I’ll be honest here. I do not put out while pregnant. The last thing I’m interested in while fifty pounds overweight is letting Serge take the ol’ steamboat to tuna town.
It’s been so long I figure I need to get back in the saddle sooner rather than later but I can’t even bear to look at my vagina, let alone contemplate – well, you know.
I was googling around and I came across the following paragraph from netdoctor.com
You see, childbirth is a pretty traumatic process for a woman. Having a baby pass through her vagina is almost like having a small explosion go off inside her. The delicate vaginal tissues are inevitably strained, bruised and torn and it takes some weeks for these injuries to heal up.
Yeesh. A small explosion? Seriously? My vagina closed up just reading that paragraph. Anyway, most doctors say you should wait about six weeks – until after your first post-birth check-up – so I’ve got a good two weeks to go before Serge and I can make love.
Ha! Make love. Did you think I was using that phrase in a serious manner? I was totally testing you! Anyone who uses the term make love should be smacked in the side of the head with a sock of pennies. Repeatedly. We’re all snickering every time you say it. No really, we are. Also, that website above, it uses the term loveplay. Loveplay? As in: “Couples do often get very frustrated when they’re waiting to resume sexual intercourse. This applies particularly to men! So, in the meantime, you can go in for loveplay.”
Loveplay. I think Serge might hit me with a sock of pennies if I suggested we engage in a little “loveplay”.
So anyway, I’m reading about the loveplay the site suggests in place of full-on intercourse. It recommends handjobs, blowjobs… you know, the usual activities of horny teens when parents are out of town. But then it says men should not give women oral sex in the six weeks following birth because it could LEAD TO DEATH. Say wha?
These tragedies have occurred because the man has (often accidentally) managed to blow air into the vagina. Air can very easily get into the blood vessels of the newly-delivered womb – and cause an often fatal illness called ‘air embolism’. Not long ago, the British newspapers reported an appalling case in which a man forced his wife into cunnilingus shortly after she came home from hospital, puffed air into her and killed her.
No way! “Air embolism”. Did you know about this? So I googled around some more and could find no sign of the British man who allegedly killed his wife with forced cunnilingus. The only thing I can find is that same paragraph – word for word – all over the web. As if this netdoctor website has spawned an urban legend.
What say you? Is this legit? Or some kind of urban legend? I’m not sure I can take a website that uses the term “loveplay” seriously. Also, how long did you wait until you had sex?