My Toddler has a TV in his Room and I'm Not Sorry
I make no apology for the fact that my toddler has a TV in his room for one very simple reason:
Kids love TV and parents love that kids love TV.
I mean, I know I do.
I don’t view moderate TV consumption as a lazy parenting thing; I view it as a sanity-preserving thing.
My son loves TV just like every toddler. I can pretend that he only ever watches TV on weekends or that the shows he watches are purely educational but I’d be totally lying. While I indeed limit the amount of TV my toddler views on any given day, there are specific times I allow – heck, downright encourage TV viewing.
Just last week my fellow Toddler Times blogger Jean asked the question, Does Your Toddler Watch TV?
Mine sure does.
In our household, we allow moderate television viewing at bedtime and on weekend mornings because well, it makes life easier for all of us.
BooBoo goes to bed at 8 p.m. sharp every night – yep, even on weekends, holidays, full moons and leap years. We don’t send him to bed like clockwork because we’re such awesome parents, oh heck no. We do it because we have to; he needs the sleep. After bath time, book time and cuddle time, if BooBoo’s especially tired and cranky I’m known to bust out a favorite Peep and the Big Wide World DVD. I turn the volume way down, shut off the light and get my grumpy toddler all nice and cozy. Usually within minutes my boy is off to sleep and there’s peace in the Mommyfriend household once again. Winning!
That’s not to say every bedtime goes down without a fight (if only). Sometimes 8 p.m. rolls around and Peep isn’t over (the horror). Sure, there’s opposition and begging, but as long as I stand my ground and allow BooBoo to push the big red power button off for himself, we can usually end the night on speaking terms.
As far as weekend mornings go, I’m taking them back! Ever since BooBoo finally began sleeping through the night I made the decision to preserve my sleep whenever possible. Thanks to my toddler’s TV I can.
Picture it: Saturday morning, 5:30 a.m., I awake to a messy haired boy breathing on my face. He’s ready to party – I’m not. Please, I stayed up way too late watching the Real Housewives marathon and I’m freaking tired. I stumble into his bedroom, trip on a Hot Wheel and pop in a Disney DVD. I stumble back to my room, trip on the same Hot Wheel and fall into a comatose sleep for another 90 glorious minutes until I hear the dreaded, “IT’S O-VER!” from that little person down the hall. That’s my cue to get up and start the day and why not, it’s 7 a.m. on a Saturday and by my toddler’s clock, the day is half over.
I don’t see anything wrong with a TV in my toddler’s room so long as it’s utilized responsibly. As with all things, moderation and parental guidance are key.
TV keeps us both a little more sane and with a toddler, I’ll take my sanity wherever I can find it.
What do you think about toddlers having a TV in their room?
The truth about Kids and TV: Is it really that bad?
I don’t have a problem with children watching some tv, my daughter has her favorite dvd’s as well. However, I have a HUGE problem with the tv being in their bedroom. If he can’t already, it is only a matter of time until he can turn the tv on at all hours and stumble upon inappropriate television, and frankly, even if he doesn’t watch something inappropriate, he’s missing out on valuable sleep time. Now, I love me some TV, but I don’t even have on in my room! The bedroom is a place for my husband and I to get some R&R. There is no reason for ANYONE to have a tv in their room, ESPECIALLY a child.
Totally. All things in moderation and with parental guidance as you say. My kids love my iPad, but I don’t let them play with it for hours a day. They need to have physical activity, interaction with other kids, physical books, playing outside and so forth. I’d bet that many parent’s who may initially take offense to this still let their kids watch TV in the living room on those early Saturday mornings. What’s the difference if it’s all done in reason.
I did a quick search on studies on the subject. What returned was a nice writup in the New York Times. Worth a read for anyone considering the same setup, I think. To sum up, they don’t think it’s a good idea for a number of good reasons.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/04/health/04well.html
I am right there with you! The boys have a TV in their room and it has become part of our bedtime routine. As a child I never had my own TV, I watched TV and then we went to bed… normally a book and then I would always sneak back into my parents bed because I was scared.
I find that just a nightlight, and the little bit of the light from the TV helps them to sleep a little better. I am not surprised though because I am the same way. I need the background noise to sleep. Whether it is the TV or radio… if it is dead silent, I can never stop my mind!
