When A Working Mom Becomes A Stay At Home Mom
Last week, I unexpectedly became a stay-at-home mother.
Since I do need to work for income and benefits, we know it is a temporary moment in life, but it is a definite change in our schedule. As hard as it is right now on our little family with the worry over finances and health insurance, I am really trying to soak in the time with Harrison and take joy in the slower pace.
Instead of the alarm waking us up every morning, now a small boy with bedhead is my alarm clock. My to-do list includes picking up toys and getting dinner in the oven at 5pm instead of two-hour long conference calls and mile-long spreadsheets. I get more fresh air since Harrison is a big fan of the outdoors, but if I trip over my dog one more time, I might scream.
This past week has been a transition period – I still had a bit of my old schedule leftover, so Harrison has gone to his nanny for a few hours twice this week for me to go to those appointments. So I have yet to spend a full week alone with him with zero help and looking into those weeks ahead, I worry that I will not measure up. I know how to be a working momma. I know how to wear tights and high heels and pick up my boy at 5pm. I am not sure I will be so great at pushing him on the swing or telling him not to eat playdoh twenty times in a row for five days straight.
In short? I need your help.
I need ideas of how to fill our days, how to make the most of this short time together.
I’m thrilled to have the chance to take Harrison to the library for the first time and to meet my friends for lunch playdates at Chick Fil A. But what do we do the rest of the time?
Any tips for a stay-at-home newbie?
Beth Anne writes words & takes pictures on The Heir to Blair.
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Longtime reader, and was so sorry to hear of your news. You’re absolutely doing the right thing just by trying to enjoy the time that you do have away from your commute and with your kid. The local library is the absolute best and greatest place for my 19 month old. We even do a little rotation of all the libraries in the other nearby towns, since they all have something different to offer. Check there and see if they offer any mid-week story times or activities that are age appropriate. For your outdoor loving boy, go on a hike (no pavement!) and bring a bucket. Have him collect any interesting leaves/twigs/rocks. When all else fails — fingerpainting and Yo Gabba Gabba dancey dance time! Good luck, mama!
So many great play ideas for toddlers on Pinterest! And yes, soak up as much time at your local library as possible. Weather permitting, we also take lots of walks. My LO (17 months old) loves to look at trees, leaves, rocks, streams, flowers, etc. Exploring your own neighborhood can be an adventure!
Have a color day. Ex. Green: he wears all green, make green milk, find all the green toys…
Are you interested in sign language? Even now is a great time to start. I love being able to discreetly ask/sign to my DD if we need a potty break in public.
Just take time for you and your boy!!! Good luck!
Hey BA –
I stay at home with Bray & have a home daycare. The key is to have a schedule! Nothing super strict, but a general way that the day flows. For us, I get Bray up & we eat breakfast around 8:30. A couple episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Little Einsteins usually follows. Then it’s time to get dressed. By then, it’s probably 10 am. We sit on the floor in the playroom, building with blocks or playing with cars. He usually asks to go outside by this point. Outside for an hour, maybe 11-12, then back inside for lunch, diaper changes, and naptime by 1:00 pm. Then I get a break until around 3 or 4 pm (I’m pretty lucky!) when I do stuff around the house or for direct sales job. After naps, change diapers, have a snack around 4:30, and before you know it, DADDY’S HOME!!!!!!!!!! Hope that helps you figure out to structure your day a little bit. You can always spend that long stretch of morning between breakfast & lunch out running errands, going to the library, visiting the park, or going on playdates.
I quit my job rather unexpectedly when my son was 3 months old. I had always planned to be a working mom, but the reality caught up with me pretty quickly with a very sick little boy and some work drama surrounding my maternity leave that I decided I just didn’t want to cope with. Still, even though it was me making the decision, the transition home was SO HARD. I had all the same worries as you about whether I would live up, how I would handle all the time and no help, etc. My son’s 2 now and I STILL battle those thoughts sometimes.
Here’s my advice:
1) Get showered and dressed as many days as you can! It’s wayyyy too easy to sit around in pajamas, and I go crazy on those days.
2) Get out of the house! My son and I have routines — days we always walk to the larger park a mile away, days we go out for lunch, days we go grocery shopping, etc.
3) Take time for you. Don’t be at Harrison’s beck and call the entire day. Get him used to the idea that “mom is working, you need to play with your toys by yourself right now and I’m right here where I can see you if you need me”. Carve out time during the day that is your time to straighten the house, get some writing done, whatever you need to feel sane. You still need your space, and you’re used to having a lot of it at work, so this will be the hardest transition if you’re like me. Don’t feel guilty about needing this time. It’s good for him to learn independence and how to entertain himself for small periods of time, too!
