Time to face reality — to get a totally unique baby costume, you might have to DIY-it, spending hours sewing, bedazzling, hot gluing and possibly welding.
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Fortunately, there are some pretty weird baby costumes that can be yours for less than the cost of the future therapy sessions your kid will surely demand someday after seeing pictures of his infant self in these outlandish get-ups.
By the way, when I say outlandish, I mean that as a compliment. Generally I’m pro-absurdity, so I’d applaud any parent who would choose these costumes for their kids. That said, I could see how some parents may find a couple of these objectionable — Elvis died of a drug overdose, bikers have a rough-and-tumble reputation (especially as of late, thanks to “Sons of Anarchy“) and prisoners are, well, in prison. Some might not want their kids dressing as any one of these folks, even in jest.
I, myself, say “jest away!” Then again, I dressed as Hester Prynne for Halloween one year — fortunately or unfortunately, some assumed the “A” on my chest stood for “Alice” — so I really can’t claim moral authority here.
Check out these kooky duds below and decide for yourself!
The 13 Weirdest Baby Costumes You Can Buy 1 of 14
This Halloween, let your freak flag fly vicariously through your baby...
Baby Tootsie Roll 2 of 14
If, as the famous jingle says, whatever it is you think you see becomes a Tootsie Roll to you, then a.) you're delusional and b.) you don't need this costume because you already think your baby is a Tootsie Roll.
Baby Hot Dog 3 of 14
"I really want to be a wiener for Halloween," said nobody ever. Compensate for society's unfortunate paucity of Halloween hot dog wearers by dressing your kid in a hot dog costume before he's old enough to know better. You can even show him off to family and friends -- just say, "Hey, want to see my wiener?" and then rush to present the baby before anyone calls the police.
Baby Prisoner 4 of 14
If you've ever looked at your baby and said, "This kid would do well in prison," then this is the outfit for him. Chubby babies may object to the not-so-slenderizing horizontal stripes but, otherwise, your would-be felon should feel perfectly at home in this hat-and-jumpsuit set.
Baby Woopie Cushion 5 of 14
Don't pinch your nose at your baby's stink bombs. Celebrate your gassy little wonder with this woopie cushion baby bunting.
Baby Ketchup Packet 6 of 14
Mock the ketchup devotees in your life with this ketchup packet costume. It contains zero ketchup, just baby. Take it to dinner with you and when someone asks to pass to ketchup, give them an armful of baby instead! They'll get a laugh and you'll have a few minutes to enjoy your meal without your darling-turned-dipping-sauce impersonator getting in the way.
Baby Elvis 7 of 14
Among Elvis fans, it's an unending point of contention: Who was better -- young Elvis or old Elvis? Give these quibblers a run for their rhinestones with your own answer: REALLY young Elvis, as embodied by your baby.
Baby Yoda 8 of 14
Wear this costume, your baby will but beware, tempted will be you and others to speak like this all day. May the force not drive you crazy.
Baby Pink Skeleton 9 of 14
Black skeleton costumes are so yesterday. Why not dress up boring bones by putting them on a pink jumper? It's an osteology lesson and super cute outfit all in one!
Baby Golfer 10 of 14
Now's probably not the best time to introduce golf clubs to your baby, unless you're really eager to get a putter to the nose. Fortunately, you can still dress your little diapered one like a links master...just remind him that there's no leaking on the green!
Biker Baby 11 of 14
Because what mother doesn't want her son to join a biker gang someday? The fake tattoo sleeves even help get around those pesky minimum age tattoo laws! Fake ink + real attitude = ultimate baby Halloween costume, am I right?
Baby Money Bag 12 of 14
It will cost you well over $200,000 to raise your child in the U.S. today. But maybe this costume will inspire him to become a future billionaire banker and then he can pay you back? Right? RIGHT??
Sashimi Baby 13 of 14
For those who like their babies like they like their fish -- fresh and wrapped in seaweed.
Baby Spock 14 of 14
Space is the final frontier...unless you count potty training. If dressing my baby as Spock this Halloween means that Scotty will be around to beam away whatever's in his enterprising diaper, I'm in! Live long and poopie, my friends.
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