Crate training and 10 other reasons your dog is not a baby

The other morning waiting for lattes, there was a young woman in line complaining to everyone who would listen about her dogs.  She had left them with her sister while on vacation, because none of the three kennels she’d visited had been good enough for her “babies”.

Aside from the fact that she was speaking out loud to strangers, all of whom were politely nodding their heads, while trying to look busy on their phones. Aside from the fact that she had a perfectly good phone in her hand she could have been using instead (I know because she was showing pictures of her dogs to us).

Dogs are not babies.

They are nothing like babies.  I have had dogs all my life and I love them.  And I know this woman thinks her dogs are her babies.  Really I do. I will nod and smile and dream of the caffeine at the end of this line.

I won’t say anything to her…instead I text Scott.

Alison: There is a woman in line talking to everyone about how hard it was for her to go on vacation and leave her dogs.  She says her dogs are so much work, just like babies.

Scott: I’ll get the bail money ready.

Alison: Dogs will eat out of the garbage if you forget to feed them.  Babies, ya gotta feed.  Not the same thing.

Scott: I’ll expect the Babble “Reasons dogs are not babies” post done by the time you reach the front of the line.

Alison: Oh, it’s already on its way.

Why Dogs aren’t Babies

1. Once a dog can sit, walk, not jump up on things and mostly listen to you, your job as educator is done.

2.  You can go out and leave your dog alone for about 8 hours.

3.  You did not give birth to your dog. Nor did any other human.

4. You expect to outlive your dog.

5. Your dog can’t ask you about sex in line at the grocery store.

6. You can swear as much as you want in front of your dog – they won’t repeat it!

7.  Your dog won’t roll its eyes at you, and is always, always happy to see you.

8. You can get your dog fixed and forever stop worrying about their sex lives.

9. Puppies who wake you up during the night can be crate trained.

10. Unless your dog can drop out of school and run away with a band, date an asshole, marry an asshole, join a political party you hate or vote agains gay rights – you don’t know what worry is.


What do you all think? Are fur babies, really like actual babies?

Any reasons why or why not you want to add to our list?






Wanna read more?

Say hi to Scott on twitter at @unmarketing, on Facebook or read more from him at

You can also check out his books UnMarketing and The Book Of Business Awesome/The Book Of Business UnAwesome

Say hi to Alison on twitter @nummiesbras or read more about, and by her, on the Nummies blog 

Article Posted 4 years Ago

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