My daughter is 6-and-a-half months old and she’s nursing like a champ. A champ of what is uncertain. Perhaps a champion contortionist. Or a champion of perpetual motion. Or maybe a champion at horizontal tap dancing. Whatever it is, she is not a champ at snuggling quietly and eating a peaceful meal. Nursing these days is more like trying to subdue a sack full of weasels than it is about quiet bonding with my daughter.
For newborns, nursing is the most exciting thing in their day. For older babies, nursing is ok but not nearly as interesting as watching an older sibling run around, or jerking around at the sound of dog barking outside or, — and this really happened to me — refusing to nurse altogether in favor of cooing at a brightly colored wall hanging in the IKEA family restroom.
If you have a baby who bounces around during nursing, maybe you’ll recognize some of these habits!
1. The Pickpocket
Wearing jewelry is an invitation for baby to grab it while snacking.
2. The Comedian
Peek-a-boo — or Peek-a-boob — is the funniest thing a nursing baby ever thought of!
3. The Singer
Ever felt a baby humming against your nipple? Yeah. It tickles.
4. The Dancer
My baby loves to brace her feet against the arm of the sofa and bounce. Totally annoying but she’s got some rhythm!
5. The Dentist
Little fingers can slip right into your mouth — or nose.
6. The Escape Artist
A newly mobile baby might take an chance on squirming away while nursing. You better hope he de-latches first or OW!
7. The Pincher
Curious little fingers can decide to practice grasping things while eating Things like the underside of your breast. Or the back of your upper arm. You know, places that hurt.
8. The Tickler
Closely related to the Pincher, the Tickler fidgets along your ribcage, making your twist and jerk while nursing.
9. The Exhibitionist
Older babies hate nursing covers. They would much prefer to flap them around like flags, thus exposing as much of your breast to people as possible while nursing in public.
10. The Observer
Sometimes, there’s good stuff happening all around and a baby would rather watch the action than nurse. This usually happens when you need to be somewhere soon and want to feed the baby before you leave.