I don’t have a TV in my own bedroom so I don’t even think of leaving one in my toddler’s room. No no, toddlers are to complex beings to be allowed such thing. They do understand boundaries but they love to break them, they love inventing and a TV is just an invitation to them. I have so many things to prohibit/tone down/ work on with my toddler during the day that I just can’t add also TV time to that. I don’t prohibit TV to her, she gets some purple dinosaur time and she looves Mickey Mouse but that’s it. It is too soon, there will be a time when all she will do is watch TV (I wonder if there will be MTV then
) but for now she has more important things to take care of.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the tv. We have one in the nursery – mainly because it’s also my office. But I plan on having a Disney movie on here and there when she’s a toddler because it’s better than her watching some of the tv and movies my husband and I watch. And yes – I’ll be very excited for her to watch tv to give me some extra time in the am to sleep
I’m there with ya too sister! Sleep is precious for some of us, especially at 5:30 am!
As with all things…everything in moderation!
If mom is happy, everyone is happy!
My 3yo watches a lot of TV. A shameful amount.but, in the living room like the rest of us. We are TV-holics in this family. But, I just can’t put a set in his room. I got a TV in my room…when I was 18.
My kids have a 13″ TV in their room, plus a computer. They are 3 and 6. Often at night they watch TV or Netflix on the computer or listen to Pandora. I honestly use the computer screen as a nightlight too.
My kids will not have a tv in their bedrooms until they leave for college. My husband and I don’t have one in our room and we never will(unless I end up on strict bedrest in a later pregnancy, but that would be temporary). They can watch tv in the living room like my husband and I do. We allow the 8 year-old to watch streaming video on the computer or his 3DS only with our permission, and his 3DS stays in the living room at bedtime. I’m not going to shame parents who do let their kids have a tv in their bedroom, but I will suggest that a close be kept on the usage of the tv as they get older.
My suggestion is that you continue to monitor it as they get older. Before I became a stay at home mom, I was an elementary school teacher. I taught third grade. Every now and then I’d have a student in my class who couldn’t keep his/her head up in class because he/she was soooo tired. They would tell me that they would wake up in the middle of the night and would turn on their tv in their bedroom and stay up watching while their parents unknowingly continued to sleep in their bed. Some even told me about watching shows like Cheaters…yikes…definetly not a child appropriate show!
I completely agree with this well rounded outlook. Moderation and parental guidance are key! People may say that studies show this… studies show that… but studies usually aren’t done in MODERATION. People… MODERATION! Apply it to your life! lol
If you want to put a TV in your toddler’s room, so be it. Your choice. I don’t necessarily think that makes you a lazy parent.
I do think going back to bed while your toddler is awake and fully ready to go makes you a lazy parent. Using your toddler’s TV as a baby sitter while you decide to sleep an extra hour and a half is NOT utilizing the TV responsibly.
Just my opinion
I’m all for it. As a matter of fact, my son has his own TV with DVD (he’s 4 now) but he has always had a TV. Since he has put in long days at daycare and pre-K while I worked 9-5.. well all of his life, I see no reason why he should not be allowed some down time of his own in the evening. At school (the center) he learns. plays, raises his hand, does circle time, arts and crafts.. at home he has dinner, bath, and taking care of his things.. Bed time at 8! So if he likes to lay on his spiderman bed and watch scooby-doo for a spell I am sure he has earned his R&R.
Other moms are here saying things such as..
“”I do think going back to bed while your toddler is awake and fully ready to go makes you a lazy parent. Using your toddler’s TV as a baby sitter while you decide to sleep an extra hour and a half is NOT utilizing the TV responsibly”"
Really? So it’s not ok if my boy catches saturday morning cartoons in his pajamas while I start the coffee and lay on the couch too?
Please. People work, kids go to school and daycare. No, not every moment of free time needs to be filled with Woman’s Day ideas and mommy / kiddo bike rides.
As for controls? ok, set the controls on the cable or console!
The point is,why the hell, have kids, if you can’t parent ? or you don’t want to parent ? And we wonder, why today kids are so stupid,Stupid parent’s stupid kids..And the worst thing is ,having kids is use to be the ultimate gift for heaven,not today, the lack of respect makes me f-ing sick…God help us with kids coming up today,where doomed….
