The Last Minute Gift: IT’S NOT TOO LATE!SAMANTHA BEE AND ALLANA HARKIN
You’ve done it. The tree is trimmed. The stockings are ready to go. Your homemade cream-filled Yule log is quietly chilling in the fridge. Congratulations, your handcrafted meringue toadstools look amazingly real. Now, let’s finish wrapping those gifts.
Whoops! Haha! You appear to be one present short.
Not to frighten you or anything, but a lot of future therapy is riding on an equal distribution of Holiday Cheer amongst the childrens. And by “Holiday Cheer”, of course I mean presents.
It appears that you have forgotten to buy something for your baby. Not to worry. The baby won’t notice. I mean, everyone else will, and in the future, they will unceasingly remind her that she was forgotten that one Christmas when everyone else had something to unwrap and share in Santa’s magic, and she just had to sit there alone in a sea of ribbons and torn paper. Crying. Like Dexter.
Here’s a terrible last minute suggestion that somebody recently made to one of us: why not get the baby an iPad? All the modern babies have expensive tablets. I mean you don’t have an iPad but maybe your child should. You do love her…right?
Well you can relax because it’s not too late to find and wrap that one last amazing Christmas gift that will inspire instant smiles on your baby’s face. And really, why spend $500 on an electronic device that’s essentially just a pricey bib to catch saliva when there are so many fantastic options right at your fingertips?
Here are some gift ideas for your sweet baby that he/she is guaranteed to LOVE:
Finding food in her pants: The joy of fishing around downstairs and emerging with one sweet plump raisin is equally if not more exciting than some stupid old iPad.
Wooden spoon and a pot: Even better, a bag of flour that she could pull down from higher ground and have fun with’ all over the place.
Drinking other people’s water: Hygienically questionable and difficult to wrap, yes, but endlessly amusing!
Pointing and having someone pass an object: The satisfaction of using mini fingers to direct wants, coupled with getting what you want? Instant winner! Also, environmentally friendly.
Car or House Keys: Can provide hours of family fun, especially when hidden in the trunk of a toy police car that nobody knew had a trunk that opened. It’s great because the action continues into the new year as the parents struggle to replace their keys and find out that they only ever had one key to the postal box in their building and now they’re screwed.
But, the number one present that anyone can get their beautiful baby is this:
One Pair of Expensive Prescription Eyeglasses That Are Vital For The Survival of the Family. Let’s say, one member of the family has a brutal astigmatism and was finally able to score a pair of stylish frames that miraculously don’t resemble novelty store Harry Potter x-ray vision glasses. Those would be perfect for the baby. Only, half the fun is to try and keep them away from her! Haha! She’ll never give up!
You are officially legally blind now, but the baby has a smile from ear to ear in all the Christmas photos. Maybe one day your vision will be restored and you will actually be able to see them.
You truly are an amazing parent.
Sam and Allana
p.s. from Sam: I bought my three year old son an actual Dustbuster for Christmas this year. I’m sick of him pretending to vacuum. It’s time for him to start pulling his weight around here.