Everyone always wonders when the right time is to have another baby. Answer: there is never a right time, since babies cause chaos along the lines of the tornado you see in the distance in The Wizard of Oz. But take heart, there are some surefire ways to tell if you have been bitten by the rattlesnake of baby lust.
1. You refuse to move your Pack n Play into storage.
“What if my sister visits with her baby?” you ask. When your husband responds that she isn’t even pregnant yet, you change the subject or initiate unprotected sex.
2. Speaking of which, your sex drive has ramped up lately.
Like, really ramped up. Weirdly, it’s right around when your cervical mucus is thinnest. Women, so unpredictable.
3. You always want to hold your friends’ babies.
And by friends, I mean strangers. You are halfway through “Where is Thumbkin?” before you realize your own preschooler isn’t next to you anymore. Whatever, he’ll figure out how to get home. Which brings me to …
4. Your other kids seem very self-sufficient all of a sudden.
“4 years old already? Have you looked into summer jobs? Don’t make excuses. There aren’t any free lunches in life.”
5. They also look tremendous.
And when you do the laundry, 4T clothes and 5T clothes almost look like big kid clothes. When you see some 5’s without the T after them, you burst into tears.
5. You become obsessed with baby pictures of your nearly-adult (read: preschool-aged) kids.
“I can’t play with you right now, I’m making a Pinterest board of all your cutest baby pictures. Look at the little shoes!”
6. You become really interested in romance all of a sudden.
You go all out for date night, down to the pretty underwear. So weird that you’re right in the middle of your cycle again!
7. When your friends get pregnant, you cry and offer to loan them baby clothes.
You make really sure to use the word “loan.” You also accidentally don’t include the super-cute stuff that you really wouldn’t want to get stained. This remains hidden in the back of the 7-year-old’s closet, next to his lacrosse gear.
8. When your husband asks when you’re going back to work full time, you change the subject.
By initiating intercourse.
9. My rattlesnake metaphor in the first paragraph didn’t scare you.
You pictured a newborn rattlesnake with a bonnet. (Then you jumped on your husband, naked.)More On