I think parent’s, don’t parent today. Most who have kids truly don’t want them.Just a fashion statement, in today’s world.American’s are lazy and selfish,and parent’s need’s come first above a child’s. Maybe next time start with a hamster,and work up to a cat,and then a dog,before you think of having a child……………………..
The only problem I see with the is the pure fact that you FALL BACK ASLEEP with a small child awake in the house. In those 90 minutes, your child could have got into who knows what, started choking on something, hurt him self, or god knows what else. It is beyond child neglect to leave your child ALONE for 90 minutes while you sleep. And I can not believe I am the only one to mention this. Maybe you should stop staying up late watching TV so you can actually be a decent parent before your small child ends up run over by a car because he walked out the front door while you THOUGHT he was watching a movie while you slept.
As the stay/work at home mom of twin toddlers whose significant other works hours out of town for weeks at a time let me say that while yes, my tv is continuously on that does not mean my kids watch it continuously. More than anything it is for the music and sounds from whatever disney program or educational dvd happens to be on. Is the tv on now? Yes. Are they watching it? No, they are playing dress-up together. Am I? Yes, listening more than anything while finishing up my Saturday chores. Don’t like it? Darn. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to spend every waking hour outside exploring and away from home but in a region where we have gone 52 days with no rain and a median temperature of 104 in the shade that isn’t possible.
I’m not on board with TVs or computers in bedrooms, especially for kids. I have three kids — twin 4 year old boys and a 2 year old girl. I’m busy, I’m up too early…but I would not consider a tv in anyone’s bedroom. I think a little afternoon tv time is okay for kids (not babies) so long as parents are involved. But at the end of the day, YOU do what works for YOU and I do what works for ME. If you love your kid and have common sense you can’t go too far wrong anyway!
Nothin lazy about a mother who goes back to sleep while her toddler is awake in the house, huh? You’re right! You’re not lazy… you’re reckless and negligent! Somebody needs to report you to child protective services before you’re child suffers for your incompetance!
Wow, I feel the need to respond here. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends less than two hours of screen time per day for kids — and no TV at all before age two.
My son watches much less than two hours of TV most days. Monday through Friday he is enrolled in preschool and the evenings are spent playing and reading. I am a huge believer in the importance of literacy and education. We have a pretty strict policy in our home that TV is special and reserved for the weekend, I realize I may not have mentioned that in the article.
Bedtime is 8 pm sharp every night, NO TV IS ON his his room while he sleeps, we certainly don’t need him waking up in the middle of the night to watch.
Secondly, TV in the morning is reserved for the weekends only, I see no difference between my son watching TV all cozy in his bed vs. the family room couch which is actually downstaies. I can hear everything in his room with the baby monitor (that is, yes, still there) and he is literally 3 steps from my bedroom. His 8 year old brother and he spend their brotherly time on the weekend mornings in his room watching a movie together. I see nothing wrong with a little Hot Wheel and Disney action on a Saturday morning.
Third, I choose what he watches and they are always child-appropriate DVD’s, Oh – I also am the keeper of the remote; it stays with me.
Lastly, I do crawl back into bed but my son watches “Up” for the 100th time (his fav movie) but I’m not really SLEEPING sleeping. I’m lying there in that “my kid is up and so am I even though I really don’t wanna be at 6am on a Saturday” state. You know you’ve all be there and if you haven’t – well, you must not have children.
I adore my son. He is smart, creative, independent and nothing less than a true blessing in my life. He is well-cared for and loved. His TV viewing is well within the American Academy of Pediatrics’ guidelines and I monitor his TV consumption carefully.
Thank you for your concern.
i am in a no way a sleep expert, i’ve been a troubled sleeper since early high school. but i do know from years of reading about healthy sleep habits that a good way to promote healthy sleeping in kids and adults alike is to reduce stimulation. i am not anti- tv but i also would worry a bit that they would always need tv to fall asleep or to calm them down and it might be setting them up for unhealthy sleep mentality later in life. this is of course coming from a person with major anxiety about sleeping! so may not be the case for everyone but just a thought.
I just love Rick Meihofer’s comment about how parents and kids who watch tv are stupid! So superior. Are those the kind of blanket statements that smart people make? It must be so hard being perfect. I especially love the comment in the end… “God help us with kids coming up today,where doomed….” Where doomed? Where exactly are we doomed Rick? Also, I would love to know if he actually has children?
