Not Holding Back
Why I didn't "redshirt" my kindergarten-age son.
Repeat after me, parents-to-be: have your babies in the wintertime. Do not have a summertime baby. Got it? Good. Now, if you’re already pregnant, and you realize that you’re going to give birth to a summertime baby, don’t panic. It’s not too late. Just make sure it’s a girl. Otherwise, you’re in for it.
I didn’t expect any trouble with my four-year-old son Holden’s entering kindergarten when we moved to Dallas, Texas, from Brooklyn last summer. The Texas cutoff for kindergarteners to turn five is September 1, and Holden (born August 21, 2003) made it, albeit barely.
I had never even heard of kindergarten “redshirting,” the college athletics term for benching an athlete for a year so he can “mature.” But as soon as we got to Texas, we noticed that many of the parents we met were obsessed with the “summer birthday boys.” People we did not even know were concerned that Holden, if he entered on time, would be “too immature” and “socially unready” to handle kindergarten. Everyone insisted that we hold him back.
My husband and I were totally confused. Why was everyone in Dallas so concerned that boys be six when they enter kindergarten, when the rules say five? And, why were the summer birthday girls ready for kindergarten, and the boys were not?
In October, I attended Holden’s parent-teacher conference at preschool.
His teacher gave me a photocopied list. “Here is a state-approved list for kindergarten readiness. I’d like you to take a look at it.”
I quickly scanned the list. Recognizes Own Name. Check. Identifies Colors. Check. Recognizes Letters/Sounds of the Alphabet. He’d been reading since his third birthday. Check. Able To Follow Directions (More than two in a row). Check. I read the rest of the list, and Holden had mastered every single task save one, Takes Turns To Talk/Doesn’t Interrupt. We were working on that one.
“I think you should hold Holden back from kindergarten,” she said.
“Are you joking?”
I felt myself getting defensive. I started talking too loud. “He reads! He’s fully reading! He meets every criteria on this list, except one! Why on earth would we hold him back?” My mind was racing. I was thinking there must be some explanation. He was smart, social, pretty well-behaved. He definitely had his moments. But still, I couldn’t think of what would make the teacher want to hold him back from kindergarten.
“Yes, Holden is a very smart boy. But, he acts very young.”
“He’s four.”
“How Holden acts is perfectly age-appropriate. But, he does act young.”
Excellent article! Statistics point to the fact that American children lag behind industialised countries in all academic areas despite record spending. It is time to put our priorities in order: Academics FIRST.
Great article. I grew-up in one of those overwhelmingly-white, upper-middle class Texas suburbs, so I know exactly what you’re talking about.PS – Even the “really great schools” in Texas aren’t that good.
My son turned one Aug. 15 and keeps up with kids six months older than him. But I’m already getting the hold him back hard press from his football-obsessed grandmother. His grandfather played pro, father played college–she held him back, too.I’m not caving. That shit is ridiculous.
If summer babies are behind in Texas us NY kids must be a mess! After all, the cut-off birthday for kindergarten attendance here is December 1. It’s been December 1 for as long as I can remember – which is why I (a summer baby) went to school a full year before my cousin (a December baby). We both went to all-day kindergarten five days a week, and we both turned out normal (OK – semi-normal, but I think that has more to do with the genes and less to do with some arbitrary birthday cutoff!)
I have a girl with a May birthday and am amazed that so many of her preschool boy friends–developmentally and socially at the same level as my daughter–are being held back a year. Crazy! I feel bad for these kids, having to do a third preschool year when they’re truly ready to learn in kindergarten.Plus, this means that my very petite, 5-year-old daughter will be even that much smaller than her 6 to 6 1/2 year old male classmates. I was always the youngest in school, having a December birthday, starting school in a state with a Dec 31 cutoff and then moving to a state with a Aug 31st cutoff. So I didn’t turn 18 until halfway through my freshman year in college. Yeah, I got more mileage on my fake ID than my older peers did, but I kept up with them just fine academically.Why are American parents so obsessed that their kid has to be the best–ahead of the pack–in physical size and maturity?! Grrrr…..
Wow. Seriously must be well-versed on all public schools in Texas to make that assumption. Texas does have some of the best public schools in the country…and that isn’t based on the TAKS test. There are great schools in Texas and there are terrible ones…pretty consistent with the rest of the US. Not all white, upper-class schools are better…they just have better drugs. My guy is an August 25th birthday, so I’m feeling you on this. There was an article on Slate recently about the implications of older kindergarten: http://www.slate.com/id/2196423/ It’s worth a read if you haven’t seen it yet. I think your decision to find a public school that fits your child is spot on. Good luck! I’m sure he’ll do fabulous!
PhttttttI held one of my daughters (have 2) and my son. Best thing we ever did. She is much older now, so we can more easily tell the benefits. Self-confident, funny and smart – best thing we ever did.You are wrong to assume it is ‘all good’ if you dont do this.
Hey, what about those of us with daughters in these classes? There will be all these boys who can drive in their class when they are 15. Ahhhhh!!!!Amywww.sofiabean.com
I can’t believe what I am reading here! Good for you for sticking to your guns and standing your ground (that sounds very Texan ha ha).I am lucky I have a June girl who happens to be huge anyway, but if I was in your position, I’d have done the exact same thing!
I actually am in the same boat as you, and despite having no external pressure to “red shirt” my son, I decided to wait. We’re in CA and the cut-off is Dec. 2, and my son was born Nov. 27. Academically, he meets the minimum requirements, but he doesn’t do well in large groups (where large group is defined by > 5 kids). He shuts down, doesn’t participate, doesn’t play with other kids, and most importantly, refuses to communicate what is bothering him. I’m sure it’s possible that being a year older won’t help things, but both my husband and I really feel like having another year in an intimate environment in his preschool focused on student-led learning will help him grow his self-confidence. Since we also realize that today’s kindergarten is ultra-competitive and pro-assimilation, why not give our son another year to be “just a kid,” right?
Something Texas really has going for it is awesome homeschool freedoms.Three of my 4 boys have summer birthdays– the eldest two are September birthdays, after the cut-off. I homeschooled them until 7th and 9th grades, and then started them in a public charter school– the youngest in their classes. Not only the youngest, but small for their age. They both excel. The oldest is on the football team. He’ll be a Junior at age 16. He’ll graduate at age 17. He’ll start college before he turns 18. (Well, with Texas Early Start opportunities, he’ll start college at 15.)My 3rd son has a January birthday, and he was the one not ready for school…. until he was 9. But from age 8-and-10-months to 9-and-3-months he progressed from a 1st grade level in reading and math to 3rd grade, square on. By the time he was 11, he was on a 6th grade level in math and 8th grade in reading. I’m still homeschooling him- the school would have held him back.My 4th son just turned 7. I considered holding him back when he was 5… we were homeschooling still, so the only thing grade level mattered for was his Bible club at church. I went ahead and placed him in the K class, the youngest for sure… and he ended up winning the award at the end of the year “Outstanding Clubber.” He was the first to finish his handbook, and the only kid who finished the extra credit workbook.And girls… I do assume it’s all about sports when the girls aren’t equally scrutinized. It’s like politics- everyone claims they are for Equal Rights until a woman is in politics, and suddenly “how can she do the job and be a mother at the same time” comes out– even by the feminists and liberals. What a shame. At least homeschooling, I can teach my children free of prejudice.
