A Slacker’s Guide To New Year’s Resolutions

Every year I hear about people’s New Year’s resolutions and every year I am confronted with my own lack of aggressively positive New Year’s resolutions. So every year I have to wonder if I’m lazier than everyone else or just smarter, since by Jan 15th it becomes clear that most people were overreaching in their quest to be better people. Wouldn’t it just be better to not set yourself up for failure and instead set yourself up to win? I’m sure it’s written in a self-help book somewhere that if you want to succeed you must set the bar lower! Why do people make promises to themselves to “Eat Healthy” when they know that they will end up binging on Kit Kat bars by January 3rd? It’s too nebulous and difficult. Maybe if your resolution was not to Eat Healthy but to eat broccoli once a month you would be swelled with pride come November. Even if you just ate broccoli 10 times so far, you’d be kicking ass! So here are my NY resolutions for 2013 –

1. Do not start smoking – this is a very easy lifestyle non-change to make especially if you’ve never smoked (like me).

2. Eat slightly less cheese -now I’m not a huge cheese person (besides brie, I love brie) but if I could go from being “not a huge cheese person” to “not a cheese person period” that would help me in avoiding unhealthy cheese consumption. Of course, we will leave brie out of this because if I see brie, I’m gonna eat brie.

3. Watch more documentaries. Documentaries are one of my favorite types of movies so I need to remind myself to watch more of them!

4. Return library books within a week of when the library notifies me they are overdue. Which reminds me, I need to return some library books (and I totally will after I finish this list).

5. Nag my kids to take more baths.

6. Give my kids more chores! They’ve been freeloading long enough. This year they are five and capable of helping out more. Need I remind them how many chores Laura and Mary had in Little House on the Prairie?

7. Read more Little House on the Prairie to the kids to back up #6.

8. When FB tells me it’s someone I barely know’s birthday, take a moment to write on their wall.

9. Put my money where my mouth is and really refuse to watch The Bachelor with Sean the Most Boring Bachelor In History Next To Bad Hair Ben.

10. Have a shorter list of New Year’s resolutions to better keep the ones I make.

So there you have it! Feel free to steal any of these or leave your own suggestions in my comments!

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Article Posted 4 years Ago

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