"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Kid!"
My husband found a toy gun in our vacation cottage this week. And he gave it to my son. It’s not the first time that our little guy has played with a gun or sword (friend’s houses with older siblings), but it’s the first time that he’s really had one of his “own” and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
I mean, my sweet little two year old boy is walking around with it saying, “Pow, pow!” and “Bang!” Are kids born knowing that guns are for shooting and swords are for stabbing?
I don’t really like the idea of my son playing with violent toys. Especially at such a young age. But he seems drawn to them like a moth to a flame. I don’t know where it comes from… does it have to do with that “be tough” message that I discussed earlier this week? And I really don’t know whether or not to let him continuing playing with these types of toys. Remember, I grew up with sisters. This boy stuff is all new to me.
I asked my aunt, who raised three boys close in age to my sisters and I, how they dealt with the “violent toy” issue, because they are a peace-loving kind of family. She told me that, at first, they tried to keep toy guns and swords away from their boys COMPLETELY. But when the boys started chewing their sandwiches into guns at lunchtime and shooting each other, she knew they needed to teach them how to handle these toys responsibly and appropriately.
So, they were allowed to play hunting in the backyard where they could “shoot” animals, but not each other. As they got older, they gave them squirt guns and super soakers, but never machine guns or assault type weapons. I think that sounds like a good compromise.
Then again. There’s my son, pointing the gun at my head, and saying, “I’ll shoot you in the eye!” And even though I tell him to shoot other things around the cottage – the fan, the couch, the stuffed goose, he still comes back and pretends he’s shooting me.
How do we, as parents of little boys, raise them responsibly when it comes to guns and swords and other violent toys? Pretty soon we’ll be dealing with this more seriously, when they want to play video games that depict realistic shootings, either in military combat, or just on the street. Where do you draw the line?
Do you let your son play with guns or other violent toys? How do you teach him to responsibly play with violent toys?
I think that this is probably a bigger issue with boys, but it comes up for girls too. My daughter knows that swords are for “piercing” things and at daycare, gun play is not allowed, so some of the kids try to get around it by pretending things are “shooters”. At this point, her discussion of violence is so clearly imaginary (she calls herself knitting-needle-laser girl sometimes) that we haven’t said much about it. If we don’t want to be shot at or to have her shoot at the baby, we say so. We don’t have a clear philosophy at this point.
Yeah, my boys made them out of the PBJ’s too . . . and since my husband and father shoot (either hunting or target shooting) it is a way to identify with them. I grew up with guns, knowing how to shoot, how to take care of them and what the appropriate time and use for them is. We now have bb guns, airsoft, bow and arrows . . . I think boys just like projectiles! I also have noticed that if you try to steer totally clear of a specific thing it can, at times, increase the attraction into an obsession, NOT something I want my boys to have with weapons! I have tried to steer the older ones away from video games that are more realistic in shooting, but if you shoot a Lego man and he just breaks into pieces, not such a big deal with me.
You already know my stance on this subject as my son’s toy room is filled with nerf guns, swords, and other super hero/combat toys…and I’m pretty sure we had something to do with your son’s exposure (sorry ;o)). I think you just have to teach them responsibility. If you shelter them it becomes taboo and then they want it even more, which I think fosters un-healthy behavior between the child and that thing. I’m not saying to go way out in left field and let your kids play with anything and everything and watch whatever, but just not to shelter them. Boys will always have weapons, home made or manufactured, so we need to teach them what they are about and a respect for the real deal.
We also have to consider that our children show raw human nature and so I dont’ think that all the violence is necessarily taught, I think a small part is innate. Why else would your son say he is going to shoot your eye…he’s never seen that and he was not being malicious. So again, I think it comes down to what we teach them. You’re a good mom and I think he’ll turn out just fine.
Nothing wrong with guns. What is ‘wrong’ is irresponsibility. I think lack of education on any subject matter is irresponsible. Taking maturity levels into account of course. I have 3 boys, 5, 3 and a baby. The 2 older ones play swords, guns, super heroes. My husband has a lot to do with it since he buys these toys. But if he didn’t they’d pick up sticks to play with! Setting boundaries early is good. I don’t like to be shot at but will often call on a child to take care of some bad guy robots bothering me in the kitchen!
My father in law teaches chl and gun safety clesse and as the boys mature we will set them up to learn all they need to know.
For now we carefully differentiate between toy guns and real guns! We don’t keep real guns in our home but they see them at PaPas
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Such good thoughts ladies! Thanks for chiming in on this conversation! I definitely agree that if you keep something completely away from a child, whatever that thing is, that it makes it even more appealing. Like I said, I’m just so not used to boys, my daughter has pretty much never shown and interest in these types of toys, so I appreciate hearing from other mamas of boys!
So far we’ve steered clear of guns. It’s not a big deal since my son really isn’t around those types of toys and doesn’t really ask for them. At the store he saw one and said he wanted it. I said no and he moved on; didn’t phase him. I think the idea of teaching them to play with them responsibly is a great one. Thankfully we haven’t yet had to address it. I agree on boys liking the projectiles. He has Imaginext castle toys and he loves the catapult and cannon, bows and arrows. I like them much better on a tiny scale
I dont restrict my boys from toy guns and knives. They hardly play with them anymore than any of their other toys. They have watched westerns and some super hero movies that involve shooting people and still will rarely imitate what they see. I will stick to lighter games on the Wii some of those game are all about violence and not self defense. At the appropriate ages we will make sure our kids know gun safety and self defense.
First off: forgive my grammar. English is not my native language, and I try my best to be correct (and I will not be offended if I am corrected). I am 21 years old, I am an Eastern-European, my biggest guns were sticks, slingshots (although I had toy guns), sometimes an empty (plastic) water bottle.
Although I am not a parent, and I do not know how I got to this site (since I do not usually search for sites with topics about parenting and toddlers and I thought if I was here, at least I can learn, right?), but I find your thoughts interesting. Ladies, I was a little boy, and I knew other little boys, and we did play with guns (toy guns of course), but we never (and I dare to speak on the behalf of my buddies) had problems in understanding the difference between a toy and a real gun. I was 4 years old, when I met a real firearm (one of my father’s co-worker was a hunter), and when I was told about the dangers of it (not in an adult, but in a big-boy way) it has never crossed my mind to touch it. I remember that we made bows and arrows, slingshots (these we used for target practice), lances, swords and shields; and although we were supervised by our parents, we understood the dangers.
I just chimed in, because I deeply agree with you. Sometimes, a parent has to talk to a kid like an adult, and not like a mommy, or a playmate. I can vouch, that your child will understand that. Many parents fall into the idea that kids don’t understand much.
Thank you, and I hope my brief “existence” didn’t violate the sanctity of the mother’s (the most important people on earth) circle.
Adam