Another interesting article here: http://www.slate.com/id/2196423/It's a spiral. Parents who game the system are forcing even parents who don’t WANT to game the system feel like the HAVE to game the system just to level the playing field.Don’t buy into it. Kids should only be held back if they are socially or academically delayed. Actually delayed to the point of not being able to cope with their age-appropriate grade.
Wow, that is nuts. I could see if the child wasn’t smart enough or developmentally delayed but geshh.My son starts kindergarten next Aug he will have just turned 5 a month prior. My daughter will be the same when she turns 5 she’ll have just turned 5 20 days before the start of school. I started Kindergarten at 4 and I had a Nov birthday. I excelled through school and much to my brothers dismay shared some classes with him because I advanced faster. He was 1 grade ahead.I think if your child is ready then only you know that not a teacher or principal that is afraid your child may act to immature. What hog wash. My son speaks and acts better then most kids 1-2 years older then him. He is already at the 1st grade level of requirements to start the first grade other then being “old enough”. Putting an age on learning readiness is a shame.I have already applied for open enrollment for my son (schools in our neighborhood are highly competitive) No one has said anything about red shirting. I hope I am not confronted with this issue I would be floored.
Let’s not forget we’re talking about Texas here…leading the nation in being almost – if not at – the bottom of most rankings of social and cultural metrics. Not the most progressive or impressive state (of course if you ask a Texan they will ridiculously dispute this.) Enroll your child when you and he think he’s ready, period.
actually having a winter baby in some states (NY for example) is just as “bad,” and red-shirting is supposedly not allowed in public schools. think about having a december 31st baby who starts kindergarten at 4 but doesnt turn 5 until almost 1/2 way through the school year. or worse, if that child goes to public pre-k, they will be in full time elementary school at age 3! as long as everyone sticks with the schedule, kids will only be 12 months apart (max) and there will be some sort of fairness in the system.
I think the author is right on and salute her for not giving in. The author both points to specifics as well as research to support her position. Unfortuneately kindergarten teacher sounds not only vague in her reasoning, but clearly has not looked at any data on the subject. What a shame. I would expect more from an educator.
Here in NYC, the cutoff date for public school is Dec 31, and I had no choice about Kindergarten with a Dec 26 child. I think a June cutoff would be nice, so that no one is more than 6 months apart…
At mrb: I am a Texan, and I went to school in one of the top-ranked districts in the state. To sum up my feelings about it: if that’s the best we can do, that’s really sad.We’re planning on homeschooling.
I was an Oct 26th child, and in CT happily went to school at the normal time (I think CT had a Dec 31 date, or even later). Later I was in NYC schools.I was by FAR the tallest in my classes up until maybe sophomore or maybe junior in high school – including the girls. 6′ at age 11, 6’2″ at age 13 (and then I stopped). Plus I was at the top of my class academically.Now, if my parents had insisted that I succeed at athletics in school, *perhaps* I would have done better waiting (and been even huger compared to my classmates). But I think it would have wasted a year of my life, and I think it would have really stunted me academically due to boredom. Plus I still wouldn’t have been great shakes in sports.Oh, and Camille – No matter *what* date you pick, the kids will have a range of at least 1 year – and more if people redshirt. A June cutoff would just shift where that year is.I think a lot of what she’s seeing has to do with Texas sports-based culture – from what I hear from a native Texan friend, many Texas schools are for boys primarily about sports (read football) and band, and academics are often given short shrift.
Great article! My friend in Pittsburgh told me that they do the same thing there! She also noticed that they pressure her son to act even more mature because he’s tall for his age.I’m a Texan summer-born mama to a end-o-summer born boy. My son is only two and I’m already thinking about this since I remember what my relatives and I went through in our respective childhoods… some ahead in grade for age, some behind. I was always the youngest or very close to with a mid-August birthday, and I was always toward the top of my classes in academics, competitive in athletics. But, I know what they say about boys and know that, of course, it has nothing to do with academics. I’m actually anxious in the other direction because my son has an early September birthday, and so would be the oldest in his class, but what if he could do just as well as the youngest in the grade above (where many of his current playmates would be)? Our solution (for now) is montessori: skill/merit-based placement, multi-age classrooms, emphasis on the doing, not the “sitting still”, multiple-intelligences engaged (more than nods to whimsy on this), etc.I am a product of both private and public school, and have worked in “rich”-district public schools recently in CA & TX… NiChLeB, NOT any one state’s “culture”, is driving these kindergarten atmosphere changes for the worse. All parents need to get involved now and as admirably actively as this essay’s author.
I thought this article by the NAEYC might be of interest. http://www.naeyc.org/about/positions/Psunacc.asp
My daughter’s Waldorf school has a cut-off date of June 1 for first grade (Kindergarten cut-off is 4 by June 1, the classes are multi-age). Her birthday is May 25. Every now and then sonmeone asks nme if I am worried that she will be the youngest (and smallest) in her class. But someone has to be the youngest! So why NOT her? What is disappointing is that schools have (misguidedly) pushed skills and work to younger and younger children, many of whom are simply not ready. They are not delayed, they do not have problems. They are just in a program they aren’t ready for. So the “solution” is to redshirt them? How about making kindergarten AGE-APPROPRIATE. Then many more students of BOTH genders would fare just fine.
I’m not sure I buy the idea that being a year older will guarantee a particular outcome. Nor do I buy the idea that being chronologically young will forever doom a kid to poor performance and an inability to withstand peer pressure.Plus, with so many being red-shirted (there are 7 in my daughter’s class of 20), those “big” kids don’t even stand out for being older anymore.
This is just another thing I can’t believe now that I am a parent. I thought Manhattan was bad when my college roommate was trying to get her two year old into a preschool. Interviews, home visits, essays. Now I shouldn’t send my child to kindergarten when she’s five because she might be too small or too young. I was four when I started kindergarten with a Nov 28th birthday. We used to have a Dec 31st cut off in PA, now I think it’s September 1st. My daughter is already too smart for her own good and she’s one. To blow everyone’s mind – Pennsylvania doesn’t require children to go to Kindergarten. In fact in PA I can have my daughter sit at home until she’s 7 – only then is she required by state law to go to school.
I’m strongly pro-redshirting but not because of sports but because of academics. I have an almost 18 year old son (October birthday in a Sept 1 cutoff system) and 3 year old boy/girl twins (July 23, 6 weeks early). Both twins will be held back based on what I have seen in the class experiences of my older son and his classmates. It doesn’t have anything to do with being smart, it has to do with social maturity at key ages. It’s not a large study pool but the kids I’ve seen who were held back, positive experiences, fit in, socially comfortable – no one really cares they have July or whatever birthdays. Everyone I’ve talked to that did not hold back a summer boy strongly regretted it and I would privately agree knowing their kids.It’s not grade school where the affects kick in, it’s high school. If one’s child is suffering or uncomfortable socially that is what is going to affect their academics and overall school experience.
