When Your Toddler Is No Longer The Baby
Immediately following the question, “How is the baby?”, people inevitably ask me, “How is Evan reacting?”
During nine months of pregnancy, I wondered every single day how my toddler would handle the arrival of a new baby. I worried about it, I stressed about it, and then one day, she was here. Our lives were suddenly filled with many more diapers, a lot more crying, and the need to divide our time between two children.
So, how is the toddler handling being a big brother?
Honestly, watching him with his new sibling is beautiful, and it is sad.
On the surface, Evan adores Kara. He looks at her with wide, inquisitive eyes. He loves to touch her tiny hands and feet, and he even tells me and his father how much he loves her. It is really the more adorable, sincere, and loving relationship I have ever seen.
There are times, however, when I can tell that Evan is struggling — particularly in moments when my husband and I are both focusing our attention on the baby.
During these times, Evan does one of two things. He either becomes anxious and hyper, even acting out a bit, or he becomes quiet and sullen, staring at the floor and whispering to himself.
We try to catch ourselves when we become too caught up in the baby (it is hard not to, she is so gorgeous), and do our best to redirect some praise and attention to Evan.
My hormones are still completely out of whack, and I do spend a lot of time feeling sad, and somewhat guilty that I ripped the only child status away from my son. I know in the long run, having a sibling will only enrich his life, but for now, we’re still in the adjustment period.
How did your other children react when you had a new baby?
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Preparing for a new sibling: Tips to help your toddler adjust
Hang in there, it WILL get better! My daughters are 20 months apart, and my older daughter definitely took a while to adjust to her new baby sister when she arrived. It sounds like you & your husband are doing everything you can to make Evan feel like he’s a hugely important part of the family, and that he has a special new spot as Kara’s big brother.
I started asking my older daughter to help with something specific when I felt like everyone was getting too caught up in the baby~ could she bring me a burp cloth, a paci, a book, a blanket for the baby, etc. Turning the attention onto what a great helper she was~ which also included her in whatever we were doing~ really made a difference for us getting out of the rough adjustment period. Good luck, and I promise it will get easier!
My sons are 18 months apart. It started with a rivalry from the get go, and never ended. Today they no longer fight for mommy’s nipple, but they have developed opposing personalities that continue to compete w/ each other. They are 14 & 16 now…
TDD
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We are truly blessed. Our boys are 2 1/2 years apart and Jack has loved his little brother since the day he was born. He even insisted on wearing a new Spider-Man costume to the hospital so he could “show baby Reid.” Personally, I think it was an excuse.
Jack has his moments, though, and we’ve found they happen most often when my wife and I are talking together. Those days where he has both of our undivided attention are uncommon.
I try to combat this by making sure that I have ‘just Jack’ time. I’ll take him to Barnes & Noble to play with the trains. We’ll go to a movie together. Sometimes we’ll just go for a ride.
It sounds like your children have the start of a beautiful relationship. It sounds like Evan just misses his mom and dad — or at least, the quantity of mom and dad he is used to. TOTALLY NATURAL and as he gets more used to the baby, he’ll see you guys feel the same way about him.
My girls are 23 months apart and my oldest is just recently like in the past few months started showing she has issues with her baby sister, who is 9 months old. She acts out whenever her baby sister gets any attention whatsoever but is as good as gold when baby is napping or she’s getting the undivided attention of at least one parent. Its been hard and the amount of guilt is ridiculous but I’m hoping that in a few months when baby sister is old enough to play with her more things will turn around.