Why You Shouldn’t Fear the Princess Stage
me & my daddy, circa 1986ish.
When I was a little girl, I was a princess.
I rode bikes that I dreamed to be horses and snuck my momma’s jewelry out of her room to pretend I was marrying a prince. My brother became a dragon on many occasions and I slayed him with wit and a plastic sword and then I built a fort where I made my baby dolls pretend cookies and wrapped the hurt paws of my stuffed animals.
I was a princess.
I was kind and pure and fierce. Sometimes I was rescued by a prince but sometimes I did the rescuing, tromping through the woods behind our house. I believed in magic. I was beautiful in sparkly dress-up clothes and my brother’s camoflauge pants alike.
My mother never feared that this play would turn me into a damsal in distress, getting my MRS. degree from school and becoming a doormat of vanity. She saw it as play, development of character, a branch of femininity in my world of big brothers and GI Joe. She bought me princess movies and never worried that I would take them to heart as a rule for my life (she worried about that with Pretty Woman, when I got the “prostitution isn’t glamorous, Beth Anne!” speech). She balanced Snow White with Girl Scouts and a pink room and fort-building, hammering home that I could be anything I wanted to be while the princesses I adored taught me lessons on who I wanted to be:
Cinderella taught me to be kind to animals and generous to those that do me wrong.
Ariel taught me to stand up for who I want to be, even to the parents that I love so much.
Belle taught me to be open-minded, to love the unloveable.
Mulan and Nala showed me that I could run with the boys.
Jasmine taught me that people are people, no matter if they live in a castle or a slum.
Princesses don’t mean spoiled divas. They don’t mean vanity. Let little girls be brave and beautiful and special. Let her decide what she loves without projecting your own opinions because that is how you teach a little girl that she can be whatever she wants, believe what she wants, and stand up for what she believes.
That’s the power and truth of a real princess.
also read my sweet friend Melissa’s gorgeous post on this.
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How to make & keep mom friends.
Beth Anne writes words & takes pictures at Okay, BA! You can also find her on theTwitters & Facebook.
Love this post BA!!! Nothing wrong with little girls having a little femininity in their lives….especially when it is balanced out by a variety of other interests!
Loved this! I’m about to have a daughter and I have to admit I’ve thought about “shielding” her from princesses in an attempt to keep her grounded. But honestly, I hadn’t thought about it this way. My fear isn’t in the “diva” aspect of princesses it is more about her not trying desperately to be someone she is not and to embrace who she is even if it isn’t the same as a seemingly perfect princess. Does that make sense? I want her to know true beauty and self-worth without comparing herself to ideals. Any tips on achieving that??? I’m certain the answer is in my parenting manual that should be arriving any day now. I swear I ordered that thing months ago…
But seriously, you made some wonderful points here and I’m definitely thinking twice about my initial approach.
@Kendra, I think it’s just also pointing out that they are simply stories. Like, my mom would talk to me about how cool Ariel was, but then point out that it was a story & then tell me a story about Juliette Gordon Low (founder of Girl Scouts) who was real but also beautiful & brave & headstrong.
I absolutely LOVE this post. My daughter has a recordable book about all of the Disney princesses and their positive traits. She is strong willed and sweet (like her momma). I tell her I’m the Queen and she’s the Princess of our castle. She tells me she wants to be Queen. LOL In our house, women are strong, kind, loving, and independent, just like a princess.
I think the main problem with the princess stage is the emphasis on appearance from such an early age. I hate the fact that little girls are taught from day one that their appearance is so vital to their happiness – it’s a sort of sordid indoctrination that really impacts our quality of life, for our entire lives. There’s nothing wrong with pretty clothes, or sparkles, or pink: it’s the compulsory nature of it all, and the striving for perfection, that comes with it. The genuine worthlessness that every American woman feels when we look in the mirror – every single stinking one of us – starts with princesses.
This stuff was bad enough when we were children, and I think it’s even worse now, and it scares me. When your little girl is a baby princess, it just seems like fun, but when she hits her tweens, she’ll reap the whirlwind. Please, hold her hand through it and don’t pretend it’s not coming, or ignore it when it does. I don’t think keeping her out of the princess stage will spare her any of this, but don’t pretend it’s not connected. It is, and denial hurts our daughters.
Ditto bunnytwenty!!
I’m 100% ok with princess. I’m 100% not okay with the modern Disnification kind.
@BunnyTwenty….I get what you’re saying but personally, I feel that is projecting adult rationalization & thought process onto 5-year-olds that simply don’t think that way. I look back at my time loving princesses & yes, they were beautiful, but I never finished Cinderella & thought HOT DAMN, I HAVE TO BE PERFECT.
Just my personal experience (which of course isn’t everyone’s!) but I never morphed my love of Aurora into being a brat as a teenager or obsessed with the mirror.
I think that women’s body issues comes more from the magazines & television shows we are exposed to as young adults & young women, rather than a cartoon mermaid as a 5-year-old.