Bad Parent: Getting Something Off My Chest
I'm still nursing my toddler, and it even freaks me out.
It’s two in the morning and I’m on the toilet. This would be a mundane experience if it weren’t for the toddler standing beside me nursing.
My son is seventeen months old and still breastfeeds. I intended it that way. After reading oodles of attachment parenting literature, I decided that letting my child self-wean on his own time was best. What I didn’t anticipate was how totally freaky and unnerving the whole experience would be.
Believe it or not, letting him suckle while I’m on the john pre-dawn is the path of least resistance. What would happen if he didn’t tag along? He would sit up in bed and scream for his “Na Nas,” formerly known as my breasts, until they returned.
They are his breasts now. He strokes them lovingly through my shirt and cups them with his palms. He blows raspberries on them and giggles. He nurses in a toddler variation of Downward Facing Dog while simultaneously thumbing the pages of Goodnight Moon. He slaps my chest with both hands and shouts, “Na Na! Na Na!” when I’m trying to discuss the finer points of a leaky faucet with the plumber. I am the body attached to his breasts.
When he displays his more theatrical nursing techniques in public or around people other than my husband, I find myself sheepish and embarrassed. I worry that someone will find this whole situation repulsive: a slapping, grunting, gulping little man waddling along beside me, clamped to my nipples.
I gave Bumgarner’s advice a try. Here’s how it went: During a recent family visit with my husband’s relatives, his uncle asked, “So, does he drink his milk?” I paused for a moment. I could be truthful and say that no, we haven’t introduced cow’s milk, or I could just lie. But then my son solved the problem for me. He ran up to me, buried his face in my chest and shouted “Na Na!” as he yanked up my blouse.
“He’s not really into cow’s milk,” I said, watching him latch on. He nursed for exactly fifteen seconds, long enough to make it evident that, yes, this twenty-three-pound child still nurses, but too briefly to get any nutritional benefit (or bonding benefit, for that matter) from the experience.
So why am I still going through all this?
The World Health Organization recommends nursing for the first two years. And Dr. Sears advocates letting children self wean. Extended nursing is nutritionally and emotionally beneficial for young children, they say. I wholeheartedly believe that. My son strokes my cheek and stops periodically to sigh in pleasure. When he’s sick, it is often the only thing that makes him feel better. I can offer him this part of myself to stave off a tantrum, or comfort him when he’s hurt. It has benefits for me, too. When he curls up in my lap, I melt. I get to have my baby be a baby for just a little bit longer.
I’m still breastfeeding my 15-month-old son and I can relate to much of what you wrote. I kid you not, he also does the downward dog and book-reading thing. Sometimes he even lifts a leg for extra effect.
Also, perhaps I’m biased as I’m also an extended breastfeeder, but I don’t recall reading anything in your article that I would consider even remotely close to bad parenting. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed your article and it brought a smile to my face, which was a nice way to end the evening.
I was an extended breastfeeder with both my children, and nursed my daughter until she was three and a half. I totally support your choice to nurse, but I’m completely baffled by the tone of your piece.
You say that letting your son nurse while you’re on the toilet is ‘the path of least resistance’. Is that justification going to work when he demands ice cream for breakfast or wants to set a small fire in the living room? As long as he’s pushy enough those things are cool? He’s not really a baby, in the sense that nursing isn’t his only food source and he’s developing patterns of behavior that you will have to live with. Young, yes. Teachable, yes. Unaccountable baby, no.
You mention that the only potentially helpful advice you’ve read advised preventing behaviors in private that would embarrass you in public. So why don’t you do that? Stop letting your nursing toddler boss the relationship and impose some good manners on the situation. You feel uncomfortable because he doesn’t respect you, or because he acts like a contortionist while he nurses, or because he’s flagrant about his desires in public. You allow all those things. You are the parent in this relationship, and you have all the power. It is up to you to help your child learn the boundaries inherent in being an older nurser.
Even at three plus my daughter knew that nursey could only happen if she could lay still, not tug and be respectful. She wasn’t relying on it for nourishment; it was meant for comfort. So the only way we could do it was if it was comfortable for both of us. Her needs and desires were never the only consideration, because breastfeeding is an intimate activity between two people. Require from your son the behavior you need to be comfortable.
That was lovely, thank you for sharing. I’m a little jealous, really; my little one was only able to breast-feed for the first few months before we had to move her to bottles for medical reasons. But Babble… what the hell has happened to Bad Parent? Are there no more parents willing to share stories about being a gun-toting pot-smoking toddler-alcohol-providers bragging about keeping their kid out of school so not to interfere with a busy bar-hopping schedule? I really miss those days. They made me feel so much better about the mornings when I plop my girl down in front of Sesame Street so I can drink coffee and daydream… but alas. Perfectly Awesome Parent it is.
As a mom still breastfeeding her 23 month old son, I totally empathize with your situation. Because my son is still nursing, he feels he has ownership of, not just my breasts, but the rest of my body as well. He sticks his big toe up my nose and insists on pinching my lips together as he falls asleep. However, I think that as caregivers, we have a responsibility to set boundaries for our children. 17 months is not too young to be taught that there are appropriate and inappropriate times for nursing. Learning to say please and how to wait are important lessons for any child, start establishing them now.
It’s easy to forget what a tough age a year and a half is, when language and reasoning get so much better in just a few months. Sometimes trying to change behavior at that age is like trying to plug a waterfall. If a parent ever had “all the power” in a parent-child relationship, then I imagine that there would never be any whining or tantrums, no food would ever be rejected, bedtime would never be a struggle, hitting and biting would never happen. Which is not to say that you are powerless – just that it’s not so simple, particularly at this age.
Thank you for this! I’m still nursing my daughter, who is 18 months, and it was cool to hear that all of her little quirks are totally commonplace amongst the nursing-toddler set. Her favorite thing to do is pushing her face into my cleavage and “motorboating.” She calls them her “boo-boo.” I know this won’t last forever, so I’m letting her do her own thing.
This was fantastic! I laughed particularly at the mention of the child doing downward dog while nursing. I too am nursing a toddler and I try to dodge the judging questions I get from family. It’s almost as if I’m trying to give an excuse when I say,”Yes, he still nurses but it’s only three times a day!” when in actuality it’s more like six. I feel like I need an excuse but you’re right, perhaps I’m the only one who really cares.
My son will grunt and smash his face into my shirt and rip at my neck to try and get to my breasts. It sounds like the stuff Lifetime movies are based on but alas, it’s just my little guy trying to get some comfort. We should be grateful though, we have the ultimate binky, blanket, or baba and we don’t have to search for it when our children scream!
I weaned my son at 12 months. Of all the stay at home moms I knew, I was the first to wean. I felt guilty about it, but it just wasn’t that easy for me.It is amazing how guilty we can feel either way. (Weaning or nursing past 1 year.) @Michelle Nesius – yes, my son is now plopped in front of Sesame Street so I can surf the net and drink coffee!
I’m on the fence about nursing past a year, but this definitely made me smile. I wish is wasn’t a Bad Parent article, because this isn’t bad at all. I’ll probably be wondering the same things once my ten month old hits toddlerdom. Good for you!
go Aba! you said it all for me.
one other thing– this article doesn’t pack a punch because nursing a kid to 15 months doesn’t seem remotely too long. i just met a mom who nursed her first kid til she was 4 and the only reason she stopped is because it got too difficult to nurse her along with the her newborn!
oops– i mean 17 months.
nursing a 20 month old…same deal w the acrobatics, the titty pinching, the demands…but I love that she is a girl who knows what she wants and is not afraid to ask…she now knows how to say her word for them and it is so cute!
NEVER be ashamed!
I’m with you, I’ve been in the thick of it for another year. That is, my still-nursing son is two-and-a-half. We’ve got acrobatics, and we’ve also got toddler nursing humor (“now knee’s turn for nya-nya”) and toddler lactation science (Mommy, moo milk is moo nya-nya!”).
Am I embarrassed? Sometimes. Do I fear it will never end, or that I’ll end it at the cost of my son’s well-being. Hell yeah. But am I ashamed? No. If I didn’t believe, really believe, that this was the right thing for my emotionally sensitive, cow’s-milk-intolerant son, I wouldn’t be doing it.
I don’t mean to criticize; I enjoyed the piece, and you’re entitled to whatever emotions are yours. But I do want to parse the fine line between outside-inflicted embarrassment and inside-inflicted shame.
Finally, a comeback line, should I ever be aggressively questioned about my decision to continue nursing when my son is this age. I’ve prepared it but never had the occasion to use it. You’re welcome to it if it works for you:
“Oh, are you the president of the World Health Organization? It’s such an honor to meet you. When did you revise your guidelines?”
“Wait, you mean you’re NOT with the WHO? Then how exactly are you qualified to be giving advice that contradicts WHO guidelines…?”
I am getting very annoyed with Babble editors who continually put rather banal topics into the “BAD PARENT!!!” column – they’re as bad as newspaper and magazine editors who put big glossy pics of celebs at the head of an article that has very little to do with them. Maybe they could just label it “if we could have your attention for a moment – we’re trying to cook up some controversy here…”.
That said, I think maybe the discomfort and self-doubt the writer discusses is really all about social norms and judgements that we encounter in vast amounts every day of our lives. We sure don’t hear from mothers in third world countries doubting their choice to breastfeed well past toddlerhood. Having breastfed both my sons to 20 months (and the only reason they stopped is because in both instances I traveled without them for 10 days at that point in their lives – I am a firm believer that not all children will self-wean and may need a little encouragement from mom – my now 25 month old is still very attached to my “boo-boo” and his source of comfort when sick, tired, upset, etc is to stroke them, and not in a gentle way…). I was always a comfortable, and somewhat stubborn, breastfeeder but definitely felt many people questioned my choice to breastfeed past the first year. The way that I dealt with it is this: people are always going to question the choices you make – often in subtle ways, and sometimes very overtly (like my mother-in-law who said, as I was breastfeeding my then 9 month old at the dinner table, “Jean-Paul says that breastfeeding is only necessary for the first 6 weeks of life, after that, there is no difference” (she said it in french of which I speak only a little – my sister-in-law, a member of La Leche, informed me). But they are OUR choices. For better or worse, as the parents of our children, we get to sift through the rather substantial amount of information and misinformation available to us, take into account our own realities and values and those of our parenting partners, and make the decisions that we deem are in the best interest of our family. I guess it comes down to your sense of confidence in what you are doing – I miss breastfeeding my last son, but I was sooo ready to have my body back. That was my decision, not a result of social pressure, and I feel very good about that.
