8 Parenting Rites of Passage

If the photos in parenting magazines are to be believed, everything about having a baby is a soft focus snuggle-fest. Even the shots of concerned looking moms soothing a baby crying his way through the evening witching hour looks sort of idyllic and sweet, like a treasured memory in the making.

Those photos do not tell the whole story.

Sure, babyhood is filled with the sweet and cuddly times. The first smile. Quiet feeds as the sun comes up. Cradling a  peacefully sleeping baby in your arms. But then there are the other moments. The ones that range from funny to nerve-wracking. The moments that will make you beg your baby for forgiveness and the moments that will make you laugh because if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. These moments are the rites of passage all parents must experience.  Some are funny, some are harrowing, some are flat out gross. But we’ve all been there and, hopefully, our kids will never remember them even if we never forget.

Here are my top parenting rites of passage:

  • Poop Blow-Out On You 1 of 8
    Poop Blow-Out On You
    You know how to ensure that your baby will have a colossal poo blowout that completely befouls your clothes? Don't have a change for yourself stashed in your trunk. Murphy's law says if you have a clean shirt on hand, the poop will stay contained but as soon as you forget that crucial item, BOOM. Poop everywhere.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Running Out Of Wipes On The Go 2 of 8
    Running Out Of Wipes On The Go
    Once you've gotten covered with poop without a change of clothes, you will discover that you forgot to refill your travel container of wipes. Might as well sacrifice the rest of your shirt as a wipe at that point. Then just drive to Target immediately and replace the shirt and the wipes at the same time.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Pinching Baby In The Car Seat Strap 3 of 8
    Pinching Baby In The Car Seat Strap
    The squeals of pain and outrage that erupt form a baby after their tender skin gets pinched in a car seat snap will haunt your nightmares. They certainly haunt mine.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Screaming Baby In Traffic 4 of 8
    Screaming Baby In Traffic
    Want to make a traffic jam seem a hundred times more awful? Add a screaming baby in the back seat. Even the most seasoned parent find that situation murder on the nerves, especially if the only way to clam the baby is repeatedly listening a very annoying song on a children's CD.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Dirty Binky 5 of 8
    Dirty Binky
    Oh, the binky. A mixed blessing if there every was one. It keeps babies happy, yes, but when it hits the ground? It becomes a germ factory. And it will hit the ground. Probably at the gas station. When you don't have a spare on hand. Hopefully not on the day you ran out of wipes because those are your best hope for a germ-free pacifier at that moment.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Lost Lovey 6 of 8
    Lost Lovey
    The smart mom picks her child's lovey herself and buys a dozen of them to rotate so they never disappear. I'm not that mom. My son chose an old pair of jammies as his lovey and I've literally begged consignment store owners to alert me if they ever saw more of the kind he likes. Meanwhile, my fear of losing them led to a rule preventing them from ever leaving the house.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Pee In Your Face 7 of 8
    Pee In Your Face
    From the moment the home pregnancy test turns pink, you need to begin the process of accepting the fact that you will have pee sprayed in your face at least once. Both boys and girls are capable of amazing feats of urination, many of which seem to defy laws of physics. The sooner you become comfortable with this knowledge, the happier you'll be.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Nail Clipping Disaster 8 of 8
    Nail Clipping Disaster
    Those fingers are tiny and the clippers are like lethal blades wielded by a finger-hating psychopath. You will draw blood at least once when you clip baby's nails. And you will never stop feeling guilty about it.
    Photo Credit: photo stock

Photo credit: photo stock


Article Posted 4 years Ago

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