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The Baby Boy I Never Knew I Wanted

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Image Source: Coeur da La Photography

From the time I was a little girl myself, I dreamed of motherhood — and the dream always included little girls. But when I was pregnant for the first time I convinced myself I was going to have a little boy; I even told other people I wanted a boy, because girls were “too much drama.” But, after I had a little girl, I realized I’d just been trying to protect and prepare myself for the letdown I might have experienced from having only boys.

The truth is, I am a total “girl mom” and I was meant to have a daughter. I love putting together cute outfits for her, doing her hair, painting her nails, playing with dolls, and belting out Frozen songs together in the car. Which isn’t to say that boys can’t be into these things too or that girls can’t be into digging in the dirt or building things, but from a completely stereotypical standpoint my personal leanings are pretty “girly” and my own daughter is at least 10 times more “girly” than I am. From the time she was a tiny baby, I’ve been looking forward to tea parties and ballet classes and adorable dresses.

I know most people seem to want “one of each” when it comes to kids. A boy and a girl is considered by many to be the perfect combo. But, after having a little girl, I was really hoping for another. I mean … we already had all the clothes. Plus, I always wanted a sister myself and was hoping to get to experience what the sister bond was like vicariously through my children.

When we found out our second baby was going to be a boy I was a little disappointed. I know that sounds awful, but it’s the truth. I knew I would love him of course, but would I really be able to relate to a little boy?

Throughout my pregnancy I remained slightly less than enthusiastic. When people would get excited about the fact that I was having “one of each,” I would nod in half-hearted agreement. Then, after nine months of waiting, I became a part of the “boy mom” club. It wasn’t love at first sight like I had expected (for the record, I didn’t experience it with my daughter either) but slowly, surely I fell in love.

My son is still just a little thing at four months old (well, relatively “little” since he’s actually 18 pounds already) but I’m already loving this “boy mom” gig. Little plaid shirts, so many snuggles, and that whole “mama’s boy” thing? It’s totally real. Even at such a young age, I can tell that his love for me is something fierce and the love and bond that we share is different from the one I have with my independent girl. Of course all babies are hardwired to need their mamas and love them best, but this is just different. Not better or worse. Just completely different.

This little boy that I never knew I wanted is turning out to be exactly what I needed. All that time I spent fretting, the fears I had, wondering if my heart could find enough room to love another as much as I love my daughter, have been completely unfounded. My son has been the most perfect addition to our family and I can’t wait to learn about all of the things he loves. Things that will be different from the things my daughter loves … or maybe some will be the same. Either way, they will be his things.

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Article Posted 5 years Ago

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