I nursed my son until he was about 28 months. I have to say, setting limits in public with a nursing toddler is totally fine. I mean, I was comfortable with nursing him in public until he got old enough where Id idn’t want him doing downward facing dog on my lap on the park bench. It made weaning really easy for me to just say, “We can nurse when we get home.” So, for a while he could nurse whenever he wanted as long as we were at home (or someone else’s house) Then, we nursed only in the morning, before bed, and before nap. Then, we were able to stop nursing very easily and with NO tears when I was pregnant. It helped that my milk was pretty much gone.
I never expected to really nurse past a year, but I loved nursing him. I was very sad to stop nursing, but I think we were both ready. The process of weaning was a very long, but easy process for us. Each step was probably a couple of months long.
Hope you can find a way to continue or stop nursing that works for both of you.
I’m nursing a 17 month old and I can absolutely relate to your story! Some of the thoughts that run through my mind when someone asks if we still nurse is that children are attached to SOMETHING… often times the mothers asking me then whips out a BOTTLE for their 2 year old… and I’m thinking,”Really? You’re judging me when your kid can’t give up a bottle! Give me a break!” I can’t help but feel proud when my child drinks from a regular cup. I’ve found that I have the least follow up questions when I say something like, “The pediatrician wants me, if I can, to nurse until she’s two.” It’s a bit of a cop-out, but that ends the conversation right there… I get exasperated at times with her twitching and pinching, it’s tiring to have the responsibility all day… and night… and day
In the end, what matters most to me is her emotional development, and knowing that I’m doing what’s best for her.Thank you thank you for this piece, and everyone’s supportive feedback… when I saw it on Bad Parent I was afraid at what debate people would have, but it appears we’re all on the same page!
Why is he up at 2am? Most babiea are nourished enough during the daytime that they do not need to wake to eat in the night. Like us. Sorry but nursing a kid cause you dont want him to “be upset” is just stupid. Nurse to nourish. Two years is great if you live in a third world country and dont have access to clean water or good food. This is the USA. That kid can eat a steak. For this woman is a about power, sexual pleasure and not having the guts to raise her child. He is in control of her not the other way around. My bet is she will let him potty train himself at 6 years, too. Children have to learn boundaries with other humans. Today he grabs her boobs, tomorrow its the teacher at Pre-K. Why not? He has never been told no, never been asked to act his age but forced to remain an infant his whole life. My bet is he ramins with his co-dependant mother for the rest of her life. Sitting in his basement apartment, smoking grass and looking for work at 37. Raise an adult dont keep a baby. If you want a baby have another one.
Ick. He’s got teeth and talks and you’re still nursing?
“He slaps my chest with both hands and shouts, “Na Na! Na Na!” when I’m trying to discuss the finer points of a leaky faucet with the plumber. I am the body attached to his breasts.”sounds like the author has serious emotional problems. she lets her toddler slap her breats in front of strangers b/c they belong to the toddler??? maybe it’s just her writing style but it comes off as creepy.it’s not about nutrition. it’s about setting limits. which she can’t do.
I am also nursing a 17 month old by and ohmygod, I can totally relate.
There’s a difference between giving a kid the nutrition he needs – and offering him the keys to the store. If you’re going to nurse, fine, but shouldn’t you also be teaching him respect for people, such as – uh – yourself, along with courtesy and rules? 17 months is NOT too early to teach these things. And what the heck is he doing up in the john with you at 2 am?? Sounds like he’s in charge – not just of your boobs, but your entire life. Too bad for both of you. It’s only going to get worse as he gets older if you don’t set clear boundaries NOW.
I know that this isn’t literally bad parenting, but despite myself, this article totally skeeved me out. Obviously breasts are for breastfeeding. But for many, many women, myself included, they are sexualized and many of us actually like that our breasts have more than one function. My breasts don’t belong to anyone BUT me. They’re not my child’s or my husband’s, even though both enjoy them! I think that the distinction between breasts as sex objects and breasts as nourishment is being wiped away, FOR ME, when a talking, walking, downward dog posing little person is ripping my shirt open. Clearly this situation isn’t actually Oedipal, but it crosses my own personal boundary line.
There are other ways to bond with your toddler than through breastfeeding. I only breastfeed my son for 6 weeks, and he still “curls up on my lap” and “strokes my cheek.” At this point the boob sounds more like a pacifier. Toddlers need to learn to some self-soothing techniques, and it is your job as a parent to help them do that in a caring way, without crutches like pacifiers, or breasts, or bottles for that matter. This is generally the problem I have with breastfeeding so long.
Ali….learn how to freakin’ spell before you preach your sickening vitriol to loving mothers doing a great job.
Comeon…where in any scientific or child-raising literature does it say teeth have anything to do with nursing or weaning. My girl started getting teeth at 6 months and I would not have dreamed of weaning her at that point.
I think if you can wait it out and let the child self-wean, with increasing limits and teaching of manners and respect for mama along the way, then that is the way to go.
I set limits for my 20 month old daughter, and sometimes I let her have “milkies” or not depending on my mood, even. Sometimes mommy just needs her space. I am teaching her that I am a person and we have a relationship, together. On the other hand, if she is having a bad day, or a hard time, I am more inclined to give in even if it’s not most convenient for me. It’s give and take. I suspect the author is probably the same and just highlighted the wackiest parts for the article.
I wanted to say Cheers! to Aba who is right on the money (imho) about being the parent in the situation and helping to steer your child’s behavoir. Extended breastfeeding stories, like this one, remove any desire I have to nurse my child beyond the first 12 months. I’m glad to hear someone understands my concerns and has a completely rationale response to an otherwise shocking situation.
also, i wanted to add that one of my nephews, who was breastfeed (don’t know how long, sorry), displayed at the age of four what this toddler is displaying to the author, except that my nephew started touching MY breasts and talking about MY breasts and never once did it seem to be a problem to anyone in the family but me. to Ali’s point about the pre-k teacher, your exactly right. this can and will happen if parents don’t set boundaries, teach manners, and establish responsiblity with their kids.
I empathize! My daughter was two and a half before she gave up nursing. I had planned to nurse both my children until about age 2, depending on what they wanted. My son weaned himself by a year old, but my daughter would probably still be nursing if I hadn’t encouraged her to wean when she turned 2. She wasn’t crazy about the idea and it took a fair amount of gentle encouragement on my part. I can’t remember now how she weaned, or exactly when it happened, so it probably wasn’t difficult!My best friends told me flat out that it was time to wean her when she turned 2. They felt, as some people do, that once the child has teeth and can vocalize what he/she wants, it’s time to wean. That breastfeeding an “older” child is icky; their definition of an “older” child being very clearly-defined. Of course neither of them has ever raised a baby or breast-fed a child; the wisdom of those on the outside looking in, eh? Ultimately I think the solution is to disregard the “yay-sayers” and “nay-sayers” and do what feels right for you. Your baby is only 17 months old; it seems to me like you have plenty of time to figure out what works for you and how you and your child can achieve that. As several people have said, you need to assert your parental authority; but at the same time, if you’re comfortable with your child continuing to nurse you don’t need to force the issue. Good luck!
I’m still nursing my 14 mo old. He doesn’t show signs of stopping.
We’ve made a great transition though into only nursing at home, at
wakeup and before naps and bedtime. He’s too distracted out in the
world, plus the acrobatics are past my comfort level. At home, he
nurses well — it’s comfort and a supplement as he gets better with
solids. We don’t nurse as much as when he was newborn, nor as much as
through infancy. I’m sure it’ll be different 6 months from now.
The most consistent issue people mention to me
has to do with his teeth. He’s already got 12 in (yay, good calcium in
mama’s milk), and no one who hasn’t nursed a toddler can wrap their
heads around the idea that the kid can nurse without biting. It requires trust, which is earned. He could bite, but generally doesn’t. Folks should really stop worrying about it. It’s a minor blip compared to other parenting issues.
Bad parent for nursing a 17th month old? Wow, the World Health Organization suggests breastfeeding for AT LEAST 1 years.
I mean, yeah, it’s annoying to have my son play with my sore nipples, but I am so proud of myself for not having given up on it.
The only “Bad Parent” part of this article is the author letting her son “own” her breasts. I find absolutely nothing wrong with extended nursing until either the child or the mother wants to quit but I have a major problem of a parent not setting boundaries for their children no matter what the age. I think the 12-18 months is a hard time for Moms, especially first time moms, because their “infants” have grown somehow into “toddlers”. This is the first “parenting shift”. Mom needs to learn that toddlers CAN be patient (not very… but still it’s a start) and that they certainly can learn repectful behavor. Infact, nursing edicate is a great place to start. You don’t have to be “all-or-nothing” but you should be consistant and firm. Sure there wil be a couple of melt downs, soothed by hugs and soft voices not bobbies. Better to be embaraced once or twice by a public meltdown than by a drugged up teen because Mom and Dad made a habbit of taking the path of least resistance.
That was great! I nursed until 2 years and only stopped because I was pregnant again and sick and my milk stopped. I didn’t really care what people thought, it was just so easy to give him the boob and calm him down. I’ve nursed while on the toilet too, as crazy as that is, it just worked out fine. My boobs were his and I was fine with that. Now he is three and likes to cop a feel every now and then and laugh. Isn’t that what boobs were meant for? I think it’s sweet and the author sounds like a really awesome mom. I’m sure it won’t last forever, but if it works for now, why not! And it’s great to have a sense of humour about it, one day you will look back and miss it. I don’t think it’s bad to give a kid the boob in public to calm him down, it’s not fostering a bad addiction, rather, it’s like giving a comfort like a hug and a cuddle from a loving parent. Parents give pacifiers all the time, I don’t see how it’s much different.
been there, but haven’t done that. my daughter was over 2 when i gently/firmly helped her wean. by that age, the antics were confined to the house. no more grabbing tits in public etc. whatever happened at 2 am in the confines of our own home, fine. but helping a child be a social human being and all that that means (i.e. you don’t get everything you want every second of the day) doesn’t mean force weaning before they’re ready. why do longterm breastfeeding and setting regular age appropriate boundaries often feel too mutually exclusive? i’m all for both of them, and managed to do it. i think it was greatly beneficial for both of us, and meant that we never had to deal with anyone else’s bs or judgement with regard to the former.
