Mama’s Night Out: How a Baby’s Mom Really Parties

So what’d you do this past weekend? Shut down a bar? Dance on tables? Wake up in the morning with your shirt on backwards and the phone number of some guy named Lou scrawled on your wrist?

Yeah. Me neither.

BUT I did go out last Thursday night,which in the world of this work-at-home suburban mommy is a big, big deal. Thanks to my pregnancy, then recovering from  childbirth, and then handling a baby who for the longest time refused to drink from anything but a breast, I hadn’t had a night out without the kids for at least eight months.

Below, a by-the-numbers look at my exciting adventure into sociability.

  • Mama’s Big Night Out 1 of 11

    Kids? What kids? A by-the-numbers look at my first night on the town without the offspring.

  • 5 Minutes 2 of 11

    I used to be the type of girl who'd try on half the items in her closet before finally settling on something acceptable. These days, who has the time? Instead, I settled on a pair of gray capri pants and a sparkly black sweater in about five minutes and booked it out of there. I'm just lucky I escaped the house without having my outfit "accessorized" with spit-up stains.

  • 4 Inches 3 of 11

    That's how tall my heels were. Because nothing says "I like the nightlife" like risking an ankle injury. 

  • 4 Modes of Transportation 4 of 11

    After Saucer Eyes was born, we traded city life for the 'burbs and that means traveling into the city—especially at odd hours when trains and buses are less frequent—is a bit of a production. That night, I drove my car to a train station, took the train to the underground rail system that connects New Jersey to New York (PATH, as the locals call it), and then took that to the actual NYC subway, which deposited me close to the bar where the party was being held. The journey took a little over an hour, which gave me plenty of time to brainstorm winning conversation starters like, "Boy, could that cat be any grumpier?"

  • 60 Characters 5 of 11

    That was the size of a text message sent by my husband, who was home with Scrunchy Face, to relieve my anxiety. The baby had only eaten meals a handful of times without me, and this was to be his first time having "dinner" (read: ready-made pureed squash and a bottle of breast milk) sans mama. My husband later told me that he and the baby had a good time together—unfortunately, he did not make a music video to document the occasion.

  • 1/2 of a Sandwich 6 of 11

    A friend and I split a pastrami sandwich at the famous Katz's Deli before hitting the bar. Not only was it delicious, but I also got away without spilling any mustard on my shirt. Between that and the lack of spit-up earlier in the evening, I was two for two!

    Photo credit: jamesjyu/stock.xchng

  • 8 Ounces 7 of 11

    Approximate amount of mixed drink consumed by yours truly at the party. I didn't want to drink much more than that because I planned on pumping later—halfway through the night, my chest was already starting to feel full—and I intended to save my milk instead of going the pump-and-dump route. Plus, after months of inadvertent teetotaling, I'm something of a lightweight. Heck, I could probably get drunk off two swishes of who wants to come party with me and my friend Listerene?

  • 6 People 8 of 11

    The number of new people I met and had conversations with. If I'm being totally honest, I should really cut this total in half because some of my conversations with said new people practically started and ended with, "Nice to meet you." But hey, words came out of my mouth, I remembered my own name and I didn't cause anyone to run away screaming, so I think I did OK.

    Photo credit: intuitives/stock.xchng

  • 1 Random Photo 9 of 11

    Taken on the street after leaving the party. It was in front of a store called Miss Hoe. You know, just cause.

  • 9 Ounces 10 of 11

    Amount of milk pumped after arriving back home. Because mama doesn't just consume libations on her nights out, she manufactures them too!

  • 1 Happy Mama 11 of 11

    I took this selfie at home at the end of the night and look! I'm smiling, not huddled in the corner in the fetal position. Success! Maybe I'll try this whole leaving-the-house thing again sometime.


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