My Outlook Calendar (& Toddler) Tell Me It's Nap Time.
When my son, Harrison, was a newborn I felt like a slave to his schedule. When he would need his next diaper, bottle, nap…it felt like an endless cycle of dependency. I barely finished one activity before he raced off to the next without even moving from his swing. No sooner had I finished washing a bottle then he was napping, yet the moment I sat down to check email, he cried for a diaper.
Oy.
Grocery shopping? Coffee dates with girlfriends? Even lazy strolls around the neighborhood? I tried to squeeze them in before poop number three & nap number two of the day, but it was rare that my day went seamlessly. ”It will get better when he’s older,” I promised myself. He would be much more adjustable, much easier to take out when he was only napping once per day & eating like a normal human being.
HA.
Oh, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
These days, I am even more a slave to the schedule. Grab a meal on the run? You must be kidding or at least holding a gift card for a professional detail of my car. Granola bar crumbs get rather sticky when mixed with juice on car seating. Bathroom break? I’m currently wrestling 30 lbs of pure wild while trying to not get poop on my sweater, knowing that this is still easier than finding a clean public restroom. (Oh, potty training. I do not look forward to you!) Skip a nap? I’m pretty sure my tired toddler could make even Chuck Norris cry in a corner. & heaven forbid he drift asleep in his car seat for five minutes as I’m breaking every traffic rule trying to get home in time for naps — I can kiss my afternoon goodbye the moment his eyes shut.
Basically, I’m considering getting my toddler his own Outlook account, that’s how dedicated to his schedule we have become.
Does anyone else feel this way? When you have to toss up the schedule, do you just grit your teeth & go with it? Or do you have tips for becoming more easily adjusted?
Beth Anne writes words & takes pictures on The Heir to Blair.
You can also find her on the Twitters & Facebook.
We are a lucky family and have never been schedule people. The only routine at my house is that we wake up and we go to sleep…. I’ve been blessed to have a child who can sleep through ANYTHING. Example? When she was 18 mos we went to the Bassmaster Classic and she slept through an entire Zach Brown Band Concert in a room with at least 10K screaming fans…. When it comes to eating, she is very finicky so she may not eat all day on weekends. Give her milk or juice and she is good to go. (I’m a firm believer in if they aren’t hungry, don’t make them eat. Not to say she never eats, but she’s healthy so i don’t worry.) I’m just hoping my little boy coming in 8 weeks has her flexibility; otherwise, I’ll be coming to you for tips!
How are you a slave to his schedule? You only see him on weekends during the day!
oh god. so it really doesn’t get better when they get bigger?? i’ll go cry in the corner now.
My children at three years and ten months, and we have never had a real schedule in our house. They wake up between 6:30 and 8:30, eat breakfast, play. The 10 month old naps between 9 & 11, depending on how early she woke up. The three year old doesn’t nap at all anymore. We have lunch, play a little more, then settle down for quiet time where the older one watches a show or reads while his sister naps again – quiet time happens anywhere from 1 to 2:30 and ends whenever the baby wakes up. Then it’s just a madhouse of them playing and me cooking until their dad gets home from work, anywhere from 5:30 to 8:30 depending on how busy he is. Finally, we all go to bed between 9 and 11 PM.
Snacks in the car? Sure! Car seat covers are machine washable, and crumbs can be vacuumed out. Baby skips a nap? No big deal, she’ll sleep longer later. Three year old doesn’t want to have quiet time? Ok, just go play in your bedroom then. You don’t feel like having a bath tonight? No problem, we’ll do it in the morning. Oh, we need to go shopping? Ok, let’s go! Older kid falls asleep in the car on the way home? SCORE! He’ll nap on the sofa for a while and I can watch a TV show. Oh, the kids are going to visit the in-laws for a week? Let me pack their bags, hope they have fun!
Actually, when the ten month old was first born, she had to eat every. three. hours. per doctor’s orders to help flush out her jaundice. It was miserable for all of us. We couldn’t go anywhere, we couldn’t do anything. We felt trapped, and we hated it. To me, that was validation that a schedule absolutely would not work for our family.
My theory has always been that babies/kids can’t tell time, so why bother trying to set them to a timed schedule? As you can tell, we’re pretty relaxed in our household, and our kids don’t seem to have a problem with having their “schedule” (if you can even call our day scheduled) messed with. Of course, every family is different. Who knows, maybe if our kids had been born with different personalities they would have actually thrived on a real schedule!
(Sorry for writing a novel!)
I am a little disgusted at your writing. “Kiss your afternoon goodbye”? Seriously? You sound like a very selfish person. My toddler stopped napping around 20 months, and you know what? I, like a good parent, LOVE the extra time I get to spend with my child. I think you need a reality check- you are a parent, first and foremost. The “you” time you so desperately crave should have been achieved BEFORE concieving. I hope your future posts are better this one, or I may just stop reading babble, period.
“The “you” time you so desperately crave should have been achieved BEFORE concieving [sic].” Wow. I hope this person is joking. If not, I fear her kid will become one of many, many entitled brats who thinks the world centers around him. Parenting is ONE thing I do, but I must be supermom, because I manage to be my own person as well – a person who is a lot more than just a mom. Perhaps it is because my kids are growing up understanding that sometimes mommy has to get things done that have nothing to do with them. Perhaps it is just that most of us are better mothers when we get a break now and then.
Give me a break “toddlermama”! Like a good parent? I’m sure you are just the best mommy ever. Every mom I know feels the same way Beth Anne does about that afternoon nap time. Sure I would enjoy an afternoon at the park with my toddler but not when he is a mess from not getting a real nap. And mommy time makes for good mommys!
toddlermama, i think we’d all appreciate if you’d stop reading. or at least stop commenting so nasty.
Babble, you need to delete that comment. it qualifies as “any unduly hostile comment” and you promised to remove those. thanks.
I don’t generally comment or get caught up in stuff on blogs, but I have to say to ToddlerMama, you need to take a chill pill, honey!
As a parent you NEED alone time. It’s not only healthy for you, but also for your child. BUT, that’s not even what she was talking about. I also know that if my son doesn’t get his nap in, and he falls asleep in the car while we’re out and about, I have to turn around and go home because the fight just isn’t worth it. It has nothing to do with not enjoying time with her son. If you read her actual blog, you would understand that’s the absolute opposite of the truth
BA, I understand totally, what you are writing about. And, unfortunately, there is no such thing as infliction over the internet. You can write what you think, and it’s totally harmless, but someone is always going to hear it in the wrong tone. Sam, recently dropped to one nap too, usually after lunch, so I have to do all my running early in the morning. Toddlers will always win.
“Toddlers will always win.”
& just like that, no truer words were spoken.
I want going to reply except I have to now to tell ToddlerMama to back down. I 100% agree with Blair. My girl needs a nap and if she only takes 5 min in the car seat not only is she not getting the rest she needs as a growing kid, I’m also not getting the rest ***I*** need to maintain my sanity.
Shut it ToddlerMama.
“Note: Babble is a supportive, diverse community. We encourage a range of opinions, but any unduly hostile comments will be removed.”
Pretty sure calling someone else “selfish” isn’t supportive. I have never checked out Babble before, but if that comment is typical this may be my first and last time.
Who hasn’t made a fool of themselves in the car in an attempt to keep a child away so they can have a better nap at home than in the car? I know this girl has!
Cool I can read one of my top bloggers on two formats now! Yay!
sweetest comment for the win
I am also a slave to the toddler schedule! Oh am I ever!! I totally understand what you mean by kissing your afternoon goodbye if he even gets a two minute eye close in the car i am screwed. I honestly laughed out loud at toddlermama’s comment! “LOVE the extra time to spend with my child” HAHA yea when he is flipping crap and spending the whole afternoon getting in trouble because he is over tired, that is such great quality time! My kid cannot go without a nap, i’ve learned that one the hard way and thus I am a slave to the schedule.
