Parenting by the Numbers: Baby EditionMeredith Carroll
Being a mom is a lot of work.
Lots of love. Lots of doubt. Lots of diaper changes. But who’s counting?
I am, actually. Here’s a baby breakdown, by the numbers:
10 Hours of Sleep 1 of 10Not all at once. And certainly not while I'm sleeping. But — at 6-months-old — we have finally surpassed double digits in terms of her REM. Just not my own. Hey, Rome wasn't built in a day. (But if primary construction could finish by, say, 7-months-old, that'd be fab. Thanks!)
9 Older Sibling Scoldings 2 of 10"Stop squeezing her head so hard."
"When you do that and she cries, it means she doesn't like it."
"No, you can't go in the baby's crib."
"You don't like regular milk, why do you think you'll like my breast milk?"
"She only eats Mommy's milk and baby food. Please stop trying to shove a Goldfish cracker in her mouth."
"The baby just fell asleep, please stop screaming."
"If her poop is making you nauseous, maybe you would consider moving out of my way while I'm changing her diaper."
"She doesn't like to be tickled when she's asleep. That's why she's not laughing and also the reason why I'm ready to lock you in a closet."
"Hugs are sweet, Honey. Smothering is homicidal."
8 Loving Gazes 3 of 10It's hard not to just stop what you're doing at least eight times a day and sigh while simultaneously bursting with happiness as you gaze at your baby. And also just to make sure she's still breathing. You know, just in case.
7 Pacifier Hunts 4 of 10No matter if you are the proud owner of one pacifier or own a pacifier factory, there will be at least seven times each day that there is not a single one to be found. Rest assured that all seven of those times will be when your baby needs it the most.
6 Diaper Changes 5 of 10Shit happens.
5 Moments of Doubt 6 of 10Am I a good mother?
Is she dressed too hot? Too cold?
Will she hate me when she's older because I just took a picture of her fat rolls (or will she understand it's because they're just so damn cute)?
If I get up to pee before my bladder bursts because it just took me 46 minutes to get her to sleep, will she wake up?
Am I a good mother?
4 Tearful Outburts 7 of 10Hey, she is a baby.
3 Wardrobe Changes 8 of 10This does not include the basic getting dressed in the morning and getting into pajamas at night. This means we change clothes three other times a day when a blowout occurs, when the pureed carrots she just ate miraculously burst out from her nose, go under her bib and soak through to her belly button, and when her older sister decides the baby might also find it fun and funny to sit on a snowball.
2 Glasses of Wine 9 of 10The first to get through the dinnertime and bedtime rituals. The second to recover from them. (Third glass: optional. Just because.)
1 Smile 10 of 10It just takes one smile, one look of recognition from her to know that it's all worth it. It's all going to be OK. Because she's all yours. And nothing will ever change that.
Photo credits: Meredith Carroll
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To see what’s in store in just a few years, check out Parenting by the Numbers: Preschool Edition