Writing my last post about what not to say to moms with one kid got me thinking about my decision to have a second baby. After I had my first I was pretty sure I was “one and done.” And by pretty sure, I mean not sure at all for one week — a week where I’d furiously Googled “Only Children” and found that most of the data points to only children being perfectly well adjusted, leading me to feel totally secure in my decision … for about another week. It wasn’t that I was on the fence so much as I just kept switching sides of the fence. Until the day I was at my friend’s house who had just given birth to a little boy. And I smelled that new baby smell. And suddenly I wanted another baby more than I’d ever wanted anything, like ever.
And that’s how I became knocked up with twins. Well, that and about three glasses of chardonnay (but that was then). I was pretty freaked out because three kids meant a minivan and because at the age of forty by the time all my kids were out of diapers I’d probably be back in diapers (and now that my twins just turned six and still sleep in pull-ups at night… it just may be true).
So in retrospect, I think we can all see what I’m going for here: new baby smell = bad reason to have another baby. Then again, I wouldn’t change my stupid reason for anything.
You think your child needs a sibling. 1 of 12
Sometimes siblings do have a special bond and end up being a team, a team that can help each other, look out for each other, and have each others' backs when you are old and frail and need enough money for a nursing home that serves crab cakes. But just as often, they don't — and may quite possibly spend their whole lives fighting.
You have so much cute baby stuff left over from the last one. 2 of 12
Sure, onesies are spectacularly adorable. Granted. But these babies are only in baby clothes so long and then you will be hemorrhaging money on the rest of the stuff like, oh, college education.
You desperately don’t want to go back to work. 3 of 12
I totally get this one: You stopped working to raise your kids and now that the first one (or however many) are in school, you're worried that you need to go back to work (which in retrospect seems so unfulfilling), and having another baby would solve that! But eventually the new baby will be in school too, so you're only staving off the inevitable. Better to read a book like What Color is My Parachute and figure out something that will make you happy right now. Or take up windsurfing. I don't know! I'm not a shrink!
You’re sure this one will be a better sleeper! 4 of 12
Your new baby might be a better sleeper than your other baby; the one that never ever slept and almost put you in the grave from pneumonia you contracted because you COULD NEVER SLEEP FOR MORE THAN 45 MINUTES AT A TIME. Sure. And then again, it's more likely that it won't be a better sleeper because most babies just suck at sleeping.
To fix your marriage. 5 of 12
Sure, it may seem like a good idea at the time to bring out your husband/boyfriend/guy you met playing pool last month's daddy instincts. But statistics say that it will surely backfire. Better to work on your marriage or relationship first and when that's stable — baby time!
Because baby feet. 6 of 12
Yeah. This might actually be a good reason. I think I just gave myself baby fever! Good thing my tubes are tied.
To finally get that girl (or boy). 7 of 12
"I just kept trying for a boy" said the woman with eighteen daughters.
Because all your friends are doing it. 8 of 12
Peer pressure is a tough thing. If you have made some mommy or daddy friends and they all start going for kid number two you may want to have another baby just so you don't get left out. But remember, you will also HAVE ANOTHER BABY. If you know that you kind of really like your life as it is, then why not skip the baby and just help your friends with theirs? They will LOVE you for that! Also, you could get a dog! I'm here to help.
Because you have easy pregnancies. 9 of 12
You know that's a bad reason right? Okay, good.
You screwed the first one up so badly you want a do-over. 10 of 12
This is probably a more common reason than you think. Lots of people may have had a kid or kids when they were young and want another chance at it now that they feel they have more knowledge and better circumstances. Unfortunately this reason makes having a baby about you and not really about the baby. You want to feel like a good parent, you want to feel redeemed, you, you, you. On the other hand it's still a better reason than one of mine which was "I'll get good drugs in the hospital." So there's that.
Because you have a really good baby name you want to use. 11 of 12
I also totally get that reason too! But don't.
Because you want to have enough to start a family indie band. 12 of 12
This was just an excuse to show you this picture. I know, it's ridiculous.
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