@toddlermama-as a longtime reader of ba, I have to say, the lady is pretty much a powerhouse of unselfishness. And if I may be so bold as to speak for her, I think the, “there goes my afternoon” bit may refer more to harry being cranky and less to her “me time” being infringed upon.
BA- we aren’t much for schedules here, but I’m home with her, so fortunately they aren’t necessary. But I know how feeding your soul allows you to be most present for your child. Not selfish at all.
Thank you, Justine. xoxo
I’m glad its not just me!! Love it & look forward to future posts!
Really? Toddler Mom? You never need a break from your kid? You deserve a medal.
Oh wow toddlermama! Bit harsh maybe? I do not normally leave comments but I really think you were crossing the line a bit. Every parent is allowed to want some free time. I know that a little bit of free time makes me a better mom to my little boy. A bit of free time is the only thing that keeps me going someways. I have lupus. So everyday is a challenge to get up and play with my son. It is a great challenge and I love it because I will do anything to see my little guy smile…but somedays are harder then others. When every joint in your body kills and your fatique is too much,,,those naps save me and make me a positive person. My son never sees me in pain because I put a smile on my face for him and I spend all my energy playing with him…and I love it. But, dont go knocking on mamas that need free time. You never know what they are facing on a day to day basis.
I come somewhere in between the other commenters. We had a pretty strict schedule when my first was a baby because I felt it helped him sleep better if we stuck to it and nobody likes being overtired so I felt it was only respectful to make sure he got sleep when he needed it. However, I feel it absolutely gets easier as they get older. Like WAY easier. I now have a very newly turned 3 year old and an 8 month old and my 3 year old rolls with the punches like a champ. My 8 month old is less structured than my first was at his age just because once you have 2 kids you just can’t quite be a slave to the clock like you are on the first go around.
I would say, who cares about crumbs in the car! For awhile snacks were my #1 incentive to get my older son to get in the car happily. Sure my car is messy but I have a shop vac and a spotless car is not high on my priority list. Also, if you need to change a diaper on the go, I do it in the car as well, and again a small treat (one M&M or a tootsie roll) can be a great incentive to have Harrison lay calmly.
Good luck and my advice would be to take toddlerhood just a little less seriously. If he skips a nap, watch a movie or play outside to keep him distracted.
So I don’t comment on posts very often, but after I read the comment from Toddlermama up there, I wanted to leave you a little blog love, especially on your first post! (I will never understand why people leave nasty comments instead of just moving on if they don’t like what they read, but whatever.) My son is only 6 months old, but I feel your pain on how restricting a kiddo schedule can be. I think EVERY parent needs some “me” time to recharge and keep their sanity, and it’s hard when that doesn’t happen. Love your blog, and glad that you are writing for Babble now, too!
Wow… Is all I have to say to toddler momma. Get off the cross .. People need the wood! I… And Beth Anne… Like the good parents we are know that being honest ( and at times brutally so) about the things we do and feel as parents keeps us sane.
I love my toddler to bits. I also love when he is sleeping. “ToddlerMama” clearly isn’t really one, or she’d know that even good parents look forward to naptime. I feel you, BA. And welcome to Babble!
I have never been that into schedules, but I too am learning that toddlers sometimes need consistency even more than newborns. If my daughter doesn’t get a nap I think we all suffer for the next two days. Awesome. I have spent twenty minute car rides screaming “Old McDonald” on the top of my lungs just to try to get her to stay awake so she’ll nap once we get home. Clearly, I am also an extremely selfish person. ; ) Congrats on the new gig!
Also, I have such a problem with the whole “you don’t get me time once you’re a mom” argument. Women do not stop being individuals and human beings just because they give birth (or adopt). Nobody likes a mommy martyr. Let’s go have a beer.
::freddie prinze jr. slow clap of approval::
Yes, I too am a slave to my daughter’s schedule. I am a firm believer in naps, because she needs them and I am a better parent because of it. I am a SAHM and that break revives me. So, to the above comment, Its very unrealistic to say you never want a break, congratulations, you are a better mom than most…at least you think so anyways. I guess that is all that matters. Apparently having friends and socializing are things I should have done before I had a baby, because they are irresponsible and make me a bad parent.
Interesting that before you leave a comment it says “any unduly hostile comments will be removed.” I believe that ToddlerMama’s comment qualifies as such and should be removed. Hopefully your child, that you claim you are being such a “good” parent to, doesn’t learn how to relate to others the way you do online, ToddlerMama.
Beth Anne, I’m only 6 months into this parenting thing and don’t have much figured about scheduling! Ah well…
ToddlerMama – I am sure that you are a fantastic parent, but what works for you isn’t necessarily going to be what is right or works for other parents. Needing a life outside of being a parent to a toddler 100% of the time is not selfish. I hope that you can contine to enjoy Babble without letting a minor disagreement in parenting choices stop you. I’ve been following Beth Anne on her blog for some time & I just hope that when my LO is born I will be as good of a parent as she is!
CAGIRL–are you kidding? ive read her blog since 2009, and between wanting to throw her baby down a flight of stairs, the guilt of being a working mother, and SO many broken bones, bruises, injuries that kid has had, I can’t see how anyone would want to be a comparative parent! And you want to talk about life outside being a parent—it’s called BEDTIME. You have as many hours as you want after the kid goes to bed. Simple as that.
ToddlerMama, I must say that you confuse me.
It’s okay if you don’t like me. I don’t like dinosaurs, or my eye doctor, or people who chew with their mouth open. You don’t like a stranger on the internet, but if that’s your bag, baby, then own it.
But what confuses me is that your comment either makes you a masochist or a liar & I would love to figure out which category you fall into.
Either a) you’re lying about reading my blog since 2009, which is quite possible considering my child has had one broken bone from slipping down three steps, not “SO many broken bones.” If you’ve been reading for almost three years, then you would understand that I never wanted to throw my child down the steps, it was a nightmare I had that anxiety would play over in my head until I nearly felt mad. The good news is, a great therapist & some fantastic medication got me through it well over a year ago.
Or we have option b) you’re a masochist that slowly dies inside every day by forcing herself to read the words of a woman she loathes. I am honestly not quite sure why, if you hate me, you would stick with my personal blog for several years & then follow me to yet another website. For instance, I hate porn websites & lima beans, so you can bet your sweet tushie that I stay far away from both.
If you really do think I’m such a wretched person, then I suggest you distance yourself from me.
It’s as easy as clicking that little red “x” at the top of your screen.
babble, you really need to NOT publish toddlermama’s comments. she should be black listed.
TODDLERMAMA- You seriously just crossed the line. That is probably the single most hurtful comment I have ever read. I am in awe that there are people as hateful as you.
I know I’m not the only one that can relate to this post, Beth Anne! All my closest girlfriends and I have had and continue to have conversations about the issue of scheduling! Sure our boys can’t tell time, yet; however, when they get hungry around the same time everyday and become more irritable at the same time, because they’re tired, that’s a schedule in my book! Of course there are times when special events prevent us from keeping to their schedules, but often the result is not worth it to anyone, kids included! I’ve thankful that all are boys are finally on the same long afternoon nap schedule! Everyone needs some time for themselves; in fact, to be the best mama for my family I need this time and I think anyone who makes comments saying otherwise is a) lying b) has only one child c) is not fun to be around or d) all of the above
Looking forward to reading more!!
ToddlerMama – I’m guessing by “kiss her afternoon goodbye”, she MIGHT have just meant her son would be a cranky mess because he wouldn’t take a real nap after a car catnap…. just a hunch.
Anyway, yes, we are definitely slaves to the schedule for the most part – thankfully we’ve never been in a situation where we need to have her miss a nap completely – either we’ll be in the car for an hour plus so she can get a reasonable nap, or we’re home by naptime. We’ve never really had to attempt a meal in the carseat other than one time because typically we just aren’t driving at those times. I guess she is mildly flexible and will go to bed later, but my husband and I definitely are routine people – so basically if I’M not home by 7:30 putting my kid to bed, I’m the one who’s annoyed – my kid is just fine
ERIN- If that’s the case, she shouldn’t be a writer here, or anywhere, for that matter. Poor writing skills reflect even more poorly on the folks who hire her. Obviously she is either selfish or a bad writer who can’t get her point across. Massive letdown either way.
