9 Moms You Don’t Want To Meet At Playgroup

Last year, I made a friend at my older child’s school. We’ll call her Annie. She’s awesome. Her oldest was the same age as C, she had a 6 month old baby too, and then we got pregnant at nearly the same time. Perfect! Friends for all of us! Except that her husband is in the military so she moved. Boo. There went my perfect mom-friend situation.

I do have other friends, of course, but most of them don’t have little babies for N to play with. That’s not so critical right now but in less time than I care to think about, she’ll want to play with other kids. In order to make some friends for her, I signed up for a new playgroup with other moms of young babies in my area. I don’t know any of the other moms so I’ll be walking into the situation cold. This is nervewracking for me. I’ve never shaken my adolescent fear of not fitting in. Actually, I don’t always fit in because I’m kind of inappropriate and don’t always have a good filter in conversation. And I swear too much. So, I’m always afraid I’ll alienate other parents before our kids even get a chance to make friends.

There’s also the issue of ending up in a room full of people I don’t much like. The DC area is a melting pot of different types of people – many of them rather…um…intense. You never know when you’ll wind up in a group with a very serious Congressional staffer with no sense of humor. Or an anti-war activist who carries a canvas bag covered in buttons with slogans on them. Or stay at home mom who never got over being a type-a Harvard grad and organizes birthday parties like they’re presidential campaigns. Sometimes it takes a little work to find the kinds of moms I usually like – the kind who hope that no one can see the spit up stain on their shoulder  because they were too busy packing a snack of Goldfish and a juice box for their older child to change before leaving the house.

Here are some of the moms I’m hoping NOT to meet at my new playgroup:

  • Pinterest Mom 1 of 9
    She smells of hot glue and and some sort of baked good that involves pumpkin. Her child is in darling clothes. When you ask where she got them, she pityingly tells you she sewed them herself and never buys clothes for her kids.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Flashcard Mom 2 of 9
    She has au pair to teach her baby French, takes classical music classes with her baby, and constantly tells her baby about math in everyday life. She swears that reading Dickens aloud to her baby will make her an early reader.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Parenting Trend Mom 3 of 9
    She's read the Tiger mom book, the French mom book, and that new book about how parenting isn't all that hard or rewarding and she quotes them all in conversation. She has absolutely no sense of humor.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Duggar Wannabe Mom 4 of 9
    This is her 7th baby and she makes her own detergent. She usually leaves early to go to Costco or help organize a parents of multiples consignment sale. She got on the organizing committee to snag the best stuff first.
    Photo Credit: TLC
  • Super Stylish Mom 5 of 9
    She looks totally pulled together at all times, including days she's just come from mommy and me yoga, to which she and her baby wear matching $200 workout outfits. 
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Pageant Mom 6 of 9
    She aspires to raise the next Honey Boo Boo and her baby shows up at playgroup in "full glitz". She is hoping her baby to walks early so she can enroll her in dance classes before she turns one year old to give her a leg up on the competition.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Hippie Mom 7 of 9
    She brings her older kid to play group too and tandem breastfeeds while talking about switching to a paleo diet. Her entire wardrobe is made of hemp.
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Political Mom 8 of 9
    Her baby wears an Obama onesie and all she talks about is the latest Five Thirty Eight projections and what she heard on Maddow the night before. Oh wait, that might be me...
    Photo Credit: photo stock
  • Having-It-All Mom 9 of 9
    She has a job. A good one. And an advanced degree. She might make partner. She drives a Beamer. But she's still an engaged parent. That's why she's at playgroup. She has her BlackBerry on the play mat next to her baby because she's technically "working from home". 
    Photo Credit: photo stock


Article Posted 6 years Ago

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