You said sleep in your original post and now you’re back peddling because you realize what a crappy mom you sounded like. So you’ve gone and fixed so that your 8 year old is babysitting…. that makes it all better! Btw, I have 2 children and am expecting my 3rd. I have NEVER left my toddler or 8 year old awake and unsupervised in the house so that I could sleep. If they were up earlier that I was ready for them to be, they would crawl into bed with my husband and I. Otherwise, I got myself up and started breakfast for them. It’s called parenting and that’s what I signed up for when we decided to have children.
Ok so she originally said sleep, but can you honestly say your asleep if you can hear your toddler tell you from a seperate room that said movie is over as she stated originally! I am not really all for a TV in the kids room mainly because I dont have one in my room and to me that makes some kids (not all but some) think its ok to take food and drink in there (who doesn’t like to snack when in front of the TV) and food and drink do not belong in the bedroom IMO! So congrats to all you mommy-of-the-year’s out there but we normal run down mommies need that tv time for our kiddos. It doesn’t make us lazy it makes us human!
Wow since when do any of you have the right to call this woman a bad parent, just becuase she does something you don’t agree with, does not give you the right to judge her. My parents slept a bit while we watched a videos as children that doesn’t mean they didn’t parent us. It’s not like she said she did it every day jeez just becuase you do something diffrent does give any you the right to call her a bad parent. You don’t live at her house and you don’t know whats happening.
Now I have to agree with this, I am putting a tv in my 3 year olds bedroom, My 3 yr old comes and climbs in my bed at night. Maybe if she had her own tv in her room shed actually sleep all night, My child loves cartoons, If it aint disney or cartoons shes not watching it. even on movies she sees anythign bad or cussing she covers her eyes, I see noithing wrong with tv, my 3 year old counts, alphabet, says words like gogoues and knows her colors, her name and adress and shes not even quite 3 yet. If anything I think tv has helped develop her into the smart baby she is. you can ask my child what words mean and shell tell you you ask her what gorgoues means she will not only tell you but show you too. I think moderate tv is fine also having a tv in the room. I agree it saves us parents when we need a break also, put the tv on for 30 mins and we have some sane time.
I also plan on putting a computer in my 3 year olds room, with parental blocks of course, you can also parental block the newer tvs as far as the comment of watching something there not suppossed too, My child already uses a computer, So yes I am that parent that is putting not only a tv in my 3 yo room but a comuter also..
My advice for any parent of a toddler would be to try to imagine life with the cute little toddler say, about 12 years later when they are a teenager. A TV in the bedroom may seem harmless for a 3 year-old when the parent has a lot of control over when the TV is on or off. But now, imagine trying to tell a 15-old-year old that he or she is watching TV too late on school nights or even harder, that you are really not happy about them being up all night long watching TV (or playing video games) during summer vacation even though many of their friends are doing it. Do you see the problem? All TVs and computers in my house are in common living areas so that I am aware of time spent and to some degree content. (My son is now 16 years old). If a parent has trouble saying no to a toddler, I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t get easier when they are older. Start good habits early and get your children into the habit of obeying you and the house rules when they are toddlers. You will thank yourself later.
To those who have offered your support here – good for you – thanks for being honest and balanced.
Parenting is not about how much TV your kids watch, its how YOU as parents LIVE. Stay balanced; be attentive and loving while showing your kids that its OK to be a person with your own needs and motivations (a few extra minutes of peace for example).If every parent did what some on here pretend is “perfect parenting” we would be raising a bunch of socially mal-adjusted adults unable to have a meaningful adult relationship – because they have grown up NEVER HAVING SEEN ONE.
I am all for paying close attention to your kids, but even toddlers need to learn to be by themselves and behave. If TV helps them to do that, then great. As I said in my Facebook comment, “it’s TV, not devil worship”.
So to those who think this lovely woman is a crappy mother because she OMG lets her child watch TV while she “sleeps” (sleeps?, really? do you actually think she doesn’t have one ear on that child ever second of that stolen few minutes away from the “mommy-this” and “mommy that”?). Seriously, calm yourselves and consider that we all (even you “perfect” parents) can do better, but the best we can do is love our kids and lead a life they can aspire to – healthy, happy, tired, cranky at times, loving, patient, IMpatient – in short human, and real and balanced.