Wow, judgmental comments. I think what she means is that once her son falls asleep in the car, either she has to stay in the car with him and let him sleep or wake him up to bring him inside, at which point he won’t go back to sleep and be a bear for the rest of the day. I say this because my son is exactly the same way – and why might that cause someone to say, “There goes my afternoon?” Because it’s true. I’m either trapped in the car, unable to do anything or I’m in my home with a toddler who needs to sleep but won’t and nothing will make him happy. None of this has anything to do with me needing to have a life outside of my son. It’s about needing to get something done, like dishes or laundry or prepping for dinner. I’m not sitting down with a cocktail; I’m running around doing housework.
So what I’m saying BethAnne is that I hear ya. My son is very scheduled and naps like clockwork. I couldn’t keep him up at that time if I tried. Even when we have more lax days, he keeps to the schedule himself. He gets hungry and tired at the same times every day. We don’t need to sit him down at set times – he actually kind of does it himself. (He’s 18 mths btw.)
Amen. 1pm? It’s naptime.
The trapped in the car thing made me laugh so hard because I have been there, literally reading CD jackets to pass the time.
yikes! welcome to babble Blair!
Lennox is only about a month younger than Harry, and we have a schedule’ish…
It’s difficult with an older sibling that is in the throes of quitting napping and finding independence for us to get everyone on board. Somedays we have synchronized sleeping, most days it’s just pray they pass out before one of us does.
I don’t want to say it gets easier, it does get more manageable though.
dude, I FEAR when we add another baby to the mix for this reason.
It’s funny…sometimes it’s easier, but sometimes it’s harder. I think as a newborn, it was just easier because he could nap in the carseat or take a bottle anywhere.
Toddlermama – apparently, you read a different blog than the rest of us. He’s a rambunctious toddler BOY, who gets bumps & scrapes just like any other – & he’s had ONE broken bone, not several as your post implies. From falling down THREE stairs. It’s not like she lets him free climb the nearest sheer rock wall while wearing roller skates, for Christ’s sake.
You also conveniently left out her PPD/PPA – “wanting to throw her baby down a flight of stairs” – really? That is what you focus on? Nevermind the fact that she was suffering from a real, legitimate disease that required therapy, medication, & at one point hospitalization. Also? I’m sure she isn’t the only one who has felt working mom guilt at some point or another.
Now, I’m not inside BA’s head, but I can bet that when she said “kiss my afternoon goodbye” she probably meant that instead of having a nice afternoon with her well-rested toddler (& maybe snagging an hour or two to clean house, blog, or *gasp* watch trashy TV), she would instead spend it corralling an overtired, whiny, screaming banshee intent on hurtling himself of the couch, backwards, head first. Repeatedly.
My question to you is this: If BA & her parenting bother you so much, why, oh why, do you continue reading her blog, then follow her over here, too? It seems to me that someone needs a better hobby for after BEDTIME.
All of this. AMEN.
Toddlermama – seeing as how the majority of us understood her meaning, might it be that her writing isn’t the problem, but instead it’s the reader?
I believe this is what we can call “user error.”
Beth Anne, you keep doing your thing. I respect you so much, and finding your blog was one of the things that helped me get through my PPD. Thank you so much for all your honesty, for not being afraid to put the ugly things out there. I’m sorry for the fact that some people (not the word I want to put there) don’t understand and never will.
Thank you, friend!
I refuse to go anywhere that will require my toddler to be in her carseat in the hour leading up to naptime because I know and fear the 5 minute car nap. So yes, we are total slaves to the schedule and it makes it very difficult to do things on the weekend. But my kid thrives on the routine so we work around it.
What I don’t understand is why a mother of a toddler would waste what little free time she might have, reading and commenting on the blog of someone she doesn’t like.
aw, snap. I didn’t realize these comments don’t thread. I’m sorry! But THANK YOU for your support!!
Now you can just pick which answer you liked best & apply that to your comment. sigh. BA reply FAIL.
Such a letdown, and yet you have continued to read her blog since 2009 and even follow het to Babble? Seriously? And maybe we should just all bow down to you, oh perfect parent. I didn’t realize that becoming a mother meant sacrificing any hope for down time for the rest of your life. Guess the all of us who have hoped to maintain some semblance of who we are as a person, and not only as a mom, are fucked.
Toddlermama
I think I’m a great mom, and I absolutely love nap time! It gives my little boy the rest he needs so that he isnt miserable the rest of the day. It gives me time to relax and regroup. It gives us all a little break.
It doesn’t make us selfish. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! I can’t even believe people are so judgmental.
I must have gotten very lucky in the toddler department, then. Not once has my child become a terror just because a nap was missed. Sometimes, a car nap is all my kid wants/needs. I offer a nap every.single.day. And I don’t think it’s fair saying I must not have a toddler because I have a WELL behaved child. Plus, I have no issue with free time. After bedtime, during naptime if you’re so lucky. But to be devasted that your kid won’t nap? Pretty lame.
Ah, the lady of the hour responds. I’m gonna go with #1, with a few changes.
I don’t hate you. I actually quite enjoy your blog. But do I ever want to compare myself (like a previous commenter) to you parenting wise? Heck no.
I never said so many broken bones. I said so many broken bones AND bruises. Both. Only one broken bone, many bruises. Better?
And about the PPD/PPA, I get it. I’ve been through depression before, and still battle extreme anxiety. Would I ever put my VERY personal thoughts out there for everyone to see? You bet your sweet cheeks I wouldn’t. My point was that even though I enjoy reading your blog, you are not a “parenting rolemodel” to me.
god, BA, stop being so selfish, having a life & all! don’t you know that just because you carried harrison in your uterus for 9 months & worked to provide him with a fun, nurturing, & caring environment through his toddler years that DOESN’T mean that you’re entitled to take a breather! you should’ve got all your solo grocery shopping out of the way YEARS before you even THOUGHT about concieving, (err, conceiving) His Royal Highness. when you become a mom, that’s all you can be; you have NO other identity. this whole BA being a motivated employee/doting wife/MILF thing is not conducive to harrison’s every beck & call — if he doesn’t want to take a nap, then you need to sit there & entertain his little cloth diapers off!
no but seriously, you’re a great mom, & because you want your child to have a great life, you try to balance the crazy with a little me time — every parent deserves that. actually, if harrison consistently throws you off & you don’t get that me time, you’ll probably go crazy & start berating people on parenting websites.
… oh wait.
Cheese and rice. Oh there is so much to say to toddlermama but the one question that sticks out is why in the hell would you stalk someone’s blog that you so obviously hate? That’s pretty creepy. And weird. And kinda mental.
:;pats on the head:: we know you really don’t truly understand BA so it’s ok for you to just stop talking now and save your issues and hatred for someone else.
PDX JEN- I’m stealing this “Get off the cross .. People need the wood!”
Personally, I’d rather my child spend time with a kid whose mommy needs a break from time to time than with ToddlerMamas child who is clearly being raised that being judgmental and down right nasty is okay. Its people like that who leave little doubt as to why there’s bullying in our schools. We are all in this together. Parenting Is hard…and thank god for moms who are willing to share their stories with the level of bravery that Beth anne has.
Jess- wow. I get all the “me” time i need. Kid goes to be at 8, two full hours of “me” time, a well rested sleep, and a happy mama&toddler the next morning. What do you crazy moms think is going to happen when your kid no longer takes naps? Will your “sense of self” dissolve away? No, you find ways to work around it. Just as I already have, and just as you all will when the time comes. And just like your precious Blair will when her son stops napping *gasp*
Wow, I must say that I very rarely comment on things, because my naptime-loving mama taught me not to say anything if I don’t have anything nice to say. But honestly? I’m a little worked up over this. Babble is a parenting site. To quote them, “a supportive, diverse community”. One on which people should feel comfortable being honest about life as a parent, without receiving malicious words against their parenting.
