Sex After Baby: Myths, Truths, & Tips

You’ve managed to make it through pregnancy and delivery and are somehow surviving the needs and demands of your newborn, albeit sleep deprived and sore and feeling like you are in a constant state of fog. Guess what’s next? Sex! Yep, time to get back in the saddle.  Chances are that saddle is looking like some type of cruel torture device. No need to fret, most of us are scared to dive back in. Some common thoughts are: Will my vagina feel loose? Will it hurt? I feel gross and unattractive. Being touched is the last thing I want right now. All of these thoughts are all totally normal. I’m on this journey with you (for the 3rd time) so I will go though the myths, truths and give some tips on making the most out of post baby sex.

  • Sex After Baby: Myths, Truths & Tips 1 of 16
    Click through to see them all.
  • Myth: My Vagina Will Be Loose 2 of 16
    No it won't. Your partner will not be ‘tossing a hot dog down a hallway'. If that were the case then there would never be kid #2. My husband is honest with me and I straight up asked him if there was a difference. He told me I feel just as tight, but that women actually feel differently all the time, from one sexual encounter to the next. I trust my husband and since he keeps coming back for more, I know I'm just fine down there.
  • Myth: I Had A C-section So Sex Won’t Hurt 3 of 16
    That's a flat out lie. Ok, I've never had a C-section, but plenty of my friends have and they have experienced just as much if not more discomfort post baby.
  • Myth: I Don’t Need Birth Control 4 of 16
    Unless you want to have your babies very, very close together, you do need birth control, even if you are breastfeeding. You will ovulate BEFORE your first period so it could be too late before you decide to use a contraceptive. Talk with your doctor before giving birth about your birth control options. If you are breastfeeding your options are limited to condoms, IUD, or mini pill. Another myth is that you won't get your period while you are breastfeeding. I did with my first two kids and I'm just waiting for the old period to rear it's ugly head this time around.
  • Truth: Dry as the Sahara 5 of 16
    Your hormones are all wacked and your estrogen levels are low which means there's less natural lubrication in your vagina. Make sure to have lots of foreplay, read: oral sex or use a store bought lubricant. If you are not comfortable buying lubricant, just get some online.
  • Truth: Most Women Experience Discomfort 6 of 16
    This is true and it was for me. The first month or two of getting back in the saddle takes some getting used to. I preferred external stimulation during this time, but I would still have intercourse, just easy going and for a shorter period of time. Sorry, hubs, no marathon lovemaking in the first few months.
  • Truth: Some Women Actually Have More Intense Orgasm Post Baby 7 of 16
    It's true. It has been known that some women have sex within a week of giving birth and enjoy it immensely. I'm not one of them and I don't feel badly about it one bit. It takes me a few months to get back into enjoying it and that's OK. Once the baby is sleeping through the night you will have the opportunity to get your sexy back.
  • Truth: Many Women Feel Over-Touched 8 of 16
    Oh yes, we do. Just the other night my husband decided to ‘enjoy' my breasts. He may have enjoyed it, but I had to stop him and gently tell him that I've got my fill of breast touching and nipple sucking. He laughed and totally understood and moved on to something we would both enjoy. With all this baby holding and breastfeeding and intimacy with your baby, sometimes it's hard to turn that off and turn on the sexual intimacy. Or you are just touched out and would prefer to be in bed with no human contact, I've had those nights.
  • Truth: You feel Unsexy 9 of 16
    We all do. Our bodies are different, there's this empty mush ball where we used to have abs, our boobs have exploded to uncomfortable proportions. We still have excess weight all over. It's not fun gaining all this weight and wreaking havoc on our bodies. Your husband should be in love with you and be attracted to you even more after bringing his child into the world. My husband finds it amazing and wonderful that I've grown a child and we are more in love than ever post baby. I just make sure to be under candlelight instead of bright lights to make everything look prettier. Also, when my husband tells me I'm beautiful and sexy (even with my soft, bulging belly), I believe him and I thank him.
  • Tips: Get Some Sleep 10 of 16
    Nothing kills your sex drive more than sleep deprivation and having a newborn is nothing but that! When the baby is sleeping skip the laundry and the dishes and take a nap. Make sure your husband is taking a night shift so you can get a ‘long' stretch of sleep. Take it easy and don't overdo it with errands and household chores. Ask others for help. For instance if a neighbor is heading to the store ask them to pick-up some stuff for you, anyone that comes to visit also gets to vacuum or do a load of laundry, and your husband can do a lot of the errands and chores just tell him you are trying to conserve energy for sex!
  • Tip: Try For Off Hours 11 of 16
    Chances are if you wait until the evening you and your partner will both be exhausted and your baby will be fussy. Try a naptime romp.
  • Tip: Read Something Erotic 12 of 16
    You don't have to buy an X-rated magazine for erotic stories. Try picking up a copy of 50 Shades of Gray. It's a simple enough read that you can get through in your head-in-a-fog state. Just make sure to read during the day, even just for 15 minutes. If you read at night while in bed, you will just end up passing out. Reading during the day will get you excited for what's to come. Send your husband a sexy text or request he comes home for lunchtime sex.
    Buy 50 Shades of Gray at Amazon
  • Tip: Shower Sex 13 of 16
    Kill two birds with one stone. We all know showering is a luxury as a new mom so why not shower and get some lovin'! Tell your partner you are going to shower and you want him to join you. Go and get a head start and shave your legs, and get clean, then let your partner wash you as foreplay. If you need it, bring in some lube.
  • Tip: Plenty of Foreplay 14 of 16
    Start out snuggling and kissing and massaging, all naked. Just feeling each other should be enough to get your mind on board. Touching and caressing and practicing oral sex will help warm up your body and relax you for more enjoyment.
  • Tips: Talk to Your Partner About Your Feelings 15 of 16
    If you are nervous and not ready, just talk to your partner, be open and honest and he should be understanding of your feelings. You've been through a lot, your body and mind and you may need more than six weeks to recover. I will say that the longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to take that leap. Being intimate with your partner is a special bonding time for the two of you and it will make you feel like a woman again instead of only mothering.
  • What Does It Feel Like? 16 of 16
    Every woman is different. I'll tell you what it was like for me. It feels sensitive, not raw, but like the lining of my vagina is tender. I need extra foreplay to get things lubricated and then ask my husband to take it slow. We keep things mellow, as in nothing too rough or deep for the first month or so. After that things seem to be back to normal. Once the baby is out of our room and sleeping through the night we plan a little party night in our room with candles and music and bubbly. As soon as the last kid is asleep, we are holed up in our room for the night just reconnecting.

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