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Top 10 Pieces Of Toddler Contraband Revealed

toddler contraband

WTF happened to my keys???

My toddler is pretty smart. He knows not to stick his finger in an outlet, knows not to put small objects in his mouth, and knows that if he should happen upon a plastic bag, he shouldn’t put it over his head. (I still wouldn’t put him in a room full of outlets, small objects, or plastic bags, don’t worry.)

That said, there are a few simple household items that my toddler just can’t resist, and for obvious reasons, have been added to this round-up of items that could be considered toddler contraband!


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  • The Phone. ANY PHONE. 1 of 10
    The  Phone. ANY PHONE.
    Oh, the things my toddler can do with a phone. We JUST figured out how to get the one in the picture switched back to English, from French (no idea how he did that). I'm also terrified he will call someone, and they will hear me screaming "No, Evan!" 600 times.
  • Water Bottles 2 of 10
    Water Bottles
    "Mommy, can I have a drink?" Of course, I let him have a sip, and 3 out of 5 times he chugs it like Napoleon Dynamite with a Gatorade, then chokes and gasps until water sprays at high velocity out of his nose. NEVER AGAIN.
  • His Sister’s Binky 3 of 10
    His Sister's Binky
    My toddler will do his best to put his sister's binky in the most disgusting place possible. Needless to say, several binkies have hit the trash can, because no amount of boiling water can sterilize cat-butt residue.
  • Mommy’s Car Keys 4 of 10
    Mommy's Car Keys
    It never fails, we're on our way out the door to a doctor's appointment, and we are late, when I start wailing: "WHERE ARE MY KEYS??? WHERE ARE MY KEYS???" Sound familiar?
  • Ink Pens 5 of 10
    Ink Pens
    My son begs for ink pens. Sometimes, I relent, and give him a pen to draw with on the floor. Something bad always happens, just ask our sofa.
  • Mommy’s Purse 6 of 10
    Mommy's Purse
    It's like he can hear a siren song coming from inside my purse.
  • Clothes Hangers 7 of 10
    Clothes Hangers
    Why is my toddler so attracted to clothes hangers? He will try to squirrel a hanger away any chance he gets. Clearly, this is not the best toddler toy.
  • Mommy’s Jewelry 8 of 10
    Mommy's Jewelry
    Ah, the twinkle of Mommy's cheap, but treasured jewelry. Hands off, kiddo.
  • Mommy’s Fancy Camera 9 of 10
    Mommy's Fancy Camera
    Please just don't touch it.
  • Mommy’s Computer 10 of 10
    Mommy's Computer
    Please, for the love of electronics, don't bring the water bottle this way.

Read more of Crissy’s writing at Dear Crissy.
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