Well, toddlermama, congrats on having a super-human toddler. Because I, along with every other mommy I know, have the exact same feelings as BA. A missed nap makes my kiddo miserable, which in turn makes me miserable. Not because I’m a bad mom, but because I don’t like to see my kiddo cranky. Those are some ugly things to say about someone’s parenting — especially someone that you don’t even know. BA has a great point — the little red X in the top right corner of your screen can solve all of your issues with other women’s parenting.
lolz Jamie–bullying? Unlike MANY who procreate without thinking if it’s a good idea or not, I had a planned pregnancy. I am as sweet as sugar in person, and my child most likely has more manners in his entire being than you have in your pinky toe. Just give me a heads up on which state/county you are planning to put your kid into for school, and I’ll avoid it. Would hate for my angel to be schooled with morons.
Wow! It sounds like ToddlerMama is a bit jealous that she didn’t get this gig. Since she’s the perfect mom and all…
Holy moly @ that toddlermomma person. The fact that she finds such hostility to a total stranger acceptable makes me very sorry she has reproduced.
Love ya BA. Bewb squishes to you.
toddlermama, do you have aspergers? just wondering.
also, i propose we ignore her. let her say what she wants. i’m going to dish out the mean-girls crap she’s been giving all night and see how she likes it.
Yes, I do. Don’t you feel like a douche? Ignore away, freedom of speech is a beautiful thing.
Somebody’s mama didn’t teach her that if you have nothing nice to say, not to say anything at all…
i actually i don’t. not. one. bit. i’m not surprised, but i do wish you would learn to manage it better. because you may not understand the impact your words have, but the rest of us do, which is why you’re the only person everyone is arguing with. take a hint. get some help or get off the comment boards.
omg toddlermama: get a life. seriously. kids with parents like you grow up to be *so* awesome, really. what a high horse that must be.
BA- welcome to babble, sorry you have to deal with such a crazy mess your first post. i promise, for every one of those, there are a 100 behind you that love your *GASP!!!!!* honesty, wit and humor.
cheers!
BA, P is like Harry and yes, the afternoon is shot if she doesn’t get a nap, and if she falls asleep in the car for even a moment on the way home before hand there is no way she’s going back down, and yes, the afternoon is going to be nothing but battles. Not to mention she’s going to be harder to get down at bedtime, because she’s a good sleep begets good sleep kinda girl.
And for the record, Toddlermama, that’s who my kid IS, not who I force her to be. It’s great if some people have toddlers who are not as sleep and schedule dependent as other kids, but that doesn’t mean it’s constructive to call the mothers of those children bad parents or bad people for not being super stoked about spending their afternoon in a vain attempt to keep an irrational, angry, 30 pound wrecking ball remotely happy. That doesn’t make us selfish or otherwise over committed to our “me time”.
Some of us are parenting the kid we have. Not the kid someone else thinks we ought to have.
Furthermore, if you feel it necessary to criticize a stranger’s personal comfort level with sharing her thoughts and feelings on the internet, you may want to consider that the reading of personal blogs may not be the best use of your time.
I don’t have to. And I don’t have Asbergers. kthx
blair, i love this post
i think what’s most impressive is how you’ve found your groove with harrison. i hope when we hit toddlerhood with our little one, we’re as able to know what works for our family as your and doug seem to know what works for yours.
i’m seriously looking forward to reading you in several venues
“I dont want to and I dont have to!” wah wah wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Mama, welcome to Babble. I love you. I never had a schedule and it sucked the big suck.
toddlermama, glad you get your me time. maybe you can spend it thinking about how different people have different wants & needs (as both parents & as individuals). just because BA doesn’t bow down to her toddler’s every whim doesn’t mean she’s not a great mother. sharing frustrations about parenthood is normal & healthy … in fact, i think they make websites where moms can go & not only share their current frustrations but also offer support & tips! … kinda like this one.
the issue i have with you is that you are insanely (& i mean INSANELY) judgmental — seriously, you’re gonna hate but you’ve followed BA for years? while i can empathize with your struggles (regarding depression & anxiety) i CAN NOT for the life of me understand why you, as someone who struggles with their own mental health, think it’s acceptable criticize someone for pouring their heart out & providing other mothers with honest insight about a topic that is not discussed enough. BA recognized that her feelings were leading her in the wrong direction & bravely sought help. then she shared her journey with hundreds of readers who can go on to educate thousands. how dare you throw that in her face — although she may not be proud of her thoughts, she should be proud of the results. who knows how many women & children she’s helped by sharing something so deeply personal.
meanwhile, who knows how many women you have silenced by reinforcing their fears of other people judging them for their struggles. this website is supposed to a safe haven where women can share their thoughts & experiences, & if you’re here to judge, then honestly you can piss off. enjoy your me time!
I’m thinking toddlermama doesn’t really have a toddler, but probably a dog instead. Because if she is such an awesome parent, how the hell does she have time to lay out so many ridiculous comments?
BA, you rock, you always have, you always will. Haters gonna hate, so screw them.
And, FWIW, I commend your courage for putting your personal thoughts/life with PPD out there. So many people don’t have the balls to do that, and you should be proud of yourself.
Dam there are some serious haters on here. I totally understand and live through exactly what you are saying. And I felt like I was going the “baby led” route there in the beginning so I would be able to just roll with it. Well, regardless you go with it anyway. But he’s still in charge and heaven forbid we deter.
Yes, skipping a nap can ruin your whole afternoon, not to mention the day. Because hello people, an overtired toddler makes you want to gouge your eyes out with a spoon- I don’t care who you are and how awesome you think you are at parenting….your child will flat out push you to all your limits. But regardless of messy house and sleep deprivation, I love my little whiny guy anyway.
Wow, I usually find it more entertaining to lurk, but as a longtime Heir to Blair reader I can’t keep quiet anymore.
BA may not be a voice that everyone agrees with, but she speaks for me- the working mom, full-time graduate student, farmer’s wife/shift work widow trying to juggle all the frazzled toddler glory of cereal crushed in car seats, scraped chins, and weird sticky spots on the floor. My parenting’s not neat and pretty (if such a thing even exists), and BA is honest about the things many of us are dealing with but ashamed to admit because of comments like this. We all do things differently, but that doesn’t make one person or one approach better or worse than everyone else.
At some point you have to look for the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. We’re all trying our best and want the best for our kids. If one of our own needs time to regroup from the roller-coaster that most certainly is parenting, let’s lay off the personal attacks. It’s not like me having my son at 25 means I won’t need a minute to myself until I’m 50. If there’s some magic mommy gas tank I’m missing out on, please let me know, but otherwise great job taking some time for yourself. A happy mom means happier kids after all!
Ok, you can have your soapbox back now. Great first post, BA!
Oh girl, I hear you on missed naps.
My son is doing it once a week now, and it’s time, as a sahm, I need not only for a break for me but to start preparing dinner and other things that are a lot easier or safer without 2 yo underfoot.
It’s not selfishness and ‘me’ time that dictates my desire for him to pass out in an enclosed space, but rather to do things without him being there. I’d love more ‘me’ time without getting up an hour early to achieve it.
Mine hasnt been on a schedule, he’s retry easygoing, so I don’t know personally the schedule drama, but I have seen the drama caused when a couple of his little friends miss something or get a later nap than needed. Oy.
I’m glad to see you here on Babble!
meanwhile, who knows how many women you have silenced by reinforcing their fears of other people judging them for their struggles.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA like who, you? dude, not THAT many people are gonna read this crap. Pretty sure I won’t completely screw anyone up.
Oh BA, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this crap on your first Babble post. The silver lining? The many, many people who have come to your defense. You are loved.
Shannon, really? how late do you keep your kid up? cause its 11 pm here, and my kid has been asleep for 3 hours.
Since these comments are starting to look like The Bump, I’m just going to add this:
::streaks through post::
Also, BA, you know I gots the love.