I nursed my daughter until her 4th birthday. I loved it and don’t regret one second of it. If I have another child, I’ll do it just the same!!! Long live boo (my dd’s name for my breasts)!!
I agree completely. I nursed my first child until she was 2 1/4 years and my second is still going strong at 20 months. I did have the wonderful support of a nursing mothers group/toddler playgroup at our local breastfeeding center. I was not alone so I did not feel so “odd” as I think I might have if I did not have that support. I did however impose limits such as no more night time nursings. I realized that when it was no longer a food sorce or even a way to easily put the child back to sleep while at the same time getting the sleep I needed I said no more “mum mum” at night. It was about 3 nights of mild complaining but now no more at night. He still wakes every night but can easily go back cuddled up to me (we cosleep … sort of). I agree with child centered weaning but I also believe that now, as the child grows from an infant who is dependant on breastmilk for nutrition, the toddler should have limits set just as they would with any other thing in the life of a toddler. I would not let my toddler do what ever he wanted all the time. I set appropriate limits. I do the same with the nursings. Sometimes, when the child is sick or hurt those limits go out the window but for us we say no when it is just no time (like when you have to get out of the house to pick up the older child from school and are going to be late if you stop to nurse). I am also able to explain that he can have “mum mum” when we get home or after we leave the grocery store, etc…
All in all, great job and keep on nursing!!!!!
I nursed my daughter until she was 18 mo old and probably only stopped because I was four months pregnant.
I totally support setting limits as far as public nursing goes if you’re uncomfortable with it. Also, what a great way to start setting limits and boundaries. At a year, very few children are exclusively breastfed so substituting something that is being served at a restaurant in place of the breast always worked for me.
Surprisingly, the most rewarding part of breastfeeding my daughter has come now that I’m breastfeeding her brother.
My daughter-now 27 mo-lovingly looks on while I feed her brother and routinely strokes his head while he’s nursing. She also “breastfeeds” her dolls and has become a remarkably well-adjusted kid. Who would have thought that toddler who used to nurse with her legs around me neck would end up rocking so much?
http://tastelikecrazy.com/2008/08/09/an-evolving-battle/
My 19-month-old and I are still nursing and I think it’s the best relationship, ever!
He is not a constant grabby-needy nurser but definitely makes it known, at the usual expected times in the day.
Mommy-instincts kicked in strong from the start, and since I am a
pretty tolerant low-strung person, I have also been patient to keep
nursing this long.
I am a “foodie” and believe in eating well and
imparting that on my now-toddler. I cringe at the taste of
cardboard-flavored formula; no wonder so many kids have food aversions.
Kids in general are encouraged to grow up, in a competitive way, so fast in our society. I consider my son a baby (though a toddler) still. Cow’s milk does not contain what I am giving my son through my own ‘probiotics’ and immunities.
He does eat the baby yogurt and cheese (and milk in my cooking) but to stress on milk consumption as a replacement to breast milk (or formula) is a mistake.
I feel bad for babes whose moms are pressured to quit by that “when he turns one” guideline. I also felt that way at one time, or that I’d never even nurse my child (heck, I was bottle fed from the start).
I hope new moms who read my comments reconsider their plans with their babies. It is so worth keeping up the arduous task of nursing, in the long run.
Even tonight, it staved off a tantrum
I nursed my son until he was almost 2 years old (he’s now 4 & 1/2 and still misses those days). Now I have a daughter who is still going strong at 27 months. I can relate to most of your feelings, but can’t imagine how you could put up with the comments from your mother’s friend! I have so little tolerance for these kind of comments, especially from other women. (I would have looked her in the eyes and said, “Yep, I’m one of those freaks!”) The only comfort I’ve found in the face of those types of remarks is to remember something that I heard when my son was a baby. I was in a new parent & baby class and the instructor brought up a study that was conducted years ago. They evaluated men and women who were in the 50′s and 60′s (our parents’ ages) on how they determined their self-worth. For men, not surprisingly, their success at work was the number one factor in how valuable they deemed themselves to be. But, surprisingly, for women it was not how well they parented their children. Instead, it was how well they considered their children’s parenting skills. They were very critical of how their children raised their children, because ultimately, they saw any differences in parenting choices as a rejection of the choices that they themselves had made. (For example, my mother has been critical of my decision to breastfeed my chidren for their first couple of years. She did not breastfeed us. She may be feeling that my decision to breastfeed them, and for so long, suggests that I think she made the wrong decision. It’s not that at all, but according to the study, that probably has a lot to do with her criticism.) I always try to remember that when I am the recipient of unsolicited advice or negative comments. I do agree that there is nothing wrong with setting limits with your son, or weaning him if you no longer want to nurse him. But I hope you don’t stop just because you feel uncomfortable with what other people may or may not think about your decision to still breastfeed him. If I did that, my kids and I would never leave the house!
If you want to continue to breastfeed until he’s 5, I don’t care. But in my experience, women who kind of want to give up but can’t, always lack a satisfying physical relationship with an adult partner and/or have a problem saying “no” and choose the path of least resistance. And if you’re doing it for you, that’s OK, but thinking your child will be a more stable adult because he was on the breast until 2 rather than 1, is totally nuts. But breastfeeding is a cult right now, and no one, not even or especially doctors, are allowed to diss it. Yes I breastfed, but I also think the benefits are touted louder than ever because of the number of women (mostly SAHM’s) who need it to validate themselves in a world that demands performance and working moms who feel guilty and try to pump or breastfeed away the guilt.
I hear you… Sometimes you just want them back, (your breasts)… and then you know these moments not only make you laugh, but won’t last forever. My husband and I use humor as well to deal with the frustration that can go with breastfeeding. I personally like that my son enjoys breastfeeding and the intimacy we share as a result. However, every breastfeeding mom (from the cavemoms till now) knows that no matter how “polite” your little person is about your breasts, you will at some point feel like you are not the one in control. Which is a great lesson, because none of us are. Boobies!!!
I wrote a similar but more positive blog on my own experience nursing my now two year old daughter. I cannot believe how uneducated and counterproductive many of these arguments against extended nursing are. I’m breastfeeding my two year old because I lack a relationship with my partner? I need to validate myself? I am just to lazy to quit? Oh please. I am a working mom who considering my age and social status is relatively successful. I don’t take any sexual pleasure in breastfeeding or lack much in my relationship with my adult partner. I have zero issues with saying no to my child. I breastfeed her because it is BEST, it is what my breasts where DESIGNED to do and what is biologically normal. The difference between the writer and I is that I spent a good year apologizing for breastfeeding or fearing a public reaction. After the first year I noticed that no one cared if I was nursing. No one even noticed. Honestly it is no one else’s business. Plenty of moms have now told me how they breastfed their child way beyond the first year, stories I never heard during the first few months of breastfeeding or during my pregnancy. This reinforced the attitude that nursing is normal. As far as comments about breastfeeding beyond a year in the third world, I believe those are completely racist. It is a complete assumption (and a wrong one at that) that people in other countries breastfeed due only to poverty. In many nations extended breastfeeding occurs in all socio-economic groups, regardless of if a family can afford food or not. Besides which that is a cruel argument when we consider that although we are wealthy in quanity of food we are poor in terms of quality. If most Americans think feeding a toddler a steak or giving them a glass of ultrapasterized milk is norishment our children are the ones who are malnorished and most in need of breastmilk from their mothers.
Is 17 months considered a long time? It seems that most moms who stay at home nurse past a year. @Brooke Johnson – I totally agree that people should not judge extended nursing, as it has many benefits. Yet you talk about most Americans thinking a steak and pasteurized milk is good nutrition. If only that were the case! Most Americans think processed food is good nutrition. Compared to that, steak and milk are wonderful. (They are, basically, whole foods after all.)
Good for you for hanging in there, I would only let him nurse when he needs the milk or true comfort. You are not a snack machiene. If he was on the bottle you would not give him one for 15 seconds… Set some limits and I bet he will wean quite quickly.
Ugh. I mean, do what makes you comfortable and all, but it gives me the wiggins to think of my body being treated that way. I’m planning on breastfeeding when my twins are born, but not extending. I’m shy, reserved and private and tend to see breastfeeding as an uncomfortable sacrifice to make for my children like childbirth. I don’t expect it will make me feel less uncomfortable with my boobs hanging out, and I’ll be doing it for nutrition only, not as a pacifier. If they want a pacifier, I’ll give them one, but my boobs are not babytoys.
I think the mom is nothing like a bad parent, maybe just needs to learn to say “no”, “stop touching my boobs in front of the plumber” or “don’t rip my shirt open in public, or even at all” ie, setting limits (omg, “child abuse” will shriek some), which has more to do with general behaviour than breastfeeding. The idea of breastfeeding a toddler is a bit disturbing FOR ME and I don’t think I will do it (my babe is 5 month old right now), but I don’t have a problem with those who do it…to each their own.
The only thing that bothers me in the comments is how everyone always refers to the W.H.O. guidelines whenever breasfeeding is concerned…Yes, people, these guidelines were written with 3rd world countries in mind, where there is no clean water or formula for that matter, and where small children eat gruel made with well water and whatever cereal is accessible when they are off the boob, leading to malnutrition and contamination issues. So for these babies the longer at the breast the better. There is nothing racist here, it’s just facts. The W.H.O couldn’t care less whether Park Slope moms breasfeed or not, and if yes, how long, because their babies will do great no matter what…so please, have a little perspective!
