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Snot Soul Sucking

Hey Vivi, remember last night and how you couldn’t breathe which led you to whimper and moan and cry because you wanted to be asleep but all the snot pouring out of your nose was in the way? Then remember how I came in and sucked the snot out of your nose with my own mouth while you screamed and screamed at me like I was pulling your toenails off? Well, what you probably don’t remember is that as soon as your nose was free and clear you rolled right over and fell soundly asleep for 10 straight hours.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

If anyone ever wants proof that parenting is a thankless job, simply consider nose sucking. No kid likes it, and yet they all feel loads better after it’s done (assuming it’s done right). If babies and toddlers were capable of blowing their nose (which some are, lucky parents) this clearly wouldn’t be an issue. I tried the not sucking route and you know what happened? Pinkeye and ear infections because all that snot just sits there, gets rubbed around then causes all sorts of trouble. I even became selfless enough to get over the whole “NOSEFRIDA OMG SO GROSS” thing, I mean, is there a more selfless act one can perform on a small child than sucking their snot out with your own mouth? I think not.

Hey Vivi, remember how you woke up with your face plastered in snot and your crib sheet looked like giant snails had crawled across it all night? Oh, and don’t even get me started on the boogers in your hair and the hair stuck to the boogers on your face. If there was ever a morning you needed a bath, that morning was today. You loved the bath! YAY BATH! Then the post-bath snot sucking came, and trust me, post-bath is really the best time for things like this to happen. Again, you screamed at me while I ever so gently freed you from all that pent up mucous that would have just dripped its way down your face and into your hair.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

You know who is sounding a lot better this afternoon with all that snot freed from her nasal passages? You. That’s who.

(Oh, and how about the fact that I spring for the Boogie Wipes instead of using plain old tissues or baby wipes? You think it sucks when I wipe your nose with a Boogie Wipe? Just wait until I have to use a regular old paper towel or something, that will give you something to boob about.)

Seriously. Boogie Wipes are the best baby invention since I had Addie.

And the Nosefrida, yep. Super gross concept but snot has never gotten into my mouth, it works WAY better than bulb aspirators and it does a damn fine job, most of the time Vivi doesn’t totally hate it.

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