This makes me sad for you, BA. Ive been following you since bump days, and sure youve gone through struggles, but heck, who hasnt! In my opnion, mama alone time is a gift from the heavens!
Toddler mama, you want to keep your precious angel out of school with morons?? Looks like that toddler has a moron for a mom. I hope you have a mom of the year sweatshirt to wear every single day of your life because damn, you deserve it. You’re awesome. ::eyerolls:: I’d love to know my mom had the maturity level of a gnat and fought with tons of other women on the internet about how amazing and perfect I was … now THAT would be something I’d respect. … Everyone except Toddler mama loves you, Blair & she’s actually just obsessed & jealous. Obviously.
Toddler mama, I find it hard to believe you have ever had anxiety or depression. I have struggled with both for over three years and would never think of using someone elses similar struggles as ammo against them, even if I hated them. BA was instrumental in my decision to seek help and it was because she so selfishly decided to overshare on the internet. If you don’t like her writing, don’t read it. No one will miss you.
P.S. Congrats on having the perfect child. I’m certain that it has nothing to do with sheer dumb luck and everything to do with the fact that she has the perfect mother that worships her every perfect crappy diaper.
My child is potty trained already, Katie. Sorry.
Katie- I now see that that wasn’t toward me. I saw your post below mine, thought it was to me. Sorry! *goes back into internet illiterate hole*
Sigh. I wish sometimes I could be a slave to the nap schedule
My daughter stopped napping at 23 months. My son is a better napper and more flexible, so I work to get him home around his naptime, but he sometimes falls asleep, and I am so thankful he will transition into the house.
I keep a book in the car, and if (by some miracle) they BOTH fall asleep, I stay there and read or write until one of them wakes up.
And sigh to the nastiness of people. Not that I’m surprised, but still…
The best way to get rid of a troll is to ignore it. BA I am new to your writing but completely get the sentiment. We do our best to roll with the punches and know when to bail out when necessary. Sometimes cranky baby needs a nap and groceries just dont get bought. Sometimes the hubs and I tag team to get the me time (sanity space) we desperately need. Anyone who has dealt with hours of crying understands that quiet is more valuable than diamonds. Hang in there. Eventually it gets better. My gf tells me its around age 3 – after potty training. I have a count down going…
What’s in the water where ToddlerMama lives? Makin’ superhumans and such, I want to go to there!
Keep at, BA.
I’m so excited to find you here! I’ve read your blog for some time now, and your honesty and realism is very much appreciated (not by all, apparently). My daughter is 16 months old, and so far we’ve been able to maintain a pretty regular schedule, with naps and meals and such. BUT (big but here), the older she gets, the more she’s beginning to realize that she has a mind of her own. God help me when she embraces it.
And, just as an aside to some commenters, I am a mother, but I am also my own person, independent of my child. As a SAHM, sometimes I need time to recharge, to regroup, to settle. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I believe that in order for my daughter to develop her own “person”, she needs to see that mommy and daddy are not just Mommy and Daddy.
Holy cows that lady is on a roll! Toddlermama must be having a bad day. People who constantly tear others down for their decisions are the ones who have the most issues in their own hearts!
To you BA, we aren’t really on a super strict schedule, I have them nap around the same time every day but I don’t stay home just to have a nap. If something is going on, we’ll leave and hope they sleep in the car. I guess we just wing it most of the time. I think it depends a lot on your kids’ personality, too. Parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all and all kids act differently when they’re tired. My boys just get kind of quiet and move less. Some kids just get generally demonic when they’re tired.
I think you’re completely justified in wanting “me” time. The boys annoy the crap out of me sometimes (ok a lot of times) and all I want to do is run out of the house screaming. And that doesn’t make us bad moms, just makes us normal humans.
You asked for any potential advice? Maybe try winging it more often. We act pretty calm about it when we do, and don’t make a big deal to the boys or each other that we’re not at home during nap time. The more often you do this, I think the easier it is for your kids to adjust. We’ve been pretty liberal with the schedule since they were really little and I think it’s definitely helped.
Anyways-hope that helps! And don’t get caught up in the drama! Us moms like to get riled up online haha!
Jenna FTW! Dang I wish I would have thought that first.
Well, if BA didn’t get a warm welcome to Babble….
This toddler mama sounds like a peach though, right. With her perfect parenting, and her perfect toddler. And her not so perfect reading comprehension skills. I bet she is hitting refresh like a meth head so many times that babbles servers are close to crashing. This post is probably breaking Babble page view records.
Oh man, before I had kids I rolled my eyes at more than one friend as they frantically planned their entire day around baby’s schedule. And then reality smacked me in the form of a 6lb 7oz sweet little girl. I could hardly get out of the house when she was a baby without worrying about the next time she’d need to eat or sleep or cry! My kids are now 2.5 and 4.5, and they both still nap daily (thank goodness) and naps are paramount to a good day for us. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, my kids need a nap daily. My daughter (4.5) occassionally skips a nap on the weekends when we, her working and thus apparently neglectful parents (eyeroll) are both home. But even then she spends some time in her room quietly reading book, playing, crafting, etc. every day. It’s not because I need a break from her so much as SHE needs the downtime to ‘reset’. But I do value that time alone or with just my husband to read, watch a movie, nap myself, or spend time catching up with the hubs.
We’re lucky that our kids are at the age now where they can have their naps delayed a bit if we’re out and about, and that both can fall asleep in the car and stay asleep when we get home and carry them to bed. And they are lucky to have parents who are so dedicated to them and their positive upbringing and home life that we prioritize their naps and downtime and OUR time both alone and together as a married couple. And Harrison is lucky that he has a mama and dad who work so hard to make sure he’s happy, well-loved, and cared for.
We can adapt to those crazy days but c’mon we can only adapt so much before we are going bug-eyed and gritting teeth. Mama needs her time too!
http://www.ourgrowinggarden.com
BA- I’m so glad you got this gig on babble. I had a strict schedule with my first and I’ve been lazy with the second’s schedule. I think you just do what works for your kid.
As for toddlermama- you admitted in one of your replies that you’d never write about depression and anxiety. That’s your choice. BA chose to write about it and has helped a lot of people by doing so. If you wanted to simply disagree with her post, there’s a respectful way and a disrespectful way. Unfortunately for everyone that has had to read your vitriol, you chose the latter. I’m sorry that your life is so sad and unhappy that you turn to spewing hate online to feel better about yourself.
looks like *someone* has their entire identity tied up in their child (or dog, TBD i guess).
let us know how that works out for you in 12 years when your kid is mortified by you. better start looking for a nice hobby to fill in the future gaps @toddlermama
I love how if you go back and read toddlermama’s first post she’s playing it all like she’s never heard of BA before.
I hate the car catnaps too. Totally pulls the rug out from under any plans you had for the next 2-3 hrs. Congrats on the new gig BA!!
Toddler Mama- Every Woman wants to know what the people they “hate” are saying.
ohh you’ve never looked at your ex’s gf’s facebook,twitter,blog, etc? lieees!
I became a stay at home mom because I can’t imagine being away from my child for even
a minute. dont trust daycares or anyone, honestly.
If this BA woman was one too then it would make sense for her to stress over “me time.”
I don’t, but apparently it’s wrong for mothers to want to be with their children all day?
My baby isn’t a perfect angel, but I would never even Think about throwing him down a flight of stairs or whatever psycho crap you, bethanne, told the world on the Internet. when he screams, I want to cry. not hurt him. it makes me sad when he is not happy, not violent.
TODDLERMAMA is clearly pissed she got passed up for this job. She sounds bat shit crazy.
Things I have learned from this post and the ensuing comments:
1) BA is still awesome and I still love reading her.
2) I am still not ready for parenthood.
3) I am sad that we cannot just post the Reddit troll face in lieu of all of the comments by Toddlermama.
Its obvious toddlermama doesn’t have two kids, the second is always worse!