What makes the author a “bad parent” isn’t that she is still breastfeeding; it is because she is doing it for the wrong reasons, and because she hasn’t been able to set limits with her child yet. It appears that she is miserable about it, in fact, and that she “chooses” to extend breastfeeding beyond the first year because Dr. Sears and the WHO told her she should (never mind the AAP’s advice that weaning at 12 months is fine). I have compassion for her, because we are all so vulnerable as parents to what the “experts” advise, that we aren’t able to make choices based on instinct and self respect. As a non-expert, here’s my advice to the author – night wean your child (a little crying is okay when your baby is 17 months). That way, you can get some much deserved rest, and will be able to have the energy to set limits with your child so he will stop mauling your breasts in public. Then, reexamine your motives to extend breastfeeding. Does he really need the nourishment, or is he not too picky an eater so that he can get his nutrients from other foods? Can you and he find other ways from him to soothe himself (a lovey; hugs; distraction, etc. – he’s going to need to learn to self soothe soon anyway). Good luck!
Dr. Sears is ruining America! Too many parents take his books at face value. Where’s the real research? In fact, I bet if you did do research on attachment parenting today, you’d find that the attachment children are out of control, whining, hellions that need more limits stat! This article is a case in point. Sure – build an attachment with your baby by holding them a lot, and breastfeeding if you can. But starting around 9-12 months, babies need to sleep through the night in order to function well (not to mention mom), and need to be taught the word “no.”
brook johnson,
I would love for you to have some actual facts to back up “uneducated” reactions from others. This article is all about attachment parenting, something I personally think is a detriment to social skills and accountability of both parents and children. Also, I don’t care what you moms think…your husband would like to re-join the party. Get that toddler off your tit and remember that the wife/husband relationship came first and should remain a priority for a healthy marriage/partnership. Almost all posters admitted that there is no longer nutritional value, but a comfort solution for their toddlers. No matter how much you try to defend it, breastfeeding this long is about YOU and not baby (or actually child).
I too had a toddler breastfeeder. In my head I thougut one year was perfect time to beging to wean. I loved the boding time we had and I loved the fact I was keeping my child alive solely on my own.She loved the beating of my heart and the time that was always spent calm and unrushed.
Her one year birthday passes and she still wouldn’t give it up (and I didn’t push it).Then one and a half came…then she was two years old.Two was my absolute cut off (in my head), but she would and could not stop (even if it was only once or twice a day). I started to think it was me who had the problems with it. Like the article I was embarassed, or thought about what everyone was thinking. I looked at my two + year old and told her (and myself) that I will wait until she was ready. I made peace with the fact I have never really cared what others think (only for brief moments), and that this was my life and my child and I knew I was doing the best for my child. I am not kidding, two weeks later I was laying in bed and realized she had not had “boobie” for 24 hours! I told my husband, then told my little boobie sucker, she didn’t even realize. I told her how proud I was of her now being a big girl and that was the end of it. I was so scared to cut her off, or to make her feel she was doing something wrong…but she stoped on her own when her own need/body clock stopped. I am proud of all you mothers that keep doing things for the betterment of your child! They are smarter than we think and society as a whole needs to realize this.
Agreed with ‘grossed out’. We aren’t posting comments from a grass hut in Bangladesh here…this is for the mom, not the child’s health to go past 12-18 months.
My wife breastfed our son until he was 13 months. There is a person on here who says she breastfed until her kid was FOUR! My son is four now. Thinking of him still breastfeeding…good god…yuck. I’m a 100% supporter of breastfeeding, but that’s not right. For mother, baby or society.
Why not just keep on doing it until they’re 10? How about weaning when they leave for college?
Icky.
I think any mother should nurse as long as she likes, for sure. But doesn’t anyone want her body back?? I couldn’t wait to stop nursing so my breasts would stop leaking, my body could get back to normal, I could stop calculating time before having a glass of wine… I mean, as long as she needed me for sustenance, I was thrilled to provide it. But as soon as she didn’t need me to eat, I was happy to stop.
Plus, although breastmilk is great (best, whatever), it’s not the same as a meal of tomatoes, avocados and peaches. Chickpeas and raisins. Formula is pretty gross smelling — totally agree. But doesn’t it seem like breastmilk would seem kind of boring after a bit? Compared to the whole huge world of food out there?
And if it’s just for comfort, I agree with a previous poster. By two years, why not a hug and a kiss?
I weaned my daughter at 16 months. I did not wean earlier or later because of any advice from a book or nosy neighbor, but simply because it seemed like the easiest time for both of us. You mentioned that your 17 month old was distracted by the trucks and wanted to play rather than nurse, my daughter started to show the exact same behavior and I took advantage of her short attention span to distract her when she requested nursing. She still wanted to nurse at night before bed for the next month or so, but really was no longer intensely interested in nursing like she was before I started day weaning. If I had not done that I can bet she would still be nursing at three. I don’t know why the idea of weaning has been determined to be an unkind act, it doesn’t have to be. Would I say that everyone should wean when we did, of course not, but following the clues your child gives you will make the process so much easier.
I agree with aba way up at the top. I think you are definitely capable of setting limits here and should start now before it gets more out of hand. I nursed my son until he was 3.5 yrs old and it was, hands down, the best thing ever. At a certain point in the toddler time, he tried to command the situation but I did not allow for that. Of course, you will always deal with the crowds that are uncomfortable with the situation, especially as your child grows. It is true that now, it is less about nutrition and more about comfort so you do need to make it comfortable for everyone.
After two years old, for my son and I, nursing happened only when we were in a quiet place with few distractions and typically it was just he and I, or my husband or other close family members or dear friends, but no longer in public, unless it was an extreme case of needing immediate comfort with no alternatives. Tugging, pulling, exposing me was not acceptable. He had to treat my body with respect and it also became a time to slowly introduce privacy aspects of the body!
As a sidenote, I think it’s horrible that your mother’s friend actually referred to your nursing your child as “gross.” There is never anything gross about a mother nursing a child! Your issue with nursing your toddler probably does come from the underlying attitude that those around you display with such a passive/aggressive tone. Put it out of your head and get beyond that and enjoy this time. It’s gonna be gone faster than you know and one day you’ll look back on it and wish you could have enjoyed it more!
I extended nursed both my kids long past 17 months. I am far from being a “crunchy” mom and if you saw me you’d probably have me (somewhat accurately) pegged as yuppy and never guess I EN. In my experience, there are many “closet extended nursers” because of the tremendous cultural pressure to wean. I have experienced all you’ve mentioned and more. Nursing is both a simple and highly complex relationship and I do not regret a single minute of it. There are really only two things I want to say. One, those “fifteen second nursings” are most definitely a bonding time. Each time you allow him to meet his emotional needs, the reinforcement that mom and a great source of comfort, is always there for him, is bonding him closer to you. This will be a great benefit to him, and you, as he grows older. And two, this time is so fleeting. Soon, he will be off without a backward glance and you will remember this time with great affection and only bemusement at the hardships. I haven’t read all the comments, but I absolutely agree with NursingMama above.
Eew, eew and againe eew!!! What all people put themselves (and other poor spectators) through for a “nutritional and emotional” benefit. Plenty of children don’t breastfeed beyond one year and they are all fine.
A child lunging for the breats in public?? Come on, its time for a bottle or glass! About the “its natural” theorey, well so is peeing and pooping, but thats not done in public? is it?
I worry about all these people who say “soon, this wonderous period of breastfeeding will be over” when they’re talking about 2-, 3-, 4-year-olds. Seriously, you are missing out on the wonder of seeing your independent child soothe and comfort herself with your teaching. Of showing her, by example, that her body is her own, just like yours. Since when is giving all of yourself, all of your body, all of the time, without limits, the responsibility of a parent? It’s infantilizing, this desire to keep your 2-year-old your nursing “baby”. Set them free already! They’re people trying to figure out the world.
Would you do this with your husband? Let him have any part of you any time he wants? Make his only comfort, his ability to fall asleep, dependent on you? I know it feels good to think that YOU are the only comfort, YOU have the ticket to happiness, it comes only from YOUR body, but seriously… if you want that experience, it might be time to have another baby.
Look it up. Because I have done the research. I don’t need to present links to my facts because they are common knowledge among any parent who takes 15 minutes to google “benefits of breastfeeding”. The comments about WHO are ridiculous. No, the WHO standards were not created for the benefit of just the third world which by the way is in itself a racist term (the proper one is the developing world). The WHO recommendations are followed by almost every country around the globe, include European countries who have the highest rates of breastfeeding. The recommendations are also used to determine what vaccines are added to our children’s vaccine schedule. We are currently the only country not following WHO standards when it comes to the promotion and sale of formula. Even here breastfeeding beyond the first and even second year is encouraged or at the very least found not to be harmful. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding until AT LEAST the first year and beyond. They have stated that there is no harm in continuing the breastfeeding relationship as long as the mother and child are both comfortable, to any age.
Additionally the comments in reference to my “husband” (I have a opposite sex partner who I have been living with for several years but we are not married) are stupid to say the least. The breastfeeding relationship has zero impact on my relationship with my partner. Breastfeeding is not sexual, breastfeeding has nothing to do with my sexual or other aspects of my relationship. Also it is not as if my child is literally breastfeeding all the time. A toddler only nurses a few times a day. We can leave my daughter with family overnight or for the evening with no problems. However we also put a priority on having time together as a whole family. So my daughter goes almost everywhere with us. We both agreed that I should continue to nurse because it is in best interest of my child and that we did not feel it was in anyway weird, gross or something that made us uncomfortable. My partner is my biggest supporter when it comes to my decision to continue breastfeeding and has defended me in many cases where his family objected (oddly enough my friends who are not parents are also very supportive). I also think the concept of a sexual relationship or marriage coming before a relationship or the health of a child is insane. I can never break the genetic bonds with my child, I will never have an opportunity to give my child the health benefits of breast milk again. My partner and I have our entire lives to have a sexual relationship or spend time together. In my relationship and in the relationships of many attachment parents I know it is a non-issue because both parents agree the child should always come first anyways.
As far as criticisms of attachment parents, it is one of those situations where you cannot judge it or know if it works if you never tried it yourself. My daughter is a happy, healthy, intelligent and social child. I always get compliments on how well behaved she is and how different she is from other children. I am not positive attachment parenting is the reason, but I couldn’t imagine parenting any other way. I also don’t understand the comments about self soothing or independence. My daughter is a very independent child and often chooses to self sooth or fall asleep on her own. If she falls down she will ask for a kiss, but usually doesn’t ask to nurse. My sister’s children by comparison who were not breastfed where very clingy at this stage. I can’t say my daughter is independent because she is breastfed, but I do know all children are different. I don’t see anything wrong with a child being clingy or a child being really independent.
