The New Leaf, She Is TurnedTracey Gaughran
For a long time I’ve been writing here about the end of my marriage, and topics related to divorce and separation. But I’ve recently decided I need to close that chapter in my life online as it’s closing offline, and move on to greener, happier, and more life-affirming pastures. I absolutely did need to write my way through that very difficult and painful time in my life, and no words can express how much I appreciate all the support and understanding y’all have given me, both here at Babble and on my personal blog, Sweetney. But I’ve spent too long wandering the halls of the mausoleum of my long-deceased past, and at some point examining the death of my marriage has started to feel slightly morbid and self-negating. Focusing on the past, on what I’ve lost and what used to be, has become an unhealthy pastime for me, I think. And for my health and sanity I need to start looking forward and ahead, to start enjoying the life I have now, and the people in it now. I need to move on, taking what lessons I can from the past, certainly, but with my eye trained on the present-tense and all that life has to offer.
This is where I am now, and I’ve thought a lot about what I should be doing here writing-wise now that I’ve closed the door on writing about my split. And what I’ve concluded is that because I’m making this change – turning away from the past and what I’ve lost, and turning toward focusing on living a better, happier, healthier life in the *now* – that this is what I should be writing about. About trying to become a happier, healthier, better and more positive person.
Now don’t be alarmed – I’m not turning into a freakin’ Stepford Wives Bot or anything. I’m still gonna be me – brash and smartass and dubious about nutty New Age-y/Hippie BS and all that – but if there’s one thing I’ve realized after all I’ve gone through over the past few years it’s that life is too short to be negative. One of the reasons I got out of my marriage was precisely because it made me into a negative and unhappy person, into a depressive and a pessimist and a ‘hater’ (of myself, of other people’s successes and happiness… because obviously the way to joy is by way of knocking down other people’s joy, right?). In all honesty, I didn’t like that version of myself. And if I’m going to leave the pain, anger, and heartache of the past behind – and boy do I plan to – I’m sure as hell going to leave the negative me it created in the dustbin of history with it.
This isn’t about not being who I am, about becoming someone else. It’s about being the best possible version of who I am – or at the very least a better, improved-upon version. A version that is healthy and joyful and positive, living in the now and looking forward to the future. Nothin’ wrong with that, am I right?
And I think everyone can benefit from thinking about making positive changes – or even just changing how they think toward the positive, and away from the negative. So what I want to share here are the ways I’m trying to do that – through diet and exercise and mindfulness and self-care and creativity. I’ll also be looking at things like research about happiness and health – internal and external – and how other people are approaching trying to live a better and more fulfilling life. If it’s about trying to find ways to live a good, healthy and happy life, It’ll go here.
I hope you’ll join me as I embark on this new chapter, and I hope you find what I write here useful to you in your own life. I can’t wait to get started.
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