“And frankly, it seems unfair especially to the kids who could probably use another year in preschool if their families could only afford it.”Well, that’s a shame for them but why should my children suffer for other children’s financial lack? You are acknowledging that some kids may need to be kept back a year but why is it only okay for the poor kids who can’t afford it?My son would have made the kindergarten cut-off by a week. He was born two months early, though, so my husband and I are sending him to kindergarten based on when he should have been born. We probably would have done things differently if kindergarten was fun and games like it used to be but it’s too academic too early these days. I say let kids be kids and parents are the best judge of their children’s readiness.
I am so glad this is not an option here (Ontario, Canada). Cut off is January 1st, and there are little or no exceptions. Junior (and senior too, but less to) kindergarten is considered optional, so if your 4-yer old in not ready they can just start at 5, with other 5 year olds. This makes a lot more sense to me then holding a kid back. Also – in truth, parents don’t always know what is best for our child. I teach ballet to 3 year olds and i have many parents who tell me their child is more or less able and thus belongs in this class, rather than the age appropriate one. Less than half the time are the parents right and the children usually struggle for the year. The kids would have been happier had mom just put them where they belong and left it to the teacher’s discretion to recommend a change if it wasn’t working out.
My son is 4 1/2 yrs old. My husband and I had to make the same decision.His birthday is November 18th. The cut off date here in NY is in December. So it was up to us whether we wanted to send him this year or not. We only sent him to pre-school just last year. I asked his pre-school teacher if she thought he’d be ready for Kindergarten in the fall when I had my conference with her in the Spring of 08′. She assured me that she thought he was ready and that he should do just fine. Now my son is a small little guy at only 36 lbs. So my husband and I talked and talked and we decided to take him to the kindergarten registration. So I did and he did fine. I spoke with one of the teachers and she did mention that he could use some extra time working on his fine motor skills, cutting with scissors etc. I thought to myself isn’t that what they are supposed to teach them in Kindergarten? I must be around the same age as the author of this article as she described what kindergaretn used to be, I could totally relate to. I told my husband that because so many kids these days go to pre-school for 2 or 3 years they are expected to know so many things BEFORE entering kindergarten. I was annoyed! Alot of people we knew also said to wait and keep him back another year. We were worried about his size in a world these days where I think there can be alot of bullying in school. But as my husband also pointed out, he was a small child and they have to learn how to deal with these situations. His doctor also told us we may want to wait another year due to his size etc. Well in the end we decided to send him this year at 4 1/2. He is one of the youngest in his class but I know there are a couple of kids in the same boat as him age wise. And he is small but I noticed on the first day of school that he is Not by any means the smallest kid in the class. He seems to be happy and really enjoying school. He’s taking the bus to and from school, another thing we worried about but I can’t hold his hand forever. We have to learn to let our children go when it’s time. As for the whole being bigger and having an advantage, I don’t believe a word of it really. And the whole sports thing, lord I can’t believe parents would keep there kids back a year for sports, thats rediculous! If at the end of the year they say my son should stay in Kindergarten next year then we will be fine with that. We know in the end that we did what WE thought was right for our son at the time.
I started in NY so with the Dec. 1 cutoff I was 4 when I started Kindergarten, and 17 when I graduated HS. Of course, as you pointed out, Kindergarten is a whole different thing now.So did you move so you could be in the other school’s zone?!
My son is diagnosed with Aspergers-type autism spectrum disorder, so the push was to get him into school for the academic stimulation. I’m another person in the NYC calendar-year cutoff, and his September birthday is actually early compared to 2 of his classmates, with November and December birthdays. Certainly seems like the delay of a year for all 3 of them, who have the same dx, would’ve helped with the social element.The cynical part of me says the board of ed wanted the per-capita money for the program he’s in rather than waiting a year for it. But the rest of me thinks that may be out of line.
I find it interesting that in all the articles and “studies” that no one has mentioned the cons of redshirting. Is it a con to the child or to the parent??? My oldest of 4 children is a July birthday. The cutoff in WA state is Aug. 31. Since this was my first child, we did the preschool thing and just assumed she would be going to Kindergarten like her classmates. It was her teacher’s recommendation, and the Kindergarten teacher’s recommendation that she would wait a year. In our school, the preschool teacher and K teacher talk and they do screen every single child for Kindergarten. They suggested that we hold her back. It was our decision, but that was their suggestion. We went through the disappoint, anger, denial, and “she is totally ready” phase before I finally researched and found that EVERY KID IS DIFFERENT!!!! A classmate of hers, same birthday in fact!!, would be moving on to Kindergarten. Another child in her class, MARCH BIRTHDAY, would also be staying behind.I am happy to say that my now 4th grader is a confident child and a leader in her class. She is not academically above average, she is the shortest in her class (thanks to Dad’s genes!) and she is right where she is supposed to be, and she has never been bored. I am happy to have my child with me for another year, because by the time they are in their teens and beyond, they no longer need us! And really, their time with us is so short, let’s not push them – children need to stay children as long as possible! My 2 cents…
The only conculsion to be made from this variety of comments is that each child is an individual and the decision must be made on an individual basis. I started both my Aug birthdays (cut off date August 31st) and both are doing well. My son is so small that at times I do feel bad for him, but he is smart and enjoys a challenge, both academically and in sports. Our pediatrician advised me to send my daughter unless I had any serious reservations about her developmentally. I don’t, and I’ve sent her. I agree with the author about the pressure of red-shirting kids because my daughter will be in the same grade as kids 15 months older than her. While I do feel that this gives her a disadvantage, I believe the most important influence in her life is a strong home and a supportive family. She’ll make mistakes but we’ll always be there for her.
I wish I’d seen this article a few months ago when my son’s preschool teacher recommended the same thing for him! Of course she recommended for almost all of the boys in the class, since most had summer birthdays. I’m in a Philadelphia suburb nowhere near TX and the pressure to hold back here is immense as well. You have mirrored my feelings so perfectly, it was like I’d written the article myself! I don’t think the sports are as much of an issue as just the social and academic implications up here, but I had a very stressful summer trying to decide what to do. My son is more average academically, not ahead or behind. He’s just starting to read 3 letter words! He’s a July birthday. He’s in public K now (only 1 week into it) so we will see what happens. I had him evaluated privately for K readiness and he passed with flying colors…she told me outright that I’d be doing him a disservice by holding back. I did not want to fork over another 10K for preschool or private K when the benefits seemed so unclear. I know lots of grownups who were on the young side growing up and they are perfectly intelligent, well adjusted people today. I’m rooting for my son all the way!!
I am so lucky. I read “The Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling” by John T. Gatto and pulled my gifted 5 year old out of kindergarden fast to homeschool her. The teacher said, “How will she learn social skills? How to deal with bullies?” Well she has siblings, lots of friends and I have taught her how to deal with bullies on the public playground already. My daughter is gifted and sitting all day doing worksheets to learn her colors and shapes was killing her. The teacher said, “We teach them obedience and how to follow the rules”. Oh, sort of like the army or prison. I wanted her to say they teach them life skills, creativity, how to analyze data, how to think abstractly, something useful. Something besides you cannot touch another child or you will be charged with assault. You cannot talk in the hallways. You cannot talk at lunch. Lunch, while they eat now, the most social of all human events. The lunchroom sounded like a tomb. Redshirt all you want. They still pop out little consumers following the crowd in perpetual adolescence.
