Controversial Wedding Gift Sparks Text War and Ends FriendshipsMonica Bielanko
Are there rules about wedding gifts? Because if there are, there shouldn’t be.
Wait, there should be one rule: if someone takes the time to get you a gift, no matter what it is, be grateful and say THANK YOU. That’s the rule.
Nope. I don’t care how crappy you think the gift, how cheap you think the person who gave it to you – send a thank you card and move on. Or don’t send a thank you card but you still better move on. What you don’t do is send a crappy text message dissing the person who gave you the gift because that makes you an ungrateful asshat. But, well, some people are ungrateful asshats who let marshmallow fluff ruin friendships.
As Shine reports, a wedding gift prompted an ill-mannered couple to fire off rude texts to a wedding guest. It started when a Canadian newspaper, the Hamilton Spectator, published a letter from that disgruntled wedding guest, detailing his text battle over a gift he had sent a newly married co-worker.
The wedding guest, who we’ll call John, attended the wedding of two women, one of whom was a co-worker. Here is a portion of the letter John sent to the paper detailing exactly what went down:
“As a gift, my girlfriend and I gave them a wicker box with a hinged lid, filled with food items, most of them PC Black Label, including: tri-color pasta, salsas, Balsamic vinegar and Olive oil, Gourmet croutons, Panko Breading, Pesto, some baking ingredients, Biscuits from Godiva and a few ‘Fun’ items like Marshmallow Fluff, Sour Patch Kids and Butterscotch sauce…On the card we wrote ‘Life is delicious….Enjoy.'”
The next day John got a text from one of the new brides, we’ll call her Bride 1: “Heyyy I just wanna say thanks for the gift but unfortunately I can’t eat any of it lol I’m gluten intolerant. Do u maybe have a receipt[?]”
John replied: “Ahh shit! Really!?” He tells he paper he was thrown by the rude text but chalked it up to post-wedding jitters and finished off his text message with “We had a great time. Thank you again for allowing us to be a part of the celebration.”
But the brides weren’t done. The next text came from her not-so-much better half, Bride 2: “I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding, people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate, and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads up for the future :)”
Oh, but it isn’t even close to being done yet. The following is a portion of the war of words as first published by the Spectator:
At this point John messages the brides on Facebook: “Hi , I want to tell you how incredibly insulted I am in both of the messages you have sent me over the last two days. (Bride 1), I am sorry that you have intolerance to Gluten, I am sure that makes life difficult at times. However, to ask for a receipt is unfathomable. In fact it was incredibly disrespectful. It was the rudest gesture I have encountered, or even heard of. That is until you, Bride 2, messaged me today. Bride 2, the message you sent to me today was by far the most inconsiderate, immature, greedy, and asinine thing I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. This is not even close to being the first wedding I have attended, and actually I have done a lot of research on wedding etiquette, a step in the process the two of you clearly skipped over (clearly displayed by Bride 2 chewing gum, like a cow does hay, while walking down the aisle)….In respect to this particular topic, I would turn your attention to pages 147-149. I am sure you will not bother to follow this link, so I will fill you in. Not only is it wrong to have an expectation of any sort of gift, it is the ultimate insult to your family and friends to mention a gift of monetary value at all, let alone be so boorish to message someone with your disappointment in said gift. Also, you should never host a party that you cannot afford, or expect your guests to pay for it. On that note, I seriously doubt that you had an expense of $100/plate. If you did, you were taken for a ride.”
BOOM. Well said, sir. But the brides weren’t finished. The texts continued:
Bride 2: …Weddings are to make money for your future.. Not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue. To be exact the plates were $97 a person… But thanks again for the $30 gift basket my wife can’t even eat. If anything you should be embarrassed for being so cheap and embarrassing yourself walking in with a gift basket probably re gifted cheap ass. Again.. Out of 210 people, you were the talk and laugh of the whole wedding!!!! Worst gift ever story Is being passed along to everyone!! How about you tell people what you gave as a 2 person gift to a wedding and see what normal functioning people say about it!! Do a survey with people u know… And tell me what 100% of them tell you!! Wake up dude
John: “It’s obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn’t care less of what you think about the gift you received, “normal” people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON’T expect me to, I don’t care what you or anybody thinks, you should just be happy your sham of a marriage is legal dude!
Bride 1: Lol. Your an idiot. Go research more on life. You should have been cut from the list.. I knew we were gunna get a bag of peanuts.. I was right. Thanks for the fluffy whip :). Have a good day.”
The gift-givers replied in justifiable outrage and nailed it with this sentence: “To ask for a receipt is unfathomable, disrespectful, inconsiderate, immature, greedy. Not only is it wrong to have an expectation of any sort of gift, it is the ultimate insult to your family and friends to mention a gift of monetary value at all.”
And yet, the brides maintain their position, even letting the newspaper, the Spectator, photograph the gift. One of the brides tells the paper the basket couldn’t have cost more than $30. A sum she considers paltry in comparison considering they spent nearly $100 a plate on guests for the reception.
The debate over wedding gifts apparently blew up all over the Internet with some folks defending the gift-givers and, amazingly, people defending the greedy brides with one woman commenting “If I know the couple is spending $100/plate, I make sure to give $250 or more not only to cover my and fiancees dinner but to give the newlyweds a gift as well. I am getting married in September and would be furious if this happened to me.”
What? This is wedding etiquette now? We’re expected to give a gift that covers the cost of our meal? Get outta here! That’s ridiculous. If you want to have a fancy-pants wedding, that’s your business. It ain’t my job to pay for it. I’ll try to get you something off your registry, if you have one, but if every item on the damn thing is more than $150 you can forget about it unless you’re a very close friend. If there is no registry you’ll get you whatever I get you and you’ll like it, or at least pretend you do. That’s how a civilized society works. Those two brides deserve each other.
Image source: Hamilton Spectator
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