I guess we all draw the line at independence in different places. Most Americans would think a 10-year-old breastfeeding is “gross” and inappropriate. Most Americans would consider a 6-month-old breastfeeding beautiful. I happen to draw the line at two years old. My daughter, whom I breastfed until I went back to work and is now 1 1/2, is such an independent thinker and actor, that tying her physically to my body (for comfort, for sleep, for bonding, for nutrition) would be a disservice to her and her desire to explore the world beyond Mom. If she falls down, she picks herself up and keeps going. She doesn’t run back to me. I know other kids are different and need Mom’s close comfort a little longer, but at some point I would imagine the health benefits of breastfeeding a child who eats sandwiches would be outweighed by the restrictions of needing to have Mom and her breasts always nearby. God forbid you have to be away for work or want to take some time alone.
Are there any extended breastfeeders who have full-time jobs? I’m just curious, because I can’t imagine how that’s possible. Anyone willing to pump in the office for two years or more?
Oh, brooke, you just keep telling yourself that…for someone who is so behind her choice you are awfully defensive. Of course you wouldn’t attach any links of your research, it’s all your opinion and what you have found to back up to support what you believe. So easy to do. As a matter of fact, I have 3 children under 3, so not only do I have more experience with different personalities and needs, but I have done just as much research as you. I also know that the LLL pays Google for “top links”–any time you google what you suggested, the LLL is navigating what you see. Google is a business and this applies to anything you search on their engine, FYI.
Also, no one said breastfeeding is “sexual”. It’s not the sexualizing of the breast, it is the fact that when your body belongs to a toddler, you are just mommy and not partner. You should really get off of the mommy websites and take some time to look into marriage and counseling info. Protecting your marriage/relationship is encouraged by nearly all counselors and experts. When there is a healthy relationship of parents, all of that trickles down to the children. It’s not that you don’t make your children a priority, it’s just not to forget that you as a couple came first. Love for your children is unconditional–it’s the marriage and partnership that needs work and dedication to get through rough patches. Rarely will a happy marriage breed any kind of insecurity in children. In fact, those children will grow up with better interpersonal skills and confidence.
I have no problems with your choice to EN. What my problem is you spewing out information that is not fact, just info you gathered to suit your choice. There are many, many, many cases where moms cannot breastfeed due to medical issues or perhaps adoption. These children turn out just fine. I did breastfeed all of my children as long as I could, but pregnancy forced them to wean naturally based on my supply. They all were on formula by 6 months as a result. My oldest is stubborn and has meltdowns in public, my middle is the best behaved child you will ever meet, and my infant is so far very demanding and spririted. None of those traits have anything to do with nursing/not nursing–it’s called personalities. Not to mention, they are all whip smart, due to the fact that they have good genes–I am a PhD candidate and my husband, a JD, MA–not because of nursing as LLL would like you to believe.
You mentioned that you write a blog. Sharing information as a parent is very important. But please make sure you make a distinction between your beliefs/choices and fact in what you share. If you are stating facts, it really should be linked to SOMETHING to back it up. And even then, it’s all relative. Scientific studies are easily skewed by percentages, lack of controls, etc… (I do research for a living, so you’ll just have to take my word for it).
There is a reason I have kids so close in age–I have a wonderful marriage. My husband happens to think that pregnancy and all that goes along with it is very feminine and attractive. He is also pro-nursing. That did not interfere with our ability to be intimate, and it doesn’t have to. But, he might feel differently if there were a toddler attached for comfort rather than a newborn for sustenance.
I am not even going to begin to address your last statement of “i don’t see anything wrong with a child being clingy”. You will have to address that during your parent teacher conferences when your daughter starts school.
Seriously, I nursed until my son was over three, and I work full time. We nursed at bedtime, and in the morning, and that was it.
For the author; I think it is okay to set limits with a 17 month old. At about that age I told my son that nursing was something we were only going to do at home, and I gave him a new sippy cup with a straw (the kind you can take apart and disinfect) and told him it was his special trip cup. That worked fine. If you are tuned into your child and your gut is telling you he’s now kind of deliberately pushing a limit, hey – it is okay to let him find there is, actually, a limit. You can do that without ending your nursing relationship entirely if you like. You can start by having him wait 5 minutes and go from there.
For the comments about AP… there are pitfalls in every approach to parenting and as someone who’s been to AP groups I can definitely say that there are people whose kids, especially around 4 or 5, run a bit out of control. My family isn’t one of them, and most people have no idea how AP we are at home (we cosleep, when my son chooses to, wore him, extended nursed, etc.). I also know MANY amazing parents who are not AP. And lousy parents who aren’t AP. And so on.
For me, I the idea of forming a strong family bond and attachment in gentle and kind ways in order to provide a base from which to explore and grow made more sense than the idea that “self-soothing” had to be developed from a very early age. I think the play between dependence, independence, and interdependence is complex and for me erring on the side of compassion and love was most important. So we chose that path overall. But I do believe in my son’s growing capacity to accept boundaries and it was right around that 16-17 month age that I personally felt he was ready to be handed a cup of water from time to time over the breast.
I can’t believe so many of the comments to this article. Instead, of saying “ick,” “gross,” “inappropriate” and coming up for ridiculous positions to defend your reaction, why don’t people take the time to examine why they are having such an aversive reaction to something so natural as a toddler nursing from his mother. Is the reaction particularly strong because the author is nursing a boy. I still nurse my 20-month old daughter–at home and in public–and I have never encountered the vitriol that this writer seems to encounter. And no, I don’t have a bad marriage or a sexual perversion or dependency issues that can only be met through nursing. I do it because my daughter enjoys and I don’t mind it, so why wean her now?
Accepted and reviled, natural and awkward. Amazing how something so obviously designed to happen, can slip so quickly from one reaction or emotion to the next. I nursed my first until she was 19 months, my second until she was 17 months and now my third is ten months and nursing. Each experience has brought more pride, discomfort, acceptance and resistance.Wouldn’t change it for the world and will mourn it when it’s over.Good job.
what about if breasts never really were a big part of your sexual turn on? is it still sexual to EN and does it still impose on one’s relationship with their partner? there are all kinds of people in the world, folks and some don’t care that much about titties
Nursed my first until 29 months, while working full time (no pumping after 8 months). My second is 6 mos. and plan to nurse as long as we both want to. I was ready to wean around the time that nursing became a distraction/play time for my son. Before that it was cuddling, and emotional and physical nourishment. After that, it got annoying and so I weaned. I still miss it though. Sometimes, when he sees me nursing our baby and says, “Mama, I want you nurse me,” I say “I know honey, I miss that too.” I avoided nursing him in public after he turned two – but did so on a plane once or twice. I remember people around me smiling — even a professional looking man. Lucky for them no one ever disparaged or confronted me — they’d have sorely regretted the public upbraiding I’d have dished out.
You don’t sit on the toilet and let anyone suck on you. For cryin’ out loud, that boy can wait.
Beans mom: I’ll tell you why I’m “having such an aversive reaction to something so natural as a toddler nursing from his mother.” I don’t think it’s very natural. I think that once a child has teeth, manipulates eating utensils, asks for particular food and maybe even makes her own snacks, she should be self-feeding. Once a child is able to calm herself, she should do so. Once a child can fall asleep on her own, that’s the best way to fall asleep. As a parent, I always default to giving my child the most independence possible. Of course I will help her whenever she needs, but I think my job is to encourage her to become her own person, to be able to handle herself anywhere, with anyone. And not to rely on habits like the bottle, the pacifier, the boob.
If you’re breastfeeding for nutrition, that’s fantastic. If you’re breastfeeding for comfort or sleep or bonding time, I don’t personally agree with that as a parenting strategy. I think children should learn that they are separate from you, and they are responsible for their own feelings. And as a parent it is our job to help them do that in the most loving way possible, at a reasonable pace. Everybody weans eventually. That is the “natural” order of things. It is not natural to continue to breastfeed forever. But where we draw the line is, of course, up to us.
I would never, ever tell another parent not to breastfeed her child if she and the child get enjoyment from it. But if you’re asking about aversive reactions, I would ask you what your child gets specifically from breastfeeding that she cannot get otherwise, and why –when you have a range of options available to you as a parent — you would choose nursing. I just would like you to understand that it’s not an issue of whether your child is sucking on your breast in public or not; it’s a difference of belief in parenting styles. No biggie, we’re allowed to have different styles. But when I see a toddler breastfeeding, I don’t think of what her mother is giving her, I think of what she’s not able to do for herself.
Piping in to this even though it’s a hopeless and ridiculous comment whirl to say that I am an extended breastfeeder (18 months) who works full-time, since someone asked how that’s possible. I went back to to work when he turned one and I never pumped. I was already nursing less and my body just adapted really well and quickly. I never got engorged. I nurse in the morning, afternoon and night and semi-on-demand during weekends.
I wouldn’t let my toddler manhandle me the way this author does but I am going to assume some of that was writerly exaggeration. My son is sweet and respectful the vast majority of the time. I believe in the emotional benefits even more right now as he and I both get used to being apart all day. I can’t imagine cutting him off so soon after I returned to work. I think it is likely that my milk supply will continue to dwindle and that his independence will continue to thrive and we will hopefully drift to weaning somewhat naturally.
I have considered cutting him off in public but just when I say that I get into situations where I feel like I don’t want to – like, I didn’t want to nurse at the baby mega store because I was in a hurry and that would add 15 minutes so I tried to deflect those requests. But I understand his need to nurse when we walk into my sister’s wedding reception with hundreds of people and he is overwhelmed and scared. Not that I whipped out my boob, just that I found a quiet place to tuck away and get calmed down. It was more about a quiet bonding with mom rather than nursing, really. And after that, he was able to join the fray.
I am just doing the best I can, as we all are. People need to settle the hell down. I hate judgmental parenting ridiculousness like some of these comments.