4) Get Doug to take over on weekends and in the evenings whenever possible so you can enjoy some time free of diaper changes, etc. My husband is amazing at pitching in the second he walks in the door. I understand his job is hard and he’s exhausted, and that’s why there’s dinner on the stove and the house is straight; HE understands that I’ve been working hard all day too and I would love to miss a diaper change, spend 15 minutes reading a magazine and not be asked for five different snacks in the middle of it, etc. So for the 45 minutes after he walks in the door in the evening, he gets any diapers that need to be changed and handles toddler interruptions so I can chill. Then we’re a team for the rest of the night.
5) Keep your brain sharp — do crossword puzzles, Soduku, take an evening class at the community college once a week if you can afford it, take up scrapbooking – something that will feel like “yours”.
6) Remember that there is NO ONE in the world Harrison would rather spend time with than you, and he will love and treasure this time. EVEN on the days when to you it seems like it’s the hardest day in the world!
Find (or create your own) playgroup. My friend and I created one through meetup.com and have met some great people in the area. This has been a lifesaver for us because we were all feeling isolated, but now we go to library events, kids museums, etc. Other than that, you can find tons of toddler activities online, ranging from arts and crafts, recipes, literary activities and pre-math activities that are fun and will pass the time. Let him guide the activities instead of having a schedule or a plan every minute.
The library is a good one! We do that often and our library often has passes to local kid friendly places like the aquarium and children’s museum. We love to walk the Mall and visit our local “jumpy place” (filled with those moon bounce contraptions). We also have picnics at the park, playdates with friends at home and arts and crafts at home. The key is focusing on one activity at a time. Sit and read books for half an hour, do puzzles for half an hour, eat lunch, play with matchbox cars for half an hour, nap, etc. I find if our day has no structure and they just runaround doing whatever I lose my ever loving mind!
Hi BA! First, let me say I feel your pain. I just lost my job yesterday
I always wanted to be able to stay home with my son, but I wasn’t planning on it happening like this. And like you, it’s just temporary.
As for activity suggestions…does Harry have a bike yet? I’m planning on lots of bike rides and long walks, maybe arts and crafts, reading books and getting out for play dates with other neighborhood families. My son loves to copy whatever we’re doing and it’s easy to make him see things like cleaning as fun. Check out Pinterest during naptime – they have lots of great toddler ideas! Good luck
Arts & Crafts are big with my older son. Right now we’re at the paint-with-water book stage, so not very messy! We have a lot of great free programs at our local parks that we like to hit up when the weather is nice – in your area I bet there are year-round freebies you can enjoy! Usually a quick Internet search of your local parks department should bring up a nice to-do list!
I’m sure Harrison won’t care what you’re doing, he’ll just be happy for some extra Mommy time so I wouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself to keep him busy. The library is an awesome place. Ours has a great collection of games and art supplies to use while you’re there so we could spend a good chunk of time there. Make some goodies in the kitchen. Do some Valentine’s Day crafts – make gifts for relatives and Daddy! Build a fort in the living room.
Hugs to you! I know on random days off I wonder if I would survive as a stay-at-home mom even though that’s what I really want to do!!
My daughter is 2 1/2 and loves arts and crafts. I have a rubbermaid tub full of stickers, markers, glue sticks and random stuff I find around the house, pipe cleaners, pieces of ribbon, tissue paper – she loves a big sheet of paper on the floor and sticks stickers and scribbles and glues to her heart’s content. Another fun thing is even going to different stores…we go to Pet Smart and look at the different colored fish, talk to birds, etc. We go to Cabela’s and hide in the display tents
You will do fine
At this age, everything is an adventure to them and they are fascinated by everything…you can walk around Walgreens and grab a Happy Meal after and he will be exhausted and happy from the excitement. Whatever you do, wherever you go he will enjoy being with you 
I am not a SHAM, but I do live in Raleigh and am always on the lookout for toddler-approved outings, activities, etc. Have you ever been to this blog? http://mominchapelhill.blogspot.com/ They cover the whole triangle and you can look things up by age range, location, day of the week, etc. I’ve have found some real gems from here! Good luck with everything. They key to keeping sane is to keep busy!!
take it one day at a time, just like you would if you were working. also, remember it’s an adjustment for him as well. he may be wondering why you’re home so much & he’s not seeing his nanny. try to keep a normal schedule (naps, eating, bedtime & such) and all will right. ask your nanny what she did, what worked, what didn’t work. it will give you some insight on the m-f, 9-5 that you may not have seen (esp. that small things). you can do it. and while i understand the stress of finding new employment & dealing with finances now that you’re down to one income, please allow yourself to enjoy the time you have with him. enjoy it.