Wow! What a great article. My son’s birthday is October 20th and he’ll be 6 this year. He is in 1st Grade and we really took a lot of slack from friends last year when we started him in Kinder at 4. We thought he was ready and figured we could always hold him back if it didn’t work but wanted to give him the opportunity to try (besides he was sooooo excited to start!) I’m not going to lie, we wondered a lot if we had made the right decision because all you ever hear about is how immature they are but like the article said, most of the time I think they mean it is age-appropriate rather than superior. His kinder teacher told us at a conference that if the child is academically ready for the next step and you hold them back, sometimes it is worse behaviorally because the child is bored. I agree that they thrive on challenge. Our son is very social and this year is in an advanced reading group in his 1st Grade. I think that is pretty superior and now seeing the way it turned out I am very glad we started him early.
This was such a good article. I have a friend whose daughter was held back becuse that was what his ex-wife wanted – for the socialization reason. He ended up just letting her do it so that she’d leave him alone. Poor kid was bored in preschool for another year. I personally didn’t start my kids in any formal schooling until they were six and they all are doing fine. I think the main point would be that you know your child better than the system – including a teacher who has 25 other kids to watch and assess. Do what’s right for YOUR child.
I appreciate what everyone is saying, but do you any of you have husbands who were picked on because of size throughout their youth? My husband is average height now, but did not hit puberty until age 17. He had great friends who didn’t care about his size, but he has struggled with serious body-confidence problems as a result of the “meanies” out there who did. I can tell you that I will almost certainly hold back my summer-birthday 4-year-old next year, because I want him to have a fighting chance of looking the same age as his classmates, not only in kindergarten, but in high school as well. Those of you who worry that your small or young-ish daughters will look even smaller because we’re holding the boys back — please realize that the plight of a littler female is NOT comparable with the problems associated with being a small male. I’m just 5 feet tall myself, and I was always made to feel like I was MORE feminine because I was tiny. Tiny males are told they are LESS masculine. Holding back very small or young boys often has nothing to do with sports — I live in Texas, and I don’t care if my son plays sports or not. But he’s small, emotionally expressive, and smart, and I just want him to love school and not have the distraction of feeling so physically different from the other kids. Also, no one has mentioned the fact that once you start your child in public school, he’s on their turf for more waking hours than he’s in your home, for the next 13 years. I think it’s okay to keep a child in the nest one more year if that’s a healthy place where he can grow and learn about the world and what his parents value. Sorry for the soapbox!
I have a soon to be 4yr old (Nov) who will miss the TX cut off. He’ll be an older 6 when he goes to kindergarten. I worry about him being bored and suffering for it. He is a smart boy. He is an active boy and needs an outlet. I worry he’d be labeled ADHD by an eager teacher when he’s simply acting like a boy. I think it’s awesome that you found a school that was on the same page as you. If I had the choice I wouldn’t hold my son back and I’d have words for the teacher that suggested for those reasons you were given.I have seriously considered homeschooling with the possibility of entering him in a public school later. Jury is still out.BTW I was 4 1/2 when I entered the school sys. I was always the smallest but I fought the hardest to keep my standing. I did rather well if you ask me.
Thank goodness we don’t live in Texas. Given the likelihood that any child is going to be good enough to financially benefit from sports, regardless of size, it seems unwise to delay his academic acheivement due to that reason. We have a Dec 31st cut off for entering school and my son is the youngest in his class. Despite being the youngest, he’s popular and ahead of his class peers in reading and math. It’s not because he’s innately brilliant but because we work with him at home and place huge value on education and social skills. Perhaps rather than trying to gain an edge at the expense of educational development, those parents who are holding their children back to the boredom of pre-school should try to give their children an edge by giving them more “coaching” at home.
Something most people don’t realize is that kindergarten is entirely optional most states, including Texas. While 42 states require school districts to offer kindergarten, only Arizona, Arkansas, Delaware, Florida, Louisiana, Maryland, New Mexico, Ohio, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, and West Virginia require kindergarten-age students to either attend school or be homeschooled.
Oh brother. You know what the answer to all this is?Take sports teams out of the schools.As in other countries who are whipping our butts academically, all sports should be community based and based upon age requirements only. Let the schools deal with academics and maybe the arts.I have a summer boy. He’ll go to school when he’s 5. That “other kids will pick on him” is even being given as a reason to hold him back is completely twisted. If other kids are picking on him, that’s the other kids and their parents problem. Suspend kids for picking on each other: one strike and you’re out for one day. How did we get so assbackward on all this?
And another thing. How is it that my friends from India, England, the Netherlands, etc. are simply aghast at how behind we are academically when their children are entering school at the same ages or younger, and performing at higher levels earlier on? What is it about us that our children are emotionally coddled to the point of making excuses for their not being able to handle rigorous academics unless everyone around them is the same age or that an estimation of a child’s good performance is only in relation to other kids not doing as well? That’s some kind of messed up curve system. Holding a child back because they are small and so that they won’t be bullied is a privilege that not all parents can afford; by taking part in that privilege, you are directly becoming an oppressor of those children who cannot (for whatever reason) afford or take part in that privilege. Unless parents start stepping up and challenging the schools, getting involved and making stinks about other kids who are stinkers, then they are part of the problem. Where is this defeatist “I can’t fight it, so I’ll just have to become part of the problem” attitude coming from? No wonder so many kids are messed up and picking on younger/smaller children – the kids see their parents modeling the behavior that makes it alright through their sins of omission to take action on behalf of their own children and on behalf of those children who don’t have adults to advocate for them.
We lived in Nevada when my son entered kindergarten and then the cutoff was December 1st. He entered at four years old and has been successful all through school and life despite some misguided educators trying to label him with ADA. I told them get over it, he’s a boy.I think parents worry far too much over this issue. Yes, it can be a problem however if parents take as much time to work with their sons as they do worrying about whether he should enter kindergarten, his success may just work out.
As a mother of a summer birthday boy I had to write my opinion because I feel that it isn’t been represented the right way. I am a middle-class white women as many people have mentioned are the ones who chose to keep their boys back a year. I will make the chose to keep my son out of Kindergarten until he turns 6. I feel that this is the best decision for him. I AM doing it to give him an advantage in all categories of his life. A lot of the parents on here talk as if giving my “white” son an advantage is not right. Why would you make the chose to NOT give your son the best chance of achieving. My husband was a May baby. He wasn’t the oldest in his class and he was not the youngest in his kindergarten class but when first grade came around he has to do it twice. He said being held back in first grade was way worse then being kept back a year in Preschool.
I am also looking ahead to High School. I am not willing to send my 17 year old son off to College. I feel that you should be 18 when you move away from home and start life on your own. 17 year olds, especially boys, are not always ready for the pressures the college life brings.
