My Kid Will Never Be On The Toddler Best-Dressed ListBeth Anne Ballance
So there’s a Pinterest page that is amazing – Tiffany Beveridge’s “My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter” that chronicles the imaginary adventures of little Quinoa and her friends. On the page, Beveridge pins photos of impeccably dressed hipster toddlers with hilarious captions.
It’s funny because it’s true.
I have friends on Instagram and Facebook with tots just like little Quinoa and oh, how I love to look at their little fashion icons. Baby scarfs and sunglasses and skinny jeans. Toms shoes and wee blazers and handmade onesies. What’s even better is that usually, their momma is just as gorgeous and put-together. It’s like my own little guilty pleasure to follow these well-dressed moms and tots. One of my favorites? Our very own Toddler contributor Lauren and her daughter, Fern. Swoon-worthy, that pair.
You might think that I’d feel bad that my kid rolls around looking like Oliver Twist most days, minus the cool scarf, but nope. I’m pretty okay with my non-hipster baby because he’s a direct product of his own mom. Neither one of us will be on the mom or toddler best-dressed list. Let’s review why:
The NOT best-dressed toddler. 1 of 13
Click through for a study in how to be the anti-hipster toddler.
Exhibit A 2 of 13
I'm his mother. I pose with toilets in public restrooms and have to wear shapewear under everything. Most of the time I'm in jeans and a tshirt.
That’s unfortunate. 3 of 13
I usually get the kid dressed before coffee. Which means there's an excellent chance colors won't match and he might be wearing two different socks. Unfortunately, I won't realize this until the caffeine kicks in, when the child is at daycare and I'm too late.
The typical uniform. 4 of 13
Tshirt. Shorts (or jeans). Shoes. Toddler boys are eaaaasy to dress.
I’m cheap. 5 of 13
Really, really cheap. Yeah, that little wool blazer is DARLING, but I'm not dropping $50 on a coat that he'll get filthy. Instead, I buy the clearance generic Target jacket after the season and hope it will fit the next year.
This is his favorite shirt. 6 of 13
It's really a pajama shirt, but it doesn't matter. He still wears it all the time. Only toddlers and college kids can go out in pajamas and it be socially acceptable.
I believe the kids these days call that YOLO.
Camo’s cool, right? 7 of 13
Oh. It's not? Well...he still wears it. Kind of like how I still wear a jean skirt on a weekly basis. I figure they'll both come back in style at some point and THEN WE WILL BE READY.
Or in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'll be able to hide well. Either way, WE WILL BE READY.
Sometimes I even forget to put socks on the kid. 8 of 13
So getting stuff to match is really a luxury I don't have.
His dad dresses him. 9 of 13
I repeat: HIS DAD DRESSES HIM. I'm not about to screw up that ecosystem, even if it means he's wearing warm-up shorts on a regular basis because my husband claims they are "comfy."
The only accessory we own are bandaids. 10 of 13
Hats? Scarves? Sunglasses? Pssh. All I need is a fresh box of Jake the Pirate bandaids.
I don’t have the fight in me. 11 of 13
Look. My kid knows what he likes and it usually involves big trucks or superhero capes. Yes, he looks better in button-downs and skinny jeans, but it's not a fight I'm willing to face.
Picking my battles, folks.
I repeat, THIS IS HIS MOM. 12 of 13
I rest my case.
But still, you have to admit… 13 of 13
this kid is a charmer. I think we'll keep him, even with his $5.00 Target sweatshirts and Keen sandals.