I weaned my daughter at 12 months. That was the right time for the both of us, and for her the process was absolutely seamless. All families have the right to determine how and when they wean, and breast milk has benefits at all stages of a baby/toddler’s development.
That said, I do have to comment on the relevance World Health Organization guidelines. They are in place to emphasize breastfeeding in developing countries where exclusive breastfeeding in the first six months and supplemented breastfeeding until age two could save the lives of 1.5 million children. In developing countries breast milk can be the safest form of nutrition, for instance if there is a lack of safe drinking water, whereas in the US we have many safe and nutritious options for our toddlers. Extended breastfeeding does have many benefits, but in the US it is not, for the most part, a life or death situation. Just sayin.
Kudos to Brooke, and SHAME on those moms who are expressing disgust and revulsion at something that is NONE of their business. If you don’ t choose to breastfeed beyond a year, that’s your business, but there is NO evidence that it’s harmful to a child or to anybody else. And the notion that extended breastfeeding is somehow a third-world substitute for the wonderful U.S. diet is absurd. We have skyrocketing rates of obesity, heart disease, etc., in this country. And two of the culprits, ironically enough, are things mentioned by “grossed out”: steak and formula. Finally, sexuality is profoundly personal. The question of whether somebody has an adequate sex life is NONE of your business, and assuming that every mom has a husband is neither respectful nor smart. Stop ogling other moms while they nourish their toddlers and take a good look at yourself and your own attitudes instead.
Grossed out maybe you should have read my post more carefully. Most of the things you commented on are covered in my previous posts. You accuse me of needing to “defend myself” but honestly the only reason why I am presenting this information is to educate other moms considering giving up/not breastfeeding because of what women like you think. I personally don’t care or I would have given up breastfeeding long ago.
Ali? I think it’s safe to assume that you’ve been formula fed…. the store brand watered down kind….. your neurotransmitters leave much to be desired, You make Me sick, do the gene pool a favor and abstain. As far as bad parenting? are you kidding me? WHO recommends nursing till two! I’m proudly nursing my 15 month old 4 toothed toddler! downward facing dog and all. I’m well rounded successful, professional, happily married and sexually satisfied nursing mom. Extended breastfeeding? that term needs to be abolished! There ain’t no shame in it. I’m embarrassed to come from such an ignorant “culture”.
Brooke,
perhaps you should re-read your own comments–I got your message loud and clear–defensive, uneducated and unwilling to accept alternatives. your language “stupid”, “insane”, etc…reeks of judgement of others. And by the way, I don’t need you to “educate” me. My BS in biology, my MS in bio-psychology, and my current studies for my doctorate are doing a fine job, thank you. And I also couldn’t care less what you think “about women like me”. If you re-read my post, my only issue is with you “educating” people with information that is not supported…
Brooke – disregard grossed out – she obviously does not, will not and cannot get it. The woman is ridiculous. Any person with a modicum of intelligence and with the ability to see different points of view knows that breastfeeding is best for as long as the mother wants to do it. Most educated people have other sources to rely on then google and people who take issue with prolonged breastfeeders need to look at their OWN issues about women and breasts…
to boobs are best…it was brooke who suggested google not me. Learn to read…I do not have issues with EN. ONLY THOSE WHO TRY TO EDUCATE OTHERS WITHOUT BEING FULLY INFORMED. HOW MUCH LOUDER CAN I SAY IT? I do not care what others do in their own families–just don’t “share” information as fact that is opinion.
oh, and by the way, the name calling is what is ridiculous, not me. You are only illustrating your own closed-mindedness and immaturity.
I nursed my daughter until she was 2 … but I worked, so we had an easier time weaning. She was weaned onto sippy cups at 12 months – just for her lunch … then she stopped having breastmilk sippy with lunch after 14 months. I still nursed her bedtime and morning until 18 months. Then, I cut out the morning nurse… so she was only nursing at bedtime until 24 months.
It was an easy and gradual transition for both of us. But I’m not sure how that would have gone if I was with her all day! I think it would be a very different experience for a SAHM.
On the relatives issue… I didn’t mention it. And for the most part, no one asked. Since she wasn’t used to nursing during the day, no one really saw us. I’d just disappear with her at bedtime and that was that.
And boy was it nice to have the boobs when we were traveling. At relatives houses and on vacation, it didn’t matter if she was in a strange room or a strange bed. There was always consistency … my BOOBS! She went right to sleep. After she was 2, we could do more “explaining” with her … but before 2, there was no explanation that “worked”… boobs always worked!
grossed out – you poor thing. I hope you get a life one day soon. And maybe a friend or two.
not trying to start a blog war, only logging on to show my mom’s group these postings. The two MD’s, the RN, and the child psychologists in my group are laughing so hard at all of breast are best, one more breast moms comments I can barely type. I have plenty of friends, education, and much more life than all of you attached to your toddlers. I suggest you save your sympathy for someone else…ha ha ha ha ha
I find it ironic that “grossed out” just wrote a doctoral thesis justifying her decision to formula feed, yet claims she is proud to have done so. Can anyone say “guilt issues”?
I find it ironic that none of the other posters have actually read my comments. I am currently breast feeding an infant, and have breastfed all of my kids. I sure wish my PhD would be as easy as doing no research and posting on a website…
I find the cattiness of this thread mind-boggling. All I’ve asked is for someone to provide some information regarding the benefit of extended nursing to the child (not to moms) and instead I’ve been called stupid, insane, ridiculous, and I now have “guilt issues”?
I still think, and with every single post responding to mine, that this is a mom issue and not a baby nutrition issue. No one has offered anything other than name calling or telling me that I have a problem. I guess it’s not enough to breast feed, you have to breast feed for years to be as good a mom as some of you.
I would just like to repeat that I’ve had 3 kids in the last 2 and a half years, and my babies weaned naturally due to milk supply with my pregnancies. Formula is the only alternative at that age since I am not willing to use another mothers milk to replace my own . I do think breast milk is best, I just question whether EN is for nutritional value or a justification for mom to bond. I never mentioned anything about “pride”…
I apologize for any of my own catty remarks, but really, please stop attacking and don’t accuse me of saying things I did not say. I also was not the one who mentioned steak…Breastfeeding has been tough for me–sore nipples, bleeding, mastitis, blocked ducts–just like it is for most women. But I have plugged away for the health of my kids, not just into the toddler years like many on here.
If you want more women to be open to the idea of EN, I think you should find a more positive to way to spread your message and not attack others who question the validity of information. (btw, the grossed out name was applying to the author).
Yet again, I am seeing 3 paragraphs detailing how you fed your child, “grossed out”. I’ve found that the only women who attack or are uncomfortable with the idea of EN or nursing in general simply have insecurities about their own choices, as evidenced by your need to consistently defend yourself without cause. And while I could give a crap how a woman chooses to feed her child, there ARE health benefits to EN. These benefits include:
”
The health
benefits of breastfeeding do extend throughout the entire time you
nurse. A longer duration of breastfeeding has been found to be directly
associated with not only fewer infant illnesses, but subsequently,
fewer toddler illnesses. (Gulick EE, 1986. The effects of
breast-feeding on toddler health. Pediatr Nurs 12(1):51-54)
Mothers also benefit from extended nursing. You continue to benefit
from the hormones of breastfeeding. The “mothering hormone,” prolactin,
relaxes you, while oxytocin stimulates loving , nurturing behavior. As
mothers of nursing toddlers know, this can be very important to your
mental health and well-being. Life with a toddler is not always easy!
You also benefit from the intimacy that nursing provides. Taking time
out of a busy day to cuddle is as important to moms as it is to their
babies.
Extended nursing may delay the return of fertility by continuing to
suppress ovulation in some women. Breastfeeding also provides
protection against these diseases:
ovarian cancer (Schneider AP, NE J Med, 1987)
uterine cancer (Brock KE, Med J Australia, 1989)
endometrial cancer (Petterson B et al, Acta Obstet Gynecol Scand, 1986)
osteoporosis
(Blaauw R et al, SAMJ 1994). Breastfeeding also has been shown to
decrease insulin requirements in diabetic women (Davies HA, British Med
J, 1989).”
(http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpweaning/0,,3x5j,00.html)
Yeah, I guess it must just only be for sexually repressed weirdos. *Eye roll*
again with the cattiness…was it really necessary? again, i never said anything about sexually repressed weirdos.
i appreciate the sources, but did it have to come with so much negativity once again? i am truly trying to understand your POV, but your tone is so so hostile.
i was hoping to turn this into a positive interaction but i guess it’s not possible without agreeing with you. I was simply trying to clarify my POV but you obviously don’t feel that you can do that with mutual respect for differing opinions. if you don’t want to read/respond to my posts, then don’t.
Ahh… GO – I’d love to be your friend. You’ve got guts!
This reaction is the reason why this post has so many ENers. Despite what the blog on this post suggested, I doubt this reflects some underground trend. Women who aren’t breastfeeding simply don’t want to be censured. They have probably made peace with their choices and don’t need to comment. This is the same attitude my SIL faced when her baby wouldn’t latch and she chose to pump.
Personally, I would hope that the author listens to some of the posters and accepts that a 17 month old can learn nursing manners and boundaries. Clearly she can still nurse and not simply tolerate her son ripping open her shirt in front of people.
A two year old nursing still…? Ridiculous. Get that kid off the boob and start them growing up in society. This is simply for the good of the parent…whatever that good may be. It’s a weakness, simple as that.
I think it’s a mom issue, too, GO, for whatever it’s worth.
And I think it’s disengenuous to call it a “health” issue. Allowing the mother to continue getting oxytocin in her system… Eh? You release oxytocin into your system every time you kiss, but we don’t stay home smooching all day, do we? Preventing pregnancy? These are hardly overwhelming arguments for EN. And I’m no scientist, but I would guess that EN kids have fewer toddler illnesses because they’re much more likely to stay home with mom all day, rather than go to daycare.
Which just makes this a parenting decision — and we all have to make them the best way we can and live with the disapproval, if we get any. Who gets a free ride?