I thought my daughter was GREAT and I thought I was doing ok at this parenting thing until I had a boy. Made me realize my daughter just naturally wanted to please me but my son could care less about consequences.
Toddlermama-it is really easy to say hurtful things hiding with the cover of the Internet. If you are as nice as you say you are then I doubt you would say anything like this in person. It is bad enough that as moms we always feel sub par, like other moms are doing so much better than us. You are lying to us and yourself when you say that you don’t need “you” time. In reality I bet someone has made YOU feel like you are a sub par mother, so you are applying how someone made you feel to this poor woman. So next time you turn to judge, why don’t you think about how you would feel if someone said that to you. Because it really is unnecessary and nobody wants to hear your negativity.
So. I’m coming at the end and must admit I’m glad Babble hasn’t (yet?) deleted Toddlermama’s comments. I wasn’t able to read last night and just got the opportunity to sit and read through so I’m glad they’re still here. And…there are no words. My mouth dropped open at one of Toddlermama’s comments. Perhaps that was what she was going for. BA, I’m sure you realize that ONE out of the multitude of positive comments should not sway you in any parenting style or make you question any decision. I will not ridicule Toddlermama, but I will say this (as many others have commented, but I felt like maybe BA needed one more virtual hug): we are individuals independent of our children. Too often we parent “first and foremost” and forget about ourselves. It’s like the oxygen masks on a plane. If we put it on our child first, we may pass out. How does that help our child? I implore all mothers to not attempt to recapture individuality after the child has left for college (or only after bedtime when they’re young). What I am bothered most by isn’t that Toddlermama disagrees (oh, the conversation we could have had had she been more tactful in her disagreement) but that she is so hurtful in her comments. She misconstrued the meaning in the post, then went on to say things like “Lady of the hour” and “precious Blair.” These terms ooze contention and outright jealousy. Also, behavior has nothing to do with missed naps. Our children are not misbehaving when they are cranky and tired. Redirect all you want; some children simply need their schedules.
We will always encounter moms we disagree with, moms whose choices we despise. We will also find moms whose ideals we share wholeheartedly. But calling one another names? Following their blogs for years claiming to enjoy them but then taking the first opportunity to knock them down? How can you say you enjoy her blog but don’t look to her as a parenting role model? What is there to enjoy when she’s talking primarily about parenting? I won’t even comment on the things you misconstrued about her struggles with depression and the DREAM because, just…come on.
We have the common threads of being women and wanting to be wonderful mothers. We will oftentimes disagree on everything from pregnancy to what college our child chooses. But still there is that common thread, coupled with the desire to talk to, learn from, and share with other moms. If you submit that there is never a time that you want to pee alone or do anything minus your child (outside of the two hours post his/her bedtime), you are in denial. While yes, having that child means putting things on hold, it does NOT mean losing oneself.
Ok, a few things. First to comment on the writer, I follow heir to blair and I will probably follow you on Babble and Babble should be glad to have you on. Secondly, to comment on the post, I have 4 children. What I have found in my “infinite” wisdom as a Mom of a 16 year old teenager, a 9 year old, a 6 year old, and a 3 year old toddler….I think if you get your kid on a schedule that works for you it’s really great. However, most of the time kids will do as they please! Especially when you are a busy working mom. Somehow we manage and regardless and hopefully we keep our sanity in the meantime! From my experience every child is different. @ Toddlermom, wow! I guess you are the perfect mom. I guess you don’t ever deserve time for yourself to be an adult, or to think, or to get things done. I guess fortunately for you you don’t have to be an income producer in your household, or I guess you don’t have any “adult time” with your husband. Take a look at yourself and your life before you are so mean and judgmental. Sheesh.
Hey BethAnne,
Just to comment on the OP toddler schedule. I am with you, trying to plan an outing on the weekend (I work FT too… so weekends it is) means getting up and out the door early so the fun is complete by noon. PROMPTLY followed by lunch and nap (please God let him stay awake until we get home! The curse of the 5 minute car nap is so TRUE!).
But, I keep reminding myself of the bright side, when I get frustrated with it or people tease us for being so rigid: My kid sleeps like a CHAMPION at night. Which means we get to sleep. Totally worth the extra planning/sacrifice, I think. Hang in there!
Toddlermama… Just curious if you will be teaching “Internet do’s and dont’s” while you are homeschooling? Might be a good idea to learn that commenting as two people in the same thread from the same IP address isn’t really a good idea if you are trying to be stabby and anonymous as one commenter and then use your real name to act like BA’s friend…
Maybe along with all these manners you are passing on to your child, you can teach them that someone’s real beauty comes from the inside and that sometimes, someone is just as ugly on the inside as they are in the outside.
We’ve been very lucky that R is really flexible with his schedule. I know from friends who have kids around the same age that not all kids are like that. R gets one 2-3 nap every day, but he can go down for his nap anytime bewteen noon and 2:00, depending on how busy his morning was. And if he takes a short car nap, that usually means he won’t nap immediately when we get home, but after about an hour is ready to take a “real” nap.
But, as many people have mentioned, every kid is different. So if your kid thrives on the schedule, then that’s what you need to do.
@Aleta – that is us to a T!!! Glad to know I’m not alone
BA – You rock. Love your post and love your blog. You keep doing your thing baby girl!!
First of all, how are toddlermama’s comments not deleted by now? As for BA’s post, I think it was spot on. I’m a terrific mom and I LOVE AND NEED my son’s nap time. Not only is it good for him, it’s good for me as a stay at home mom to get my break in – so I can be a good mother. At the end of the day, what job do you have where you don’t need a break? Being a toddler is a job – they need a nap, being a parent is a special job and you need a break.
“I’m pretty sure my tired toddler could make even Chuck Norris cry in a corner.”
Hahaha this phrase is what I’m going to think about if my day starts getting crappy today. Great post!
I have 3.5 children. ages 5,4,1 and 10 weeks in-utero. We live and breathe schedule at my house, without it choas reigns ramenpt. the best thing you can do for your children is get them on a good and steady (though somewhat flexible) routine. It prepares them for life, as adults we all face schedules, weather its sahm life or work life, or even school life. These children grow up much more able to adapt and change. The other reason for schedule in my life? My oldest daughter has autism and so her life it rules by routine. But for those of you who think that a schedule is “catering” or “spoiling” children- kiss off! At least my children will have work ethic, manners, understand the meaning and value of time, and will be courtious to other who operate on a time table.
Re: the car ride nap curse: I don’t know if this will help, but when my son goes to sleep in the car, I just move him to his bed from the car and the nap continues. If he wakes up in the transfer, he still has to get in his bed and stay quiet for at least half an hour (which is usually long enough for him to go back to sleep). I know that if he doesn’t get a good nap, it’s going to be a cantankerous afternoon for him, so the afternoon nap battle is one that I fight. That often involves me crouched down at his door watching for feet to hit the floor, and throwing open the door to say, “No singing/talking, etc.) He doesn’t fight me on it any more.
As an aside, once you have more than one kid, schedules no longer exist. Someone’s always managed to get hungry/crap on himself/or any number of things at the most inopportune time. I do try to coordinate the afternoon nap for both my kids, but sometimes the little one just isn’t ready to sleep because his morning nap went long or something like that.
Regarding baby vs. toddler days? They both have their ups and downs. One’s not better than the other. They both have their challenges. I find the phase I’m not currently dealing with to be the easiest.
So Oh great and wonderful…Toddlermama…who is not unlike Oz
Question number one… If your time is sooo precious with your sweet wonderful does nothing wrong offspring, why would you be commenting at 5:48pm? Seems even if you were not on EST, it would be during the day with your child whom you do not need “me” time away from and would NEVER EVER spend time doing stuff YOU like to do while they are awake, such as commenting on a blog/forum.
