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Things I Seriously Say in a Day

By Danielle |

No Joke!

I never thought parenting a toddler would really dumb me down as much as it has… but when you have to say stuff like “don’t eat toilet paper” a half dozen times in a day… it kind of challenges your IQ level!

I decided to start jotting down some of the stuff I have to say more than once in a day and I was kind of astonished by the ever growing list of common sense warnings.

I have to stop and giggle though because I never thought I would be saying half of these things… even when being a parent.

My readers were also nice enough to lend some of their daily comical sayings and common sense warnings. I can tell you I felt so much better after reading through some of them!

I would love for you guys to share some of the hilarious crap you have to tell your toddlers in a day as well, because lets be real here… I don’t want to be alone!

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16 Things Parents Say in a Day

BEN! Get your brother's underwear OUT of your MOUTH!

When did undies become a tasty treat?
They just don't belong in your mouth! EW!
Photo Credit: Flickr

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Mommy Needs a Good Sympathetic Laugh!
15 Awesome Etsy Accents for Your Toddlers Room
8 Outdoor Toys All Toddlers Need!


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About Danielle



Danielle Elwood is a straight-shooting Florida based mom of three and emerging indie author. Read bio and latest posts → Read Danielle's latest posts →

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0 thoughts on “Things I Seriously Say in a Day

  1. Eamom76 says:

    Last night it was “I know you did not just throw up on your brother”

  2. Bridget says:

    Our newest one is “The neighbors don’t need to know that (insert adults name here) is in the potty!”

  3. Jo says:

    “I cannot give you my hair to play with” is the latest and most hilarious in my adventures in baby-sitting a 2-year-old girl.

  4. Jessie says:

    “Don’t point that knife at your sister while she’s swinging!”

  5. Sara A. says:

    I was on the phone with my friend when she stopped mid sentence to say “Did you just wipe your butt on your sister?! Don’t wipe your butt on your sister!! Ew!”

    Then she had to go.

  6. Christy says:

    “But sweetie, the cat doesn’t like it when you lick his face.”

  7. Trisha says:

    I have a little Chihuahua that goes potty on pads…. Luckily I no longer have to yell running across the room “Put that poop down!!”

  8. Azure says:

    Lol I got my daughter one of those toy cleaning sets. I remember for the longest time I kept telling her no we don’t use the toilet water to mop the floors and walls. She’s 13 now and HATES to clean lol.

  9. jenn says:

    I was an only child,I never baby sat as a teen and I honestly never considered having a child. I now have a 5 year old and it blows my mind that I have said the following: 1. do not put your fingers in the cats butt
    2. why are all the eggs on the couch?
    3. why did you take off all your clothes and pee in the sink?
    4. yes, you must wear pants when you are outside
    5. please explain to me why you pooped in the middle of the carpet
    6. why are my shoes in the fridge?
    7. (at 2am) tigers eat meat, GO TO BED
    8. don’t you dare lick that pole (busstop poles)
    9. why do you have on 6 pairs of underwear?
    10. stop telling everyone you have a sister and a brother named Raj (she is an only child)

  10. mothermatriarch says:

    “Leave your wee-wee in your diaper”, “don’t take your diaper off”, and like above “keep your hands out of your pants” are the ones I say most often now that I’m beginning to potty train my 2.y.o. son.

  11. Hatley says:

    My latest ones have been:

    -”if you go poopy, I’ll give you chocolate.” to my haughtiest who has been almost relentlessly holding in her poop.

    -”don’t lick the dog!”

    -”let mommy wipe your brother” to mt lil diaper-time ‘helper’.

  12. Hayley says:

    I meant to say “daughter” not “haughtiest”. This iPhone autocorrect drives me nuts! Lol

  13. Sarah says:

    My son is 6, way past toddlerhood, and almost every day I find myself saying: “Please get up off the floor.” “Don’t lick that!”

  14. Mary Beth says:

    “for the one-thousandth time, get your hands out of my mouth” (to my 2-year-old who’s been obsessed since birth with others mouths)
    “is there pee or poop in your panties?” (potty training isn’t over when pullups are gone)
    “no we cannot have cookies for dinner”
    “please stop picking your nose and wiping it on the table”
    “no I won’t call Sally’s mom and tell her she can’t come to your birthday party”
    “Blonde hair is NOT prettier than brown hair. Where did you get this idea?”
    “no you can’t marry your friend Gavin, you’re only three.”
    “You can still move it and you’re not bleeding, you’re fine.”

  15. Samantha at ShesNotBroken says:

    “Please don’t poke kitty’s butthole. She doesn’t like it.”

  16. Sarah M says:

    Most often “Get off the kitchen table”, “Don’t drink the bath water”, but also “Why did you poop in a bowl” and “Why did you poop on the floor” and “We do not take our diapers off.”

  17. Jim says:

    “NO, you are only supposed to touch YOUR PeePee (penis), not anybody elses when you use the potty…! And you have to look down at YOUR Peepee, not daddy’s…. “

  18. Jim says:

    all while teaching my son to pee standing up during potty training months… I had to laugh at it a few hours later…

  19. Amy says:

    I love to see I am not the only one to have to tell the kids to not bite the dog. and to not touch the dogs butt. Also have to tell my daughter that the bus does not need a kiss, My sons to get his hands out of his pants, and all of them to not eat off the floor. (Two year old still throws food sometimes and if i don’t get it cleaned up fast enough someone will eat it) Kids are so weird.

  20. Aniz says:

    “Don’t pee on your brother!”- this said to the three year old while he and the 20 mth yr old were in the bath.

    “No, you cannot smell the poo when I’m cleaning your brother”- again said to the three year old

    “Walls don’t move no matter how hard you push them”- said to the 2- mth old who was having a hard time coming to grips with the immovability of objects.

  21. PlayDrMom says:

    Yesterday I said, “Stop brushing my hair with the banana.” (Luckily it wasn’t peeled … yet.)

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