I hesitated writing about the Alicia Silverstone “drama” of last week because, quite frankly, I don’t get what the uproar is about.
So she chews up food and spits it in her kid’s mouth? Big freaking deal.
Every day moms all over the world do that and a lot of other seemingly gross things to their kids. Yes, even you Judgy McJudgerson over there judging Alicia and her pre-chewing. Are you going to sit there with a straight face and tell me you’ve never cleaned your kid’s face with your own spit?
That’s pretty gross. Maybe Ms. Silverstone would look at you rubbing your dirty spit all over your kid’s face and think you’re gross. How ’bout them apples?
I saw that Mommyish had put together a list of disgusting things most moms do, including the old spit shine routine, so I jumped off from there to create a list of weird stuff we women do as a part of Being A Mom.
Check it out below: 7 gross things that goes down in the name of motherhood:
Pre-Chewing Food 1 of 7It's called premastication which sounds even worse than pre-chewing if that is even possible. But yeah, the world became aware of this little known mom practice after actress Alicia Silverstone uploaded a video of herself eating soup and spitting it into her toddler's mouth. While it isn't something I would do I don't get what the uproar is about. She's obviously a loving mom so who cares about a little pre-chewed food. Go worry about the parent locking their kid in the closet, wouldja?
Nose Picking 2 of 7Okay, yes. I do this one ALL THE TIME and I actually even kind of like it. I mean, okay, that sounds gross but I like clearing my kid's nose of gross crap. It gives me the same feeling of accomplishment as when I pop a gnarly zit on my own face. Stop judging! Sometimes a dangler is taunting you and a tissue isn't handy! And HEY. Here's one: I wipe my kid's nose on my clothes all the time. Yup. Alicia Silverstone is starting to look pretty sexy right about now, yes?
Cleaning Ears 3 of 7You've never swiped your pinky in your kid's ear when you've noticed ear wax? You haven't? Really? Um, yeah. Me neither.
Spit Shining Faces 4 of 7Nothin' here a little mom spit can't handle. C'mon! This is a rite of passage in motherhood! If you haven't used your own saliva to clean your kid's face you can't call yourself a mother!
Using Spit to Comb Hair 5 of 7C'mere to mama. I'll have that hair combed in no time! I think there are ingredients more powerful than hairspray in mom saliva. Paul Mitchell should get on that.
Catching Puke With Bare Hands 6 of 7Yeah, I am guilty of this one just this week. The flu struck our family hard core. Violet and I were well enough to make a run for soup, saltines and Ginger Ale but while in line at the grocery store Violet started puking. In some ridiculously vain attempt to protect the already dirty store floor I tried catching the puke in my hands. Yeeeaaah, that worked. However! During a later puke at home I managed to protect my leather couch so it works! I'd take pukey hands over a soggy couch any day.
The Poop Finger 7 of 7Git over here and let mama check that diaper, son. The dreaded Poop Finger occurs when you stick your index finger slightly into your kid's diaper to see if it's dirty and lo and behold it is dirtier than you thought. So dirty, in fact, that you soil your own finger. What? Sometimes kids get these Phantom Poops. You can't smell them so you absentmindedly use your index finger to pull back the diaper for a look-see and BOOM! Poop Finger.
What am I missing? What things do you do in the name of motherhood that others might find disgusting?
All images courtesy: Flickr.com
You can also find Monica Bielanko on her personal blog, The Girl Who.
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