The One Where I Freak Out About Halloween

Um. Did you know that Halloween is next week? Thursday, I think. Right?

 I was so consumed with the shutdown side-effects, which included my inability to think about anything other than Congress for its entirety. One would think that during a shutdown a person who works with the federal government wouldn’t be so… busy. Like, I honestly thought that it would be a nice little vacation and even contemplated popping down to Palm Springs for a night because, hey! SHUTDOWN! And I was wrong.

The shutdown consumed me. Every day some new development emerged that inevitably turned out to be nothing until Day 15. But for two solid weeks I’d be afraid to leave my phone or laptop, fearing that I’d miss something. You all, I had a serious case of FOMO when it came to C-SPAN. That’s not right. But now it’s over and I am out of the crush of an irresponsible congress.

Here is what is making me panicky about this Halloween: I have a house. I have never been the sole party responsible for a house before and this is my first time in a neighborhood with trick-or-treaters. Not to mention the threat of my house getting egged because I got the wrong candy.

Thursday nights I usually go to yoga, but I’ve already changed my yoga time to the morning because of the aforementioned fear of my house being vandalized because I did Halloween wrong. But, I… um.. I don’t know what to get or how much to get. What sugary goodness are the young folks eating these days? Do I decorate? I’d prefer to sit on my couch and watch the Real Housewives of Whatever and drink a beer, but I feel like I should be attentive or something.

Have you ever met children? Or worse, a teenager? I remember being a teenager on Halloween. While I was fine and respectful, I know so many who were jerks who covered driveways with shaving cream and threw bologna on cars and did other terrible things.

The more I think about this, the more panicked I get. I’d turn the lights out, but then I fear cleaning toilet paper from my precious mums and giant trees for weeks thereafter.

So I ask you, Babble readers. Do you have any tips for my first Halloween in the suburbs?

Keep the conversation going with Heather Barmore at Poliogue: The Art of Political Dialogue, Twitter and Facebook.

Article Posted 4 years Ago

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