinterest page that is amazing – Tiffany Beveridge’s “My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter” that chronicles the imaginary adventures of little Quinoa and her friends. On the page, Beveridge pins photos of impeccably dressed hipster toddlers with hilarious captions.

It’s funny because it’s true.

I have friends on Instagram and Facebook with tots just like little Quinoa and oh, how I love to look at their little fashion icons. Baby scarfs and sunglasses and skinny jeans. Toms shoes and wee blazers and handmade onesies. What’s even better is that usually, their momma is just as gorgeous and put-together. It’s like my own little guilty pleasure to follow these well-dressed moms and tots.  One of my favorites? Our very own Toddler contributor Lauren and her daughter, Fern. Swoon-worthy, that pair.

You might think that I’d feel bad that my kid rolls around looking like Oliver Twist most days, minus the cool scarf, but nope. I’m pretty okay with my non-hipster baby because he’s a direct product of his own mom. Neither one of us will be on the mom or toddler best-dressed list. Let’s review why:

  • The NOT best-dressed toddler. 1 of 13
    bestdressed

    Click through for a study in how to be the anti-hipster toddler.

  • Exhibit A 2 of 13
    33bd2ee0d8fc11e2a1c022000a9e06ab_7

    I'm his mother. I pose with toilets in public restrooms and have to wear shapewear under everything. Most of the time I'm in jeans and a tshirt.

  • That’s unfortunate. 3 of 13
    84e0da0edf3411e286a322000a9f13d4_71

    I usually get the kid dressed before coffee. Which means there's an excellent chance colors won't match and he might be wearing two different socks. Unfortunately, I won't realize this until the caffeine kicks in, when the child is at daycare and I'm too late.

  • The typical uniform. 4 of 13
    46dd9588a1dd11e2901022000a9e13ab_7

    Tshirt. Shorts (or jeans). Shoes. Toddler boys are eaaaasy to dress.

  • I’m cheap. 5 of 13
    a532c008838411e28c3122000aa80097_7

    Really, really cheap. Yeah, that little wool blazer is DARLING, but I'm not dropping $50 on a coat that he'll get filthy. Instead, I buy the clearance generic Target jacket after the season and hope it will fit the next year.

  • This is his favorite shirt. 6 of 13
    b03d6fcadfe611e2aa4422000ae90e71_71

    It's really a pajama shirt, but it doesn't matter. He still wears it all the time. Only toddlers and college kids can go out in pajamas and it be socially acceptable.

    I believe the kids these days call that YOLO.

  • Camo’s cool, right? 7 of 13
    aeb288e4cfc311e2b2fd22000a9e0875_72

    Oh. It's not? Well...he still wears it. Kind of like how I still wear a jean skirt on a weekly basis. I figure they'll both come back in style at some point and THEN WE WILL BE READY.

    Or in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'll be able to hide well. Either way, WE WILL BE READY.

  • Sometimes I even forget to put socks on the kid. 8 of 13
    7f4135f4c9ee11e2842d22000a1f9ada_7

    So getting stuff to match is really a luxury I don't have.

  • His dad dresses him. 9 of 13
    7c05fab0efa911e2890c22000a1fa80f_71

    I repeat: HIS DAD DRESSES HIM. I'm not about to screw up that ecosystem, even if it means he's wearing warm-up shorts on a regular basis because my husband claims they are "comfy."

  • The only accessory we own are bandaids. 10 of 13
    c85a778ad9a411e2a39722000aaa0ff9_71

    Hats? Scarves? Sunglasses? Pssh. All I need is a fresh box of Jake the Pirate bandaids.

  • I don’t have the fight in me. 11 of 13
    c7408d14c8c711e29a5822000a9f15d4_7

    Look. My kid knows what he likes and it usually involves big trucks or superhero capes. Yes, he looks better in button-downs and skinny jeans, but it's not a fight I'm willing to face.

    Picking my battles, folks.

  • I repeat, THIS IS HIS MOM. 12 of 13
    ab35e70e520711e29e9622000a9f09f1_7

    I rest my case.

  • But still, you have to admit… 13 of 13
    22ce7e54a11111e2a07e22000a1f9a28_7

    this kid is a charmer. I think we'll keep him, even with his $5.00 Target sweatshirts and Keen sandals.

More from BA:

Your kid eats weird things? Mine too!

Women in the work force – it’s not a new concept.

I rocked this part of parenting & I’m not afraid to say it.

Keep from tripping on your toddler while you cook.

What we are up to this summer!

Beth Anne writes words & takes pictures at Okay, BA! You can also find her on the Twitters & Facebook.

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