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The Product My Toddler Will Definitely NOT Be Using While Potty Training

Pee Pee Bottle

Are you willing to chance that these won’t get mixed up with the regular water bottles in your house?

Peony is a year-and-a-half old this week and I’ve just started thinking about when we might want to begin potty training her.

With my older daughter Petunia, we waited until she was two-and-a-half and it took us a solid six months to get it down.

I’d rather history didn’t repeat itself so I’m thinking that starting a little earlier might be beneficial.

I’m also all for tools and devices and tricks to help her get started (and finished). Here’s what I’m not all about, however: Anything that makes me have to handle pee and poop more than necessary.

When Petunia was potty training, people advised me to get a small potty to keep in our living room so she could use it at will. But I had two problems with that idea.

1. What is she learning, exactly? That there will always be a potty wherever she is? What happens when there’s not?

2. Who, exactly, has to clean out the soiled port-a-potty? Because it surely wasn’t going to be me.

No, we just got a potty seat for our toilet and that’s how she learned. Her problem wasn’t the lack of available toilets, it was that she liked to poop in her bed during nap time. (It was a looooong, filthy six months.)

I stumbled on this product online yesterday that I gather is nothing new, but it’s new to me. My Pee Pee Bottle is for toddlers learning to use the toilet who are “looking for a less stressful public restroom experience.”

For anyone who’s ever been in a public restroom with a toddler, you already know there’s no such thing as no stress, never mind less stress. They want to touch everything. It’s disgusting. You’ll never get out clean, and your soul is always a little permanently scarred by the horror of the germs by the time you’re out the door.

How is a bottle for a toddler to pee in any less stressful, or less revolting, exactly?

These are the instructions on the website:

  • Remove cap from My Pee Pee Bottle®

  • Unzip or pull down the child’s pants – girls should slightly bend knees with legs apart

  • Parent places the top of My Pee Pee Bottle® very close to the vagina or penis,as close as possible without touching the child and ask the child to release

  • Slightly adjust the angle of My Pee Pee Bottle® to capture the stream of urine into the bottle

  • Pour out the urine into the toilet or replace cap and discard urine at a later time, do not leave urine in bottle for more than 4 hours

  • Rinse My Pee Pee Bottle® with water and replace cap

  • Store My Pee Pee Bottle® in your bag for the next use

  • Be sure to thoroughly wash it with soap and water or an antibacterial agent at the end of each day

But there are still so many questions. Such as:

Oh, you have to remove the cap?

Oh, you have to pull down the child’s pants?

What happens if you leave the urine in the bottle for more than four hours?

You only have to rinse the bottle?

If the bottle isn’t sanitized (because it was merely rinsed and not actually cleaned after each use), and assuming there the toddler boy or girl’s aim isn’t 100 percent accurate, where exactly are you supposed to store it for the next use with it’s pee remnants on the outside? Because I can tell you it won’t be in my bag.

The website states the bottle is a good tool to “reinforce good potty training habits.” HOW? It’s a bottle! Not a potty! Please elaborate.

And that’s all without even asking about the horror — the horror — that someone could potentially confuse the bottle at some point with a drinking bottle since it’s not different at all than most reusable water bottles.

Also? Personalization is available. Because you wouldn’t want to mix your urine with someone else’s. Like in a toilet.

Yeah, Peony will be potty training sooner rather than later. But not with one of these.

More from Meredith on Babble’s Toddler blog:

Read (even) more from Meredith at Babble’s Mom blog, follow her on Twitter, and check out her weekly column on the Op-Ed page of The Denver Post at MeredithCarroll.com

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