Sorry, meant to say SAHM….not a sham
I’ve been an at home mama since my daughter was born, so I certainly know of ::whispers:: boredom. The first few months, when she was pretty much just a blob, were pretty challenging. But now that she’s a full on toddler, and likes going places and trying new things, we try to get out at least 3 days a week. There are a few children’s museums in our area that offer free admission during the week, which is awesome. We do the park A LOT (but we also live in southern Ca, so our weather permits it). Sometimes all it takes for BOTH of us is a walk to Starbucks. Plenty of malls have great kids areas too. I know it’s probably a huge adjustment right now, but you’ve got the right idea: just try to enjoy this time. You’ll do great.
My little girl is two weeks older than Harrison and is loving crafts right now. Anything paint or crayon related and she is happy. As a working mom I try to do a couple crafts a week with her. I love seeing her do them on her own and she loves it. Pinterest has a ton of ideas for toddler activites as well. Since its nice out where you are I would get outside as often as possible with him.
Another thing she is loving right now are things called sensory tubs. I took an empty plastic tote threw in some rice with scoops and a plastic pale she had and let her dig in. She loved scooping and dumping. You can put anything in them. Cotton balls, rocks, rice anything you having laying around.
Enjoy your time home with your boy and good luck on the job hunt. I am sure you will find something soon and even better than the last!
BA, look into a MOPS group (or similar). I have that the 2 and 4 Wed each month. Bible study each Tuesday morning. (Childcare at both of those events gives Seth and Erin social interaction). Usually try to schedule one playdate a week (usually Thursday). We have karate for Seth Friday afternoon….though I doubt the tuition for “extracurricular” is in your budge right now. =( Um…at home. We build lots of elaborate Thomas the Train set ups with track all over the floor. Puzzles. Coloring. Play-Doh (not my fav, but…). Dinners that need much “dumping in” and “mixing” for mommy.
Usually at least one movie a day. You’ll find your stride. We all do. Hugs, friend.
The library and story time, local indoor bounce house places, if the weather is nice here we go for walks looking for certain things–like last week it was birds, gymboree has coupons for a free day, playdates with his friends at houses instead of chicfila where you have to BUY something to play…playdough, making homemade paints and doing art projects (hello pinterest)…that’s all I have for ya right now.
I’m a SAHM with a little girl who is a few weeks younger than Harrison and a 7 month old baby boy.
My sweet girl is easily bored so we’ve gotta keep the pace up, which often challenging because of my sweet boy (2 to 3 naps a day for him really cramp her style)!
She’s loving crafts as well. In fact, I recently introduced the trusty glue stick and she went bananas. Crayons are a big hit too! On days that I’m not feeling crazily anal about the house being clean I let her finger paint, which clearly is fantastic fun.
When we go out we normally go to the library, Chick Fila or the mall (it’s too cold here to go outside in the winter months).
You can do this girl, it’s truly the BEST job in the world:).
Remember that your job is the kiddo- anything else is just an add-on if you have the time. The housework and stuff is still a joint responsibility, and while it’s tempting to try and do it all (who doesn’t want to be a domestic goddess?!) you’ll burn out fast if you take it all on your own shoulders.
Find LOTS of scheduled activities in your area. Library story times. Playgroups. Free kids stuff at museums, nature parks, the mall. And check out MOPS or MEETUP for mommy-toddler groups.
Also? Be prepared to cut yourself some slack. Even if you have nothing to do that day, you can’t possibly entertain him 24/7. It’s not (sanely) possible. That’s why he has toys.
And if all else fails, try potty training. That takes up a TON of time.
I’ve been a long time reader and I think this is my first comment to you? Is that possible? eek! Our kiddo’s are a few weeks apart. Any-hoo, I found myself in the same situation last year. Very unexpected and I had no clue how to be a SAHM. For me the transition was a very easy one. I found a local mom’s group that I adore. I thought for sure I would HATE anything like that, but it has been fabulous! I also like this website for cute ideas: http://playathomemom3.blogspot.com/
Enjoy your time at home and good luck!
http://www.carolinaparent.com was recommended to me this past summer and it’s great for finding what’s going on for kids in the Triangle area. Most of it is free, which is great. I’m a teacher so I make the working-mom/stay-at-home-mom shift once every year. This has really helped me to fill the days at home.