The only suggestion here is to put the TV in YOUR room. That way you can lock BooBoo in the room with you so he won’t set the house on fire while you are trying to sleep. I have a 3 year old son who is part monkey, need I say more?
I don’t care how hard you try to deprive your offspring of TV, they will find it anyways. Some people are so dumb when it comes to kids. If YOU aren’t watching TV with your kids, someone else IS! I’d rather be the one to explain why Dora looks different this season ( I swear next year they will have her in a training bra) than the parent of one of my kid’s friends. I was deprived of TV as a kid, now I’m 39 and STILL can’t get enough of it to make up for it. When was the last time CRACK taught a kid how to count in English, Spanish, AND Chinese? I’m just sayin…..
My kid watches a lot of TV. More than I prefer and my son does have a TV in his room. He loves to watch before bedtime. My husband is a big TV watcher too and as soon as we get home the TV comes on. I believe that our eyes, ears, and mouth are the gateway to our soul. So we have got to protect our spirits by what we watch, listen to, and say. Since children can not make these decisions, parents should. I do monitor what my son is allowed to watch. Luckily, school begins next week. So after he gets home and does his home work, there won’t be much time for much else.
I don’t understand parents who think that raising their kids in a bubble will make them better. I’ve always been a fan of exposure with education. Many of you are judging this woman on what amounts to about 2 hours of parenting per day. I’ve worked in child protective services for over 10 years, trust me, this is no where near bad parenting. It beats her setting unrealistic expectations of herself and her child. That’s why a lot of abuse happens. Parents won’t recognize or acknowledge their own stress or burnout because “kids are blessings” and it would somehow be evil and wrong to admit to yourself that your little Sunshine working your last nerve at the moment. If this routine works for her and her child…he gets to sleep, she gets to rest up and prepare for the rest of the day, at 7AM (not like she’s laying around until noon loading movies back to back and not feeding the kid) do it.
Power to the People!
My Grandson, 1 1/2 years old, watches Sesame Street, Caillou, Bob the Builder, Thomas the Tank Engine, and that Sprout channel – it keeps his attention, he’s learning LETTERs, and how to dance and stretch and it keeps HIM busy and ME sane.
WE will not allow him to watch anything with GUNS or violence – and he sleeps quite well after he winds down , post-nummy and bath time.
By the way, I know WHEN all these shows come on, what channels and IF we’ve seen it before. Grandpa aint having no TV watch my baby.
Like anything good, too much, is generally a BAD thing.
My pediatrician has warned me that too much ‘screen time’ for our digital natives indeed changes the way they think and process information. We try to limit tv and video games. TV is family time. In the living room. I have no idea why you’d want your child to watch tv alone…but ok. With so much abuse in this world I guess I can’t complain about a kid having a tv in his room…but I do wonder what his SATs will look like some day.
I loved reading the truly hostile, indignant responses to this article. In one of them, South Coast Mass Mom blasted parents who are stupid, (I’m assuming she means parents such as the one in the article, but I’m not sure…), and then stated that stupid parents create stupid kids. She also worries about the future of our country due to the lack of parenting in these children. The main reason I enjoyed reading this post, and the others similar to it, was the IRONY of the fact that South Coast Mom didn’t seem to be able to do any type of check on her spelling, punctuation or capitilization prior to posting her comment. REALLY? You worry about the future of our country because some mothers allow their children to watch TV? What is YOUR excuse?
Wow! I wish I was surprised by all the hate coming from these comments here, it’s a shame. For Mommyfriend I say kudos to you for being brave enough to write about your reality in a humorous way. Personally I go back and forth with the TV. I try to keep it at 2 hours or less a day, sometimes more or sometimes none. My boys are 4&2. One night a week we do family movie night, we do not have cable so it’s NetFlix or DVD’s or PBS. I will not allow a TV in their rooms, we also don’t have one in our room. I think it’s too much responsibility for preschooler or toddler to have a TV in their room, I.e. They are not developmentally ready yet.