I totally let my daughter manhandle my boobs. In fact, she’s been weaned for about 8 months and she still likes to play with them. If this bothers some of you, I don’t care. I also had a lot of trouble weaning and took the path of least resistance. You try being alone with a toddler for 16 hours/day (waking hours), with no family or childcare support and “gently wean.” What does that mean when they refuse to eat or drink anything else? Do you let them cry for one hour? Two? Do you use logic and reason with a 14-month old? And what do you do when they wake you up at 3AM screaming and nothing else will do? Just how much gentleness are you feeling?
Eventually, when I had had enough, I went away for the weekend and left our daughter alone with my husband. When I came back, she was weaned. She whimpered for me a few times, but out of sight out of mind, and in my absence she discovered more independence.
And also this cool thing called “ice cream,” but that is another story.
I’m posting this story because the amount of sanctimony on this comment board — from both sides — is stifling. Who cares? Historically, extended breastfeeding has been used in some cultures, but not in others. Kids grow up regardless. All this talk about the right thing and wrong is bs: there’s more than one way.
I live in Scandinavia, and here we also follow the WHO guidelines. My daughter is 20 months, still nursing and I work full time as a magazine editor. No problem. I nurse in the morning, evening, night.
I think some people here don’t understand that nursing a toddler is not INSTEAD of food, it’s on top of. In the nursery she eats bread, pasta, olives, ham, broccoli, tomatoes, cereal et all.. I just hold back on cows milk since she gets all the calcium she needs from me.
What else does she get from breast milk at this point that she can’t get from ordinary food? Well, lots of antibodies, for one thing. Most children don’t devlope their own immune system untill they are three (fully develped around five), so children who breastfeed cleverly get protection from their mothers.
Anyone who has a child in child care knows that the first year is full of sickness. But research shows breastfead children suffer from less sickness and get well sooner.
Woman also lower their chances of breast cancer 4.3 per cent for each year they breastfeed. This was estalished in 2005 by a meta analysis of 47 different studies from 30 countries involving 50.000 women with breast cancer and 96.000 without.
There is also some research that shows that small children benefit from the fatty acids in breastmilk since their brains are still developing.
And children actually get every vitamin they need except for iron and vitamin D from breastmilk, so yes, it is more healthy than pasteurized cow’s milk.
I also set limits for my (AP) child. In the begining she would throw herself at my breasts when I picked her up at the nursery, it only took about a week for her to understand that we only breastfeed in private. She is also easily distracted. “Look! A dog!”
When she is sick I am so glad I haven’t given up breastfeeding yet. I never have to worry about dehydration because she will always drink my milk even when she refuses all other food (including ice cream!).
I have chosen to continue to breastfeed simply because I see no reason to make a point of stopping something that is nice and calming for both of us and healthy for her. Especially when the only argument against is that ignorant people get “grossed out”.
Going back to the author’s post, I don’t think there is any argument over the validity of extended nursing. I do, however, believe the emotional well being of a Mother also plays an invaluable role in the welfare of a child. It honestly sounds like the author isn’t comfortable with her body being treated like a “jungle gym”, and her son is (as a pp mentioned) old enough to start understanding boundaries. I totally commend Mothers who chose to EN, but for me personally, I am already growing weary of my kicking, distractable nine month old slapping and pinching me while I try to distract her as I nurse in public. In a few months I want my body back. If another Mother is comfortable continuing to nurse, then by all means she should do it. There is no debating that breast milk is a super food (it is even used to support the immune systems of terminally ill adults in some cases), but it is also important for a Mother to evaluate how SHE feels instead of martying herself uneccessarily.
I think there is a big misunderstanding about the true definition of attachment parenting. Instead of being a dogmantic list of “rules (co-sleeping, baby wearing, EN, ect) it’s really about doing what you feel natural and comfortable doing. I don’t think the author shoudl give a shit about how people perceive her nursing, but she should care about the fact she is no longer comfortable with it.
Thanks, Scandinavian mom.
“I think there is a big misunderstanding about the true definition of attachment parenting. Instead of being a dogmantic list of “rules (co-sleeping, baby wearing, EN, ect) it’s really about doing what you feel natural and comfortable doing. ”
I couldn’t agree more, Wynter08. Nursing, co-sleeping or baby wearing when you actually don’t like it/are bothered by it/find it stressfull, is NOT what AP is about. AP is about following your gut instinct and doing what feels best for your child, no matter what experts/grand parents/friends tell you is “correct”.
Grossed out for someone who has studied biology you are extremely ignorant of the biological concept that humans are mammals.
As far as extended breastfeeding and not getting sick, my daughter went to daycare until a few weeks ago when my partner was laid off from his job. So she was not staying home all the time. Once again I think this is a huge misconception about breastfeeding, attachment parenting and stay at home motherhood. Breastfeeding past the first year does not require a mom to stay at home, nor does being a stay at home mom mean being isolated from other adults or the child being isolated from other children. In my community we have an attachment parenting group/network of moms who meet up for playdates, potlucks, craft days and community events. We also hold classes on attachment parenting and discussion groups in which both parents of the child are encouraged to attend. My local La Leche group is the same way. Most of the stay at home moms I have met fill their days with activities outside the home; trips to museums, playgrounds, local events, the library, grocery store, etc.
“Grossed out for someone who has studied biology you are extremely ignorant of the biological concept that humans are mammals.”
That is ridiculous. Do you wear clothing? Nudity is natural, but most dont consider it acceptable in public. Modesty is (inspite of what the bible says) a completely artificial cultural construct. A damn good one if you ask me. Im very glad humans invented clothing. “Natural” is not a trump card.
Not everything I do naturally is delightful or desired. Like most animals, I excrete waste. The fact that it is natural doesnt make it beautiful. Id give it up in a heartbeat if I could. We have rules about what is to be done in private and what is acceptable in public. We are entitled to find natural acts or things to be gross. One of my oldest friends thinks the old hair that collects in her hairbrush is gross. I dont believe it was breastfeeding that GO said was gross, it was extended breastfeeding. Since we are substantially different from many other mammals in how we care for our children and what we feed them, the comparison on this point is rather moot.
Also, I think that it is ok to abandon certain behaviours because of our culture. Theres lots of things that are natural for humans to do, that I would consider gross. Its ok when our culture puts limits on our behaviour.
And for the record, I think it is gross for a toddler to nurse in the manner described in the article. If thats what toddler nursing looks like, Im glad there are no extended breastfeeders in my circle.
brooke,
the word ignorant means uneducated…which I am not. I just don’t agree with you…find a different word to describe me please (preferably one that is not derogatory). being a mammal does mean that we have mammary glands, but it is also defined by teeth, hair, middle ear bones, sweat glands, and the neocortex in the brain. there’s the education at work for you…
thanks, beeker. I also don’t want to see people defacating in the street just because it’s natural.
I do not want to wander into anyones cat fight, but I just want to add something for all of you folks out there who question the positive effects of post-babyhood breastfeeding (aside from listing medical sources and WHO, etc). Good old-fashioned intuitive knowledge – that piece of my brain that tells me eating real food instead of processed food is better for me, that says less additives are good, the part of me that knows (even though we may not always do it) that REAL is better than man-made. Case in point, I breastfed acrobat #2 until 21 months and took an opportunity when I would be away to wean – because he is allergic to cows milk, his Pediatrician recommended he be given soy formula until he turned 2 because she felt that soy milk did not have a high enough fat content for him. We were flabbergasted at the havoc the formula wreaked on his body – this child used to have a BM once every four days (the Dr. said it was because my breast milk was so rich – a good thing); after introducing the formula, he was filling his diaper with huge stinky messes up to 6 times a day and waking up in the middle of the night soaking wet. We were happy I had stuck it out and breastfed him for as long as I did because, and I am no Doctor but I do have a few initials after my name for the lady that is so fixated on titles, it appears to me that more waste being eliminated from your body means that your body has less positive stuff to work with. In other words, not good. Education is great, but sometimes you do things because it just makes sense.
I don’t want to bicker about this anymore, but use the boards for what they are meant. So, I am going to kick this off by asking for some advice as everyone seems to have a wealth of experience in breastfeeding. I am having problems with my breast pump. For my first 2 kiddies, I used a manual pump just so that my husband could bond through feeding using my breast milk. Otherwise they were exclusively on the breast until they weaned because I got pregnant again so quickly. Now that I have 3 under 3 and not planning any more for the time being, I invested in a medela electric pump. I am hoping to go a full year with this one and I heard that they are much quicker than manual. It makes all of these hissing noises and when no more milk is coming out I am still feeling full. l am producing way more than she needs at the moment and I would like to store it but I don’t feel like it’s getting out all that’s in there. My boobs feel like rocks on my chest most of the time, except right after the baby nurses. Has anyone else had this problem? I spoke with a lactation specialist and she didn’t really see the problem, but my gut tells me that my pump is not doing its job. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.
I apologize if I have offended anyone. In hindsight, we all just want what’s best for our babies and should really support each other rather than bicker over our choices or beliefs, myself included.
I hope someone has some insight into what I should try, or let me know that this full feeling is normal.
No, I don’t think it’s normal. I had a hard time pumping with my first but not with my second. My letdown was so fast that it was choking my little guy and it would make my pump back up. I think maybe the latch or suction on the pump may not be solid enough. Try adjusting the suction controls – it may hurt at first so maybe work up to it. When I was “rock hard”, I was able to even manually pump myself – so you may want to try “priming” yourself to get things going. I think you may need to talk to another lactation consultant, or even another experienced mom, because the pump should be able to alleviate that “full” feeling. A good lactation consultant or public health nurse should be able to show you how to do this. I know it took practice for me to get the hang of it, and it does feel bizarre wiht those suction sounds, but my second was not a good feeder so I needed to do something – after a few practices and some perseverence I was able to fill a bottle in about 20 minutes. Good luck.
Hmm. Sounds to me as though you’re just not that into it. And why
should you be? Because Dr. Sears says so? This strikes me as an example
of a parent sublimating her needs and comfort entirely for the sake of
her child. Some would say that’s great. I think it’s unfortunate, an
example of the whole attachment-parenting-gone-berserk culture that we
live in where parents exist to make a child’s life perfect in all ways,
their own needs be damned. If you’re not comfortable with it and you
resent it (which you evidently do and you DO seem somewhat “grossed out” ) don’t turn to statistics and experts
for reasons why you should continue: listen to yourself. You’ve got him
through many months of nursing already–why force yourself to make some
arbitrary deadline?