I feel that every parent should choose what they feel is best for there child. But don’t look down on those parents who feel there child will benefit from being 6 when entering Kindergarten.
BakersMom,
Isn’t it your responsibility as a parent to make sure your son is ready for the “pressures” college life brings???? You can’t expect a school to “teach” that! That’s why this whole issue drives me crazy…..if they are academically on-par, then why shouldn’t they be in their age appropriate grade and off to college after graduation….its YOUR job as a mom to help guide him as he goes out on his own. How is one more year going to make that difference?
I am currently a kindergarten teacher and our cutoff is Oct 1. The author is correct that kindergarten today is not the kindergarten many of us remember. BY the end of the year my stduents are writing 5 sentence paragraphs using transitions words, and a conclusion. My point is that for some kids they are not ready for kinder when they turn 5 within a month or 2 of the cutoff. I have students that made the cutoff by a few days, they turned 5 in Sept, and then by Oct I already had kids turning 6. Yes all kids are different, but when you only have 5 or 6 years on the planet 1 year is 20% of someone’s life.
When I have students that seen immature, or at a lower level academically, I look to see when their birthday is Then it’s like Aug 31…. ohhh. Now as I said before all kids are different, and you should not make you decision to send your child to school because the neighbor kid is going and your kid seems better/smarter/more mature or whatever, do what is best for your child!
Why is it that kids are allowed to be held back if they aren’t ready but can’t enter early if they are? My daughters have November and December birthdays and missed the Oct. 1 cut off for K. They were ready, especially my second who was ready when she was 3. She just finished K and received a stellar report card with notes like “very mature and responsible”. She was that when she was 3! I wasn’t proud but rather disappointed that she wasn’t challenged, improving herself. My husband and his brother have November and December birthdays and started K at age 4. They ended up at MIT and then at Columbia Med. School. My husband then did a fellowship at Harvard. He played soccer, hockey, and tennis throughout high school and college. In fact now at age 45 he plays in his own men’s league hockey team once a week. “Red-shirting” is specious thinking.
I am a kindergarten teacher. I hope the poor behavior of the Texas educators don’t influence parents decisions as to whether or not to hold back their child. If you’re unsure about holding back your child, ask the school district if you could come in and observe in a kindergarten classroom. I would welcome future parents in my classroom. Don’t let a child chronological age determine if they are ready for kindergarten. Their developmental age should determine that. I personally have never requested that a parent hold their child back until the next school year. However, this year after one week, I am seriously considering doing just that. I have a child who is academically ready for kindergarten. However, he is not ready socially, emotionally or physically. He can barely hold a pencil and has very weak fine motor skills. He hides behind tables and anything else around. He cannot sit still during instruction or while I am reading a story. And, the worst part is he frequently rolls around on the carpet and cries (whines). It is very frustrating to me because I know developmentally this poor child is not ready for kindergarten. He is currently only 4 years old. Our cut off date is September 30th. He disrupts the class no less than 50 times in 2 1/2 hours. Keeping him in kindergarten is not only doing him a disservice, but also all of my other students. My constant redirecting of him is negatively impacting the education of my other 25 students. He has had no preschool experience, which is what I am about to suggest to his parents. He absolutely needs another year to mature. I want kindergarten to be a positive experience for all of my children. It is definitely not for him.
In response to why children cannot enter early if they are ready—-Our district does allow students to test in early. In fact, although our cut is September 30, I once had a student, born in November, test in. At our first conference, the mother expressed her concerns about having her child tested in early. She feared she made a serious mistake. This child was more than ready academically, physically, socially and emotionally. I reassured this mother that she absolutely made the right decision to have her child enter kindergarten early.
What I find disturbing is the assumption that the ONLY way children can interact is competitively. If that’s what we or our educators are teaching our children, then we reap what we sow: We set up a situation where it’s more likely that smaller and younger kids will suffer from being around older, bigger, smarter kids who feel empowered to ‘beat’ their younger and slower ‘competitors’.But children aren’t only competitive: elsewhere in the world, older children can and do look after and help younger children, if that’s a behaviour that is modelled for them, expected of them, and praised to them; younger children do look up to and learn from their slightly-older and more capable peers. The self-esteem of both parties isn’t damaged in this equation.Any kindergarten that can’t or won’t teach peaceful, cooperative relations between all kinds of different children isn’t worth the time or money. I’m frankly a little boggled by what some of the kindergartens mentioned here thought was important. But I’m from New Zealand, what would I know? Only that the rather laid-back lassez-faire education I received has led to as interesting a career and life as I could possibly want.
Thank you for not holding your son back, if only because I’m the mother of the poor 5 year old {end of June bday} who shares a table in Kindergarten with two HUGE 6 year old boys. One who turned 6 two weeks before she turned 5. It’s ridiculous and shouldn’t be allowed.
My son’s birthday is Sept 7, and school has a Sept 1 cutoff. (As a side note – have you all noticed the wide variety in cut-off dates across the country? No matter what we do, there will be age disparity by the time these boys get to college.) The school admitted him to ‘early’ (as if one week would make a difference) and I never heard the end of it throughout kindergarten (he’s in 2nd grade now.) He was not the youngest child in the class, and many are only a few weeks older – of course a good chunk of the boys are almost a full year older. And two days into the school year, when I asked his teacher how he was doing, she said “well, he’s awfully young – maybe you should talk with the principal.” This year the school instituted a no early-admittance policy. I’m glad to hear about others in the same situation. My feeling has been that I’d rather have him motivated by kids slightly (to significantly) older than he is, than working beneath his ability with younger kids. Had he spent another year in pre-school he’d have been surrounded mainly by 3 year olds. What good would that have done?
OK, I have a July baby who I *gasp* did not enroll in Kindergarten when he was five! He was smart and sociable…a little too sociable, actually. I heard all the stories about doing it for sports, which was crazy. That thought had never crossed my mind. So the next year, we enrolled him in first grade. He is the youngest in his class, and guess what…he will graduate high school first in his class in June!
I’m so glad to have come across this article and posts about it. My husband and I were just arguing about my older son (who has an Aug 17 bday) and when to start him. I was steadfast in my desire to start him at 6, thinking I had read and done all the right research and just knew that was the thing to do. Now I am changing my mind and will try to judge whether he is ready socially (academically he’s already whiz and physically he’s very tall, he looks like a 5 year old at 3 yrs. so no problems there). I will definitely be in the pool for application to our San Diego charter schools to get him in at 5 and I will definitely continue reading up on this topic. Thanks for the insight.
Thank you! I am so very glad to hear that some parents are fighting this ridiculous trend. I agree with the poster who said that NCLB is playing as much a role in this as sports, at least on the part of the school officials who want better test results from the older students.
This whole situation has me incredibly frustrated. My generation was subject to acceleration or retention based on academic ability, but this redshirting fad has almost entirely eliminated the schools’ willingness to accelerate.
I have a 5 year old in kindergarten who was reading by the age of 4 and who now currently works 2nd grade level math workbooks for “fun.” (I put that in quotes because math was never fun to me, reading was, so I guess he gets that trait from my husband!) Instead of being challenged in school and exposed to new things, he gets to play teacher’s helper all day and literally is tutoring a couple of the other students and helping them read instructions and things on their worksheets and computer assignments. He’s already starting to coast a little and has even balked at being forced to go to school on occasion this year.
