The "Bright Side" of Sleep DeprivationAlice Gomstyn
I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty experienced in sleep deprivation. I’ve got a teething baby who’s proven himself to be quite the tenacious night owl. I’ve got a rambunctious preschooler who just loooooooves running into my room at the crack of dawn and yelling “It’s morning time! It’s morning time!” Between the two of them, I get about as much sleep as a Beastie Boy en route to Brooklyn.
Of course, this makes me no different from most parents of young children. If you’re the parent of a young child or more than one young child, I have to assume you’re sleep deprived. If you’re not, then my guess is that you’ve got lots of help (night nurses, nannies, etc.) or you make your spouse do all the work. Either way, I don’t like you.
Back to us sleep-deprived masses. If you haven’t been keeping up on all the news regarding the dangers of sleep deprivation, brace yourselves: A new piece on The Huffington Post takes all the recent studies on it and tidily sums them up in an infographic emblazoned with the picture of a purportedly sleep-deprived woman’s face. Sure, her eyes are bloodshot and she’s got visible rings beneath them, but frankly, I only wish I looked that good before make-up. If that’s what serious sleep deprivation looks like, I’ll take it!
There’s more good news: I think that there’s a bright side to all the deleterious sleep deprivation side effects listed in the piece. Check out my examples below!
Sleep deprivation leads to higher obesity risk: OK, sure — but the babies also have the benefit of larger bellies to bounce on!
Sleep deprivation makes you look less attractive and less approachable: Doesn’t that mean that annoying sidewalk solicitors will be more likely to keep their distance? Hooray!
Sleep deprivation makes you more emotional: Yes, but these are tears of joy, I swear!
Sleep deprivation leads to memory problems: Does this mean I’ll finally be able to forget what life was like in middle school? Sweet!
Sleep deprivation reduces sperm count: Ha! Little do those fancy shmancy researchers know that I don’t have any sperm. Take that, Science!
Well, I think I’ve proven my point. Don’t agree with me? Maybe take some time to sleep on it, if you can… and then report back to me and tell me what sleep is like.