Jess- wow. I get all the “me” time i need. Kid goes to be at 8, two full hours of “me” time, a well rested sleep, and a happy mama&toddler the next morning. What do you crazy moms think is going to happen when your kid no longer takes naps? Will your “sense of self” dissolve away? No, you find ways to work around it. Just as I already have, and just as you all will when the time comes. And just like your precious Blair will when her son stops napping *gasp* ~ toddlermama
Question number two in regards to the comment above – so your child goes to bed at 8pm, as does mine. You have two hours after that to have your me time? Clearly since you spend all day focused on your child, that must include a lot. To get cleaning, cooking, SEX, and me time done in two hours. You are the great and wonderful Oz after all.
Enjoy your day Super Woman. All those sticks & stone you throw make me kind of sad for you. My wish for you is to have half the amount of friends Beth Anne does. Would do you some good.
Smooches
I know exactly what you mean. When Jackson doesn’t nap, I don’t get that much-needed recharge so I can keep pace with him the rest of the day. I’m such an idiot in the car when racing home before naptime or bedtime. I sing loudly and badly, I clap, I wave, I basically do anything it takes to keep him up those few extra minutes until we’re home. I admit to really needing that 2 hour time alone because when we are together, I give 110% of myself. Any good mother (ahem, toddlermama) understands this.
Toddlermama,
Among the things you wrote that I take issue with, this one stands out, “And about the PPD/PPA, I get it. I’ve been through depression before, and still battle extreme anxiety. Would I ever put my VERY personal thoughts out there for everyone to see? You bet your sweet cheeks I wouldn’t.”
I’m PROUD as I can be that BA spoke up about her experience with severe postpartum depression. She helped others understand how serious this illness can be. She helped erase stigma. I’m glad she put her thoughts out there, and I think it makes her a great role model.
- Katherine Stone
I think I’m a toddler at heart because I love a good schedule. We were out of town for Tgives and I wonder if it was harder on my 2.5yo or me. It’s taken both of us a few days to get back on track.
I work 4 days a week and my son is in childcare outside the home, which is more or less pretty structured. I think he’s one to really thrive on that. Guess he gets it from me. Weekends we try to keep to the schedule because in the end it’s better for all of us. I guess we are “slaves” to the 12-3 nap window and 7:45 bedtime, but in a few short years I know everything will be different so we just do the best we can now.
My son was 3 when I had my daughter and he decided on the day I came home from the hospital that he wasn’t going to nap anymore; although he really did still need it. It was 2 weeks of hell (meltdowns and such) while he adjusted to no nap, but it also resulted in an earlier bedtime. I stick to a schedule for my 2 yr old daughter’s nap and I really think about it before either skipping it or being out in the car around naptime. If she falls asleep in the car she will sometimes stay asleep in the transfer and sometimes not. If I let her skip it (like I did for her and her brother’s birthdays) I know I’m in for a long afternoon starting around 3:30-4. The meltdowns start happening and it’s usually not a good sleep that night- she ends up being quite restless.
I stick to the schedule not just for her but also for my son. It gives him a bit of time with just me while she is napping.
i’m gonna go ahead and skip through all the drama, name calling, etc and post about the topic!
we never had a ‘omg if we stray from this schedule my life is over” kind of deal. we simply let our baby make his own schedule. he napped when he was tired. he ate when he was hungry. if i needed to do something, he had to come with me. if he slept in the car, at least he’s not screaming. i tried to look at the bright side of it all. not all the time, mind you, but most of the time. i tried not to stress about it all so i could actually enjoy my baby.
fast forward to 23 months old and this child thrives on a schedule that he basically made for himself and we have rolled with. he likes structure. he knows when it’s nap time. for god sake he turns on his own sound machine and says “nigh nigh!’
from pictures you post, it looks like you have a happy boy so you must be doing something right. hang in there!
congrats on your new gig, as well!
@Alana — I’m giggling b/c my boy, at 2, does the same. He rubs his eyes, heads to the stairs and says “I go up, lay down now please.” I love it. It’s not every day, and I do try to stick to the “usual” time he lies down, but it doesn’t always happen. I would like to stick to the schedule he has at school, but on weekends, it depends on what he wakes up. If he gets up at 7, he’ll be ready to lie down by 11. If he gets up at 8, he’ll be ready to lie down by noon. And if he misses it, I still opt to let him nap later rather than not at all (throws a wrench at bedtime b/c it pushes it back, but we basically just do what feels right for him).
I’m late to the party but A) WOW. Having an online presence never outgrows the trolls does it?
B) My boy is 8 months and as a working mom, I’m a slave to a schedule, not just for him, but for my sanity and I am sure I will contnue to be so.
C) Yesterday, I was praying he would want a little evening nap because honestly, I’m fighting pnemonia and after a long day, I was dead on my feet, and my chest hurt, so I little nap would have been heaven.
It’s not that I don’t love my child and I crave time with him, but sometimes, our bodies/minds/souls NEED our child to take a nap.
Enough said. (By me any way).
Loved your first post! And sorry you’re going through the drama.. Even though I may not have agreed 100% with all your “parenting” posts, acutally- “not agreed” is a little harsh, but I guess instead, I can say that I haven’t done it the SAME as you have, I’ve kept my lips shut about it. I’m doing this parenting thing for the first time, too with a 2 1/2 year old, so I don’t have it perfect. Toddlermama just shoulda kept her lips (fingers?) shut… its so immature and unclassy to just troll bomb someones post and come all up in your space with rudeness, judgement and pride. Yuck!
Anywhoodles – we are somewhere between schedule and leniency. I like my son to have a routine, and I know that he appreciates it and is more peacful and balanced when he has a routine, but there are just some days the schedule doesn’t work. Some nights he goes to bed 1 1/2 hrs past his bedtime, sometimes he doesn’t need to nap, sometimes he wants to nap early, dinner may be at a different time now and again. He may bathe in the morning, he may bathe at night.. it just depends. We do have a set schedule there and I appreciate routine, but if it doesn’t work for him or if it doesn’t work for us.. That’s okay. Its good to be flexible, because good Lord if I try to force him to take a nap when he doesn’t *need* one (not if he doesn’t *want* one), then all hell breaks loose and we both end up frustrated and cranky.
/end of novel.
Thanks to BA for always spouting honesty. It’s why I started reading your blog over a year ago. It’s the toddlermama holier than thou (and in your face about it) moms that make things even harder than they need to be. I’ve used the phrase “slave to his schedule” often. It’s true. He needs to sleep on a schedule to be pleasant, happy, and ready to tackle the rest of the day. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy all my time with him. Anyway… keep up the good work. Just another reminder for me not to read comment sections on any site because they are too often filled with bullies who obviously have no sense of empathy.
super awesome that you got this job!
can’t wait to read your next post!!!
I bet Toddler Mama is one ugly chick! She sure is from the inside! She’s obviously just jealous of BA’s following (b/c really, who’d be friends with someone like her?!?), that BA got this job, and that BA is gorgeous!
@toddlermama. As a mother of a nine year old let me just tell you what is waiting for you. They go to bed LATE and get up EARLY except for when it is a school day and then you have to get up EVEN EARLIER just to make sure that the wheels stay on the bus. And I work from my house so I have it easier then a whole bunch of folks.
My nine year old now goes to bed at 9:00 pm, which is pretty normal for the age. Write back when your kid reaches that point and let us all know how it is going when you have one hour a day that is not 100% devoted to someone elses needs. And BTW I had one schedule kid and one who didn’t need it. It’s about their needs please, not yours.
Toddler Mama – I think you missed your nap.
BA – Congrats! Ignore the trolls…
BA- you rock! Have followed you from waaaay back in The Bump days
I commend you for your transparency- we have stuck to a “not-so-rigid” nap schedule….still hard when our daughter doesn’t get a nap. That time is gold in order to get some chores done, etc. etc. Keep on keepin’ on friend!!
Toddler Mama- Every Woman wants to know what the people they “hate” are saying. ohh you’ve never looked at your ex’s gf’s facebook,twitter,blog, etc? lieees! I became a stay at home mom because I can’t imagine being away from my child for even a minute. dont trust daycares or anyone, honestly.