Yet my son can’t get the accomodation he possibly needs of grade skipping or acceleration of some kind because the school is worried about how much older many of the kids are in 1st grade! A 5 year old being put into a class of 6 and 7 year olds is not an option as far the school is concerned. Well, if they had started on time…
I hope more parents finally start to stand up to the schools and legislatures so that academic redshirting soon becomes a thing of the past (along with NCLB, but that’s a discussion for another time).
I think it’s funny that some moms think other people should just do things “on time” for their kids and not hold them back….but then they, themselves, should be able to make their own timeline by putting their precious offspring ahead. I also think it’s hilarious that all of these “Your Baby Can Read” moms criticize the sports moms for holding their kids back. What does it matter if your baby-competitiveness is in reading or in football?
I have an Aug 23 daughter. I can either send her to kindergarten (and all the years that follow) with fall kids that are a few weeks younger than her, or with fall kids that are nearly a full year older than she is. Since they are separated by mere weeks, I see the younger fall kids as more her “age-mates” than the older fall kids would be. So, she’ll be starting with her days-younger age-mates. And she will be no more advantaged than a typical Sept or Oct kindergartener. (who nobody ever complains that they are “throwing things off” for the other kids) She’s only 9 days older than a Sept kid… what could she really have gained in her extensive 9-day advantage?
People are misunderstanding this issue. When we say we want our kid to have an “advantage” by holding them back, we don’t mean in comparison to the other kids. The comparison is between who our kid would be if we start her older vs. who our kid would be if start her younger. By starting older we give our kid the advantage of being average vs. the disadvantage of being youngest and always playing catch-up.
As soon as kindergarten starts and the birthday invites come pouring in, they will be for SIX YEAR OLD parties. If everyone is turning six that year, why is it a big deal that my kid turned six 9 days beforehand? If she went to kindergarten at five, the other kids would all turn six, the school year would let out… summer would happen… then when it was time for first grade THEN she would turn six. Thanks, but no thanks.
I was wondering if the author of this article is following the feedback. One year later, I would love to hear how her son is doing and if she still feels good about her decision to send her son to kindergarten.
this whole debate makes me want to vomit. the whole concept of holding back an august or september kid is bizarre, but the school systems that now have sept. 1 cut-offs have created this dilemna. my son has been in a pre-school for more than 4 years with some of his classmates. the notion that he being born a few days past sept. 1 would be held back when his classmates born a couple of months earlier (or 2 weeks earlier!) would move forward is simply mind boggling, but were we to opt for private schools in NYC, this would be out dilemna unless we did a lot of politicing, though most people think my son is 6 already (and not 4 1/2), so it might not be that hard. so public school it is.
First of all, I’m glad I don’t live in Texas which I consider one of the most socially and ehtically backwards states in the union. If I were forced to live there, I’d either homeschool or pay for private since the Texas public school sytem is known for its appallingly awful academics. And don’t they still beat kids with paddles there too. Fat chance any kid of mine would be going in to that cesspool.
Where I live, the kindergarten cut off is age by 8/31. My older kids have July and August birthday and they started on time (a boy and a girl). They are both excellent students academically and very active in music, sports, and student government. Third child is December baby. He’ll be almost six when he starts, and the boy is ready to start! He’ll be going to the same public alterntaive school as his 5th grade brother and 8th grade sister.
If think I’d vomit if anyone tried to tell me I should have held my older kids back so they’d have a better chance competing at football and cheerleading. Sometimes I think that if Texas really pushes to suceed from the union, we should let it.
Wow… I’m in the same boat, surrounded by crazy people who insist my 5 year old is too young for kindergarten! Truthfully, he’s already way more advanced than the typical kindergartener (both academically and socially) and yet, I am always getting unwaned advice from the parents of much less successful children about holding him back. Here’s my take, but only from personal experience. 1) Older kids do not get better grades, and while they may be larger they are not necessarily more athletic. 2) If you don’t challenge your kid to learn, and make it too easy on them (by keeping them coloring when they should be learning math), you’re wasting the years when they absorb knowledge easiest. Long-term, holding back for no reason seems to be an incredible disservice to our boys!
My son was born November 16th, two weeks prior the the December 2nd California school cutoff. The decision to place my son in kindergarten at 4.5 years old was an easy one. He was so bright, reading at a second grade level with an enormous vocabulary. He was THE youngest kid in the class. Some of his fellow classmates were 18 months older. That started to worry me. They could sit still longer and were generally more mature. Throughout the year his kindergarten teacher kept reminding us what a big mistake we made by robbing our son of his childhood and forcing him to grow up too quickly. Our school calls it “the gift of time” and we made the decision to withhold this “gift” and send him to school anyways. So at the end of kindergarten, when our son was just 5 1/2, we decided to have him repeat kindergarten even though he was reading at a third grade level. Well…flash forward 10 years and I can say for the first time, we made the best decision. Our son just finished his freshman year of high school at a prestigious school with straight A’s in classes like Chemistry and Algebra 2/Trig. He struggled all through elementary and middle school with teachers who knew less than him but he needed that extra time to grow up and mature into a fine young man. I can say now, it was worth the struggle to keep him challenged becuase now, he wakes himself up, makes his breakfast, walks home from school and does his homework independently at a time it matters most, in high school. Last year (at 14.5 in 8th grade) he was still too images for any of those things. It can’t image what his freshman year of high school would have been like last year!
This is a year later but I am very intrigued by this whole redshirting, for boys especially. My son has an August 27th birthday and I am increasingly surrounded by people telling me to hold him back a year, even though his current preschool teachers says academically he’s one of the smartest in the class. He might be considered a little immature right now, but I think he is just shy just like my husband and I at that age. My concern is that because he is a little small for his age he might be bullied at some point if I don’t hold him back a year but if I do hold him back he might get bored academically. So frustrating!!!
We kept our son back (August 3rd bday, cutoff is August 31st). Best decision ever. He was smart & socially mature enough to start at 5, but we kept him back b/c we prefered him to be the oldest in the class vs. the youngest. By keeping him back, he is more of a leader. The younger boys follow him…great for his self confidence. It makes him feel great to have other kids always calling him for playdates. It’s the social aspects that are the biggest impact – not the academics. It’s looking at your child knowing that they completely fit in with the maturity level of his peers. Much better to have them be more mature than to be easily pursuaeded to make bad choices purely b/c they are immature and trying to fit in. That extra year in preschool was hard/he was a bit bored, but it was well worth it. Our deciding factor was if he ended up being some super genious, the school would let us know and move him up a grade. It would be better to be known as a super genius vs keeping him back if we decided we made the wrong decision. Other kids remember who was held back in school. We did not want to do that to him.