For those of you worried about inappropriate shows being viewed—there are Parental Controls on most TVs now that allow you to set limits using the Guidance Ratings for each channel. Also, if you have a cable box/DVR there are Parental Controls there as well. My children all have had TVs in there room from the time they were toddlers. My girls are now teens and my son is now ten. My son is not allowed to fall asleep to the TV as it doesn’t work for him, however, one of my daughter’s sleeps better with the noise. It allows her to shut off her brain and fall asleep more quickly. My children have a strict bedtime as well, which is before mine. So, when “A” falls asleep to the TV, I simply go in and shut it off before I turn in myself. My children would never dream of getting back up and turning the TV on. For one thing, they would lose the TV…for another thing I have taught them to respect me and the rules of our house. Each family and household is differetn, each child is different, so there are no “set rules” that would apply to everyone. You have to tailor your parenting to each child and to your own family. Do what works for you and yours…..NO GUILT.
we don’t have tv in the kids’ room, but we pretty much follow a similar routine. I definitely love TV — and encourage its constructive sanity-saving uses. my oldest one goes to sleep on the couch every night–at 8:00 watching Dora (she shares a room with younger siblings and this is how we have to make it work).
thanks for writing this. You have my support, but you clearly don’t need it. best, wendy b
I’m not a fan of a TV in the kiddos’ bedrooms, but I totally get what you are saying. Our oldest gets up too early about 5 days a week. My solution is to let her lie in bed with me and watch Martha Speaks. When Martha is over, I get up and get in the shower and let her watch Curious George. Am I happy about it? No. Ideally, I wouldn’t have my kids watch TV in the morning. But it allows me to (sort of) get my full night’s sleep, and get ready for the day without constant interruption. It won’t be like this forever. Someday she’ll be the one who wants to sleep in. REVENGE WILL BE MINE! BWA HA HA HA!
(Sidenote: Totally glad you are sticking by your guns on this and turned down the interview. But wowza – GMA? Go girl!)
My parents never restricted our television because they didn’t have to – we were never that into it. The secret? We didn’t have cable.
I’m shocked by some of the mean comments on this post. You’re not lazy or negligent. You seem like a sane, balanced person to me. My son is 3 1/2, and he watches TV daily. He’s been reading for several months, and he is already writing his name and most of the ABCs. Frankly, I don’t think the TV has harmed him. I limit it, but sometimes the TV gives me a chance to feed his baby brother or to empty the dishwasher or to put in a load of laundry or to use the bathroom in peace. Quick…let’s report me to CPS…I’m a horrible negligent mother. How dare I use the bathroom by myself? Well…guess what people….my house is child-proofed. My son is well-behaved. I do not need to watch him 24-7. He’s fine if I need to be in the other room for 15-20 minutes to iron some clothing. It’s not like he can’t find me if he needs me or like I can’t hear what he’s doing.
Ok, I have to weigh in on the “sleeping when your kid is awake” thing. I think it really depends on the kid. My son, at 4, could wake up, feed himself, get dressed, and watch tv in the morning as long as he wanted to as long as he didn’t wake me. I’d had his sister just before his 4th birthday, and she actually SLEPT, unlike her brother, who woke up at 5 am no matter what until he was nearly 6. Our house is very tiny, so if anything did happen I could hear, but he was also an extremely cautious, responsible kid. Now, he is seven, his sister three, and if they both wake up at the same time, I can make sure there is food and drinks, and go back to bed for an hour. that’s what TV is FOR.
My 7, 6 & 3 year old have a tv in their bedroom as well and they LOVE it. I love it too
Good for you!
Vanessa
I’m not a fan of tvs in bedrooms. We only have 2 tvs in the whole house and that’s what works for us. Klaw watches tv but chris & I monitor which shows he watches (no kid shows on stations that allow commercials). In all honesty, he rarely stays interested & really likes music the most. It’s all about balance. I knew someone who babygated her living room. The dad put the toddler in front of the tv when he left for work while mom slept until noon. I think that’s a problem…not a couple of hours a day while you take care of stuff, regardless of where the tv is located.
I am the same way with TV and have no problem with my kids watching TV; however, I, personally don’t believe in the TV in the room thing. Not only for my kids, but for my husband and I. I have major issues with sleep and have bouts of insomnia that are mind numbing, so I have to have my room with no stimulants. So, my kids rooms look like my room; no nightlights, no clocks, no lamps and blackout curtains. But that is just me and my crazy sleep issues.