This book is the personal and confi-dentchle property of GOOSE THE ALL POWERFUL!!!!! Any FOOL who has the NERVE to read MY DIARY will have to ENDURE MY WRATH!!! Or, you have to give me the following, payable immediately: 20 really cool stick-on tattoos (no rainbows or sparkles) 18 rolls of gift-wrap tape, and a huge bucket full of chocolate chips.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Signed, Goose, age 8.
Super top secret things. 1 of 10
Inside my suitcase this weekend were extra secret cool things for Becket, 'cause it was his birthday!! Yippee!! The weekend started as usual, and I tried to play it cool. Becket picked us up and said "Time to get out of Dodge!" and we headed for our house in the woods.
Grinning and grinning. 2 of 10
I looked back at Dodge through the rear window as we drove away like I always do, but this time my face was grinning like a jack-o-lantern the whole ride. I was so excited to give Becket my presents. He is turning 16425 (days.) Becket told me not to talk about how many years old he is. So I just won't mention it.
Oh, and I have a brother. 3 of 10
Buddha was excited too and kept waving his arms around and saying "wahoo!" If he weren't so annoying it might have been sort of cute. I tried to take deep breaths and be patient 'cause Buddha's just a baby. He's only like 2000.
Lotsa ladies. 4 of 10
Other than the fact that Becket's house was crawling with ladies when we arrived, the only slated guests for the party were Myself (GOOSE!!) Buddha and Becket. We had a couple hours before dinner, so Buddha and I got busy making preparations. Exciting!!
Coo coo cardboard. 5 of 10
Buddha and I found a really thick piece of cardboard that said "DO NOT BEND" on it, which we thought was a totally hilarious thing to be written on cardboard. We laughed and rolled on the sofa and then rolled on the rug laughing some more. Then after we got a hold of ourselves we decided to make the piece of cardboard into a HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign. We used paint, and I did the lettering (OBVS.) Since I accidentally ruined all our paintbrushes last weekend with the peanut butter incident, we went looking for another, and lucky for us we found one in Becket's bathroom and it worked GREAT. It looked like this.
Making the living room cool for once. 6 of 10
Becket is not a tools kind of guy but I did find this screwdriver in the kitchen and managed to make a nice hole in the living room wall where we then hung the birthday sign. The living room never looked so fantabulistic. (!!!!)
Ghost specialities. 7 of 10
Becket bought lots of special food for the birthday dinner. We found it in the fridge. We also noticed that he bought special French gourmet cat food for Ghost (it looked like this -- FANCY SCHMANCY!!) I managed to get the can open and Buddha and I set it outside in the yard so Ghost cat could eat it. When we went back out an hour later, sure enough the can was empty. I guess Ghost must've found it purr-tacular (that Ghost has swanky French taste buds!!)
Present time. 8 of 10
After dinner we gave Becket his presents. Of course I had stashed the greatest super fantastical presents anyone on the planet could ever want in my suitcase: 3 Avengers tattoos which I immediately put on Becket's forearms (super cool,) 3/4 of a bag of chocolate chips, 17 pennies dating from 1972-1986 (some of Becket's young kid years,) and five rolls of gift-wrap tape. Becket looked like he would flip out from excitement.
A magic thing. 9 of 10
Buddha's present for Becket was from the yard. It looked like this. Buddha called it a fairy duster. If you tickle your face with it, Buddha says, it gives you magic powers. It sort of made us sticky.
Flying without wings. 10 of 10
After the party, we did one of our favorite things. All three of us went outside in the yard and put helicopters on our noses and pretended to fly while we waited for the fireflies to come out. While we were out there, Becket saw the empty cat food can and his eyes sort of got misty. I told him he was the nicest person on the planet for buying such fancy food for just a poor old stray cat. After that Becket laughed and laughed and laughed and gave me and Buddha massively huge and fantastorific hugs. He said it was the best birthday ever. Buddha and I agreed.