I was so happy to read this post. I feel like everyone at my son’s preschool is drinking crazy juice. A large group of Kindergarten eligible kids are hanging around this year (one with a May birthday!)…this has gobbled up all the space in the oldest preschool class, the one my son, who has an October birthday and isn’t eligible for K in our state, should be in. Now he is going to be in a class with kids who have only just turned 4 or who will turn 4 after he turns 5. If the cut off was later I would put him in K…he is mature (can sit still/follow directions), smart (people always comment on his vocabulary…he learns a lot from PBS Kids!), and is quite tall (always has been off the charts tall). I worry that he will be bored with school and would put him in K if he met the cut off.
I think we should have one entry age across the country and should stick to it…just like other countries around the world. Children with special needs and those who are more kinetic (can’t sit still) could be helped with additional resources…teaching specialists etc… Hiring more teachers would help the economy, wouldn’t it? We need to stop this crazy red-shirting thing. Studies have shown it doesn’t improve outcomes over the long term and may actually increase dropout rates in high school (see article on Slate).
Every child is DIFFERENT! I am a kindergarten teacher and the decision on whether a child is ready should be based on social skills and maturity. I have had very young summer birthday students who did great, but they were able handle a structured all day program. On the flip side of that I have to day that the majority of them are not ready. The parent is the only one that knows if your child is not only academically ready but socially. Teachers are not out to get your children or assume they won’t do well just because they are young. We know what happens when this does occur and how hard it is on the student and the parents. Again, every child is different. If you are not sure whether your child is ready, go ask to visit a kindergarten classroom and visit with the teacher about the daily schedule and what will be expected of your child. Then base your decision on your child’s readiness and what you think will be best for them. I would like to say to Anonymous who left the tacky comment about Texas- We are glad you don’t live here either!!! I have been a Texas teacher for 17 years and I am proud of my state and school system. DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS!
hmmm..so glad to come by this ….my daughter started K last week…turned 5 two weeks before that…reads well, and is socially mature…but, I have to pack her lunch because I don’t think she is tall enough to reach the lunch line AND finding a backpack small enough for her was a problem. She still has trouble opening containers (although she is good at it for her age)…Anyway, I was amazed at the size of the boys in her class…my daughter is average size and some of the boys in her class are a whole head and shoulders taller! How does this work in gym? Why should 6 year-old boys be in the same class with little girls? I HATE that these boys were held back so that my normal, by the rules kid has to be even younger than the other kids than she already is! I am SO disgusted with this thing that the parents are doing…SO disgusted…my girl is doing great so far, and the teacher seams to be pretective of her…I do think that kids learn what you give them, my daughter will have a nice challange ahead of her where the older kids will learn to be lazy and un-challanged…so, in the end, I feel that we have the advantage! Also, graduating early to get on with your life is NOT a bad thing! They can take a year off of school and work before going to college…that could be nice!
It depends on the kid. Mine just made the cutoff by three days, but is socially behind. His preschool teacher told us the truth, and we are glad we held him back. Other children may be different. Be happy you have a choice. Poor people have to push the kids forward-ready or not. Who has an extra year’s daycare money?
Excellent Post! I just did one on holding back – and how it affects the high school student – particularly seniors! Way to stick to your beliefs! I think maybe teachers need to embrace appropriate expectations of male behavior in the classroom! Loved the stats, too!
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My son actually started Kindergarden at 4.. he was 5 in 3 days after school started.
Some might say he’s at a disadvantage, but I see it the opposite. He’s now in second grade and excelling in math especially (A’s with one B in all his classes).
I think he’s getting ahead, he’ll finish the curriculum faster, graduate earlier, and be in the workforce faster. Compared to redshirted kids who will graduate at 19 from High School?
I think many redshirt parents don’t see the long game and are focused on the short term.
My oldest son may have been an exception. He had a March birthday and started kindergarten at age 5. However, he was already reading novels and writing stories. He was flagged for testing by his teacher and ended up skipping 1st grade. This was only after much research on my part. I was warned by school administrators that he would have trouble socially. He made a smooth transition and never regretted our decision. Today, he is a well-rounded, social middle schooler. His teachers have always remarked about his maturity and self-motivation. While a little small for his age. His sport is competitive age-group swimming so we’ve had no issues there. So when it came to my younger son starting kindergarten at age 4 (turning 5 in Nov. since NYstate’s cutoff is 12/1), I never really questioned it. My younger son is a bit more shy and more of an average learner than my 1st son but is now in 2nd grade and doing really well. I do not regret either of my decisions. Sometimes I feel that we do not give our children enough credit as to what they can handle and what they are ready for. Sending them on to kindergarten can be a great social growing experience. I do feel this may not be right for everyone and you know your child best but to hold them back just for an academic edge only lowers academic expectations for them.
My son is a July birthday and one of the youngest in his class, yet is the top of his class academically and is more mature than most of his classmates. He so advanced that he’s actually a year ahead of thos inhis class. Prodogy? Not in the least bit, its called good parenting and hard work onhis behalf. I don’t see a point of holding them back. What ever happen to working hard and putting in the effort? Ans yes my son play sports and is just as tall as most the boy in his class and on his team – which by the way, he plays up a year! He didn’t excel do to luck, he excelled do to hard work and 110% effort. What are we doing to this boys? You’re taking away the work ethic, perserverance and manhood. Good luck to all those who chose Red-Shirting their boys. I sure hope the signing bonus was everything you expected. I for one, don’t use my kids as a meal ticket. In fact, I for one expect my boy to fight hard, give 110% effort and get back up when he falls. No left turns…..
The arguments made here generally fall along these lines: My kid is super smart – could read by 3 and is socially mature, or could use the competition, so why should I hold him back? What is missing from the article and the posts that follow is an understanding of the basis educators and psychologists use when determining delayed entry into kindergarten. Social maturity is a vague, poorly chosen substitute for what is actually a complex, defined, and measurable psychological concept called “child development”. Early child development often does not track closely with a child’s chronological or intellectual development, is determined genetically rather than environmentally, and is unresponsive to even the most intensive and progressive instruction (which carries greater risks than rewards). Parents, according to most research, are often poor judges as to their child’s developmental age, and prone to smuggle into these judgments their own anxieties and adult expectations of , or simply reduce it to a vague notion of social maturity (he plays well with others, etc.). The first year of formal education is less about intellectual acquisitions – parents are still the best source at this age – than it is about orienting a child to a formal setting for education. (If the school system is highly competitive, kindergarten’s overarching purpose does not change, it is still about orienting the child to a formal education, in this case, a highly competitive one.) If they are not developmentally ready for this, it can be consequential – no matter how intellectually ready they are for the content of kindergarten (or how “socially mature” their parents believe they are). Mastery of the intellectual content, by the way, should be well under way by the time they enter kindergarten; the child facing both the task of mastering new content as well as fulfilling the real purpose of kindergarten can be overwhelmed, diminishing his or her developing ego. It is often noted that a large percentage – 25-30% – of boys lag significantly behind their chronological age. If your child has a summer birthday and is peered with a child who was born in November by comparison, he or she may be nearly a year behind this November-birthday peer developmentally.