Thanks, DQ, for the advice. I have been fiddling around with the controls, and experimenting with different times of pumping (very full vs. after nursing etc) and have been having much more success. I also didn’t have one of the suction things tight enough. I appreciate your help!
I think it’s sad that no one bothers to respond to a request for help from another mom, but are so quick to jump into a catfight. I’ve been warned about these boards from a friend, and have found that the mommy “sisterhood” is more about judging others than helping out with advice. Is it that some ladies here only want to give unsolicited advice or try to judge other’s choices? I am a new mom trying to figure it out and after reading all the discussions on this website have only found negative posts from most. What is the deal?
It’s amazing how quick we are to jump in and criticize each other. There are children who’ve nursed well into and even beyond the toddler years, and they’re fine. There are children who were exclusively formula-fed from day one, and they’re fine. And there’s everything in between, and those kids are fine too. I think we should start accepting that each child, each family, and each situation is different.
I know that in our society we’re really big on this black and white worldview where everything is either right or wrong, good or bad; but if we step back and think about it rationally for a moment, we know that it’s often not that simple. The vast majority of parenting choices fall into the gray area somewhere in between, and it’s troubling to see both sides of this debate acting as though the other side is abusing their children.
I know I can’t convince the people who are spouting off the more spiteful and reactionary posts, but let me say this to all the rest of those reading this thread: if what you’re doing works for your family, if your pediatrician says your kid is healthy and developing well – then you’re doing fine. Do what you want/need to do.
Very well said mamanomnom. i’ve totally been guilty of this in the past and found myself in some blog wars on this site…I find it hard not to respond when people start name calling or quoting things you didn’t actually write. I already decided not to participate in this kind of communication…you gave the best advice to everyone which is to do what is right for your family. I have a friend who’s 2 month old is going in for brain surgery tomorrow…formula vs. breastfeeding, or EN, are not even topics on their radar right now. I am thankful for my 3 healthy, beautiful babies. They are healthy and developing well and that’s all I can ask…
I had a good giggle reading your article… I’m still nursing my 20 month old boy, and yes, the acrobatics can get “interesting” at times–but now they’re mostly in private, thank goodness. As a bit of encouragement (I hope) to anyone reading this, for me the 18-month phase was about the trickiest in terms of nursing in public… My son still wanted to nurse frequently, but suddenly had all this new-found agility, which he sometimes used to ask to nurse in rather less than discrete ways (read: trying to lift up my blouse when I was trying to carry on a conversation). Now that he’s a bit older (even a couple of months makes a difference), I’m more able to get him to understand that he has to be nice to mom in order to be allowed to nurse, which can include things like “we’ll nurse in a few minutes” or “mom gets cold when you lift her shirt up”. It takes a lot of patience and repetition, but it feels as if it’s starting to sink in. The message about nursing and our bodies is still positive, but there can now be some limits within that relationship, which allows it to continue being positive, hopefully for a good long time still. I’ve heard this from other moms as well, although of course the timing and level of “politeness” (assuming that revealing mom’s breasts isn’t polite) in individual children does vary considerably!
Thanks for sharing. There really is far too little out there about nursing older children, it’s nice to see pieces like this!
This is a wonderful, candid article on extended breastfeeding!
My daughter is the same age and also still nurses. It can be wonderful, but not always a bed of roseslike ANYTHING in life.
She will goof around, test limits, and/or will at times want to nurse nonstop if I allow it.
But you know? Practicing AP doesn’t mean becoming a marshmallow parent who lets your child get everything they want all the time…not even “boobies.”
Really, you need to set limits to how your son nursesnot just for your sake but his too. Children need to be taught acceptable behavior and limits even during toddlerhood.
Like, don’t breastfeed him on the toilet. Try to give him something to keep him busy or have your partner play with him, but if he screams, let him scream. And if he tries grabbing at your breasts (especially in public) try to redirect/distract him with other things. If that doesn’t work, tell him a firm “NO” and set him down. He may tantum and I know it’s horrible and heartbreaking to hear, but if you stick to your guns it should only happen a few times. If it’s happening more than that, there may be something else going on that needs to be addressed (ex – teething, illness, changes in the environment making him insecure, etc…).
If you need more help, please check out KellyMom.com. They actually DO give advice on dealing with toddler behavior problems during nursing. Hope things go better for you. Take care!
My daughter is 18 months old and still nursing strong. My son easily stopped nursing at 15 months without any prodding from me, but I was also 3 months pregnant, so I think that factored in. I don’t plan on weaning my daughter (hoping to allow her to self-wean), but I sooo hear you! I have moments when I just wish she would stop, but there are so many plusses that moments of frustration pass quickly.
I’ve personally breastfed my 12- 17 month old toddler while on the toilet before, while my child is standing up. And no, it wasn’t physically comfortable for me. But I made a choice in that situation and what I chose was that I was more comfortable with my child in the bathroom with me, even breastfeeding, than my child in my child safety gated living room alone where she was a pro at taking off the electrical covers in our electrical outlets. So the original poster has my empathy, all she probably needs from any of us posting below. Also, I’ve just weaned my 17 month old and I’m starting to believe that not all kids will lose interest in breastfeeding on their own, so a nudge in the direction of weaning isn’t a horrible thing at all, but nor is letting them breastfeed until they are 2 or 3 years either if that’s what the op thinks is best for them, emotionally and nutritionally even if it is frusterating at times to do what she thinks her personal best is for her child.. I have to say that with my 17 month old that I just weaned that when she was nursing while she was standing up, it was more about the milk than anything else. For example, when I give her a bath before bed along with my 3 year old and 9 year old also all in the tub, I would sometimes sit on the side of the tub with my feet in the water for warmth (waiting to have my turn to quickly shower) and being that I was naked, my little breasteeder would come over and gently latch on standing up and most times drink for awhile 1-2 whole minutes maybe. And when they are standing up like that, I really think it’s mainly for the milk. Maybe there’s a time when she latches on and quickly gets distracted or realizes she’s going to have to wait a whole minute for milk to let down and she gets off- but mainly it was about the last sips of milk she’d sometimes sneak in before bed since she knew this was her chance- kind of like her lucky day- like oooh mama’s naked, extra milk before bed, akin to me getting a yummy cookie right before bed that i don’t really need.
Though I just weaned my daughter at 17 months and I gave her a firm nudge in that direction, I still think that 2 years old would have been a better age for me to wean her, because babies 2 years and younger need a high fat diet for brain developement.
But aside from this, I personally have a weight problem which is my own problem which is seperate from this discussion. So does my husband. So does my oldest daughter. So with this said, I really don’t want to make the mistake of getting my 2 year old used to lots of fattening margarines or fattening foods because I am worried that up until age 2 she would need these fats in a higher ratio than children over age 2. On top of that, for our daughter cow’s milk is not an option, something that has similar fat content to human milk so we must stick to soy which is the equivalent at best to 2% cow’s milk. about 4 grams of fat per cup. Not to mention on top of that, that soy milk does not cover any nutrition gaps in your child’s diet. It is just a good source of protein with a few added vitamins, but not as good as a soy toddler/infant formula that will give your child adequate fat in his/her milk. So if your like me and my family, maybe waiting to give your child a firm nudge in the direction of weaning should come after or around age 2, and I don’t think this age is just an arbitrary number. It’s an educated age at which children do not need as much fat as babies 0-2 years. So to all who give mothers critisism for extended breastfeeding, maybe you should walk a mile in their shoes. Also, you should not comment if you have never tried to wean a toddler from breastfeeding either. It is something that can be extremely taxing on both mother and child.
Breastfed for 16 months and intended to intentionally wean (milk was drying up b/c of the infrequency; he was only nursing twice at night). He did it on his own, though. I truly wish I could have continued (or maybe pumped for inifity). See, I don’t even fill an A cup normally but when nursing – wowsers – my cups runneth over. Now THAT is about mom, has nothing to do w/nutritional value, social standards or creating a useful, socially acceptable human being
) As for the husband/wife relationship, I guarantee my husband likes ‘em bigger. Alas, I greet you now from Flatsville.
I see nothing wrong w/extended nursing. I do, however, agree with most posters that the author should simply begin to teach her son boundaries and limits (at home) when he wants to nurse in public.
http://www.whatnowandwhy.blogspot.com
I think you should give your child breast milk as long as you are lactating. But I also think letting an 18 month help themselves to your chest whenever they please is unsettling. Once a child starts talking, a nipple doesn’t belong in their mouth, anymore than a pacifier. If you can’t pump, you should start encouraging graduation to a sippy cup.
Thank you! I have been battling with this same issue since my youngest turned 2 in March. My oldest weaned, with help at 2 1/2. My two boys are 13 years apart. My youngest is letting me know, under no uncertain terms, HE IS NOT READY TO WEAN AND WILL NOT STOP UNTIL HE WANTS TO! I try to set boundaries and tell him no but it creates chaos. I remind myself that he won’t be coming home and asking for “nurse” when he is 15 ( or I at least hope he won’t). He will only be a little guy for a short time and this too shall pass. When it is over I know I’ll miss it but at least it will happen when he is ready to move to another stage in his development without being forced.
You need privacy. Your child does NOT own you. I nursed my children to. You’re not supposed to loses your life and body by doing it. Seriously. Shut the bathroom door and do your business. I suppose he controls what he eats as well to?
This may sound bad but my grandmother had this issue she would use the sause method. Never would she put hot sause in m uncles mouth so she found what Salisbury dressing he could not stand and in his case it was ranch. Everytime she saw him coming she would load her nipple with the sause it took about four days but it worked. Spice up the cows milk with strawberry or chocolate syrup he’s bound to go for the sweetness.
By the way I breastfeed my son untilled his first tooth at 4 months. I didn’t have a proulbm myself weining him off but my mother did with my younger brother she did the method I put below and it worked fine.
Holy concise data bamtan. Lol!
Sounds A LOT like my son!
And yes, I have nursed him on the toilet too.
He is 23 months and still nursing. Don’t see end in site. That is bitter sweet.