There’s a big difference in life before and after kids. Duh. Tell me something I don’t know right? But it’s the little differences that we sometimes don’t even realize are there until someone points them out to us. Like the way I wear my hair. I wear a lot of ponytails. There are just way fewer opportunities to actually “do” my hair. I wear a ponytail so much at this point I’d probably wear a ponytail to go out on New Year’s Eve. But who am I kidding? Like I’d ever be able to go out on New Year’s Eve. I’d never be able to get a sitter! Here are 8 other things I used to do before I had kids.
Buy Purses and Shoes 1 of 8
Instead of diaper bags and Robeez. I mean, sure, some diaper bags are super cute and they do hold a lot of stuff .. .oh stop me!!!
Blast Tupac 2 of 8
Come on, have you listened to his lyrics since you've had kids? Not appropriate. I did listen to Tupac a lot while I was pregnant, and when Elby was a baby "I Ain't Mad at You" was the only song that would calm her when she was fussy but that was then ... I miss you Pac.
Not Get Excited Over a stupid Bed, Bath & Beyond Coupon 3 of 8
Why? Because I didn't need a bunch of fragrance oil burners to keep my house smelling fresh! I didn't have kids to create tons of bad smells! It was such an innocent time.
Know Where My Expensive Jewelry Is 4 of 8
Yeah good luck trying to find any nice jewelry whatsoever. It's ridiculous to try to tell kids that your nice stuff is off limits. You may as well shine some klieg lights on it. And if that nice piece of jewelry is shaped like a turtle? Forget it. You'll never see it again.
Go to the beach 5 of 8
I should change that to go to the beach without eighty hours of prep time. Just thinking about going to the beach with all three of my kids is exhausting. Even if I was able to muster the energy for the required packing a day on the sand entails, once I got there and got settled, one of the kids would be ready to go home. It's just not worth it.
Judge Other People for Their Out of Control Toddlers 6 of 8
Parenting seemed so easy back when I had no kids. If I was in a restaurant and your kid was raising hell, I wondered why you didn't just take the kid out until they could behave. I had a lot of great suggestions for you! I knew so much I could've been a child behaviorist and charged a lot of money! Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Drink an Entire Cup of Coffee 7 of 8
These days I can't get through a coffee without putting it down on the counter where I was making lunches, the bathroom where I was braiding someone's hair, the kids' rooms where I was trying to find my damn jewelry, or on the hood of the car because I had to put it somewhere while I hauled everyone's backpacks into the front seat.
Long for a Baby Like My Life Depended on It 8 of 8
Yes even though I've aged twenty years in the last ten, can't finish a cup of coffee or get through a Lifetime movie, can't keep a piece of jewelry and all my nice sweaters have stains of unknown origin, I'm no longer wishing for a life I thought I might never have. And I certainly can't bitch about that!
Well I can. I can bitch about anything! But I won't. Cause I'm classy like that.
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