It was all so idyllic until I became a parent of a tween and my darling princesses were suddenly asking me to buy them thinly disguised fetish wear.
Call me crazy but I have no desire to see my pre teen daughter dressed as a naughty nurse or schoolgirl, a fairy tale character with garter hose, or in any “get up” that requires a set of handcuffs to go with. Like ever.
It’s like that Taylor Swift song.
“We are never ever ever, wearing studded black leather…” Or something like that.
Sometimes it seems like even the classics are ruined. When I see the word “Sassy” on a costume I see flashing red lights. As in red light district. Sassy pirate, sassy sailor, sassy schoolgirl… Danger! Danger! Sassy is often the opposite of innocent, yet somehow supposed to appeal to both parent and child as it is not “sexy. It’s ok for your kid to be “sassy” a full five years before it’s ok for her to be sexy. Don’t be fooled.
Let me translate “Sassy” for you, into a couple of languages:
TWEENESE: “Its so adorbs! You’re gonna look so hot! OMG Your friends will say you look sixteen. But what if some guy hits on you? Awk! Oh well…”
PROTECTIVEPARENTESE: “What the…?!! Putting on costumes like this and knocking on strangers doors? Are you kidding me? This is how children get sold into slavery! Where is Lisa Ling to do an investigative report when you need her? And where are the full body unitards to go under this crap? Wait, that scrap costs how much?!!! Hmmmm…. I wonder if it comes in my size?”*
** Note to the wise: Nothing kills your kid’s longing for a too sexy costume faster than your threat to head out in all matchy-match mother daughter garb with them. Don’t threaten it unless you mean it, and your significant other is ok with your “investment”. Odds are your kid will return their costume unworn. What you do with yours is your own business.
I’ve ranted about inappropriate costumes for tweens for over two years now… here, and here too. I’m not doing that this year. Instead I’ve enlisted my 12 year old daughter to help me come up with this set of costumes that are acceptable to her and her peers, and don’t require me to mail order a burka to go with.
Can Can Dancer 1 of 15Here's what my daughter had to say about this cute Can Can Dancer: "It's not slutty at all, and looks like it is decent quality. She thinks it's best for a 10-11yr old".
Car Hop 2 of 15When I saw this Car Hop Girl costume I thought it was super cute. I could see my younger sons dressed in Carsland Car Costumes, and my daughter in this, maybe with rollerskates to go with. My daughter thought it wasn't too dorky or too sleazy and good for any age.
Tea Party Princess 3 of 15My daughter chose this Tea Party Princess because she thought it looked well made. I thought it was ok with tights. Granted, it might look a little less innocent on a more developed girl. I has that beer wench cut. Proceed with accessory caution!
Major Flirt 4 of 15This Major Flirt costume was one that my older daughter liked as a tween too. That's why my 12 year old picked it for this round up. It wasn't her fave but she thought it wasn't too suggestive or too embarrassing, so "whatever". I'm cool with it too.
Rockin Witch 5 of 15This is one that my daughter pulled for 10-11 yr olds. She's fine with this Rockin Witch as long as I don't call it "funky". If I do, deal's off. She hates when I call anything funky.
Pink Pirate 6 of 15I think this Pink Pirate is a perfect blend of little girl and tween/teen. It reminds me of a little girl princess costume in some ways. Just a lot shorter! My daughter's friends said they think it would look good on a 13 yr old. Or older. I'd add some ripped lace tights. But keep the accessories toned down to avoid a tarty pirate look.
Mad Hatter 7 of 15This The Mad Hatter is another one I'm not allowed to use the "f" (funky) word on. My daughter thinks it's a fun costume for a girl who isn't trying to look all sexy and stuff. But it is NOT FUNKY. PS Love the leggings.
Blue Crayon 8 of 15I wasn't sure I got this Blue Crayon costume. My daughter said it's kind of cool because it's an "actual thing". Um, OK?
Big Bird 9 of 15What I like about the Big Bird Costume is that it's pretty much impossible to hate Big Bird. My girl says it is cute and colorful and happy and fun." Who doesn't like Big Bird?"
Lime Stripe Witch 10 of 15Hmmm. This one could go either way depending on the accessories. I think a tween could wear this Lime Stripe Witch My daughter said "It's a just a classic witch costume, ok?"
Graffiti Girl 11 of 15This (not funky!) little punk rocker is ok with me. I like this Graffiti Girl My daughter said she likes it because she sees an "I heart JB" on the sleeve. And she hearts JB.
Fur-ocious Frankie Monster 12 of 15Whoa. I'm not sure what to make of this Fur-ocious Frankie Monster costume monster. It's fun and a little rave-like but not too sexy. "I'm all about the fur legwarmers" my daughter says. They don't come with the costume but I have to agree - they are pretty cool!
Nightmare Sally 13 of 15Well ok. It's a creepy rag doll, what's not to love about that. I approve this Nightmare Sally costume. My daughter says its dressing up as an actual character and just the right amount of scary without being too weird/goth.
Angry Bird Girl 14 of 15I'm not sure I love this one but my daughter saw this Angry Bird Girl coatume and was all "Obviously". It's not too suggestive and doesn't involve naughty accessories so, it's cool with me.
Yo Mummy 15 of 15This Yo Mummy costume is a variation on a classic. It's girly but not too incredibly short or sexified. My daughter and her friends said that it's good because you can tell what it is, and it's not just some stupid excuse to wear a too short dress and be all candy corn witch with it.
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