If this BA woman was one too then it would make sense for her to stress over “me time.” I don’t, but apparently it’s wrong for mothers to want to be with their children all day? My baby isn’t a perfect angel, but I would never even Think about throwing him down a flight of stairs or whatever psycho crap you, bethanne, told the world on the Internet. when he screams, I want to cry. not hurt him. it makes me sad when he is not happy, not violent.
^^Did anyone else read this comment from Lynn?^^ Since it seems like she has no idea who BA is and what she has been through, doesn’t that make her equal to or worse than this ToddlerMama woman?
Toddler Mama, I’m glad you have such a sweet-tempered and well-behaved kid. As someone who knows BA & her son in real life, I can attest to the fact that he, too, is a sweet and well-mannered child, but he does get cranky when he hasn’t had enough sleep. Furthermore, Beth Anne is one of the kindest and most selfless women I know– & I know some pretty awesome people. But it is healthy for her to have a little time away from her child for coffee with her mom or friends, or a date night with her husband. She can’t be expected to cut everything from her life except her son. As to the “throwing her son down the stairs” bit, I have known her through all of her PPD & anxiety, talked with her, watched her with Harrison, even at that lowest point, when she was hospitalized & I can tell you…it wasn’t like that.
So…I have a couple of suggestions for you, Toddler Mama, next time you comment: 1) Please work on your reading comprehension skills. They teach that in schools with morons. 2) Pray everyday to God/ Allah/ Buddha/ the universe, whatever you will–to say thanks for being blessed with such an angel. 3) Consider the fact that children and adults alike are individuals, and each has different needs. 4) You know those sayings that “good parents” are supposed to teach their kids? The ones about treating others the way you want to be treated & just not saying anything if you can’t say something nice? They’re for grown-ups, too, you know. Even on the internet.
Great post, and I agree about naptime completely. There is nothing worse than looking in the rearview mirror and seeing my daughter starting to nod off. I turn into Jeanie in Ferris Bueller as I race home.
Also, I find it extremely hard to believe that Toddlermama’s son has good manners since his mother has absolutely none.
my ACTUAL status message from earlier today (i am dead serious)
{my name} is sitting in the car in the driveway while DD snores in the backseat, waiting on DH to come w her peppermint mocha from McD’s. this is the dream, folks.
an ACTUAL status message from a few weeks ago:
{my name’s} favorite times of day are 9:00am [when DD wakes up] and 8:00pm [when DD goes down].
Dear lord… how embarrassing and shameful. Clearly toddlermama is not an adult. I am so embarrassed for you. Its like watching a fifteen year old throwing a temper tantrum.
I don’t know what to say… Personally I just hope that in our lives at least we can be good to each other. Yes,we are entitled to our judgements but we shouldn’t hurt people with them. We don’t know what it’s like to walk a mile in each others shoes until we do it. Be kind and remember all our experiences make us who we are and without them we would not be the same. Just because someone is on a different journey doesn’t make it wrong, It’s theirs not ours. Different is not, nor will it ever be wrong. This is a positive lesson for our children as well.
Awesome new post BA!
TODDLERMAMA – I have followed BA’s blog since I was pregnant w/ my first son at the same time she was pregnant w/ hers. At times I find her posts immature, other times I find them condescending in that hollywood starlet who talks about pregnancy/motherhood like she’s the only one who has ever done it kind of way. But most of the time, I just read it, find it interesting and give kuddos for her bravery to put herself out there no matter the response and skip the posts I find boring or that don’t apply to me.
YOU – on the other hand, are clearly full of S. Anyone with an actual living breathing toddler at home knows you need a break from your kids for YOUR health and sanity AND theirs. It is not normal to give up your individual identity and put every bit of yourself into your child. Perhaps you need to go watch the movie Psycho to remind yourself what happens to mothers and children who do not have healthy “me” time.
Signed, mama who screamed into a bath towel in a locked bathroom yesterday due to Toddler and baby refusing to nap at the same time I needed to do homework and make dinner.
I go to bed when my toddler does (8pm) because I am an early riser (5am). You bet your sweet bippy I look forward to naptime.
Lynn – you obviously have no idea who BA is, nor do you have any idea what she has been through. She has suffered from PPD/PPA, to the point of being hospitalized.
Unless you have suffered from PPD/PPA, you cannot possibly say what you would do or think in that situation.
You are lucky that ToddlerMama commented with her hatefulness first, otherwise your judgmental post would have received more responses.
OH JEEZ.
Great post BA – I’ve been there, I live there, and I’m constantly trying to find ways to sneak off on my own.
ToddlerMama – you can go ahead and toss me down a flight of stairs if you like.
ZOMGoodness. I was a little behind and hadn’t read the string of comments, but I’m speechless. Since when did it become okay to treat people so horribly, even if it’s behind the mask of a pseudonym [we know who I am talking about.]
In the world of being a mom, I’ve learned that people take other approaches to parenting that are different as a personal attack on them. Beth Anne simply made herself vulnerable by sharing a part of herself – not only to encourage, but to facilitate discussion between us moms.
Why? why? Why can’t we be a community that ENCOURAGES, SUPPORTS and LOVES on other moms…EVEN WHEN you disagree with one’s approach? I want my daughter to look up to me and see that [hopefully] I care about, love on, and support other friends, mom and people. I want to show her that through my own actions, and it saddens me when as adults… people still haven’t learned how important this trait is.
I know my grammar was terrible in this comment, but I don’t care. Feel free to rip me a new one.
K
BA- Welcome to the bigger internet, I guess! I’ve “known” you since the bump as well (or was it pre-bump? early bump? Meh, whatever.) and I just wanted to offer one more bit of support to you. Lynn and Toddler Mama are only two people, and obviously don’t adhere to the idea that there are actual people on computers that receive the hate they spew. I find it hard to believe that anyone that cruel is a nice person in person. If I wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, I won’t say it on the internet. That’s just how my mama raised me.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my 28 years, complete with the visions of horrible things, and nightmares, and everything. I have shared some of it on my blog, but not all, because I started my blog after things were more under control. Kudos to you, BA, for being ballsy enough to share the visceral reality with us, and helping mamas like me not feel so alone when bad mental days come along.
Been following BA for almost 2 years now, since my best friend told me to look at the hilarious sign you posted on your front door while baby Harry was sleeping, (something about being sniped)
, and while I didn’t suffer from the misery of PPD, I have so admired BA for being unafraid to say how you feel; even when it’s not pretty. You always remind me that it’s ok to be frustrated with mommy hood and from time to time, your unruly, cranky kid 
Youre an amazing voice for the mama who isn’t afraid to admit that it’s really hard being a mama. My 20 month old son is so stinky without a nap. I feel you dog!
To the commenter who must not be named, you stink! I’ve never understood haters, who know they’re haters, but still feel the need to rub poo on your face. If you feel like you dislike someone enough to rub said poo, leave them alone fool! Crazy how mean girls exist in all facets of life.
I don’t agree with Toddlermom’s negative comments. HOWEVER… what’s with so many other people going all pyscho-b**** on her? She disagreed with BA. Alot. She was negative & mean in the way she expressed it. Ok. How are all of YOU any better when you’re being b****y back to Toddlermom?
To point out the obvious … ToddlerMomma obviously has a crapload of free time, yes? Otherwise, she wouldn’t have time to read through so many people telling her to calm down and take a pill, and then respond . Please. Do you talk to people in “real” life this way? The internet is far too much of a guard for some … I would truly hate to know such a rude and spiteful person in real life.
BA is amazing. She’s real.
ToddlerMomma I believe is a fraud.
TODDLERMAMA – “Unlike MANY who procreate without thinking if it’s a good idea or not, I had a planned pregnancy. I am as sweet as sugar in person, and my child most likely has more manners in his entire being than you have in your pinky toe. Just give me a heads up on which state/county you are planning to put your kid into for school, and I’ll avoid it. Would hate for my angel to be schooled with morons.”
Is it just me or does hanging out with this person sound like torture? Images of the Stepford Wives are running through my head. I would hate for my child to be schooled with hers!
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