10 Things You Shouldn’t Say To a Mom of One KidStefanie Wilder Taylor
I am a mom of three girls, and I often hear the question, “So… are you going to try for a boy?” which I think is absolutely insane for about thirty different reasons. Obviously I won’t be “trying for a boy” anytime ever because a) I’m 47, b) My tubes are tied, c) I don’t want any more damn kids ,d) girls are awesome, and e) stop reading ’cause I don’t need any more explanations! For some reason when it comes to how many kids you have, people love to comment. But the people who get it the worst are the moms of one child. I’m not immune to it. I one asked an acquaintance who looked young if she was planning to try for another and it turned out that she’d just done a round of IVF which wasn’t successful. So that was uncomfortable. And really, I was just making conversation. So after polling my friends, here are 10 comments moms with one child hear that… they’d rather not. I’m learning along with you.
Why did you decide to just have one? 1 of 10
Well what if they didn't decide that? What if they have sunk 40 grand into fertility treatments and to no avail? Best to avoid asking this unless you know the person and they've told you they purposely stopped at one child.
Don’t you want to give your kid a sibling? 2 of 10
Personally I think this is ridiculous. Giving your child a sibling is a pretty ridiculous reason to have another baby. You better also really want another baby, because you have no way of predicting what the sibling relationship will be like. It could be amazing and they could be buddies for life or it could be a bitter rivalry from the jump. All asking this question does is put your belief that all children should have a sibling onto someone else's life plan.
Your house is so quiet. It must be nice. 3 of 10
What if it's not nice? What if this person has been pining for another baby, for the chaos of crying and fighting over the remote control and cleaning macaroni off of the ceiling? And anyway, one kid can make plenty of noise. Trust me. When my husband takes two of my kids out somewhere and I'm home with one, it's not exactly a spa vacation.
I know a great fertility doctor. 4 of 10
Yes, you heard that right. One of my good friends has heard that one on more than one occasion. I know, it's mind boggling but a lot of people assume that if you one have one child, it could only be because you body is failing you and you just need the right medical mind to fix things. Plus, maybe they do have a great fertility doctor! How do you know theirs sucks? I think you can see that if that is said, a lot of assumptions are being made.
It must be so hard. You always have to be her playmate. 5 of 10
Just because a person has more than one kid you can't assume that those kids entertain each other. A lot of kids simply bug the crap out of each other and it actually creates a ton of work having to referee all day. Personally I would kill for one bored child sometimes. And if you do only have one kid that doesn't mean that you need to play with them all the time anyway. Haven't you heard of TV?
At least you’ll definitely be able to send her to college. 6 of 10
Really? So if you have more than one an education is out of the question? And college is pretty expensive these days so how do you know that even with one a family could afford school? Plus, what about grants and scholarships and, well, I don't know other ways to get money for college! If you're talking to someone with one kid not by choice this is not really going to help them look on the bright side is what I'm saying here.
Don’t worry, you still have time. 7 of 10
My friend said that she's heard that one and she's in her mid forties. So really, unless she adopts or buys some eggs or wakes up and is suddenly Halle Berry, she doesn't have time. Don't say this to someone even if they look young because you don't know their situation.
At least she doesn’t have to share with anyone. 8 of 10
Yeah because learning to share is so terrible right? Who wants their kids to learn things like compassion, empathy and toy etiquette? Isn't it just so much better to have a spoiled brat who never has to let someone else have a turn? So having just one kid for that reason must be such a relief! This was sarcasm!
He’s so well behaved for an only child. 9 of 10
My friend who has heard that one found it weird. Does that mean that only children are usually all Veruca Salts? Spoiled and demanding and impossibly entitled? I happen to know tons of onlies who are simply delightful and a lot of kids with siblings who I wouldn't want to spend 10 minutes with.
Are you done? 10 of 10
From my intro to this piece you can see how this type of question might make someone squirm. If they are done you might sound judgy and if they're not done, you might bring up a sore subject. I guess it's best to just not talk about whether someone wants another kid unless they bring it up. It's not a whole lot different than asking someone with four kids why they had so many. It's just not going to end well.
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