I was just told that my son, a July 14th birthday, was immature to go on to first grade. The final decision is up to us, the parents. Academically he is where he should be if not a slight bit ahead. He has been told by the teacher that he is the youngest/smallest in the class,(this being not true there is a girl with a late August birthday) and he comes home telling us that everyday. We are so aggravated by this and are worried he uses it now as a cop-out. How dare her to ‘label’ my son. Yes, he does act like a 5 year old. Do I apologize for this….no. However I also wasn’t prepared for a parent-teacher conference that when I walked in the room also consisted of another kindergarten teacher and some other lady. We felt kind of ganged up on. Will I “redshirt” my son. NO We will help him along with some maturity aspects. A day in the life of a 4-6 year old can change with leaps and bounds. My child will enjoy being a child. Kids grow up too quick.
I would say parents should be able to do what is in the best interest of their child, HOWEVER, if it affects other children negatively, then the red-shirted (RS)child should become ineligible in certain cases (i.e. field day when a RS child competes with a regular aged child since the RS child is older and presumably faster. Also in gifted programs, if the child ever wants to be classified as gifted, that child should be moved to the appropriate/legal age and forced to compete using that criteria. Top awards should also be off limits since the child has an artificial advantage). Since the trend is for some parents to RS their kids, those kids should compete head to head for RS designated prizes (ie RS winner of 4th grade field day hurdles, RS 3rd grade top science fair winner). In my opinion, this is the only way to keep the playing field level and respect the rights of parents.
My son is the oldest in his class. Academics come naturally, but socialization was immature. Holding him back and allowing him to be in a predominantly play preschool environment was the best decision we made. Socialization trumps academic ability when making this decision. Now, he is at par socially with his classmates and enjoying school. As a Pediatrician, I have never met a parent who regretted holding an immature student back, but met many who now regret putting their kids too early, many of whom are being forced by their teachers to seek a diagnosis of ADHD. Self esteem can be impacted more by having to repeat Kinder and first grade than spending extra year in preschool.
My son’s school is REALLY BIG on trying to red-shirt the younger boys. My son whose birthday is August 22 along with other August babies we know have been discriminated against all year. At one of the parent-teacher conference I made the mistake that we were there to talk about Joseph’s grades. When I walked into the room there was four women there including the principal and his teacher. It quickly became a firing squad. “Joseph talks about Mario from the Super Mario Brothers. That’s not normal.” I know grown men who are obsessed with all things Mario. “Joseph chews on a pencil, that’s not normal.” Of course that is very strange and rare indeed. “Joseph pretended that there were bugs under the teacher’s desk one day, that’s not normal.” How dare a five year-old use his imagination. I tried to change the subject to his good grades and the milestones he had accomplished, but for some reason this was not as important as his “abnormal” behavior. My son’s doctor has told me that he is a perfectly normal child with a normal maturity level for his age. When I mentioned the school’s comments to her, she was as confused as I was. We both wondered, since when should a five year old boy act as mature a fifty year old man?
I homeschool so it’s a little different for us. There is a degree of academic rigor not found in public school. However for classification purposes, my summer five year old will not be starting Kinder in the fall. He is academically gifted, but NOT ready. He doesn’t have the attention span. I really don’t think it is a boy thing. His older sister was the same at his age. She is a fall birthday so old in her class. She’ll be seven in the fall and is wrapping up kinder. I really think six is the age for more focused attention to book work, at least for mine. I also think about the other end. I’d rather send a just turned 19 yo to college than a just turned 18. That is a really critical age where kids are prone to mess up their lives by lack of foresight. Of course it could bite me in the rear if he decides the summer before his senior year that he’s an adult and is not going to finish school! Hopefully not
. (I can’t help but wonder though if the person so intent on a barely five year old going to kinder isn’t just ready to quit paying for daycare. What’s the big hurry for our kids to grow up?!)
I have been following this conversation for two years, since I wrote the original piece above. I have received hundreds of emails from concerned mothers who wonder if they should or should not hold their son (it’s mostly boys) back from kindergarten. The pressure on parents to do so, especially for the youngest boys, continues, while studies mount that holding kids back the extra year makes no difference whatsoever, and may actually create behavior problems down the road.
Holden, my son, who finishes second grade today, is doing great. He’s academically advanced, has lots of friends, and loves going to school. He complains that he’s short, but I too was short at that age, and so was his dad, and we know that differences are what they are – someone has to be short and someone has to be tall. Is being short really a case for holding him back a year? What on earth does being short have to do with anything?
After two years of talking with parents about the subject of redshirting, and the mountain of evidence that girls are jumping ahead (way ahead) of boys in school, I am beginning to worry that we are perhaps sending boys the wrong message. That message is: “School is not for you.” I speak almost daily with parents and teachers who worry that their boy is too immature, he doesn’t get it, he can’t sit still, he can’t do this, he can’t do that. One hundred percent of them are women. Looking at the scientific data at how many more girls are entering college and how much better they are doing than the boys, I think that the redshirting has got to stop. We need to begin encouraging our boys to love who they are, and to stop trying to make them into girls. They will never be girls. In order to perform well, studies have shown that boys need activity and recess, they need stories full of action and adventure, they need male role models in school. For a variety of reasons, none of these are present in schools now. We parents need to stand up to the schools and change KINDERGARTEN. Most of the boys who have attended two or three years of preschool are perfectly ready to attend kindergarten — but we need to stop schools from compressing curriculum and forcing boys to be something they are not.
Please let me know how you feel. I love reading each of your comments, and try to respond to every one. Visit my blog, Parents for Educating Texas, at http://hollykorbey.typepad.com, and you can email at parentsfortexas@gmail.com.
Excellent article…Thanks
I intended to send my daughter to kindergarten in TX when she turned 5. Her birthday is august 17 and so the year she turned 5 she went to kindergarten. She made the honor roll, did very well with the work but socially/emotionally she was behind the other children. Not because she is lacking anything because 90% of the class hvd been “held back” and should have been in first grade and there was my just turned 5 year old in a class with kids 6 turning 7. So if parents had just kept the kids in the right year my daughter would now be in first grade. I kept her in kindergaretn one more year so she can be with kids her own age (though she is not the oldest but one of the older ones). Now the kids in first grade should really be in second. My son was born in July and even if he is a member of mensa I won’t send him when he turns 5 to kindergarten. I will wait until he is 6 otherwise he is going to be in a class with kids 12 – 18 months older than him. It’s a big deal when they are so young.
I read all the studies and decided to send my son, Sept 5th birthday, to kindergarten this year. The cut off in our state is Sept 30th. Huge regrets over here!! He has had a horrible time following direction and getting along with peers. Academically he is well above average, but socially, he is behind or young. Kindergarten is all day in our town with recess at the very end of the day before pick up. One week he spent two days in a row with a loss of recess, spending the entire time inside with his head on the desk. And despite these discipline strategies, his behavior does not seem to improve. At our student teacher conference tomorrow night I am going request that my son be allowed to attend a half day of school, and perhaps have an aid to redirect his social behavior. Unfortunately, a very bright child is learning to dislike school. I think he’s having a bit of cognitive overload.
I also wanted to add that two studies last year concluded that children born in the month before the cut off date were twice as likely as those born in the month after the cut off date to be on ADHD meds. Hmmmm… Are we drugging our young fidgety students so they will fit into the classroom environment?