My daughter is a big fan of forts. I put two dining room chairs with their backs to the back of the couch, about 4 ft away, tuck a bed sheet into the back of the couch and drape it over the chairs. It makes it tall enough so I can play in there too! She loves bringing as many blankets as I allow in there. Another thing she loves has been making ‘soup’ in the kitchen sink. This is great dor when I’m cooking and she wants to be close by. I give her a mixing bowl and some spoons, she adds a little soup and turns the faucet on and a way she goes! Good luck!
Not sure if your area has a Child Links/Smart Start office, but we have one over here in Greenville and one of my friends works in their resource library. They have tubs of toys, books and curriculum type items that you can check out for a week or so at a time, designed for each developmental stage. Free! And it’s like a library for educational and new (to Harrison) toys that can be swapped out. Might be worth checking out?
Beyond the typical playgroup/errands/etc, my type A personality would make me schedule everything. i.e. outside playtime 9-10, crafts 10-11, lunch 11-12, nap time 12-1, etc… it’s probably a good thing I’m not home all day, I would drive myself and my son crazy!
Could not agree more with the playgroup thing. I also found on on meetup.com. It saved my sanity. Having a schedule is good too. We also spend an unbelievable amount of time at the park on nice days. Your library probably has some kind of toddler playtime too. Great place to mer other SAHM.
Hi Beth Anne, long time follower of heir to Blair but I rarely comment. So sorry about your job!
Wasn’t Harry with your sister before? Ask her what a typical day was like for her. My 2 year old loves to “help” bake cakes/cookies, she always asks even though all she does is stir. She is also a big fan of making forts, but only if we turn the lights off and climb in with flashlights. If you’re son isn’t into naps, after outdoor time take a “quiet time” and watch a Disney movie on the couch or even in bed. Just a few ideas
Bubble wands! We love them. I know you are probably not looking to buy anything for entertainment but seriously hours of entertainment outside! Google them.
I try to make sure we get out of the house at least once a day; it really helps us to stay happy with each other
Also, this is probably a doh!, but I try to do one big task each day (cleaning-wise) so that it doesn’t get overwhelming. And I pick up a little at a time all day. Sometimes we’ll do a “five minute clean-up” where we set the timer and pick up everything we can. Even my 2 year old can get the legos back in the bin
Schedule some things! Could be weekly, could be daily. Examples- after breakfast we go outside, when we come in we have snack and then play with trucks, then we read books. And in our house we have burgers on Monday, breakfast for dinner every Wednesday, bake something on Thursdays, go out for breakfast on Saturdays. Create some fun little rituals within your weekdays just like on your weekends!
There already have been great comments. I agree with scheduling things.. storytimes, playdates, etc. We try and get out for half of the day tue-friday.. we stay home on Mondays or just grocery shop and clean up the house that day. We joined a mom group on meetup.com and it has been a saving grace. There are a lot of free playdates, outings, etc. I think I enjoy it just as much as my daughter. Take some time for yourself during nap time or when your husband is home. Don’t forget that there will be an adjustment period. Oh and I also agree with the libraries
They rule.
I am a long time follower, and I know you are going to do an amazing job in this phase of your life.
Suggestions…I am an Army Wife in Germany…we are facing our second deployment from here…and my son is a couple weeks younger than Harrison….and there have been lots of army forced separations in between. Honestly, there are moments where I wake up and think “OMG, please make this day go fast…and include a long nap”. Those are the days I know extra coffee is needed….and…we don’t have tv, but have movies….and lots of movies happen. I sit there, drinking my coffee and wondering why I am such a bad mom that the very idea of playing with my boy seems worse than sitting him in front of Pooh. Really, I have just realized that I need those moments…to veg out and do nothing…and he is okay with it on those days. Still, most days we have a “routine” that involves a random activity at some point in the morning…and, while it is a huge event, we bundle up and bring the dog for a walk…I can’t wait until the weather warms up, but he seems to enjoy the whole process…and loves walking our dog. We try to get out and do things and just recently I started using child care on post…which is far away….to get me time…I am a lot more calm now that I do that. Still, I try to have a “date” with him once a week…which is usually as simple as going to a cafe down the road and getting more coffee for me and. Pretzel for him. He lets old German women fawn over him….and they always have gummi bears, and I say “heck with it” and let him gobble them up.
We go to the library….a lot….and have started playing school….he seems to enjoy talking about shapes or colors for a bit each day. I just try to mix it up…add new things, and go with the flow. Also, if you are willing to clean up a mess…baking is fun. We made spinach brownies yesterday and Some pretty awesome bread last week.